Merciless
by lmraven
Summary: Ten years ago, he walked away from her and never looked back. Living a life of success, excess and dark passions, he has never been able to fill the cold void his heart had become until a twist of fate brings her to him again. This time, he won't let go of her so easily...not even when the darkness of their pasts threaten not only their love but their lives. AU/OOC.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: In lieu of the current "witch hunt perpetuated by a select few members on this site and after much thought and deliberation, I decided to "sanitize" this story of my own volition so I can do it in MY own time and MY own way. Normally, I would not bow but I do not want to disappoint you, my loyal readers.

I consider myself a good writer that can effectively convey certain scenes of, shall we say, a delicate nature without needing to go over the ambiguous lines of M/MA. I am reposting chapters 1-5 so if you receive story alerts for chapters you already read, that is why.

Never fear though...to view the non-sanitized version (the way this fic was originally intended), I have already began to post it on The Writers Coffeeshop website under the same pen name: lmraven.

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**New York City, Present Day**

He sat in the bar dimly lit with hues of red making it look like something out of Dante's Inferno, which was apt since that was the name of the place. He swirled the amber liquid in his glass thoughtfully before taking his final swallow. Holding up two fingers to the bartender indicating a refill, he tossed more money onto the polished wood of the bar top.

The drinks here were overpriced and so were the girls but then again he hadn't had to worry about money since he turned twenty-two. The bar was not well known by outsiders but known in certain circles for catering to all sorts of sexual appetites. Patrons usually came in here for one thing and one thing only and it wasn't the drinks.

Seating was specifically set up for privacy and there was a whole other back area of various playrooms. It could be heaven or hell for a guy like him.

A particularly hot number sidled up near him, tossing her long blonde waves over one shoulder, giving him the predatory cat licking the cream look he recognized so well. His half-lidded eyes perused her up and down. She was all legs and there was no doubt in his mind he could have those legs wrapped around him and her pouty mouth screaming his name in five minutes should he be so inclined. Her crimson painted talons would scratch down his back; giving pleasure and pain. He shivered involuntarily at the thought.

The image, which should have excited him enough to lure her in the back room he utilized so many times before repulsed him instead. The momentary satisfaction wouldn't be worth the empty desolation he would feel for days afterward.

So when she did finally proposition him and though his body wanted her, he declined. His mind and heart just wasn't in it.

He inclined his head and gave her his signature one sided smirk. "Not tonight, sugar."

She shrugged her shoulder causing her breasts to nearly fall out of the tight bodice she wore. "Your loss, _sugar_."

With one last look at him, she got up and walked away to find another willing taker.

He was a fool to come here tonight of all nights when nothing or no one would satisfy him except for the one person he walked away from all those years ago. He regretted it ever since. He crossed over the billionaire mark but had nothing to show for it except for a lot of material things he didn't really care about, a whole lot of stress and an endless stream of meaningless, empty liaisons that only provided a temporary relief from the darkness that was stamped on his soul, if he had a soul left.

It was her birthday today.

He imagined her celebrating it with a brood of brown haired, doe eyed children surrounding her and a doting husband at her side blowing out twenty eight candles on a chocolate cake. Although he had the means and the opportunity to check up on her over the years, he never did. It was easier to allow that single ray of hope that she was unattached and maybe she was as miserable as he was then confirm that she was happily ensconced in a new life without him.

He always thought she would make a good mother.

He always wanted her to be the mother of _his_ children.

But he royally screwed that up.

And he's been paying for it ever since.

"Happy Birthday, my love." He toasted his glass to no one in particular and took a large gulp, feeling the sweet burn of the alcohol all the way down his throat and promptly walked out of the bar.

He felt restless as the elevator climbed to the penthouse floor, regretting now that he turned the blonde down. Though it would have provided some physical relief it would just be fruitless effort to forget…at least for a little while. He got uncomfortably hot just thinking about it feel the strain against the tight seam of his pants.

But the image changed in his head as soon as he walked into his apartment. The nameless blonde morphed into a brunette whose body he knew as well as his own. Her moans would egg him on as she arched her body into him begging him without words to take her.

He imagined her hot breath on his skin, the soft tendrils of her hair on his thighs, her milky skin where her tan never dared to go.

"Jesus, fuck!" He was slick with sweat and panting heavily as he scrubbed his free hand down his face and through his hair.

The irony wasn't lost on him that he felt more in his two dimensional fantasies of her than he did when he was with warm willing female.

He needed to get a grip on himself and not so literally.

That night he had the dream again…well nightmarish memory really. It hadn't shown itself in months but this time it was more vivid…a play by play of the biggest mistake he had ever made in his life.

**_Ten years ago_**

His stepfather beat the shit out of him for the last time. With a swelling eye and a bleeding lip, he shoved everything he could carry into a duffel bag including the two thousand dollars he managed to save, trying to ignore the screaming between his mother and the man who ruined their lives. Opening the window, he threw the bag on the ground and jumped out after it, making a run for his old Chevy before anyone realized he was missing.

White knuckled fingers gripped the steering wheel as he drove to Bella's house. His heart thumping a wild tattoo inside his chest as he threw pebbles at her window and a sigh of relief escaped him as he watched the light in her room come on and the window open.

"Edward?"

God, she was so beautiful with her sleepy eyes and her wild sleep mussed hair against the backlight of her room.

"It's me." He said gruffly. He was purposefully standing in the shadows so she couldn't see him quite yet. "Can you come out?"

"Uh…sure…just give me a sec." She was gone from his view for only a moment before he watched her climb from the window, landing gracefully on her feet, dressed in the sweatshirt she swiped from him, her sleep shorts and fuzzy pink slippers.

They had been together for two years and everyday he still thanked the heavens that she was his. She had brought peace and contentment into his chaotic life and despite all the assholes that desired her, she chose him in all his fucked up glory.

He didn't deserve her, he never had. He was possessive and jealous often leading to vicious arguments that eventually led to his begging for forgiveness and mind blowing make up sex. But that was who they were. He screwed up and she forgave him and all was right in the world.

If he lost her…well he couldn't think about that. It was too painful. He loved her too much. She was as crucial to him as air.

She approached him cautiously, sensing his dangerous mood. It was only until she was standing inches from him that she saw him fully and inhaled sharply.

"What happened?" Her eyes filled up and she went to touch his face with tenderness to absorb the brutality that caused his beautiful face to be marred the way it was but he quickly turned his head to avoid her touch.

"What do you _think_ happened?" He snapped bitterly and immediately regretted using such a harsh tone with her. "I'm sorry."

"He did it again, didn't he…the son of a bitch!" She whispered harshly careful not to alert her sleeping father. "Come inside, let's get you fixed up."

She went to take his hand but he put it in his pocket, avoiding her.

"I'm leaving." He said.

"What?" Her eyes went round in shock.

Edward swallowed past the painful lump in his throat.

"I'm leaving and I want you to come with me."

"Edward…I…" She shook her head.

"I can't live here anymore, Bella. I'll die or maybe I'd kill him if I stay and I'll be damned if I'll let him win like that." Roughly, he placed his hands on her shoulders pulling her toward him. "I want…I _need_ you to come with me."

"My Dad's very sick, Edward. You _know_ that. I can't leave." Her voice was a strangled cry.

"He has Sue and your brother. He'll be fine." He said but he already knew it wouldn't be fine…not for him, not for her. It made him angry.

"It doesn't work like that." She shook her head sadly. "I have to be here in case…well, in case he doesn't get better."

Yeah, he knew that but it didn't make it hurt any less. He squeezed his eyes shut trying to prevent the inevitable tears and wrapped her in his arms.

"You are my heart, Bella and my soul. I don't think I can make it without you."

Bella's small fingers clutched at his jacket inhaling the smell of leather as it mixed with the scent of her salty tears.

"Then don't go." She pleaded, her voice muffled by his hard body. "We'll figure it out together."

He choked back a sob as he rubbed his cheek in her hair. "I have to. I only stayed this long because of you."

It was the truth. He would have hauled his ass out of town the minute he turned eighteen but he had met Bella only a few months before he graduated from high school when she first moved here to be with her dad.

She had only been a sophomore and he was a senior but he fell in love with her instantly. He'd had other girlfriends but with Bella; he knew right away it was the heart stopping forever kind of love…the marrying kind of love.

So he had stayed past graduation, past his birthday. He took classes at the local community college and worked and spent time with Bella. He desperately wanted to move out of his house but he stayed to be the buffer between his mother and the asshole she married.

That had added to his already bitter resentment.

"When are you leaving?" She pulled back from his embrace, her eyes liquid pools of brown.

This was killing him.

"Tonight…now" He said gruffly. "…my stuff is in the car."

"Where will you go?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. Haven't really thought that far ahead yet…maybe New York if the Chevy can make it."

She nodded.

Edward's trembling hands captured a tendril of her hair and tucked it behind her ear before resting his forehead against hers; the pads of his thumbs caressing her cheeks. He desperately wanted her to change her mind but knew she wouldn't.

"Once I'm gone, baby. I'm never looking back."

He wanted it to sound like a threat…to goad her to changing her mind. He should've known it wouldn't have worked. She was just as stubborn as he could be.

She shook her head against his and sobbed. "I guess you have to do what you have to do then."

His own tears fell then. She called his bluff but maybe it wasn't much of a bluff after all.

"Don't." He said through clenched teeth. "Don't act like you don't have a _fucking_ choice."

He heard her suck in her breath sharply through her tears. "And don't act like you didn't make that _choice_ fucking impossible."

She pushed away from him then. He felt the gut wrenching loss immediately. It felt like his soul was being ripped from him.

Maybe it was.

He gave her one last brutal kiss intending to brand her so deep she would never get him out of her system. He ended up branding himself instead.

"Just go, Edward" She sounded defeated. "You made your choice, now you have to live with it."

He drove off into the night and did as he threatened. He never once looked back.

**_New York City, Present Day_**

"Hey Edward, have you had a chance to sign off on those figures I gave you for the Volturi Project, yet?"

Edward looked up from the glaring screen of his computer to see his mentor and business partner, Jasper standing in his office doorway.

Jasper was ten years his senior. He had taken a scraggly kid he saw potential in off the streets and gave him a job, a chance and a place to crash. They had been friends ever since; climbing their way up the corporate ladder of success very quickly.

Edward sighed and raked his hand through his hair. "Not yet."

In truth he had been doing nothing all morning but weighing the pros and cons of trying to track Bella down; if only to give himself some closure. He had woken up in a cold sweat, gasping for air with images of her running through his head.

He hadn't been able to concentrate on anything since.

Jasper walked into the office,closing the door behind him.

"Jesus, you look like shit. Rough night with a rowdy blonde?"

"Not even close." He muttered.

"Well, you have two weeks to get your act together. We have a date."

Edward smirked. "Sorry, Jazz but I don't swing that way."

"Not me, you asshole." Jasper grinned. "A double date…you, me, two hot chics."

He stiffened. He didn't do dates. _Ever._ Jasper knew that.

"No." His tone indicated finality.

Jasper sat down on the couch he had in the office. Obviously he was not ready to take no for an answer.

"Look, kid, I know you don't date…_ever._ But I met this really great girl and she wants to go out with me too."

"I fail to see what I have to do with your love life."

"I'm getting to that." Jazz rolled his eyes. "Anyway, her best friend from college is moving to town for a new job and Alice doesn't want her to spend her first weekend here alone. So she said she'd go out with me only if we'd make it a double."

"You can't get _anyone_ else to go with you?"

"You're the only single unattached guy I know. Besides, you don't know how long it took me to convince her to go out with me in the first place, I can't back out now."

"Well, you do have a reputation of being somewhat of a slut."

"No more than you." He leaned forward, a quiet desperation on his face. "I really like her, Ed."

"Fine." He answered tersely. "Who am I to get in the way of true love? But if this girl is a dog, you owe me big time."

"She's not." Jasper denied emphatically. " I wouldn't' do that to you. I made Alice show me a picture."

"And?"

"She's smoking hot. If I weren't so hung up on a date with Allie, I'd do her in a second. She's petite with just the right amount on top, if you know what I mean and an ass that just won't quit. Her brown eyes suck you in and her hair, Jesus…long, brown waves…."

Edward heard enough. "Forget it. I'm not going."

"What is it with you and your hatred for brunettes?"

He _didn't_ hate brunettes, that was the problem. There was only one brunette he ever wanted, however. Every woman he'd had since he left had been either a blonde or a red head. He wanted to escape far from anything that reminded him of Bella. He made the mistake once of screwing a brunette. He was drunk out of his mind and missing her.

He treated her roughly, he remembered that much; wanting her to pay in Bella's place for all the pain she caused him by not leaving with him, wanting the girl to pay for not being the one he wanted in the first place. He screamed out Bella's name in release and the stupid chic thought he was calling her 'beautiful' in Italian. He went home for the first time feeling like he truly cheated on Bella. He felt dirty and sick to his stomach. He never went after another brunette again.

Jasper didn't know about Bella. It was the one part of his past he didn't know. Edward wanted to keep that to himself.

"Forget it." Edward said. "Just tell me where and when…I'll be there."

He just hoped he didn't regret it.

Edward was so wound up by lunch, he found himself at Dante's Inferno again for the second time in two days after vowing not to come back. The bar was surprisingly busy but they just started serving food, mostly typical bar fare so maybe that was the draw. He didn't want food.

He sat down at a table in the back corner. It was dark but he could see everyone that came in. Nursing his Scotch, he waited.

He didn't have to wait for long before an exotic red head sat next to him. No pleasantries were exchanged. He didn't ask her name. He didn't want to know.

Her long fingers stroked him through his suit. He was straining against her expert touch.

"Already so ready." She whispered in a husky voice with a foreign accent he couldn't place.

"It's all for you, baby" He arched his hips upward slightly.

"Do you want to go in the back?" She asked him before sucking on the lobe of his ear.

"I want it right here." He demanded.

If she was shocked, she didn't show it.

While she was busy stroking him slowly, he slid his hand up her thigh and under her skirt.

No underwear.

She moaned long and low.

When she leaned over to kiss him, he jerked away. He never kissed any of them. Period.

It was the one part of his physical body that still belonged to Bella, aside from his heart.

Surprised, she pulled back, only to suck in his neck instead.

"No marks." He growled. It was another thing he did not allow.

She was writhing her body against him before she gave him a glazed eyed look and sunk down under the table.

He couldn't do this anymore, he thought as he clenched his eyes shut in shame even as pleasure took him over.

Taking a napkin from the table, he wiped himself clean while she excused herself for the ladies room. Pulling out a hundred from his wallet, he left it on the table and walked towards the door, stopping when he saw the owner.

"I'm withdrawing my membership." He told Dante, handing him the black plastic membership card.

He had to do it. He made up his mind to find Bella. He had to clean his shit up before he did...starting now.

Dante raised one eyebrow and watched him walk out the door and into the daylight.

"You went to Dante's again, didn't you?" Jazz's accusing glare met him as soon as he walked back in the office.

"How could you tell?"

"You always have this look of self loathing when you come back...like you've just cheated on your wife or something." He gripped his shoulder, a look of concern on his face. "Look man, I don't know what the hell kind of demons you're trying to exorcise but you're not going to do it there."

Edward shrugged him off. "Ironic, huh? Since you're the one that introduced me to it in the first place." His tone was bitter.

He remembered the first time Jasper brought him there vividly. He was shocked and disgusted by what he saw at first. A few drinks later and he was turned on. He ended up in one of the back play rooms with two blondes doing things he never imagined himself doing.

He hated himself afterwards, sobbing his eyes out because in his mind he betrayed the only one he would ever love but it didn't stop him from going back so far down the rabbit hole, he didn't deserve to climb back out.

"It was for the clients and investors." Jazz shouted at him. "To loosen them up...get them to spend more money on us...not for you to play out your fantasies on some faceless whores. Jesus, Edward...get a girlfriend like normal people. In the ten years I've known you, I have never once see you date anybody...and lots of girls have tried."

"Then you'll be happy to know, I withdrew my membership. I'm done with Dante's"

Saying the words out loud made him feel lighter...freer.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Miami, FL, Present Day**_

She lay under the tan muscular, bucking body; her own body going through the requisite motions, her mouth making all the appropriate sounds but she felt nothing. His breath was hot in her ear telling her how sweet and beautiful she was and all she could do was take mental inventory of all she had to do to prepare for her move to New York City.

Her apartment was half in boxes, half out. She'd leave most of the furniture behind; Florida pastel art deco didn't fit in with high rise chic. Alice had furniture anyway, the only thing she would need would be her bedroom furniture until she found her own place.

Jake's tempo increased and she hoped he wasn't going to prolong this. Just in case, she began her ritual of moaning and thrashing; making a great show of gripping the bunched muscles of his shoulders and letting off a high pitched scream.

She thought she may have over did it with the thrashing until Jake was obviously excited by her wanton display; even if totally faked. He was merciless, the muscle cords in his neck straining with effort.

Just finish already, she thought as she squeezed her eyes shut. The condom was chafing and burning her; any evidence of arousal had dried up long ago when the haze of alcohol wore off. The smell of latex mixed with him was making her nauseous.

Jake stilled suddenly and kissed her reverently on her brow. He was slick with sweat and all she wanted to do was run in the shower and wash him off.

Bella knew she wasn't being fair to Jake. He tried. It wasn't his fault she hadn't been able to have orgasm for ten years, with the exception of a little help from the handy dandy battery operated piece of equipment she always kept in the top drawer of her nightstand. With all of her relationships, however, she learned how to turn faking pleasure into an art form out of self preservation.

"Happy Birthday, Bella" Jake kissed her again and pulled out of her.

She welcomed the relief of his removal. Her body was her own again.

When she heard his feet pad across the floor, probably going to throw away the used condom, she rolled over on her side drawing her legs up to her chest and pretended to sleep. She wanted desperately to kick him out but it was late...or early depending how you looked at it and he was too good of a friend to treat him like that. She felt guilty enough about the whole thing already without adding to it.

He came back under the covers, his arm hooking over her, spooning her to him. Moments later, she heard his snores.

Tears seeped from the corners of her eyes and into her pillowcase.

The early morning light brought another wave of guilt. Bella's eyes popped open and for one blissful moment, she could almost believe she had dreamed the whole thing but the shift of a body behind her, told her that wasn't the case.

"Good morning, sunshine." Jakes smile was a tired half grin.

"Morning." Bella mumbled awkwardly.

She gave him a wan smile and gathered the pale pink sheet around her, getting out of bed and scooping up her clothes that were strewn about on the floor.

"I'm going to take a shower." She said, already hurrying for the sanctity of a lone space.

He opened one eye and peeked at her through the arm he was resting over his forehead.

"If you give me a few minutes to wake up, I'll join you."

She suppressed a shudder. His tone suggested exactly what he wanted to do in the shower and it had nothing to do with getting clean.

"No, that's okay. I'm going to be real quick anyway. I have a lot to do today."

It was supposed to be a hint but judging from the way he continued to lay there, taking over her bed, she didn't think he got it.

Under the hot steam, she scrubbed herself raw. Being with Jake was a mistake...an epic one. He was her best male friend for crying out loud.

But he got weird when she announced a few weeks ago she was being given an enormous career opportunity in New York with the current agency she worked for. Then last night over too many drinks to celebrate her birthday, he finally told her how he felt.

Bits and pieces of her fuzzy memory was starting to come back from last night; how they came into her place still buzzing from the drinks they had at the club, tripping over her boxes and landing on the couch. How he refused to let the party end and plied her with more alcohol, how he used his large frame to crowd her and his words of unrequited love swamped her with guilt.

He'd been in love with her since their wild college days, watching on the sidelines as she went through guy after guy, no relationship lasting for more than three months with the exception of a disastrous engagement right after college. He was waiting for her finally to look at him; convinced he would be the one to make her settle down and be happy.

With her moving to New York, he became desperate, searching for a way to hold onto her. And she was just drunk enough to throw years of friendship out the window.

She'd been so lonely lately after giving up her tiresome pursuit of having a relationship a year ago and with the impending move to New York City came the inevitable thoughts of her first and only love, wondering if he ever made it there. Would she ever run into to him? Was he married? With kids? Did he still think of her? Love her? Hate her?

The night with Jake was an abject failure from the start. Even drunk, he was too careful, treated her like she was a piece of glass; fragile and breakable. She hadn't been initially aroused by him, she was aroused by her own fantasies of rough calloused fingers, burning green eyes and a lean, muscular body; fantasies that were once a reality many years ago.

After all these years, no matter how angry she'd been at him and maybe she still was, thinking of him was the only thing that could get her off. Her body remembered what her mind tried so hard to forget.

As she shut the water off and dried herself off, she realized that she had to be honest with Jake...well, as honest as possible knowing she most likely was going to lose a friend.

Tightening the belt of her robe round her waist like a warrior going into battle, she came back to her bedroom only to realize Jake wasn't there. Her sigh of relief was pre-mature however when she smelled the aroma of freshly brewed coffee coming from her kitchen. Quickly getting dressed and pulling her wet hair back into a high ponytail, she wandered toward the open kitchen, her throat tight with trepidation.

Bare chested, with his pants from last night hung low on his hips, Jake was humming cheerfully as he poured coffee into two mugs. Her usual breakfast of fresh fruit and yogurt with a spoonful of granola sat on the counter waiting for her.

Bella didn't know who she hated more; Jake for putting her in this position in the first place or herself for her own stupidity for allowing it to happen.

Hearing her entry, Jake looked up, a beaming smile lit up his whole face. She swallowed uncomfortably.

"So I was thinking." He started. "It doesn't have to be difficult. Flights from Miami to New York aren't that expensive and..."

Oh no. Bella looked at him in panic. "Jake..." She tried to quietly interrupt him.

"...we could spend weekends together. Who knows, maybe I'll even find a job..."

"Jake." She said more forcefully. "Stop."

He only looked marginally concerned as he came around the counter and placed his hands on her shoulders. "We can make a long distance relationship work, Bella."

Bella couldn't look him in the eye. She shrugged him off and turned away from him, hugging her arms around her middle.

"Last night..." She swallowed hard.

"...was amazing." He said before she could finish.

She turned around to him abruptly. Just like peeling off a band-aid, Bella, she thought. Just do it quick and fast.

"It shouldn't have happened." The words raced out of her mouth. "Last night shouldn't have happened and it doesn't change anything. I'm sorry."

It was painful to watch his face in that moment. It was like watching hope die.

"A _mistake_? You're _sorry_?" He spat disbelievingly, his fist slamming onto her granite counter making the coffee slosh over the sides of the mugs. "No. I don't buy it. I won't. You felt what I felt, Bella."

Bella fought hard for a way to explain this...for a way to make him see. She reached out to him then, cradled her palms against his cheeks. She could feel his jaw ticking in anger beneath her hands even as he brought his hands up to cover her own. He turned his head away from her, refusing to meet her gaze.

"Jake, you are my friend...my very best friend and I love you. Last night we were both drunk and you were so..."

He threw her hands off of him then. Her arms fell listlessly at her sides as she watched him reign in his anger.

"So what? So desperately in love with you...so _convenient_?"

"No!" She shouted. "You were so persuasive and just so you and for one brief moment I lost myself. I thought maybe just maybe. But I don't...I _can't_ make myself feel the way for you the way you feel for me. I'd be lying to both of us."

Jake's bare chest heaved. "It's him isn't it?" His voice sounded dead. "All these years and you're still hung up on Edward Fucking Mason."

Bella sucked in a sharp breath just hearing his name spoken out loud and her legs felt weak.

"I'm right aren't I?" His face was marred in disgust as he angrily threw on the shirt he wore the night before and gathered his things together. "The guy who claimed to love you, then dumped you when you needed him the most. You know, he's damn lucky I never met him."

She just stood there blank, feeling dwarfed in her own apartment. In his rage, Jake seemed to grow bigger.

"Jake...I...I'm sorry." Tears welled and escaped down her cheeks. "I never wanted to lose what we have."

He shook his head. "It could've been so easy Bella. You and me. But you just can't see it. You don't _want_ to see it. You don't want to lose what we have but _you're_ the one who threw it away."

No...he was not going to act like he was the only injured party, she thought.

"Don't act like it was just me, Jacob Black. _You're_ the one that came onto me last night. _You're_ the one who refused to back down, who knew just the right things to say to coax me into bed with you and I was just drunk enough to fall for it."

"And _you're_ the one that didn't say no. So don't get all sanctimonious on me and act like you weren't willing." He said as he stood by the door, his hand on the knob. He let out a bitter laugh. "You know, I never felt sorry for any of the guys you dumped...until now."

When he slammed the door behind him, she sunk to her knees, sobs ripping through her. One thing that Jake said resonated in her and took a choke hold. He was right. She was still in love with Edward Mason. But she hated him too.

After she had watched the red tail lights of the old Chevy fishtail in a cloud of dust and fade into the distance all those years ago, she'd been so full of emptiness and nothing ever filled the void. She'd been so angry at him for giving her an ultimatum; forcing her to choose between her dying father and him.

If Edward only just stayed the night, they would've been able to work things out where he didn't have to go back to his mother's house. They could've spoken to Charlie and Sue in the morning. If they had known that his stepfather was beating him and Edward wasn't fighting back because his mother would pay the price, Charlie would have insisted, Edward stay with them.

But he didn't. It was all or nothing with him. Especially that night. He acted like he could care less about her father; how sick he was, how badly she was hurting watching him fade away on a daily basis. Didn't he realize Charlie was dying? That she couldn't leave him.

For a brief moment, she had considered chasing after him and going with him anyway. The pull to be with him was just that strong to make her throw away her own responsibilities, leave all the misery behind and just forget. She had even called him on his cell repeatedly the next day...to beg him to come back but it always went direct to voice mail until she finally got a message that it had been disconnected.

She refused to let it break her at first; letting her rage at his abandonment fuel her. Charlie needed her and she needed to focus all her energy on him. She repressed all the anger and pain and took care of Charlie; feeding him when he was too weak to do it himself, cleaning up his vomit, driving him back and forth to the doctor's office, being a shoulder to Sue when they received the bad news that the cancer was spreading rapidly and they had less time than they thought and the only thing they could do was keep him comfortable until the end.

Charlie hung on for two months after Edward left; living long enough to watch her brother Emmett marry Rose; his childhood sweetheart in August. Thankfully they had decided to delay their honeymoon even though Charlie had emphatically refused to let them postpone the wedding. He needed a happy memory to take with him. He died peacefully in his sleep a few days later.

As they prepared for the funeral, Emmett and Bella had a quiet, somber conversation agreeing to give part of their shares of their father's life insurance money to Sue. Even though she hadn't been his wife legally, she may as well have been.

Her mother, Renee flew in from Phoenix with her husband, Phil for the funeral. They took her back to Phoenix with them as she had delayed her plans for college and she didn't want to intrude on Emmett and Rose's new life. It had hit her on the plane; amidst her mother's ramblings that she had moved back to Jacksonville with Charlie for the very same reasons; only then it had been Renee and Phil that had just gotten married.

It was only then did she allow herself to break apart. The only problem was, once something is broken, it can never be put back together the same way again.

"Okay, Miss Bella, spill." Alice demanded over the phone. "You sound off...like _way, way_ off."

Bella was glad they weren't on Skype. If Alice saw her now, she'd be on the first plane to Miami plying her with margaritas and feeding her tissues.

"Oh, Ali. I fucked up big time." She finally admitted, tearfully. She had been of no use all day; getting nothing done. Even a run on the beach did nothing to clear her head.

"You wore orange, didn't you? Bella, if I told you once, I told you a thousand times, orange is _not_ your color."

Bella giggled through her tears. Leave it to Alice to make her laugh when all she wanted to do was cry. She was hesitant to tell her about last night and this morning. Alice hated Jake, always had. She had only tolerated him for her sake.

"I wish it were as simple as a fashion faux pax."

"Trust me," Alice said in all seriousness. "There is nothing simple about a fashion faux pax. Seriously though, I can't imagine you, of all people, fucking up that big. You're the closest thing to a saint that I know."

"I slept with Jake." She blurted out and was met with absolute silence. Alice was never silent. "Allie, are you still there?"

"I'm sorry. There must be something wrong with my hearing. Did you say you slept with _Jake_?" Her voice rose to a high pitched squeak. "As in...""

Poor Alice, she couldn't even say it out loud.

"Yeah." Bella sat back on her bed rubbing her fingers against her temple. She had changed the sheets hours ago but still couldn't dispel the images of what happened here.

"Oh Bella." she crooned sympathetically. "Let me guess...he finally professed his undying love for you and you were so tormented that he's been harboring this around for so many years that you just gave in."

Bella flushed at how on the mark her friend really was. "You _knew_ he felt that way?"

"Darling, everyone knew except for you. Did you never notice how all his girlfriends happened to look a lot like you?"

"I just thought he had a thing for brunettes." Bella mumbled. "And they did not look like me. They were all ridiculously good looking."

She heard Alice chuckle. "I don't know whether to shake you or hug you because you're so oblivious about yourself. By the way, knowing Jake, he'll be knocking on your door soon enough. He never could stay mad at you for long."

"This is so way beyond forgetting we had plans or accidentally spilling red wine on his favorite shirt."

"So what, Bella? Friends have sex with friends all the time. There's even a name for it. Now, forget about Jake. We have a double date once you finally haul your ass up here."

Bella cringed. A date?

"No way, Allie. I can't."

"Oh come on. I met this really great guy...a little older, honey blonde hair, blue eyes and did I mention he's also filthy rich?"

Bella couldn't help but laugh. "So you set me up on a double with you so you could go out with this hot filthy rich guy?"

"Well...I need him to pass the Bella Swan test...you know… if he doesn't fall all over himself trying to impress you than I know he's a keeper. It's best to get that over with in the beginning before I get too emotionally invested."

"You know that's absolutely ridiculous, don't you?"

"I'm being totally serious and the thing I love the most about you is you don't even realize the effect you have on the opposite sex. Wait...rewind that...it makes me kind of sick now that I think about it."

Bella rolled her eyes and ignored the comment.

"So who is this guy? And how did you meet?"

"His name is Jasper Hale. I always see him at Starbucks near where I work in the mornings. Well, one day he was wearing this absolutely hideous tie and you know… I felt it was my obligation to tell him so...as a professional courtesy, of course. After playing hard to get for oh like five miuntes, I finally agreed to go out with him, but only if we could make it a double."

Bella sighed. She knew this was Alice's way of trying to bring her out of her shell despite what she said about any so called "tests". If she said no, Alice would just keep bugging her until she said yes.

"Fine, I'll go." She relented, holding the phone from her ear while Alice squealed.

Resolved to put the incident with Jake to the back of her mind, Bella decided to concentrate on work and packing up her apartment. Each day she'd pass by his door exhausted from work but could not detect any signs of life coming from inside.

She was beginning to worry.

On her last day in the Miami office before she took a week off before her official move to the New York City offices, her co-workers threw her a party; gifting her with a brass nameplate of her new position; Bella Swan, Account Executive.

She'd been offered the promotion from Assistant Account Exec based on her contributions over the past two years but it had been contingent upon her willingness to relocate to the new offices they were having constructed in New York. She was the only one promoted and one of the five that were handpicked by the senior Mr. Volturi himself to go.

She couldn't turn it down.

It was a fresh start.

Bella was just about to go into the ladies room when the malicious voice of Jane Maddox, stopped her. She was talking about her.

"I heard she was promoted because Dimitri wants her…and not for business purposes if you know what I mean."

"Seriously?" The other female voice she didn't recognize exclaimed.

"Oh yes." Bella could picture Jane in all her five foot malevolent glory nodding like a demented bobble head. "I don't know why. There's nothing special about her that I can see but…"

Bella had heard enough. She turned around to go back the way she came only to bump into Dimitri Volturi. He caught her easily to prevent her from falling. She was mortified that she was caught eavesdropping. She blushed deep red and Dimitri smiled knowingly.

"Jane is a jealous bitch." He told her with a wink.

"You heard them too?"

Just how long had he been standing behind her? Was what Jane implied, true? She'd worked closely with Dimitri on a few projects but he'd never acted inappropriately, not even when they went out for celebratory drinks after a project was finished.

"Pay no mind to what she says." He leaned down to whisper in her ear, his hand still holding her arm. "You were promoted because you deserve it."

Trudging off the elevator in her building with the giant cardboard box she brought back from her office, Bella made her way down the hall to her apartment, nearly tripping over the white rose in vase that was in front of her door. Placing the box down, she picked up the vase and smiled sadly when she noticed the white rose was accompanied by a white flag and a small handwritten note.

I'm sorry.

With the flower still in hand, she knocked on Jake's door and waited until he opened it.

"Hey." Jake said leaning casually against his door frame. A few days worth of growth covered his cheeks making him look darker and more dangerous than Bella was used to.

"So…I…uh…got your note." Bella awkwardly held up the vase.

"Do you want to come in?" He opened the door wider.

"Um…sure." She shrugged. She hated feeling this uncomfortable awkwardness with him. It felt strange, like a favored piece of clothing that didn't quite fit anymore.

She followed him into his apartment watching him quickly pick up empty chip bags and beer bottles from around the room and dumping them in a large plastic garbage bag.

"Sorry about the mess." He said as he tossed aside some dirty clothes on his couch to make room for her to sit down. "Do you want a drink or something?"

"No thanks." She said softly, sitting stiffly on the couch. Alcohol was what started all this trouble in the first place.

"Suit yourself." He shrugged, not even hesitating as he popped open a beer from the refrigerator and taking a long gulp before sitting down next to her. "So, how've you been?"

Bella stood up quickly, suddenly not liking the bitter edge in his voice. "You know what, I think I'm just going to go."

"Bella, wait." He grabbed her wrist in a plea, but immediately let go when he saw her flinch from his touch. "Don't go." His eyes softened. "Please."

She sighed. "I thought you wanted to apologize and now…." Now she wasn't sure what he wanted.

"I did…I_ do_. I'm sorry. I'm totally fucking this up."

Her shell was cracking and she sat down next to him, her hand laying gently over his forearm. "I'm sorry too."

Jake lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply, closing his eyes and exhaled. Bella watched the swirls of smoke twist together and separate. Jake only smoked when he was stressed. The stale smell of dirty nicotine that permeated his apartment spoke volumes. It was another weight to add to the guilt she already felt.

"When you said you were transferring, I thought this is it. I have to make my move or I'll miss my chance. It never occurred to me that if it was going to happen it would have happened long ago."

"Jake…" She wanted to tell him that she was sorry she didn't know…that she didn't see it…but even if she had, it wouldn't have changed anything.

"Wait. Let me finish." He stubbed out the cigarette in an ashtray already filled with half smoked butts. "I had it all planned in my head, ya know? Except when the time came…it was supposed to be at the restaurant…I couldn't do it…not yet. I drank too much…got you to drink too much…"

Bella sucked in a sharp breath. "Are you telling me you got me drunk on purpose?"

"It wasn't like that." He denied. "I just thought you'd be more open to hear what I had to say…I don't know...I wasn't exactly thinking straight."

Her lips compressed into a thin line. "No, I guess you weren't."

"The kicker is it worked…_too_ well. I just wasn't prepared for the fall out."

"That's not love Jake…that's…well…I don't know what that is."

"Trust me, Bella, I may not be proud of what I did or the way I did it but don't for one second think that I don't love you."

She noticed that he wasn't speaking in the past tense.

"Oh God." She buried her face in her hands. "How did we get here? It used to be so perfect between us."

"Maybe for you." Jake shook his head before taking another swallow of his beer.

She leaned back, resting he head on the couch, staring at the ceiling and sighed. "I owe you an apology as well. I shouldn't have blurted out that it was a mistake…it was cruel. I meant to be more gentle about it…but when you started going on about long distance relationships or moving up to New York…I panicked."

"I was cruel too."

"You were angry."

"Yeah." He didn't deny it.

"Are you still?"

"Working on it…" he looked around his apartment. "I don't know how successful I've been. But I have one thing working in my favor that I didn't have yesterday."

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"Hope." He grinned at her. "You're here, which means I haven't lost everything."


	3. Chapter 3

It had been nearly a week…nearly a week and he still couldn't bring himself to make the fucking call. Scrubbing his hand down his face, he stared at his sleek black office phone like it was the very devil himself.

Ever since he withdrew his membership from Dante's deciding to turn over a new leaf for himself so he could be better for her, he had been driving himself hard; working longer hours, working out harder at the gym and it showed in the deep purple under his eyes and the drawn appearance of his face.

And yet, the potential for nirvana still eluded him because he didn't have the balls to make the God damn call.

"Mr. Cullen, I have the revised plans for the Volturi offices for you." The sultry voice of his assistant called to him from the doorway. "They just arrived from graphics."

Ahh, yes, the damn Volturi project. He was sorry they ever allowed the ad agency to lease space in one of his buildings. He and Jasper had been going back and forth with the brothers on the specs for the offices that would have to be completely redesigned. The Volturi brothers were very detailed and specific to what they wanted. The problem was some of their ideas were just so ludicrous, Edward would not allow them. Like hell was he going to put in a 9 foot waterfall in the fuckers reception area.

This would be the third time plans were revised; which meant construction hadn't even been started yet.

He waved Tanya in, his green eyes darkening slightly as he watched her walk toward him with a predatory gleam in her eye.

At 5'7' Tanya Denali was all legs with a crown of strawberry blonde hair that on good days went past her ass but on most days, she wore it up in a sleek chignon letting a few spiral curls frame her face. Today, she was wearing a black pencil skirt that was a millimeter shy of being inappropriate and a blouse that hugged her curves in all the right places, leaving little to the imagination of what was underneath.

His shifted imperceptibly at the sight, not wanting her to know what the sight of her standing there like that did to his libido.

Normally, he was indifferent to her, appeasing himself elsewhere when he needed to but he was in such need of release and entirely too frustrated.

She placed the papers on his desk, leaning forward treating him to more than a peak at the pale peach globes under her shirt. He had to shift again in his chair to accommodate the tightening in his Armani suit.

He had a strict no fraternization policy and he wasn't going to break it now. It was one of the first pieces of advice Jazz ever drummed into his head. "Don't bang your coworkers. You're just asking for a heap of trouble. Trust me Ed, I've seen more than one good man go down because they couldn't keep their hands to themselves."

And Tanya Denali was a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen. He could have her if he wanted to; screaming his name as he pounded into her mercilessly. But he didn't want to want her…or anything like that again.

"Thanks, Tanya." He said deliberately cold and dismissive using his fingers to pull the blue prints toward him.

"Will there be anything else?" She sounded so hopeful.

Edward shifted in his seat again, clenching his teeth. "No thank you, Tanya, that will be all."

Her pink tongue darted out thoughtfully against her plump lips. She looked like she was going to say something else but decided against it.

Good. He didn't need this.

Her hips swayed sensually as she walked from his office; leaving a scented trail of musky spice that reminded him of the aroma of a woman's arousal behind her. As soon as she shut his door closed, he groaned, his hand drifting towards the growing ache in his pants.

He had to find a way to let her go before he did something he regretted, something he could never take back. The big problem was she was an exemplary employee; efficient, always on time, worked hard.

Damn it.

He needed Bella.

She was the only one…she would _always_ be the only one.

He was going to do everything in his power to get her back.

No matter what.

Forgetting about Tanya and the blue prints in front of him, he picked up the phone. Not even having to think about it, his fingers punched in the numbers that had been permanently committed to memory.

His leg bounced up and down in nervous energy as he waited for someone to pick up.

"Hello"

He was struck momentarily dumb. He had given no thought on what he was going to say. Bella would no longer be living there…he couldn't ask for her.

"Is anyone there?"

"Hello." He finally found his voice. "May I speak with Charlie Swan?"

The woman sucked in a sharp breath.

"Who's calling?" The voice was faintly familiar to him although it had aged with time.

"Is this Sue?" He asked, his hand tightening over the receiver.

"Who is this?" Her voice was becoming edgy and annoyed.

"It's Edward, Sue. Edward Cu…Mason." He nearly choked on the bile that rose at mentioning the name he had changed so many years ago. He hadn't been Edward Mason in nearly ten years…never wanted any attachment to the name that brought him so much hell. Instead he took his mother's maiden name, not willing to completely sever the familial attachment.

"Who do you think you are calling here after all this time? Haven't you done enough?" Her tone matched her words, angry and cutting.

"Please, Sue...I just…I want…I need…I'm looking for Bella." He hadn't been this tongue tied since he was a kid. "I was hoping you or Charlie could tell me where she is."

"Charlie's dead...ten years this past August." She spat harshly into the phone.

Dead? He felt like he had been punched in the gut.

"And if you're looking for Bella, don't bother. She's finally getting on the right track, don't you dare try and strip that from her too."

The phone clicked in his ear but he was too stunned to even react.

Charlie dead? For ten years? That would mean...

Fuck!

Moving like an old man, he slowly sat down in his leather chair. He didn't even realize he was standing.

Charlie hadn't just been sick when he left...he had been _dying_. Why didn't Bella tell him how serious it was? God, he would've never left...wouldn't have even entertained the idea. And his parting words...?

Edward doubled over in pain. A lousy ultimatum...he gave her a fucking ultimatum...him or her dad, who was dying. Of course, she couldn't go with him. He pulled at his hair. Why the hell didn't she tell him?

Something disturbing tugged at his memory.

But she had tried to.

* * *

_"My dad has cancer." Her voice so sad, made even more solemn as it drifted on the breeze._

_"He'll be fine, Bella. Your dad's a strong guy."_

* * *

_"I'm scared Edward."_

_"I have to take my dad to chemo."_

_"But _I_ need you."_

_"My dad needs me too."_

* * *

_"I spoke to my dad's doctor...he's not..."_

_"Jesus, Bella is this all you can talk about? Can't it be just us...you and me..."_

_"Yes, of course. I'm sorry Edward. I know you're hurting too."_

_"It's okay. I love you, Bella. You know that right. I'll always love you."_

_"I'll always love you too."_

* * *

Edward ran to the restroom in his office and violently threw up the contents of his stomach until there was nothing but dry heaves left; sinking onto the cold tiled floor afterwards, wretched sounds of sobbing escaping.

She had tried to tell him for months. He didn't want to hear it. God, he'd been so fucking blind and selfish. She should have been able to talk to him damn it, but no, he wanted nothing to enter the perfect little bubble he was in whenever she was around. She took all his pain away, been the only shelter in the shit storm that was his life and how did he reward her for it? Abandoning her when she needed him the most.

How many times had she listened to him go on and on about his step father and his weakling wreck of a mother; offering solutions that he was too thick headed to listen to and not once did she complain, not once had she asked anything of him, only gave and the one fucking time she did, he might as well have told her to go to hell.

"Jesus, Edward. How long have you been sitting here like this?" Jasper's horrified voice boomed from the doorway of his private restroom.

Edward was wedged in the corner, his head hanging between his knees as his whole body trembled. He slowly looked up with haunted, bloodshot eyes.

"Christ, don't tell me you're on something." Jasper knelt down next to his friend examining his eyes.

Edward let out a bitter, manic laugh, his head falling back, banging it against the blue tiled wall. He didn't even flinch from the impact. "I wish." He rasped hoarsely, his throat tight and swollen. "Maybe then it would stop."

"_What_ would stop? Ed, man, you're scaring the crap out of me."

"Everything." He croaked, pinching the bridge of his nose tightly. "The regrets…the pain…the memories of what I thought was true that now take on a whole other fucking reality. If only I had actually listened to her…_really_ listened…damn it...damn it to fucking hell." He punched the wall and covered his face with his hands. After a deep shuddering breath, he swiped at his face with his palms.

"Her? You lost me. And as much as I'd love to sit here in the bathroom and find out what the hell has you so fucked up, we have a meeting in ten minutes for the closing on our new building. So you better put yourself together real fast."

Edward nodded mutely, his eyes vacant as he stared into space.

Jasper stood and looked down at him with a frown on his face. "I mean it Ed. You can fall apart after we finalize the sale."

After washing his face, pouring visine into his eyes and taking a swig of the Hennessy he kept in the locked bottom draw of his desk, his detatched, stoic mask returned.

* * *

"Mr. Cullen may be late..." He heard Jasper say as he strode into the conference room.

"I'm here." He said coldly, walking in with his paperwork under his arm and sat down confidently.

Jasper did a quick double take unable to hide his momentary surprise. "Or maybe not." Jasper said with a slight bewildered smirk.

After an hour of last minute negotiations, the papers were signed. The luxury high rise apartment building was theirs.

"So celebratory drinks?" Jasper patted him on the back after the meeting was concluded. "Maybe you can tell me about the mysterious 'her'."

Edward found himself nodding. He didn't want to go out for drinks but he didn't trust himself to be alone. He didn't know where he'd end up or who he'd end up doing. A big part of him craved the self loathing he felt after a violent screw. He wanted to punish and to be punished.

They ended up at a small sports bar on Third Avenue; one that was rarely frequented by women. It was safer.

Edward ended up telling him the whole, unfettered story. He never mentioned her name though; couldn't bear the agony of tasting it on his lips.

Jasper shook his head. "I don't get it man...if this woman is the love of your life...your soul mate as it were...why haven't you moved heaven and hell to find her? And why the_ hell_ are you shagging everything in a tight skirt at Dante's?"

"I'm no longer a member, remember?" Edward said and took a long pull of his beer.

"Yeah, now..." He scoffed. "But what about the last ten years?"

"At first I was angry and then I thought it was too late and resigned myself to a life without her. The shagging, as you so eloquently put it..." he shrugged. "I don't know. My therapist would tell you it's a way of punishing myself. There is the extreme high of sexual release...the power of it...coupled with the crash of self loathing and shame. The feeling that I don't deserve her validated in a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's a fucking roller coaster ride, Jazz and I need to get the fuck off it."

"And the breakdown today?"

"Let's just say, I was enlightened on a few key issues."

"You know…I never understood why the hell you never went to the cops back then. Surely they would have done something."

Edward barked a bitter laugh and shook his head. "In retrospect there are so many things, I could have done…_should_ have done. Laurent was a cop…a highly decorated, well-liked cop, did I ever tell you that?…and me?…well let's just say I was known for being a hot head with a temper. Who do you think they were going to believe? And he knew that…_used_ that. I was just a punk kid. I believed him."

"But surely your mother…"

"Are you kidding? She was terrified of him and worse she was dependent on him for everything. It made me sick. She would have never spoken out against him. _I'd_ be the one that ended up in jail."

"And your girl?"

Edward tempered the bile that rose to his throat when he thought about it. So many mistakes...so many wrong choices...

"I tried to hide it from her but she was just too damn perceptive. Do you know she sobbed when she guessed the truth? She fucking sobbed like the world was ending. It was the first time I can remember anyone crying for me. She begged me to tell her dad but he was a cop too and the asshole's friend. She got really mad at me…said if I wasn't going to do it than she was going to."

"And did she?" Jasper gave an approving grin on his face but it quickly faded at the pure agonized expression on his tormented friend.

"I fucking threatened her. I told her that if she told her dad or anyone for that matter…I would never forgive her and then to put the cherry on the cake...I told her if my mother or I ended up dead because she interfered it would be her fault."

Jasper let out a low whistle. "That's some serious fucked up shit."

"Yeah." He nodded suddenly feeling very tired.

"So what are you going to do now?"

"What I should have done years ago. I'm going to make her mine again...no matter what."

He wouldn't let himself think about what would happen if when he did find her, she was married with the 2.2 kids and the white picket fence. Would he be able to leave her again if he knew that she was happy. He'd like to think so even if it meant a living death for him. But he knew himself…he may just be selfish enough to hang around…watch her…just to make sure.

"Ed, this date thing I have lined up…you don't have to go."

"After everything you've done for me over the years…nah, man. I think I can sit through two hours of polite conversation. If I find my girl before then though, you'll have to find a replacement."

* * *

With an air of optimism that had been foreign to him for so long, Edward took a cab cross town to the Rushmore, his apartment building and no officially his. He'd fallen in love with the building on sight with it's sleek two tower design. Most of all he had fallen in love with the view of the Hudson River that his penthouse allowed him a breathtaking view of on nearly all sides. It was a far cry from the two bedroom dwelling he grew up in and even his first four floor walk-up in the village.

After growing up in Florida, he had always known he had to be near the water. He didn't want to live on Long Island or Connecticut; they were too far away from the action and he'd always considered those places more homes for families than bachelors.

Loosening his tie and pouring himself a drink, he stood in front of his large glass window watching the boats go by in the burgeoning twilight; the sky a tangled splash of pinks and purples.

Would Bella like it here?

He looked around, surveying the rooms around him with a calculating eye. He supposed she may think it cold with it's contemporary straight lines and bold solid colors. She liked warmth and soft colors and deep woods of mahogany and cherry. He only had one room like that; his library.

It could've been taken straight out of an English estate home with it's large dark wood desk and soft brown leather chairs complete with metal rivets. Looking back, subconsciously he probably had the room designed and even the books that lined the walls with her in mind. His interior designer nearly had a heart attack when he gave her his requirements from the room as it was so out of place with the rest of the apartment. She almost refused to do it.

But Edward had learned that money was enough to squelch all of her protestations.

Fumbling for his cell phone, he scrolled through his contacts to find the number he was looking for and hit send.

"J. Jenks."

"Jenks, it's Edward Cullen."

"Mr. Cullen, how nice to hear from you. What can I do for you today?"

"I need you to find the current address of someone for me. Her name is Bella…Isabella Swan. Her last known residence was in Jacksonville Florida…Tropical Bend Circle."

"Got it. Do you want a full background check too?"

"No." Edward said bluntly. He had no desire to know anything other than where she was. He didn't want anything to be a deterrent to finding her and seeing her for himself.

"Well that's easy enough. I'll call you when I have the address."

"Good."

Edward shut the phone off and sighed.

"To new beginnings." He toasted to his reflection in the window.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey, Emmett." Bella spoke quickly after her brother's greeting message. "I just wanted to let you know I'm on my way out the door. I'll see you soon."

Her final night in Florida would be spent at her brother's. She loathed to say goodbye to him as they had gotten much closer over the years she had moved back from Phoenix the first time. When Renee and her father divorced, Emmett had went to live with Charlie and she had went with her mom; only spending summers with each other when they alternated between Phoenix and Jacksonville.

They'd grown up strangers to one another but were now as tight as any siblings could hope to be.

Tears prickled under her eyelids as Bella realized she was shutting the light and locking the door to her apartment of three years for the last time. There were good memories here and bad ones too but she had made a home here.

It had been the first place she had lived and paid for on her own.

Ironically, it was Jake that convinced her to move into the 25 Biscayne Park Apartments. It was close to everything; shopping, restaurants, nightlife, the beach and not too far from where she worked. The apartment across the hall from him had opened up and she had been looking for a new place after she abruptly called off her wedding and moved out Sam's. Even though she had lived with him for a year, she had never considered it hers.

Now she was about to embark on a new life in a new city….make a new home.

"The car's all packed. Are you ready?"

Jake stood there, hands in the pockets of his shorts, watching her curiously as she traced the gold plated numbers on her door.

"Thanks and yeah, I'm ready." She cleared her throat and adjusted the carry-on on her shoulder. "Just saying goodbye."

"It's a door, Bella." Jake snorted and shook his head. "Only you would bid farewell to inanimate objects. Would you like to say goodbye to the elevator next?" He teased.

"You are such a jerk." She kidded right back. She couldn't blame him really for teasing her. He didn't have a sentimental bone in his body…not like she did anyway.

"But you're going to miss me anyway."

"Yeah." She nodded absently. "I probably will."

Things between them were still awkward since their conversation in his apartment. She had kept her distance after that not wanting to provoke him or mislead him. Even the goodbye hug she gave him before she got into her jeep felt tense and uncomfortable.

"Call me."

"I will." She gave him a parting smile and pulled out of her parking space for the last time. Looking into the rearview, she saw his expression change swiftly from a smile to something else…something sad and angry.

Maybe she wasn't the only one good at acting.

With music blasting, she made the turn on the I-95 up towards Emmett's house in Coral Springs.

* * *

"Hello." She called out opening the door to the house. "Anyone home?"

Bella heard the scraping of chairs and the running of small feet.

"Auntie Bell! Auntie Bell!"

Before she could take another step the bodies two squirming boys were wrapped around the lower half of her body. She automatically hugged them to her while trying not to fall over by their enthusiasm.

"Liam! Garret! Get your saucy butts back in the kitchen and give your Aunt Bella a chance to breathe." Rose, her sister-in-law, looking beautiful but frazzled came running in chasing after her two boys. She saw Bella and her shoulders slumped. "Oh no, they got you."

"What do you mean?"

"There's a reason why I called them saucy." Rose smirked and plopped down in the couch rubbing at her forehead tiredly, her blonde hair escaping from her ponytail. "Sorry about your clothes by the way, I 'll throw them in the wash."

Sure enough when Bella looked down into the giggling faces of her nephews, the red pasta sauce that ringed their mouths and adorned their little hands were all over her white shorts. Kneeling down, she gave them both a big hug and kiss.

"Mmm, you two are so tasty looking, can I eat you?"

"You can't eat people, Auntie Bell, that's disgusting." Six year old Garrett announced seriously, wrinkling his nose.

"Yeah…dis..disgussin'" The four year old, Liam, mimicked his brother.

"Okay, you two…you've said hello now I want you to march back into the kitchen and finish you lunch…._now_."

"But ma…"

"Don't "but Ma" me Garrett Charles, go head, chop chop." Rose waved them off.

Liam and Garrett walked slowly into the kitchen with their heads down and the saddest expression she had ever seen on their adorable faces. She waited until they were out of view before she laughed.

"They are just too much." She said affectionately and sat down.

"Don't you dare laugh, Bella Swan. This is going to be you one day." Rose immediately saw Bella's smile fade. "Oh shit…Bella, I'm…."

"No it's okay, Rose." She plastered a smile on her face trying to deflect the sudden burst of heartache her innocent statement brought on. "So, you actually attempted spaghetti sauce…I'm impressed."

"Don't be. It's Chef Boyardee. I swear if it's not pizza, chicken nuggets or those God awful Spaghetti-o's they won't touch it. Emmett says he was the same way when he was a kid."

"Speaking of my big brother…where _is_ he?"

Rose gave a wave of her hand. "Oh I sent him off to Publix and the liquor store for some things. I figured after the kids go to bed, we can actually have some adult time." She turned to the kitchen and frowned. "Speaking of kids…it's _way_ too quiet in there. Boys…what are you up to?"

Bella heard a series of giggles. "We're just eatin' Ma, like you told us to."

Bella and Rose looked at each other and ran towards the kitchen.

* * *

After she helped clean spaghetti sauce stick figure people off the walls and Emmett came home, they all went into the backyard and watched the kids play in the pool.

"Auntie Bell, watch what I can do!" Garrett shouted to her as he ran and made cannonball jump from the wooden deck sending sprays of water her way.

"That's awesome!" Bella shouted back and turned to her brother. "You taught him that didn't you?" She said wryly.

"That's my boy." Emmett grinned. "Liam, will you please put your bathing suit back on…I'm almost positive Aunt Bella does not want to see your tan line."

"My kids are going to miss you, ya know." Rose told her taking a sip of her beer. "All _three_ of them." She gave Emmett a pointed look before turning serious again. "I am too."

"This so hard…leaving you guys." Bella sniffled tearfully.

"Hey…I thought we agreed on no tears." Emmett told them.

"Sorry…" Bella said wiping her eyes with a laugh. "No more, I promise."

"Oh, Bella…you're new life is going to be awesome. New York…wow…It's been your dream since you graduated…I am so happy for you."

Rose knew more than anyone how she had almost let that dream be stripped from her too.

"Thanks Rose." She said circling the top of the beet bottle with her finger.

"Well…" Emmett slammed his palms against the arms of his lounge chair. "I don't know about the two of you but I'm going in the pool."

Standing up, he stopped suddenly and turned around and looked at Bella with a wicked gleam in his eye.

"Oh no…'" Bella shook her head. "Em…I swear if you…._Aaaaahhh_!" She screamed as Emmett swooped her up and dumped her in the pool.

"Emmett, you ass!" Bella screeched when her head broke through the surface.

"Mom! Aunt Bell said a bad word!" Liam shouted loudly. "That's tweny five cens in the swear jar, Aunt Bell."

* * *

Bella insisted on doing the nighttime ritual with her nephews. That included bath and a bedtime story. By the time she made it back down the stairs she was exhausted. Rose immediately handed her a large glass of red wine. Bella took it gratefully and plunked down on the nearest chair.

"You didn't have to put them to bed." Rosalie said taking a sip of her own drink.

"I know…but they wanted me to and I wanted to. Beside, you guys look like you needed a break and it'll be awhile before I see them again."

"There's always skype." Emmett came into the room with a bag of nachos and some sort of salsa and sour cream concoction.

"It's not the same." Both she and Rose said at the same time.

Emmett frowned…thinking. "No…no I suppose it's not."

* * *

"This is for you." Rose handed her a stuffed brown paper bag the next morning.

Bella took it from her with an amused smile. "What is it?"

"Lunch...for the plane." She said a little tearfully. "It's a turkey and brie sandwich with tomatoes. Liam insisted on putting in chocolate chip cookies for your "snack time"." She made air quotes with her fingers. "The airlines got so stingy with their food."

"Oh Rose." She wrapped her sister in law in a tight hug. "I'm so going to miss you."

"You take care of yourself, Bella. And call. Often. Or I will have to come up there and beat the crap out of you."

Bella laughed through her tears. "Maybe I won't call then. I'd love to have you visit even if it's only to beat the crap out of me."

"Bitch."

"Hussy."

"Slut!" They said at the same time, doubling over laughing.

"You two are weird." Emmett said coming into the kitchen and shaking his head at them. "Okay, kiddo. You all set?"

Bella nodded wiping at her eyes. "All set."

She gave Rose another hug, said goodbye to her nephews and followed Emmett outside.

"Thanks for the lift to the airport." Bella told her brother as she sat on the passenger side and buckled her seatbelt."

"Thanks for the Jeep." He replied. "Are you sure you don't need it?"

She had signed the title of her trusty Jeep over to Emmett earlier that morning. He and Rose needed a new car. Bella knew money was a little tight for them at the moment so she offered it to them in exchange for a ride to the airport.

"I'll be in New York, Em. I won't need a car. They have subways."

"Subways are dangerous." He grumbled throwing the car into drive and pulling it onto the street. "Do you know how many people get pushed onto the tracks every year? Subway crime is up fifteen percent.. I know. I looked it up."

"Do you know you sound more and more like Dad every day?" She chided. "Besides, I probably have more of a chance of getting hit by a taxi then getting pushed on the subway tracks."

It had been a long running joke between them; he'd play the typical overprotective big brother and she'd tease him about being like their father who would quote crime statistics off the top of his head.

"I'm being serious, Bells."

"I know and I love you for it."

And she did. This was Emmett's way of telling her he cared. He wasn't overly emotional. He chose to find humor in every situation...usually inappropriate humor but humor none the less. There was no humor in him now.

"And you're sure you don't want any money for the car?" He said with a frown as he glanced at her.

"We discussed this ad nauseum. Save the money for my darling little nephews, I have enough in savings to get me started. But if you want, you can name your third born after me."

Emmett paled and then snorted. "First of all Liam and Garrett are it for me and Rosie, thank you. Second of all...I think one Isabella Swan in the world is quite enough."

Despite Emmett's decree of no tears, he broke first after unloading the car of all Bella's luggage and helping her cart it inside by the ticket booth.

"Oh, Em" She gripped him in a tight hug, fighting back her own tears.

"I want you to call me as soon as you land, okay." He demanded, his voice cracking. "Not when you're in cab going to Alice's, not at baggage claim...I'm talking as soon as the announcement on the plane says you can turn on your cells."

"I promise." She nodded into his neck.

"Good. Now go give 'em hell, Bells."

"You bet, Em...you bet."

It's three hours later when the plane taxi's into JFK and true to her word, she called Emmett.

"Hey, it's me. We landed safely."

* * *

Recognizing the telephone number immediately, Edward picked up the hand set, trying to ignore the flurry of nervous activity in his stomach. Ever since placing the call to Jenks, his private investigator, he had been on edge, unable to concentrate.

His mind conjured up possibilities of where she might be, what she might be doing. Did she still live in Florida? Or might she have gone back to Arizona when her father died? What did she do for a living? Was she married? Did she have kids? Was she happy...miserable?

He had always imagined her surrounded by books. Maybe she was a librarian, a professor or perhaps some equally intellectually quiet endeavor where she would put to use that perceptive mind of hers, he mused.

"What do you have for me, Jenks?" Edward spoke brusquely into the phone belying the neurotic clenching of his gut.

"I've got an address." He said and Edward felt the air whoosh from his lungs.

Nervously clicking and unclicking the top of his Cross pen, he had it poised over his notepad, ready to write.

"Well…Jenks, I'm waiting." He said in the authoritative voice that implied he did not like to wait for anything.

"Sorry." Jenks cleared his throat. "I've tracked her down to 250 NE 25 St in Miami. It's an apartment complex called 25 Biscayne Park Apartments. She's in 12C. Nice area, by the way. She must be doing pretty well for herself."

"Enough with the commentary. Are you're absolutely positive this is where she is?" He asked as he hurriedly scribbled down the address.

Miami? It didn't fit what he knew of her.

Well, it _has_ been ten years…I'm sure she'd be a bit surprised at what ten years has done to you, he reminded himself.

"Have I ever failed you before?" Jenks didn't allow him to answer before he continued. "Now, are you sure you don't want me to do any more digging…financials, marital status, scandals that her name may be attached to?"

Edward's hand gripped the receiver so hard, his knuckles turned white. "No. The address is fine." He spoke curtly. "Just send me the bill."

After hanging up with Jenks, Edward was a flurry of activity, calling private charters trying to book a flight out to Miami. After the fourth call and still no luck with nothing available on such short notice, he was losing what little patience he had left. He really needed to look into getting his own jet.

He was on the phone with the fifth company when Tanya walked into his office.

"I'll leave out of Newark, if I have to, I don't care…so are you telling me every single flight from the New York metropolitan area going into Miami or Fort Lauderdale is booked solid?...what about Palm Beach?...fuck!" He slammed down the phone and looked at Tanya who stood there waiting for him.

"Is there something I can do for you, Tanya?" He growled angrily.

She licked her lips, obviously turned on... Edward recognized the look and surprisingly felt disgusted by it.

"You're going to Miami?" She asked. "Do you have a meeting with the Volturi's at their offices? If you need me to go with you, I…"

"What are you talking about?"

"Volturi Media…their corporate offices are in Miami. Isn't that why you're going?"

Damn it. His head had been so screwed up lately.

"Not that it's any of your business, but my trip to Miami is personal. Now if you don't mind, I have things I need to attend to."

He caught a glimpse of fury in her eyes before she covered it up quickly.

"Actually, I have some papers for you to sign." She sauntered up to his desk, thrusting her breasts forward and flipping her hair.

Edward fought to keep from rolling his eyes at the obvious display, wanting to call her on it but he didn't have the time right now. Didn't she realize she was playing with fire? He was so coiled and ready to strike. Unfortunately, for her, it wasn't the type of striking she had in mind.

"Are they urgent?" He asked, barely paying her attention as he began searching on his computer for private chartered flights.

"No." Tanya said sullenly after a few beats.

"Just leave them on my desk then."

He was dismissing her and they both knew it. With a barely withheld sneer, she laid the papers down on his desk with a thwap and stormed from his office.

* * *

Bella knows she looks like every other tourist looking up in awe at the tall buildings from the inside of the cab but she can't help it. It's an almost claustrophobic feeling; the way the buildings loom freakishly, nearly blocking out the sky.

The sidewalks were packed with people walking briskly, maneuvering expertly around other pedestrians as they frantically texted on their phones. She'd never seen anything like it.

Thankfully the buildings shrunk as she got closer to Alice's apartment on Christopher Street in the West Village. As the cab pulled up to the address, Bella saw Alice waiting by the curb with a huge smile on her face.

"You're here! I can't believe you're finally here." Alice exclaimed as she opened the door to her apartment and helped Bella wheel her luggage inside.

"I'm finally here." Bella murmured looking around her new temporary home. The first thing that struck her was the eclectic mix of furniture and knick knacks including the bold red velvet Victorian couch that was the centerpiece of the room. It was a complete contrast to the stark white walls and the polished wood floors covered by an equally stark white rug.

"So what do you think?" Alice asked her. "Isn't it great?"

"It's very uh...Alice." She answered because it was the truth.

On one wall she noticed a series of black and white photographs and she found her feet propelling her over to them. Touching the wooden black frame of one she looked over at her friend who was watching her with a smile.

"You've kept them." She said in awe, recognizing immediately the pictures she had shot for her photography class back in college.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Well, of course I did silly. I have some in my shop too. Do you know I've had customers that wanted to buy them from me?"

"Really?" Bella was surprised and touched. She had wanted to keep those photos but Sam had decided they wouldn't fit in with the decor he had in mind for their new home. Instead of fighting with him about it as she should have, she was going to toss them. Alice wouldn't let her though. She kept them instead.

"Honestly. Sam wouldn't know good art if it jumped up and bit him in the ass. I'm am so happy you didn't go through with the wedding."

"Yeah, me too." Bella agreed softly.

"Well, enough of that..." She quickly shifted subjects, not wanting to dwell on unpleasant topics. "...let me show you where you're going to sleep."

Alice led her into a small but tasteful guest bedroom with a full size bed taking up much of the room.

"This is great, Allie...thanks for letting me stay here until I find my own place."

Alice waved her hand in dismissal. "Think nothing of it. You could live here indefinitely but I know you need your own space."

Still scrutinizing the room, Bella's eyes focused on a dress-makers mannequin wearing a plum colored dress. It was a sexy ankle length dress made of material that was just short of being sheer with a halter top that had a narrow v neckline that extended past the bust line and a completely open back that ended just above the derriere in wave like drapes.

"That's beautiful Allie." She breathed, touching the soft material of the dress.

"I'm glad you like it." Alice returned with a smile. "I designed it for you."

"Me?"

Alice nodded. "For our date tomorrow night. It's not completely finished. I was waiting for you to get here so I could fit it better to you and judging by the look of it, I may have to take it in. Someone has lost some weight." She admonished. "And is looking quite svelte and cut up, I might add."

Bella felt herself flushing. "I've been doing Zumba."

Her friend gaped. "_You_ are doing Zumba? I can't believe it. It what universe does Bella Swan actually agree to doing Zumba?"

"I needed to do something different...you know get out of my comfort zone a little."

"Yeah I bet...but if this means I can get you on the dance floor now, I am all for it."

* * *

After a quick "I'll call you" to a shocked Jasper as he made his way out of his offices, he grabbed a cab to rush home and pack a small overnight bag before heading to the JFK. He had finally managed to secure a private jet to Miami at the last minute.

He wouldn't be landing until very late, thanks to a fog delay and he wouldn't be able to check out the address until tomorrow but he'd take it.

Settling back on the leather seats and adjusting his seatbelt, Edward closed his eyes and remembered the first time he ever met Bella Swan.

It was at the Annual Jacksonville Police Department July 4th Picnic. He had just turned fifteen a few weeks before and it was the summer just before he started his sophomore year at his new high school. His mom, Elizabeth, remarried a policeman named Laurent in May and because they now lived in his house in a different school zone he had to leave all his friends behind and basically start over. Laurent had transferred nine months ago from the Gainesville PD and he hadn't yet started to show his true colors.

His mother had made him go to the picnic, saying Laurent wanted him there...he wanted to show off his new family and it would be a great bonding experience.

Edward thought it was a joke, he'd much rather be at the beach with his friends but he went anyway not knowing it was a day that would eventually change the course of his life forever.

Bella, on the other hand had been two months shy of thirteen going on thirty...

_**Jacksonville, FL 15 years ago**_

_With head phones blasting music in his ears, he watched the father-son softball game with mild interest from his picnic table perch away from the crowd of enthusiastic families. Laurent had tried to get him involved and frowned severely when Edward declined. The smell of hotdogs and hamburgers filled the air and Edward felt his eyes sting from the sudden wave of barbecue smoke that wafted his way._

_Even in the shade he was hot and sweaty; the humidity at peak levels under the July Florida sun. He was itching to leave...take a dive in the ocean...hell, he'd even settle for being doused by a water gun at this point._

_Laurent was talking and laughing with one of his fellow officers while his mother was with the other wives, prepping food on the tables. Would they notice if he just left?_

_He was contemplating getting up and leaving when he spotted a girl with long wavy brown hair in a tank top with an American flag on it and red short shorts that showed off her lithe tanned legs. She was sitting alone, much like he was; on top of the picnic table with her red sandals planted firmly on the wooden bench. Her face was partially obscured by large sunglasses but he was able to see her pink glossed lips and the white teeth that chewed nervously on them. His day suddenly got more interesting._

_Her head bopped rhythmically to a tune she could only hear. She looked just as bored as he was. As if sensing she was being watched, she turned to look directly at him and he afforded her a cocky one-sided smile. She smiled hesitantly back and immediately went back to her music. Edward was intrigued. He wasn't used to being ignored._

_Pushing himself off the table, he sauntered over and sat down next to her on the table she had claimed. A hot wind blew and suddenly he was surrounded by the scent of fresh strawberries. She still hadn't verbally acknowledged his presence but by the way her foot tapped on the seat, he knew she was fully aware he was there. He looked at those tapping feet and laughed when he saw each of her toenails were painted red, white and blue._

_"Are you laughing at me?" Her husky offended voice made electric pulses he didn't understand rip through him._

_"You went all out with the patriotic look, huh?"_

_She flushed a delectable pink. "Too much?"_

_"Nah..." He shrugged. "It looks good on you. I'm Edward Mason, by the way." He held out his hand and she placed her small, delicate one in his. Heat that had nothing to do with the weather and everything to do with this girl, seared up his arm._

_"Bella Swan." She said shyly. "Pleased to meet you."_

_Feeling more confident, Edward leaned back on his elbows, making himself comfortable. "So Bella Swan...who's the cop? Your mom or your dad?"_

_"Umm...my dad." She nodded her head over at the softball field. "See the guy at second base trying to bring back the seventies porn star look with the thick brown mustache? That's him."_

_Edward nearly choked on his laughter. "And what would you know about seventies porn stars?"_

_"Nothing" She admitted, blushing once more. "It's something my brother, Emmett, says...a lot. You'd think Charlie would be so sick of hearing it that he would have shaved it off."_

_"So why doesn't he?"_

_"I think it might have to do with the fact that he'd have no upper lip." She leaned into him conspiratorially. "It is a rather weighty stache."_

_Edward couldn't help but throw back his head and laugh again, uproariously this time. This girl said the most preposterous things. He wanted to hear more._

_"Do you go to First Coast High?" He asked her hoping desperately that she did._

_She frowned then, he could see the slight crease in her forehead, just above her sunglasses._

_I...uh...actually live in Phoenix with my mom." She said softly. "I'm just spending the summer here."_

_Cruel disappointment flooded him._

_"My brother, goes there though. He'll be a senior this fall."_

_Well, that was certainly odd. "You mean you and your brother are split between your parents?"_

_"We only spend summers together." She said sadly. "Next year, he'll come to Phoenix and after that..." She shrugged. "He'll probabably be in college so who knows?"_

_"Well, that's real shitty."_

_"Yeah...but it is what it is. Emmett's always been real close with Charlie...and Renee...well, she's a bit flighty...she kind of needs me to keep her grounded."_

_She's quiet for a moment, biting on her bottom lip in a way that make's his crotch ache and his heart clench. Suddenly, she swings her legs off the table, jumps off. cocks her head to one side and grins at him._

_"Enough of this depressing talk. I see an ice cream truck and I want some. You coming?"_

_Even though he can't see her eyes, he imagines they are twinkling._

_It is only later in the day, after he realizes he's completely fallen for this girl in the course of the afternoon that he learn's her age. She never told him and he never asked. Because of how she acted and to be honest, how she filled out the upper portion of her tank top, he had her pegged for fourteen._

_She had to part from him for awhile to spend time with her family but by the time twilight fell, he managed to find her again and sneak her away to sit together on a blanket under the stars watching the display of fireworks overhead. The air smelled like gunpowder and strawberries and he was desperate to kiss her. It would be his first real kiss. When he leaned in, she stopped him shyly with her small palm to his chest, right over his rapidly beating heart._

_"Edward, I like you and right now I really want to kiss you too but I need to tell you something that will most likely change your mind about doing so."_

_"I doubt anything you tell me will change my mind." He whispered huskily._

_"This will." She sounds so sure and so worried she won't even look at him. Instead, her fingers twist the edges of the blanket._

_"Bella, Dad wants to leave now to beat the traffic." Emmett, her brother is suddenly there, glaring at him like he wants to step on him and crush him beneath his size fourteens._

_Bella scrambles up guiltily giving him an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, I have to go..." She placed a chaste kiss to his cheek. "It was really nice to meet you Edward Mason."_

_"Bella, wait..." He calls as she's walking away. "When can I see you again?"_

_It's Emmett that turns around and answers him. "Bella's only going to be thirteen in September. She's not allowed to date yet."_

_Edward felt like he had been sucker punched. Twelve? She was twelve? He couldn't believe it._

_But Bella had been wrong. Even though knowing her age should've changed his mind, he realized it really didn't. After all, his mind tried to rationalize, technically there was really only a two year age difference._

_Unfortunately, he didn't see her again until the first day of high school two years later...his senior year. He wasn't the same Edward and she wasn't the same Bella but when they met up again the years of separation melted away instantaneously and nothing else mattered but her...only her._

_**Miami FL Present Day**_

Even though the sun had set hours ago, the intense southern Florida humidity settled over Edward like a wet blanket as soon as he stepped out of the plane. He hadn't been back to Florida since he had left that fateful night ten years ago; never wanting the reminders of what was or what could have been.

Grabbing a cab outside the terminal, he instructed the driver to take him to the Four Seasons, where he had already booked a reservation while he was waiting for his plane to take off. Once in hs room, after availing himself of the mini-bar, the enormity of what he was doing finally hit him full force. He was here...in the same state...in the same city as her.

He wouldn't...couldn't allow himself think past what would happen when he finally knocked on her door in the morning.


	5. Chapter 5

"No…NO!"

Edward jackknifed upward, his chest gritty and slick with cold drying sweat, heaved with exertion. His heart thundered a militant two-step behind his rib cage and his breath came in quick, ragged pants. Momentarily disoriented, his eyes adjusted to the dark room, half expecting his Mother's husband to be standing over his bed laughing at him…taunting him, like he had been in his dream.

But no, he was in his hotel room. There was no Laurent. He was safe.

Still trying to retain his equilibrium, he leaned his head against the head board in relief and scrubbed his hand over his face and through his hair.

It was just a nightmare.

Just a _fucking_ nightmare.

Edward let out a maniacal bark of laughter as he buried his face in his hands. He hadn't dreamed of him in years…had pushed him safely back into a dark compartment in the recesses of him mind.

Now…here…he had been freed.

Laurent couldn't touch him anymore but the vicious words he spewed out in his dream revolved angrily in his head, playing on his worst fears.

_"Do you think she'll want you when she finds out the man whore you've become…what you like to do to the hot young things at that club you frequent?"_

He untangled his legs from the twisted sheet that wound around him like a serpent and strode quickly to the bathroom to splash his face with cold water. Bracing his hands on the edge of the sink, he stared at his reflection in the mirror, watching droplets of water drip from the edge of his jaw into the basin.

The hollow and numb green eyes of a haunted man stared back at him where there used to be a cold ruthless one, frozen in steely determination; a face of a man who was used to getting what he wanted, when he wanted it.

Bella used to call his eyes a soft meadow green. There was nothing soft or meadow-like in them now. They were stony, empty and lifeless just like he was. No matter how much money he had amassed or how many women he took for pleasure, nothing had ever been able to fill the bottomless void he carried around like an albatross.

Rather than trying to go back to sleep, he dressed quickly in shorts and a t-shirt and took the elevator down to the gym. At five in the morning, it was virtually devoid of life; only a few hardcore fanatics working out before they probably hit the beach hoping to score. Muscle heads, he sneered in contempt.

He eyed the punching bags enviably wanting to go a few rounds with his awakened demons but he didn't have any gloves and the thought of using the ones supplied the hotel disgusted him. He settled on the treadmill and after an hour went over to the free weights.

By the time he was finished he was soaking with sweat and high on adrenaline but no closer to expunging the nervous restlessness that dogged his every step. Pulling up his t-shirt to wipe his face, he nearly bumped into a very well- proportioned young woman heading for the weight machines.

"Sorry." He mumbled without his usual flirtatious flair, dropping his shirt back over his toned stomach.

"Don't apologize." She said eyeing him up and down appreciatively. "You can bump into me anytime…in fact I insist that you do."

Edward was not an overly vain man but he knew he was good-looking and he often took advantage of what it could get him but today he was repelled by the obvious overture…the emptiness of what it offered. So when the overly zealous woman went to suggestively rub herself against him, he sidestepped her with an icy glare and continued to the elevators.

It was when he was back in his room, under the steady, hot stream of the shower did he realize his cock hadn't twitched once for the woman in the gym. He had felt nothing for her…no familiar ache of desire, no urge to take her roughly against the wall and be done with it…nothing but the need to wash himself clean.

When did it all start to feel so fucking dirty?

Correction…it had always felt dirty but the momentary powerful head trip, both literally and figuratively was just so damn addictive.

The things he did…the things he made women do.

What if some cold, non-caring fuck treated Bella that way? A forceful hand fisted in her thick brown hair holding her head as he used her, over and over again using her body only as a vehicle to sate his lust without any regard for her own pleasure?

Revulsion, like viscous, bitter acid burned through his veins. Pressing his cheek against the slick shower wall; mouth opened in a silent scream, holding back the urge to wretch at the vision he conjured, he pounded his fists mercilessly at the tiles immediately turning his knuckles red and swollen.

With the hotel towel still wrapped around his waist, he was speed dialing his therapist. He didn't care if it was only seven thirty in the morning, he paid the guy enough money to be available when he needed him.

"Edward, I think you've had a tremendous breakthrough." Eleazar told him after he ranted into the phone about all his tarnished ghosts avalanching on him at the same time.

Oh doc, if you only knew I how nearly broke through the shower wall.

"But you should turn around and come back home. We'll make an appointment where we can discuss this at length."

"Fuck that." Edward growled into the phone. "I came down here for a reason and I intend to see it through."

Eleazar sighed heavily into the phone. "This is very impulsive of you and frankly, Edward it worries me."

Edward nearly choked on his bitter laughter . "It's been ten years in the making, Doc. There is nothing impulsive about it."

"But why _now_? What was the catalyst of this sudden one-eighty. For a long time, you have remained complacent...believing she has been lost to you because of your actions...both back then and through the years." He added in a low tone that spoke of his doubtfulness.

"Thanks for the reminder." Edward deadpanned flatly. "I don't know." He admitted, shoveling his fingers through his wet hair. "I don't know what pushed me…I only know that I need this…I need _her_…otherwise …I…" Edward cut off the thought abruptly.

"And what of Bella, Edward? Have you even considered the pressure you're placing on her to save you when you haven't even seen her for ten years? I am sure she isn't the same girl you left behind. What if she's married…with a family? Have you thought how your sudden need to have her back in your life could disrupt hers?"

He had thought about it, he just chose to ignore it.

"I'm a selfish prick, what can I say? And I don't need her to save me…I just need her…in whatever capacity I can get her."

"Now, you and I both know that's a lie. You're down there in a state you hate for one thing only and it's not to be friends."

"Fine," He grumbled. "I'll concede that point. But I love her. I have always loved her and God help me, I probably _always_ will."

"Do you love her enough to let her go?" The question was spoken quietly but to Edward's ears it might as well have been asked through a megaphone.

"I…" he hung his head, rubbing his temple. "I have to go."

"Edwa…"

He hit the off button before he could say anything else.

* * *

After getting dressed in short sleeve navy blue polo and khaki shorts, picking at a tremendous breakfast he couldn't eat, he was on his way via cab to the apartment complex where Bella resided. As the streets of Miami rolled by and the eclectic scenery changed from neighborhood to neighborhood, Edward felt his heart rate pick up the closer he got.

It was surprisingly easy to get past security and into the elevator. It was on the tip of his tongue to say something about the lax in safety measures for their residents but that would only impede on his own entry.

He fidgeted the whole short ride up and when the elevator doors finally opened part of him was terrified to get off. This was the moment of truth after all.

Knocking lightly at first, he waited. Nothing. Putting his ear to the door he heard no signs of life coming from within. Maybe she was still asleep. He knocked louder, wincing when the wood of the door connected with his shower bruised knuckles.

Still nothing…not even a squeaking floorboard to indicate someone was inside.

What if she had spent the night somewhere else?

The thought disturbed him but he shook it off.

He could wait.

He _would_ wait.

There was the sound of a door opening behind him and Edward turned to see a rather large guy wearing a tank top and shorts, carrying a gym bag. He stopped short when he spotted Edward.

"If you're looking about a rental, the management office is on the second floor." The young man, a few years younger than he, spoke gruffly.

"Actually, I'm looking for the young lady that lives here...Bella Swan. Do you know her?"

The man's brown eyes narrowed suspiciously at him and Edward did not like the vibes he was getting...at all.

"Who are you?" The man asked him.

"I'm an old...friend." Edward swallowed past the sudden constriction in his throat. She had been so much more than a friend...so much more.

Jacob snorted. "Well, you'll be looking for a long time then. Bella no longer lives here."

It was Edward's eyes that narrowed now. "I don't believe you. I have it on good authority that she is here."

Jacob shrugged. "Suit yourself but your _"good authority_" is wrong. Bella moved out two days ago."

But Edward refused to move. He settled his back against the door and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Oh, for crying out loud." Jacob muttered, fishing into his pocket for his keys. "I just hope they didn't change the locks yet."

"What are you doing?" Edward asked when Jacob pulled out a gold-plated key and inserted it into the lock.

"I'm proving that you're wrong."

"You have the key to her apartment?" Edward was aghast even though he knew he had no right to be.

Jacob smirked. "Let's just say I'm an old _friend_ too."

Before Edward could attempt to process this, the door swung open to reveal a vast empty space where furniture should have been; no pictures on the wall, no mementos lingering about and more importantly, no Bella.

His shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Do you believe me now?"

* * *

The masseuse manipulated the muscles in her back in all the right places. Bella couldn't help but moan in pleasure that had nothing to do with sex as the large oiled hands, palmed and rubbed the tension from her trapezoids where she carried the most tension.

"Alice, I know you are still trying to soften me up about this date tonight but you are a goddess." She opened one eye to glance at her friend who was getting the same treatment beside her. As a belated birthday gift, Alice had treated them both to a spa day with the works at Oasis Day Spa on Park Avenue, which just happened to be down the street from her company's temporary offices.

"Don't think I'll let you forget it either." Alice grinned. "Ooh right there...that's it." She spoke to her own masseuse.

Bella let herself drift in complete relaxation as she stared half-lidded at the scented burning candles and listened to the soft new age type music being pumped in from the Bose sound system...and a cell phone?

She looked at Alice who was now sitting up with a white sheet wrapped around her talking into her phone. She was frowning slightly, her brows creased.

"Isn't that something you should have mentioned before...yes...yes...okay...we'll see you then...I'm looking forward to it too...ciao."

Handing the phone to the masseuse to put back in her bag, Alice resumed her position lying down.

"That was Jasper." She said finally. "He was calling to confirm."

"Why did it sound like it was a bit more than that?" Bella asked her, now concerned.

Alice sighed heavily. "There is something I should tell you about your date..."

"What? Is he like some weird eccentric rich guy that has a weird shoe fetish?"

"No." Alice giggled. "Although, that might be less complicated."

"Okay, Allie...now you're starting to worry me."

"It's just that his business partner...your _date_...well he recently took off to parts unknown on some quest to find his ex-girlfriend. Apparently he is still completely and utterly in love with her. But don't worry..." She was quick to add. "He couldn't find her and he's on his way back. He just may be the teensiest bit late."

Bella had no idea what to say...what to feel. She should be disappointed and part of her was but she also felt...relieved? Yes...she was relieved. She really didn't want to be set up anyway and if this guy was still holding a candle for his ex-girlfriend...well, at least she could relax and maybe she would make a new friend.

"Bella, say something." Alice prodded her.

"It's okay, Al...really. I'm not upset. We'll go anyway and we'll have a good time and I won't have to worry if he's going to want to get in my pants at the end of the night."

"Oh...he'll want to get into your pants alright...or should I say under your dress. I've seen you in that dress and even I want to get under it." Alice said in a voice filled with mirth, her eyes twinkling.

* * *

Bella felt beautiful albeit a bit exposed as she put the finishing touches on her make-up. Her hair cascaded down her back and fell in soft waves framing her face. The stylist had also given her caramel highlights that brought out the color of her golden Miami tan.

Alice had given her a special bra because both the front and back were so low and she was too well endowed to go without one. All in all, she did not feel like herself.

"Don't you look devastating?" Alice looked at her proudly. "One look at you and I think Jazz's friend won't be moaning over his ex anymore."

"Let's not be hasty, Alice." She teased. "And let me say, you are looking quite the hottie there, chica."

And Alice was, in another outfit of her own creation. Her dress was black, the material clinging to her small curves with a silver chain belt that hung low over one hip. It was very easy to see how she was gaining popularity as a clothing designer.

Alice curtseyed. "Why thank you, Miss Bell. Shall we depart?" She held out her arm.

"We shall." Bella looped her own arm around Alice's hoping that she wouldn't end up falling over in the very high heels Alice insisted she wear.

They took a cab ride to Il Cantinori on East 10th where they would meet Jasper. He was waiting out front, nervously fidgeting with the cuffs on his shirt but beamed a wide boyish smile when he saw Alice emerging from the cab. He rushed over to assist them both out of the taxi and even paid their fare.

"Wow." He said in awe under his breath as his eyes roamed over her friend.

"You like?" Alice said as she completed one twirl.

"Very much."

"Good." She linked her arm with Bella. "Jasper, I'd like you to meet my very good friend and partner in crime, Bella Swan."

"Hello." Bella held out her hand. Instead of shaking it as she believed he would, he placed a chaste kiss on the back of her hand and gave her a courtly bow.

When he lifted his head to look at her, Bella raised her lip in a wry smile and cocked one eyebrow.

"Too much?" He smirked as his arm reached out and pulled Alice to him.

"Oh not at all." Bella said sarcastically but her eyes were twinkling with humor.

"Edward is going to kick himself when he gets a load of you." Jasper told her. "He should be here soon."

"Did you say...Ed...Edward?" Bella felt herself pale beneath her tan.

"Yeah...Edward Cullen. Do you know him?" He asked inquisitively.

Bella let loose a sigh of relief. "No...no, I don't know him."

"Why don't we go inside?" Alice said changing the subject giving Bella a sympathetic look.

It was a small dimly lit restaurant where one could find New York locals dining side by side with celebrities on any given night. The owner, who Jasper knew well, seated them at a corner table where they would be afforded the most privacy.

As Bella happily discovered, Jasper was quick witted, had a wicked sense of humor and possessed the uncanny ability to put everyone at ease. It was a gigantic bonus that he seemed as totally enthralled with Alice as she was with him.

She liked him immediately.

"To Starbucks." He toasted when the waiter served them their wine.

"Salud." Alice said clinking her glass with his.

"God knows I wouldn't be functioning without it." Bella joked and took a swallow.

* * *

Edward was pissed off, tired and of half a mind to call Jazz and cancel if he didn't think his friend would ever forgive him. He called him instead to tell him he'd be there a little late. After a nasty call to Jenks and a request for a full background check on Isabella Swan, he bid farewell to Florida and all the misery he found there.

Bella moved.

And that jackass neighbor wouldn't give up any information, no matter how much money he was willing to throw at him.

Edward wasn't about to give up, however. This was only a momentary set back. Once he got the report from Jenks, he would scour it, finding any clues that would lead him to where she was.

He showered for the second time that day and dressed for dinner. He hoped the girl he was to be "set up" with had no expectations beyond a meal. He wasn't offering anything but civility and the mood he was in, he didn't even know if he could accomplish that.

The cab dropped him off in front of the restaurant. After giving himself a mental pep talk, Edward blew out a breath before walking inside. His eyes scanned the dim interior looking for Jasper's familiar shock of honey blonde hair. He smirked when he saw him and the tiny woman sitting next to him. The other one's face was hidden from his view but as he approached, he caught her laugh...throaty, husky and completely familiar. He'd recognize it anywhere.

Feeling like a powerful force slammed into him, he stopped short, his legs rooted to the spot. He could only see her back...all of her back...her slender spine and her delicately protruding shoulder blades barely visible under the thick waves of her hair.

As his eyes dipped lower, he saw the absolute truth. Peeking out above the dress at the base of her spine was a small tattoo of an infinity sign. He knew that tattoo…_intimately_. He had the same one, in the same place. They had gotten them together on her eighteenth birthday as a symbol of their enduring, unending love. Like he, she had never had it removed. It gave him hope.

Bella..._his_ Bella. Not in Florida. But here in New York...here in this restaurant.

He hadn't been a believer in the notions of fate and destiny in a very long time; he was too pragmatic for that and self-admittedly too jaded but he couldn't discount the idea that some divine intervention was at work here and now…not when she was practically dropped here almost literally on his doorstep.

With a dry sob, his feet propelled him forward without any regard to the waiters fumbling to get around him with their trays intact. He wanted to go down on his knees, bury his head in her lap and beg for forgiveness.

Silently but with harsh breaths and a pounding heart, he stood over her drinking her in.

"Hey man, so glad you could join us." Jasper greeted him.

Bella turned and looked at the person standing beside her. Her jaw dropped and her face turned a chalky white.

"Alice, Bella...this is..."

"_Edward_." Bella managed, her voice trembling, her mind filled with so many different emotions, she couldn't sort them all out.

He looked good..._really_ good. He had filled out since she had seen him last, his muscles straining under his crisp white shirt, his bronze hair; a little shorter but still maintained that wild bed head look that she always loved. It was his green eyes, though, that she reacted to the most. They gazed at her as if she were the last drop of water in the desert. They burned right through as sure as if he put a flame to her skin.

It didn't make sense. He left her. He left her and never looked back. He shouldn't be looking at her like that...not after he just came back from searching for his ex-girlfriend, the one he was supposedly irrevocably in love with.

"You know each other?" Jasper asked surprised, his eyes darting back and forth between the two.

Edward sat down cautiously, afraid any quick movements would send her running like a frightened deer.

"We knew each other...once." Bella said with a sad smile, her eyes never leaving his; her fingers picking nervously at the cloth napkin in her lap.

"Oh my God!" Alice exclaimed just getting it. "Edward Cullen is _your_ Edward."

Bella blushed furiously, wanting to just hide under the table.

"Excuse me, I need to use the ladies room." Sliding her chair back, she walked briskly, stopping a waiter to guide her to the restroom.

"Bella..." Edward called coming halfway out if his seat to give chase.

Alice stopped him with a glare. "She's _my_ friend." She said authoritatively. "_I'll_ take care of her."

When she left the table, Jasper gripped his sleeve. "What the hell just happened?" He looked towards Alice quickly retreating for. "Don't tell me Bella is one of your Dante girls…as if you would remember." He added in disgust.

Edward jerked slightly at the comment but remained stoic and silent, never taking his eyes from the direction Bella went.

"But she can't be…_can_ she?" Jasper said thoughtfully. "She just moved here from Florida…Jesus! It's _her_ isn't it? _She's_ the girl from your past."

"She is." Edward said through his clenched jaw his hand tightening on the wine goblet. He wanted to do nothing but go after her, corner her and kiss her into submission. He hardened painfully at the thought. Raising a hand his signaled for the waiter. If he was going to make it through the evening, he would need something a hell of a lot stronger than wine. "Scotch double." He said to the waiter. "Make it neat."

Beside him Jasper gave a dark chuckle. Edward shot him a glare.

"I fail to see the humor in this situation."

"You must be the luckiest sonofabitch on the face of the planet." Jasper said still smiling. "Do you know what we were talking about before you showed up?"

"No, but why don't you enlighten me."

"She transferred up here because she got a promotion and will be working in her new offices here. Edward, she works for Volturi Media."

* * *

Bella was delicately dabbing at the corners of her eyes when Alice walked in the small two stall restroom.

"I don't know why seeing him has affected me this much" Bella sighed in defeat. "It's been ten years. I should be over all this by now."

"By "_all this_", what do you mean?"

Bella leaned up against the wall crossing her arms around her and bent over slightly, blowing out a breath. "I don't know...everything, maybe?"

Alice crossed the room and placed a comforting hand on Bella's shoulder.

"I'm like a fucking _onion_, Alice." She laughed bitterly. "I peel back a layer of emotion and there's another one right underneath. I don't know if I can _do_ this…sit there and pretend all night."

"Haven't you ever heard living well is the best revenge…show him you're living well. And when we go to the club later, flirt shamelessly with every male but him…let him see exactly what he lost."

What he let go, Bella thought.

She shook her head. "I can't do that anymore, Allie."

"Sure you can." Alice said confidently. "It's like riding a bike. You never forget."

"I meant, that's not me anymore...I haven't...well I haven't been that girl in a long time. Besides," she sighed wearily. "I'm not out for vengeance."

"Not even a little bit?" Alice questioned.

"Well…maybe just a little." She answered with quiet honesty. She knew it was petty but there was a part of her that wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt her…as much as he was still hurting her apparently. She wasn't sure about the flirting part. She wasn't lying when she told Alice it wasn't in her anymore. However, she could go out there and fake confidence and strength that she didn't feel at this moment.

"Oh goody" Alice clapped. "Now, let's fix your face and go back out there."

* * *

Edward had missed the full effect of her outfit when he saw her walk away but he was treated to the full effect of it now as she walked towards the table with a confident stride; her hips swaying delectably causing the fabric of her dress to swirl around her legs like a desperate lover begging for attention. And what a dress it was.

He had never seen her in anything so daringly seductive. The top globes of her breasts revealed by the elongated narrow V of her neckline had him struck dumb by unfulfilled desire. He let out a low growl when he realized he wasn't the only one affected by this exotic vision in plum. Every other male patron seemed thoroughly aware of her as she passed by; their mouths nearly agape in not so surreptitious leers.

Edward wanted to punch them all.

Bella slid into her seat, across from Alice and immediately picked up her menu, making a show of looking through it's contents.

"Everything alright?" Jasper asked cautiously.

"Everything's just fine." Alice said in an overly cheerful voice. "Isn't that right, Bella?"

"Hmmm" Bella looked over the top of her menu at Alice, who gave her a wink. "Oh…yes…err…fine." She grabbed for her wine with trembling fingers and gave a slight one-sided smile before taking a long sip.

After they had placed their orders, Edward turned to Bella; not liking the fact that she was ignoring him. "So Jasper tells me you'll be working in the city."

"Umm…yes…that's right." Bella said swallowing nervously straightening out the silverware in front of her to ninety degree angles.

"In _my_ building." He added as he watched her over the rim of his tumbler of Scotch. If she were to look closely, she would see his finger's trembling grip as he feigned nonchalance.

Her eyes shot to his. "_Your_ building?" She gulped.

"Mmmm hmmm" Edward briefly glanced at Jasper before setting his glass down and returning his hot gaze to Bella. "I should say our building. Jasper and I own it." He smirked sexily. "Our offices are there too."

Oh for the love of God, could this get any worse? Bella thought to herself.

"Errr…so we…uh…could bump into each other from time to time?" She just barely stopped herself from cringing.

"Oh, I'd say you can count on it." His voice dropped to a husky whisper as he watched her with hooded eyes, begging her to read the implied meaning in his phrase.

"Don't listen to him Bella." Alice glared at Edward. "It's a big building. The chances of the two of you running into each other on a daily basis are slim."

"I wouldn't bet on it." Jasper whispered under his breath, glancing at Edward.

After a few glasses of wine, Bella was feeling more confident and more than slightly angry that the front of thong was soaked from Edward's hot as fire stares. She didn't understand how he could sit there so blithely…so arrogantly sexy…so obviously trying to make her squirm with lust.

Didn't he have an ex somewhere that he should be chasing after…the supposed love of his life, she snorted.

"What is it?" Edward asked her, the barest hint of a smile hovering his lips. He had missed this, watching this open play of emotion on her face. She had always been so expressive and he was thankful he could still read her. Right now, he could tell she was stewing in anger and desire…which was good. It meant she wasn't indifferent to him, no matter how hard she tried to pretend otherwise.

He really wanted to get her alone…talk to her…kiss her…make love with her. He'd take any one or all of it. He had to find a way.

"Nothing." She waved her hand dismissively.

"So did you have any significant others back in Florida before you left?" It was his clumsy attempt at fishing for information under the guise of polite conversation but he could have kicked himself when he realized the landmine he just stepped into.

He watched her suck in a sharp breath. The pain in her eyes was briefly evident before it turned quickly to anger.

"No." She said staring at him bluntly. "Had there been anyone significant, I most assuredly would _not_ have left them behind."

It was a remark meant to cut deep and it did. Edward flinched perceptibly. Jasper cleared his throat uncomfortably and Alice looked positively gleeful.

Bella was immediately regretful. It wasn't how she felt…not really. Deep down, she didn't blame him for leaving but she did blame him for the way he did it.

"Bella…I…"

"Please …Edward…" She held her hand up. "Forget I said anything. It was beneath me. Besides…" She added with a false smile. "Our lives seemed to have worked out just fine."

Not by a fucking long shot, he thought as he finished his drink in one swallow and immediately signaled for another.

"So how about them Yankees?" Jasper joked to lighten the mood.

* * *

After dinner they ended up walking to Bar 13, just three blocks up. It was a warm night and Jasper thought it would be a good idea to hang out on the rooftop bar. Alice teased him though about getting him on the dance floor, to which he politely declined, claiming two left feet.

"Well, then Bella will have to dance with me. Right Bella?"

Edward chuckled under his breath. Bella didn't dance…voluntarily anyway.

"Oh definitely." Bella agreed with Alice. "I can show you my Zumba moves." She said as she did a quick demonstration of a Belly Dance Hip Shimmy that nearly had Edward tripping over his own feet.

Dear God, he wiped his hands over his face. How was he supposed to watch that all night without taking her right on the dance floor? What had happened to his shy, quiet Bella?

He was convinced she was a vixen…a temping siren sent to unman him and expose all his vulnerabilities, at least that was what Edward felt like after her watching her dance with Alice on the dance floor. He and Jasper were at the bar watching after abandoning their seats on the roof top and he was so filled with desire, he didn't think he could move without embarrassing himself. He hadn't felt this out of control since his teenage years with her.

Her hips swayed erotically to the music as her arms moved to the rhythm; swaying like a tribal dance. He wanted to lick the sheen of perspiration from her silky sun bronzed skin. The problem was, he wasn't the only one that wanted to do so. Surveying the faces around him, he could see Bella had captured the thrall of a few others.

"I will say it again…you are one lucky sonofabitch." Jasper shouted over the music. "But you sure do have your work cut out for you."

"No shit."

Jasper settled his beer down on the bar and gave him a pat on the back. "I'm going to go dance with my girl before the wolves descend."

"Hey I thought you don't dance."

Jasper gave him a shrug and a grin. "There's a first time for everything, my friend."

As he was left on his own, he was reminded how much he hated these places; the music too loud, the lights too blinding, the bodies too close and the temperature too hot. Watching Bella, he was growing hotter by the moment.

Bella knew he was watching her intently, unable to take his eyes off her. She felt it…the thrumming of awareness through her. It drove her to put everything she had in the dance; knowing such a display was probably more appropriate for the bedroom but she was close to being drunk and she didn't care.

Her inner bitch wanted him to watch her and suffer…rub in his face what he threw away and perhaps she was more than a bit jealous of this phantom woman that claimed his heart when he had told her once that she would be his forever. It was childish, she knew but she realized something tonight…she was still hurt and still so in love with him. She didn't know which emotion was stronger.

"I'm am so fucking proud of you." Alice screamed in her ear with a smile. "You look fucking hot."

Alice had her share of drinks as well.

"I like Jasper." Bella told her. "You two make a cute couple."

"I'm going to jump his bones before the night is over."

"Just be careful."

Alice only nodded and let out a squeal when Jasper put his arms around her from behind and pressed himself against her, swaying his hips with her. He looked awkward but at least he was trying.

"And that's my cue…" Bella mumbled.

Not wanting to intrude, she stepped away and was almost off the dance floor when someone grabbed her arm.

"Dance with me."

Thinking at first it was Edward, she was about to turn him down. But it wasn't him.

"Sure." She smiled up at the walking blonde haired Abercrombie and Finch Ad. He was all over her and she was just drunk enough not to care...not when a pair of green eyes were watching.

Edward saw red. Brimming with anger and lust, he watched them. His hands were all over; his body nearly consuming her. Throwing back his shot of tequila, Edward slammed his glass on the bar and pushed through the writhing bodies to get to her.

"_Enough_!" Edward shouted, grasping Bella's arm.

"Hey, we're dancing here." The blonde shouted right back.

Edward literally snarled at him with teeth bared before dragging a shocked Bella off the dance floor and into a semi-secluded hallway where the music wasn't so damn loud.

Bella didn't think she had ever been so pissed off. What the hell gave him the right to drag her off the dance floor like some errant child? With chest heaving, she wrenched out of his grasp with shocking force, nearly stumbling in her heels. He reached out to steady her but she pulled away even more, rubbing her arm where he had grabbed her.

"What the hell, Edward?" She shrieked. "I was dancing."

"Dancing?" He spat viciously. "Is that what they're calling it these days? He was practically fucking you on the dance floor."

She responded just as viciously. "So what? You still don't have the right to do anything about it…or don't you remember?"

He reeled backwards as if he'd been slapped. But my God, she looked magnificent in her anger. He could barely keep his attention on her face, not with her breasts attempting to break free of her dress.

"I couldn't watch him touch you like that." He rasped.

"So you walk away…it's what you're good at." She laughed bitterly. "Or better yet, go find the ex-girlfriend you're so desperately in love with."

Edward stilled. "How do you know about that?"

"Jasper told Alice. It doesn't matter." She shook her head sadly. "I can't do this."

She shouldered past him.

"Damn it, Bella…wait!"

He lost her in the sea of dancers.

* * *

Bella ran to Alice and Jasper, trying to stop the flow of tears. She hated to run out on them but after what just transpired, she couldn't stay.

"I'm leaving." She told them.

"Do you need me to come with you?" Alice asked concerned.

"No…no sense in both of our nights getting ruined. Stay, have a great time. I'll just take a cab back."

"Are you _sure_?" Jasper asked as he scanned the crowd for his friend.

Bella nodded. "I'm sure."

A scant few minutes later Edward found Alice and Jasper at the bar. He was frantic to find her to make her understand.

"Have you see Bella?" he asked them.

"She just left." Jasper told him in a biting tone.

"SHIT!" He said as he ran towards the stairs. He could have sworn he heard Alice cursing at him.

He found her outside, trying unsuccessfully to hail a cab. She was crying, angrily swiping at the tears on her cheeks.

"Bella!" He called out as he caught up to her. "Wait! You don't understand…"

"Oh, I understand all right." She commented bitterly walking away from him, towards the street with her hand up, praying a taxi would stop and she could get away from him.

The traffic light at the end of the street turned green and Edward saw the line of cabs coming down the street. He was desperate. He pulled her from the curb, grasping her shoulders.

"No, you don't."

"Let go of me."

"I _can't_…"

"Hey lady, you need some help?" A passerby asked.

"No, she doesn't need your help." Edward growled without turning to look at who dared to interrupt him. But he let go of her arms, aware that the longer they stood there arguing, the more chances the pedestrians would no longer ignore them but stop to watch.

"You don't have to explain, Edward. I get it. Just let me be." She said tiredly. "I can't do this anymore tonight… I can't stand here and pretend it doesn't hurt or that you're not looking at me like you want to do the same fucking thing that guy on the dance floor was doing. I will not be your rebound girl while you're pining for someone else."

"Damn it Bella…that's not…fuck…"

He was tired of trying to explain verbally.

In a desperate move, he lunged for her, his hands cupping her cheeks as his mouth swooped over hers hungrily, ravaging her, claiming her. She was the last person he kissed ten years ago and the taste of her now on his lips, nearly brought him to his knees.

She was kissing him back, moaning beneath him, her fingers catching in the tufts of his hair, just like she used to. Many things may have changed but not this. He gripped her gently rounded behind, pulling her closer to him, letting him feel how hard he was for her. The feeling of her hot body against him was about all he could take.

Bella was on fire and she wanted to go up in flames. This was wrong…so, so wrong. She told him she didn't want to be the rebound girl but her body was telling him, she didn't care. But when his hips began to undulate against her, she knew they had to stop.

Ripping her mouth away from his was agony but she managed to do it. His green eyes were dark with desire and something else as they bore down her. She shivered despite the warm September air.

Refusing to break the connection, Edward grabbed her hand and placed it over his rapidly thumping heart while his other hand went to cradle her cheek. His thumb caressed away a falling tear.

"Don't you get it yet, Bella?" He pleaded, his voice hoarse. "It was _you_…you were the one I went looking for…it's only _ever_ been you."

Her brows marred in confusion. "But…I thought…Oh Edward, you're breaking my heart all over again."

"Shhh." He quieted her. "Come back to my place, _please_."

"I don't know."

"Just to talk…I promise. As much as I want to make love to you right this very second, there are things that need to be said before that happens. I don't want there to be any misunderstandings."

He looked so sincere…so heartbroken, it would be hard to refuse him. They needed to do this…even if it ended in goodbye.

"Okay."


	6. Chapter 6

Bella remained quiet and observant, her hands safely clasped in front of her in the spacious elevator as Edward used a special key and typed in a numeric password to gain access to his floor. She lightly tapped her heeled foot in a nervous beat as she watched the digital floor numbers mark their ascension.

When they stopped, the doors opened with barely a whisper of a sound. With his fingertips ghosting over the small of her back, Edward led her inside. This was the first time he ever had a woman in here and it was fitting that it would be her. He was silently thankful that his inner sanctum hadn't been tainted by another woman's presence.

Bella didn't know where to look first as she walked inside onto the dark wood flooring. The whole place seemed to be a tribute to stark contemporary design. Everything was black and white, only the barest splashes of color thrown in to break the monotony, with sleek streamline edges and mostly ninety degree angles. It made her feel sad for him and she didn't even know why.

"This is where I live." Edward stated the obvious as he cleared his throat and tossed his suit jacket on his white leather sectional sofa.

Bella noticed he didn't say this was his 'home' and wondered briefly if his choice of words was made deliberately. She caught the naked vulnerability in his eyes as he looked at her waiting for some type of response. He looked so awkward. So scared? Her heart constricted.

"It's…err…nice." She said softly. "Very modern. I…um…like the contrast of colors."

He frowned slightly at her words but said nothing. She couldn't hold his gaze any longer and turned away, only to catch the view out the large picturesque windows.

How had I missed this? She thought to herself, immediately drawn to the clear glass overlooking the Hudson River and the blinking lights of the city across the water.

She felt his presence behind her as she stared out the window and caught his reflection looking back at her hungrily through the glass.

"I always knew I couldn't be far from the water." He said huskily, wanting nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and pull her to him. He had imagined doing so, so many times.

"It really is a beautiful view."

"Yes it is."

Her breath hitched as she brought her hand up to twirl nervously with a tendril of her hair. They both knew he wasn't talking about the view out the window.

Edward, as tied up in knots as he felt, couldn't help but feel the absolute rightness of this moment…of seeing the their translucent mirrored images posed together on the glass surrounded by the moonlight. He wanted to suspend this moment of time forever.

But he knew he couldn't. They needed to talk first. There were so many things he had to say and so many things he wanted to hear.

He cleared his throat. "Speaking of water, would you like some?"

"Yes, please."

He nodded. "Then we can talk." He couldn't help but silently trace her jawline with the edge of his finger and noted with pleasure how her eyes closed and her body shivered.

Staring at his retreating form, Bella's body slumped as the coiled tension she felt at his nearness eased. She was glad he offered water and not an alcoholic beverage. She would have accepted it happily but knew she needed a clear head.

Taking advantage of his temporary absence, Bella let herself take closer inspection of her surroundings. The place was spotless and obscenely neat and…lonely. If she didn't know better, she would have guessed his home was merely a showplace for prospective real estate buyers and no one actually lived here. But then again he hadn't called it a home, had he?

The fact that no personal picture frames of him or friends adorned any surface spoke volumes to her and she wondered if despite his incredible wealth, he felt as empty as his apartment implied. Completing her circular inventory, her attention was caught by the fireplace; her eyes tearing up immediately upon seeing the series of four photographs that held a treasured place above the mantel.

"I have Pellegrino. Would you like that instead?" Edward's voice seemed to call from very far away.

"That's fine." She had to force her voice to respond through her clogged throat as her feet took her closer to the black and white stills.

In the kitchen, Edward leaned into the cold air of his giant refrigerator. He needed to cool the fuck down. He was a hairsbreadth away from giving her a tour of the apartment that ended in his bedroom on the California king mattress.

Talking…we're just talking, he had to remind himself as he shakily poured the bubbly water into two glasses, surprised when it didn't slosh over the sides.

Wiping his sweaty hands on his pants, he took several deep breaths, mentally bracing himself before picking up the two glasses and carrying them back out into the central living space. He nearly dropped them when he saw her and what she was so intently staring at.

They were a series of black and white photographs of a large piece of driftwood on a sand dune surrounded by dune grass overlooking the Atlantic Ocean at various stages of the night sky. It had been their special place; the place they shared quiet moments, kissing moments, and revealing moments, forever memorialized by her and her camera.

She had given him the photographs for his nineteenth birthday. It had upset her that she hadn't been able to buy him something due to her limited funds but to him it hadn't mattered. With a blanket in hand, he had taken her to that spot and made love to her for hours; showing her how precious the gift was to him.

That she was staring up at them now after so many years, it took his breath away.

"You still have them." She whispered in astonishment, sensing him standing behind her.

"They are my most prized possession." His voice was low and raspy, overcome with so much emotion.

Bella turned to him in shock, her eyes drifting over the opulent apartment. "I doubt that."

"It's true." He claimed honestly, handing her one of the glasses he held. "It wasn't until a few years ago, I began to see these as our story, instead of just a memory…or at least what I hope would be our story.

"I don't understand." Bella's brows marred in confusion as she took a sip of water with slightly trembling hands. The fact that he had kept these very personal photos said more to her than his words ever could but she couldn't wrap her head around what he was implying. Her heart still ached from the memory of his old car driving off into the distance leaving her bereft and so alone.

Edward pointed at the first framed photo, swallowing thickly. He knew he was putting everything on the line…setting himself up for rejection before he had a chance to explain himself but he couldn't make himself stop.

"This one you titled Twilight. See how the blazing colors of the sky reflect on the shimmering waters in the background even in black and white? This _was_ us. We were as bold as the twilight, never thinking it could…well…we both know what happened. And this next one; New Moon, dark except for that one lonely piece of driftwood and the surrounding sand only illuminated by the flash of the bulb. You can't even see the water. It's a dark abyss that meshes with the horizon. Up until tonight, this was me." He choked out the last words.

Bella wanted to interrupt him…to stop this ripping open of wounds but he continued, his tone just slightly lighter.

"The third one; Eclipse…well that's me now…waiting…half lit by the moon…and the last…" He breathed. "Breaking Dawn…." He stopped and swallowed thickly wanting so badly to touch her.

He couldn't finish but Bella knew what the final picture was supposed to mean.

His gaze raked over her form, down her back, stopping at the tattoo that was still emblazoned on her skin. Without conscious thought, his shaking finger reached out to trace the sideways eight with reverence.

"You still have this." Edward whispered, an awed broken sob, his head bowing to rest on her bared shoulder. His hands came up to rest on her arms, lightly caressing. She felt a drop of moisture slipping down her arm and realized it was a tear…his tear.

She closed her eyes and willed for the strength to get through this evening. "It seems we both kept mementos from our past."

Bella turned around causing Edward's hands to drop listlessly to his sides.

"You wanted to talk?" She reminded him wishing now she had something stronger than the water.

"Yes, of course." He quickly collected himself and steered her toward the couch. "Won't you sit down?"

Bella's whole body was shaking and the high heel death traps she was wearing wasn't helping.

"Do you mind if I take off my shoes?" She asked as she sat down on the soft leather. "My feet are about to perform mutiny on the rest of me."

"Not at all." He smirked, recalling her hatred of any shoe with a heel over two inches. "I want you to be comfortable."

She moaned in relief as she slipped off the shoes and curled her toes on the throw rug beneath her. That sound coupled with the display of her delicate feet peeking out from under the hem of her dress nearly unmanned him.

He made a strangled sound as he stalked over to the bar, abandoning his water and poured himself a Scotch. It wasn't the greatest of ideas considering he was drinking Patron not too long ago.

"What are you drinking?"

Her soft husky voice floated over him. Temptation gnawed at him.

"Scotch." He forced out through his teeth. "Would you like one?"

He was surprised when she said yes but he shouldn't have been, she'd been full of so many surprises tonight. It was a bitter reminder of the time that had passed and how it had changed both of them.

When he handed her the glass, he noticed she took a very small sip before gazing down at the liquid thoughtfully, circling her index finger around the rim of the glass.

"There's so much I want to say." He admitted sitting down on a separate chair, not trusting himself to share the same seat. "I don't know where to start. I fucked up. I should've never left. I was just so angry…I didn't think."

He looked so lost that even though she was hurt and angry, her heart went out to him. "I'm not mad at you for leaving. I know why you did but Edward…it was the _way_ you left…the impossible choice you left me with…and you were so cold…so unyielding…My father was _dying_, Edward…that's what ripped me to shreds."

Edward closed his eyes at her tortured tone; the weight of a thousand regrets suffocating him. "You have to know if I could do it all over again, I would."

"But then you wouldn't have all of this." She gave a wave of her hand indicating the obvious wealth she was surrounded by. She didn't mean it to be cruel, she was stating a fact. If he stayed, she doubted he would have succeeded as well as he did.

"Fuck all of this!" He shouted, slamming his glass down on a side table and jumping to his feet. "Do you think _any_ of this matters to me? All of it…every last bit of it is _meaningless_ without you."

"If you regretted it so badly then why did you stay away?"

"I was pissed, _okay_? I was pissed off because you didn't leave with me…like the fucking petulant child I was. Whenever you tried to tell me about Charlie, I didn't want to hear it. I thought he was going to get better…and then after the anger wore off, I realized I had nothing to give you and when I finally did…when I _finally_ did...I figured so much time had passed, what was the fucking point. I sure as hell didn't think you'd forgive me. You were most likely in college, getting on with your life and I..." he let out a dark chuckle. "Let's just say, I wasn't exactly fit for company."

"I tried calling you…the next day…to apologize…to beg for you to come back…but you never answered your phone and then it was disconnected." Bella admitted.

Edward let out a broken sob then, falling backward into his chair and burying his face in his hands.

"Some asshole stole my phone when I went to buy gas in the middle of the night. I had to cancel the number…Jesus Christ…if that didn't happen…so many years wasted…damn it…but I'm here _now_ Bella. I want to make it right."

"Why, Edward…after all these years..._why_?" She felt so tired all of a sudden…tired and sick.

"Fate brought you to me years ago and it brought you to me now. I want my second chance, Bella. I need it. I need you. I've never stopped loving you…I don't think it's possible to stop." He let out a bitter laugh. "God knows I tried."

"I wish it were that simple…" She sighed. "We're not the same people anymore. You're different, I'm different…there's so much we don't know about each other."

He leaned over and urgently grasped her hand beseeching her with his fiery green gaze. "Underneath, you are still the same Bella…the one who blushes when she is embarrassed, the one who chews on her bottom lip when she is nervous, the one who is compassionate enough to hear an old boyfriend clumsily try to apologize for the biggest mistake of his life...And...and I am the same Edward, who loves you, who will go into a jealous rage whenever he sees another man touch you, the same Edward who wants very badly to worship every inch of your body the way he used to."

"Edward…I…" She was so confused. There was so much she didn't know about him…so much he didn't know about her...so much space between them. Could she give him a second chance? Could she let herself be vulnerable that way again?

He could tell he was wearing her down…that she was considering. He knew he would eventually have to tell her about his sordid past for fear of her finding out from someone else. He hadn't exactly been discreet in that regard. He couldn't do it today, however. He wouldn't risk it…not when things were as tenuous as they were. He wanted more of a hold on her so it would be harder for her to walk away.

"Please, Bella" He gripped her hands tighter but she pulled away and stood up, wrapping her arms around herself.

"Did you go back to Jacksonville to find me?" She asked him.

He was surprised at the question and wondered what angle she was playing.

"No. I asked my private investigator to look into your last known address." He answered honestly.

"You did a background check on me?" Her shock and nervousness were apparent.

He shook his head. "I didn't want to dig that deep…not yet. I just wanted the address. It sent me to Miami. You weren't there, obviously…" He sighed. "I did call your father's house and spoke with Sue…she wasn't very accommodating." He grimaced recalling her words to him.

No, Bella thought she wouldn't be. Not after what happened after he was gone.

"She told me Charlie died two months after I left. I'm sorry you had to go through that alone."

Bella bristled. "I wasn't alone. I had Sue and Emmett and Rose, of course."

"Of course."

"Your mom came to the funeral." She said softly dreading what was coming next but he had to know. If they were going to do this, she needed to give him full disclosure on that.

His shocked eyes shot up to hers and his whole body stiffened. "Was the asshole with her…?" He shook his head and rolled his eyes. "What am I saying, of course he was…he was in the same police department as Charlie."

"Actually, he was in jail at the time." She said bracing herself for the explosion that was sure to follow. She wasn't disappointed.

"_What?_" He shot out of his seat. "Don't tell me she finally got sick of his shit and called the cops on him?"

"No…it was Charlie that called the police." Bella flinched at the memory.

"Charlie? Charlie called the cops on him? Why?"

Bella sat back down, folding into herself as tears slid down her cheeks. She shook her head as flashes of that day came barreling into her.

Edward sat down next to her and placed a hand on her knee. She was shivering beneath his fingers. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up. Something was seriously wrong.

"Bella?…Bella, why did Charlie call the cops on Laurent?" His voice was low but full of steely determination and paralyzing fear.

She wouldn't…couldn't look at him and her voice sounded so small when she finally spoke, Edward flinched.

"A few days after you left…Laurent came to the house looking for you. I was the only one home. Sue had taken Charlie to the doctor's and I wasn't feeling well so I didn't go with them. He was…he was crazy…ranting on about how you stole his stash of coke and he wanted it back. His eyes…Edward, his eyes…" She shook even more and looked at him with wild fear.

Edward felt his insides turn to stone and his gut clench. Please…please, he begged inwardly, not sure what he was pleading for.

"Go on." He urged as he stroked her cheek.

"He wouldn't believe me when I told him you left. He was convinced you were hiding in the house somewhere." Bella swallowed back the bile that invaded her throat and clenched her eyes shut. "He pushed passed me and went from room to room looking for you. I was going to call the cops but I remembered what you said about them siding with him…so I stupidly...I didn't"

"Did he leave after he couldn't find me?"

Please, God, say he did.

Bella shook her head. "No. He grabbed me…"

Edward felt anger, white and hot burn him. He wanted to stop her but he had to know how this ended.

"He grabbed me and started shouting…calling your name…yelling how he wondered if you'd still be hiding…if…if…he was hurting me…so he did….over and over until I couldn't feel the pain anymore….he kept yelling out…how much of a coward you were for not saving your wh…whore."

"Stop…" Edward rasped unable to take anymore, his eyes filling. "_Please_...just stop."

"I was half conscious when Charlie and Sue walked in. Laurent was still there. The place was trashed and Laurent was kicking me as I lay on the floor in a pool of my own blood."

Edward paled significantly, his hands clenched into fists. It was hard for him to even breathe.

"Bella…please stop this."

He couldn't take any more. He wanted to vomit. He wanted to hit something. The fucking animal. He was going to kill him, jail or no jail, like he should've done in the first place.

"Charlie must have pulled his gun on him because Laurent stopped. I heard Charlie on the phone with the police. I must have passed out because the next thing I knew, I was waking up in the hospital, high on pain meds. I had two broken ribs, a collapsed lung, a hairline fracture on my skull…and they told me…" she started to rock back and forth. "…and they told me I lost the baby."

"Ba…baby?" He choked at the bomb she just dropped. Dear God, there was a child…_his_ child? He left when she was pregnant and she didn't tell him?

"I didn't know…I swear I didn't know." She was crying in earnest now, tears like miniature waterfalls tread down her cheeks. "They said I was only seven weeks along…I thought I missed my period because of all the stress but it must have happened while I was on antibiotic for that sinus infection…the doctor told me antibiotics dilute the effectiveness of the pill. Our baby, Edward. He killed our baby."

It was so much worse than he imagined...so much worse. Agony lit like fire through his whole being. Stupidly, he thought they had a chance but now? After her telling him this? He didn't see how she would ever forgive him for what he left her to face alone.

Standing up and stumbling blindly through tear-filled eyes, he made it about five feet before collapsing to his knees, his whole body shaking with the force of his sobs.

Bella couldn't hold back anymore. She ran over to him and embraced him as he burrowed into her and cried. She cried with him, rubbing circles on his back, leaning her own head against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She sobbed over and over.

He couldn't listen to her apologies. He should be the one begging for forgiveness.

He shook his head in her shoulder. "_Don't_."

"I can't stop."

He lifted his head and looked at her. With her tear-laden swollen eyes and her wet cheeks, she had never looked so breathtaking to him. Letting out a guttural cry, his lips covered hers in a fervent, hungry kiss. When she didn't pull away, he cupped the back of her head, holding her to him as his mouth tasted her over and over again.

He moaned and deepened the kiss when her tongue connected with his, dancing with it. She tasted of Scotch and mint and hot nights on the beach. When touched her more intimately, she cried out in his mouth, nearly causing him to lose it right there. Tearing his mouth away from hers, he attached it to her earlobe, suckling the tiny piece of flesh before moving lower towards the spot where her neck met her shoulder.

Edward knew he should stop before things got too heated. Oh who was he kidding, they were too heated the moment he saw her. But he couldn't seem to make himself push her away. The little mewling sounds she was making in the back of his throat egged him on further. Was it possible, given all that she told him, that she wanted this as much as he did? Or were her actions fueled by grief?

Sliding his hands down her back, he didn't stop until they reached her bottom and he pushed himself against her, letting her feel how much he wanted her.

"Jesus, baby." He cried out hoarsely as her hand brushed against him sending shock waves through him.

He felt her smile against his neck right before her tongue licked him and suckled him there. When her fingers attacked the buttons of his shirts and forcefully yanked the sleeves down his arms, virtually imprisoning him, he knew he wasn't going to be able to last much longer.

Edward stopped, pulling back slightly, grabbing her hands between them so he could look into her passion glazed eyes and forced out the words he never imagined ever saying to her.

"Bella, we can't do this."


	7. Chapter 7

A/N - Now accepting anonymous reviews in case some of you have tried to review but couldn't. Thank you all so much for your continued support of this story.

* * *

His words hit her through a desire induced fog like a torrent of ice water. Her lips were blissfully sore and swollen, there was an ache between her legs and yet she could swear he was refusing her…worse he looked sorry about it. She blinked several times in confusion, her heart still thumping like wild elephants across a grassy terrain.

"Wait…what?" She shook her head to clear it. Did he just say they couldn't do this? Here she was, so wet and ready for the taking and he wanted to stop? The color of embarrassment flooded her features. How much of a fool was she?

"Make no mistake…" He held her hands tighter, seeing the blush and worrying that she was thinking he didn't want to make love with her. "I want it more than anything I've _ever_ wanted in my life." He swallowed heavily. With both of them on their knees facing each other, he couldn't concentrate…Jesus, he could still smell her musky scented arousal. With a groan, he stood up and helped her to her feet, never letting her go.

"Then…why?"

Tucking her hair behind her ears and giving her a rueful smile, he attempted to explain.

"I made a promise to you earlier that all we would do is talk…and as much as it's killing me to do so, I _am_ going to keep it." He tilted up her chin so she would look at him in the eyes and see his sincerity. "I want you to trust me again and you won't be able to do that if I start breaking promises…especially ones I made only a few hours ago." He sighed heavily and rested his forehead on hers. "And perhaps more importantly, I don't want our first time together after all these years be because we're both buried under a shroud of grief, mourning all that we lost…I want it to be a celebration of what we have found."

Bella nodded in understanding. Oddly enough, what he was saying made sense. It would be a mistake that they both would probably regret in the morning. He was right and here she was throwing herself at him when she had promised herself she wouldn't do so.

"I should…um…" Bella said glancing around for her shoes. "I should probably go"

When she tried to pull her hands from his grasp, he made no move to release her. "No. Stay…please. It's very late and I don't want to send you home in a cab at this hour."

"But…"

"Shhh" He placed a kiss to her forehead. "You can sleep in my guest room…for now." He added so she wouldn't misunderstand any of his future intentions. "Wait here for just a moment." He said as he reluctantly let her go of her hands immediately feeling bereft from the loss of contact.

She watched him walk towards a long hallway until he disappeared from view. Her mind was reeling. Should she…_could_ she spend the night? She vacillated between wanting to stay and quietly slipping out the door before he came back. Biting on her thumb cuticle, not caring about her expensive manicure, she sat down slowly afraid her shaky legs would no longer be able to hold her up.

When he returned, she noticed he had changed into blue cotton sleep pants and a white t-shirt. His chest looked broader now that he was no longer wearing the suit and his biceps bulged out of the sleeves. Dear Lord in Heaven, she wanted to jump him all over again.

Edward smirked knowingly at her heated expression as he handed her a gray t-shirt and a pair of athletic shorts. "Here." He cleared his suddenly dry throat. "You can change into these. There is a half bath down the hall, first door to your left."

Silently she accepted the clothes he offered her and gave him a tentative smile, still unsure of what she should do.

"We're not done talking about what happened." He reminded her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "I'd like to continue our conversation if you're not too tired."

Tired? Bella knew she should be but she was wired from everything. She couldn't sleep if she wanted to and she owed him the rest of the tale.

"No, I'm not tired."

Pleased, he smiled. "Good. Now go get comfortable."

When she came back (after trying not to be nosey and inspecting inside the bathroom cabinets for any feminine supplies) she noticed the dirty glasses were gone and new ones were in their place. He was sitting down staring up at the photos she had taken. His lips were moving but she heard no sound. If she didn't know better, she'd think he was praying.

Edward turned to her and smiled seeing how she was practically swimming in the shirt he gave her. It was his old NYU t-shirt, he dug out from his closet. When he had purchased it, he hadn't been into working out yet but apparently it still wasn't small enough to fit her. He let his eyes roam down her form, over her tanned, shapely legs. He wasn't the only one who had been working out, if what he saw revealed by the shirt was any indication.

"You look good in my clothes." He said honestly although she'd look better out of them. There was something about her wearing his clothes that did something primal to him...like it was tangible proof that she belonged to him.

She blushed under his openly hungry gaze as he suspected she would. He was so glad, she hadn't lost that adorable quirk…that she hadn't let the years jade her like they did to him.

"NYU, huh?" She pulled at the t-shirt with a lopsided grin.

Edward shrugged. "I completed my bachelor's in economics and business there when I could afford it." He patted the spot next to him and she sat down, curling her legs under her as she picked at the hem of the shirt nervously.

"I'm glad you went back to school."

"So am I." He wryly admitted. "I realized quickly that the business world would not take me seriously without a degree. Jasper helped me get in."

"He's been a good friend." She stated softly.

"The best." He agreed. "…but Bella, I don't want to talk about Jasper right now." His voice was low and husky and filled with emotion. He couldn't stop himself from touching the soft ends of her hair, watching the illumination from a lamp dance on her highlights. "I want to hear the rest of what happened."

She looked down, her eyes focusing on the purple NYU insignia printed on the shirt. "I was afraid you would say that."

"If you don't want…"

"No," She stopped him. "You have a right to know and I already told you the worst part of it."

Edward grabbed one of the newly filled glasses and handed it to her. "It's just water, " He smirked. "I figured we both had enough alcohol for one night."

"Thank you." She took a greedy sip to coat her dry throat and steeled her shoulders to finish the rest of the story. "So…I was questioned by the police…and when I told them the reason Laurent came over in the first place, they obtained a warrant to search his house. Ironically enough, they found the stash that he thought you took. It turned out Laurent was so high when he hid it, he forgot where it was." She laughed but it was bitter and tasted horrible in her mouth.

Edward felt sick all over again. The whole thing could have been avoided had the fucking asshole remembered where he put his God Damn drugs. He didn't trust himself to speak so he waited for Bella to continue.

"Anyway, he was charged with attempted murder in the second degree and cocaine possession. His lawyer wanted to cop a plea down to a lesser charge but the District Attorney's office wanted to make an example of him, so knowing they had irrefutable evidence against him, they refused."

"Thank God."

"Yeah…I thought so too." Bella smiled, genuinely this time. "The trial was pushed up because Charlie was one of the key witnesses and his health was declining so rapidly…" She choked, eyes starting to fill again. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's okay." He wiped a tear away with his thumb and gently embraced her, rubbing circles in her back.

"They gave him fifteen years…thirteen for the attempted murder charge and two for the cocaine possession."

Edward made the quick calculation in his head. "So he's in for another five. Not enough time for me but I'll take it for now." He felt Bella stiffen beside him. "What? What is it?" He asked worriedly.

"Actually..." She said drawing the word out. "He was up for early release this year but Sue, your mother and I spoke at the Parole Board hearing along with the DA's office and we managed to convince them to keep him incarcerated. He has another hearing for parole next year."

His arm went around her and he clenched his eyes shut in fury. The thought of her having to face that fucker again after what he had done to her made him want to go back down to Florida and kill him himself.

"I was really proud of your mom…" Bella said in that soft husky voice of hers. "It was first time…I think…that she spoke up to him to his face."

"She did, huh?" Edward snorted unimpressed.

"She's better now, Edward." Her tone held a slight reprimand. "She went through extensive therapy…and I know she misses you. Don't forget Laurent abused her too."

"So I'm supposed to just forgive her for not protecting her own son?" After all these years...all the therapy he'd been too...he still felt the harsh, bitter resentment. He tried to get over it and when that didn't work, he tried to stamp it down and pretend it didn't exist.

"Sometimes forgiveness is the only way we can move forward."

"And is that what we're doing, Bella? Moving forward?" He asked because he just didn't want to think about Elizabeth Mason anymore.

Bella thought for a moment. "I…I think so…I mean I'd like to try."

* * *

Bella woke up disoriented, not knowing where she was at first. This was the third time in as many days that she had slept in a bed different from her own. Edward's, she was at Edward's. It felt so strange saying that after all these years.

At Edward's.

She rolled over in the bed, liking the feel of the luxorious fabric of the expensive cotton on her bare legs. She had not been lying when she had told Edward last night that had he stayed in Jacksonville, he would have never achieved the powerful and wealthy status that he had now.

There had been no Jasper in Jacksonville, whom she assumed had quite a bit to do with Edward's transformation from an angry young man with no determinable direction to the real estate mogul he was today.

He owned buildings in New York City for crying out loud.

But according to him, it was an empty life...made desolate by her absence. Bella found it difficult to wrap her head around that. Although, he said there was no one but her, she knew he couldn't have been celibate all these years. She'd be a fool to think it. Edward was a very sexual man. It exuded from his every pore. And no one knew that more than she did...the way he used to constantly touch her, speak to her...the way he discovered ways to please her and in turn she did so for him; some of them quite uncoventional.

She also saw how other girls had looked at him and could only surmise that it was even more magnified now.

But she hadn't been celibate either...unfulfilled maybe but definitely not celibate. It was a conversation she didn't want to have.

After a quick message to Alice's cell phone telling her where she was and that she was alive and safe, she decided it was time to venture out of bed.

She was grateful the guest room had it's own private bathroom so she could see how much of a wreck she looked like before facing him. Not too bad, she thought as she looked into the mirror after she washed her face with the expensive facial soap provided. She found toothpaste but no toothbrush so she improvised by placing the paste on her finger and rubbing it over her teeth and tongue.

There was no way she was going to face him with morning breath.

Still dressed in the clothes he had given her, she followed the smell of coffee to the kitchen and stilled when she saw him. He sat at the breakfast bar, wearing only the blue cotton sleep pants and nothing else with bed tousled hair, reading the morning paper, a pair of black rimmed reading glasses perched on the edge of his nose.

It was the sexiest thing she had ever seen in her life. Last night, she didn't get to appreciate the full effect of seeing him bare chested. It wasn't like she was seeing something she never had before but in a way it was. He was cut and defined in all the right places without looking like a complete muscle head.

Oh my.

Edward felt her prescence immediately. He knew she was inspecting him and he let her under the guise that he was involved in reading the paper. The truth was he couldn't concentrate on the words in front of him. He found himself reading the same paragraph about three times already.

Ready to stop the charade, he turned and looked at her, his breath immediately catching in his throat at the sight of her standing there. She was fresh faced, devoid of make and the wild mane of her hair made it look like she had just been good and properly fucked. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

He smiled slowly...gloriously...his joy obvious at her presence here. If he had his way, she'd never leave.

"Good morning." He said. "Did you sleep well?"

"Very well...surprisingly enough." She answered, advancing closer to him. "and you?"

She couldn't know it was a question with no easy answer, of course. Did he tell her that after an hour of tossing and turning, he had finally fallen asleep only to wake up from the throes of a nightmare, being compelled to sneak quietly into the guest room to reassure himself that she was there...that the night had actually happened? Or that as he watched her sleep peacefully with her hands tucked and curled under her chin, he fought hard not succumb to the desire to crawl into bed beside her and spoon himself against her? Or that after finally deciding to do the right thing and leave, he couldn't help but reach out and trail his finger down her cheek, watching her smile softly and purr in sleep as he did so?

But he said none of those things.

"I slept well, all things considered." He commented cryptically as he poured her a cup of coffee. "Do you still like it the same way? Black with three no-calorie sweetners?"

Bella couldn't answer at first. Her eyes were glued to the small of his back, where he wore a tattoo that was the exact identical of hers. He still had it.

"Bella?" He asked her again, turning to face her, his brows creased.

"Oh...um...yeah...the same." She flustered.

He gave her a knowing smirk as he saw where her gaze had been focused.

"Yes, I still have it too." He placed the coffee in front of her. "And as insane as it might sound, it was the only way, besides the photographs, that I could feel connected with you...to feel like you were a part of me always." He said opting for complete honestly.

"No." Bella whispered. "It doesn't sound insane at all."

"So..." He cleared his throat. "Would you like some breakfast? I have eggs, bacon, toast, cereal...?"

She was momentarily thrown by the sudden change in conversation. "Um...sure...cereal is fine."

He smiled and pulled two bowls from the cabinet, grateful for the distraction of the mundane task.

"Is Corn Flakes, okay? I have fresh fruit too...strawberries?"

She blushed at his eagerness to please her and nodded. Her stomach was in too many knots to even think about food.

"That's fine."

"So...what do you usually do on Sunday mornings?" He asked as he served her her cereal with cut strawberries.

"Oh...well, me and Jake usually went for a run by the beach and afterwards get an iced coffee at one of the beachside cafe's."

Edward's hand stilled, spoon filled with cereal in mid-air. "And was Jake your dog?" He asked conversationally but there was a wealth of tension behind the casually toned question.

Bella nearly choked on her coffee. "Um...no. Jake is an old friend from college. He lived across the hall from me in Miami."

Ahh, Edward thought, Mr. Over Protective Work Out Guy.

"Yes, I believe I ran into him yesterday morning when I went looking for you." He said with the tiniest bit of steel in his voice.

Bella's eyes went as round as saucers.

"You did?"

"Mmmm." He nodded. "He seemed very protective of you. Wouldn't give me any information of your whereabouts. I was quite perturbed." That was putting it mildly, he thought.

"Yeah, Jake is like that." She blushed.

It was on the tip of Edward's tongue to ask if she ever slept with him but he didn't. She might call for a bit of quid pro quo and he didn't want to go down that road just yet.

"I'd like to spend the day with you." He blurted out.

She gently placed her cup down, not sure if she was ready for this just yet. "Oh, Edward...I don't know. I have so many things to do and..."

"Please." He reached out and covered her hand with his own. "I could could give you a tour of where your new offices will be and maybe we can take a walk around Bryant Park...see the library."

His offer was tempting...very tempting.

"But I don't have anything to wear."

"We'll go back to your place, you can change, then we'll head out."

It was obvious he wasn't going to take no for an answer and she didn't have all that much fight in her this morning. She really did want to see where her new offices were and that he thrown in a tour of the New York City Library...well that was just the icing on the cake.

She bit her bottom lip in indecision.

"We can't erase the past, Bella...I know that. I want a fresh start and after our conversation last night, I believe you do too." He implored her with his words and his steady gaze. "We could begin that today."

Bella sighed. "I can't make any promises about the future, Edward because I really don't know this new version of you but spending the day together seems like a good start in that direction and I guess we'll go from there."

There, she thought proudly. That sounded completely logical and mature. It was too bad her heart and body weren't on the same wave lengths as her brain.

The fact that she wasn't as sure about them as he was almost physically hurt but he could work with it. Just as long as he kept some aspects of his past hidden from her. Even though, he knew, technically he had done nothing wrong, committed no betrayal...they hadn't been together at the time but he couldn't see Bella accepting that more depraved side of himself. It sickened even him.

Plus he knew he would go insane if the situations were reversed.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N – Wow! What a response. I am floored once again. Due to the overwhelming pleas to not change the story, I have decided against doing so. However, if you think Bella is going to forgive our dear, tormented Edward that easily, think again as I have reworked some of my newer ideas into the mix. Please drop a review and tell me what you think, if you are so inclined.

As a side note, I will continue to post this story as I see fit regardless of the little police trolls on this site that have been reporting stories with malicious intent. I now know who they are.

* * *

Bella nervously fumbled in her small bag for the apartment key Alice had given her; keenly aware of Edward's hovering presence behind her. She heard the sounds of the television behind the door and knew Alice was home. Giving up her search for the key which was certain to be buried at the bottom of her small purse, she knocked on the door.

"Allie, it's me." She spoke to the dark wood, relieved when she heard a series of locks come out of there chambers.

"Well it's about damn time…" The door swung open. "Did you lose your keys al…" Alice stopped mid-sentence and through narrow-eyes stared at the figure looming behind Bella. With lips compressed into a thin line she opened the door wider and let them both in.

"Good morning, Alice." Edward greeted her gravely with just the barest upward tilt of his lips. He was slightly bemused at the way she glowered at him; like a mother hen protecting her young.

"It _was_." She grumbled under her breath as she shut the door behind them and crossed her arms over her red kimono robe, her foot tapping on the floor as she contemplated the both of them.

"Thanks" Bella said. "I'm sure the key is in my bag somewhere." She turned to Edward, unable to stop from pensively biting her lip, wary of Alice's brewing reaction.

Alice's cold reception had not gone unnoticed and if her friend's glare was any indication, she was going to be read the riot act. And in all honesty, she wasn't sure she didn't deserve it.

Bella turned to Edward, giving him a cautious smile.

"Um…why don't you sit down and I'll go change." She motioned towards the couch and waited until he sat down before going to her bedroom, with Alice following quickly on her heels.

"So how was the rest of your night?" Bella asked Alice with forced casualness as she pulled out a pair of jeggings and a long, fitted white button down shirt from the closet.

"It was great." Alice replied automatically before frowning. "Oh no, Swan…you're not distracting me that easily. What the hell happened to you last night? One minute you're leaving the bar in a crying fury and the next thing I know, you show up with the reason for your tears."

"I _did_ leave you a message."

"And _that_ was oh so descriptive…" Alice huffed. "Bella, please tell me after all the shit you went through because of him that you didn't sleep with him."

Wearily, Bella plopped down on the mattress after putting on her pants, the NYU shirt clutched in her hands. "No. I slept in the guest room. We just…talked."

And ripped open old wounds.

Seeing Alice standing there, watching her dubiously, things suddenly snapped into perspective.

Now no longer under the sole influence of Edward's all-encompassing, magnetic presence, she could breathe more freely and think more clearly...almost. She was entirely certain that last night may have been a big mistake and she may just be compounding it.

Edward had seemed absolutely sincere and genuine last night and even this morning but years ago, he had told her they were forever and she believed him then too…right up until he drove away and never looked back. Could she forget all those old broken promises and trust the new ones especially considering who and what he was now; an uber wealthy, powerful man that could have anything and anyone he wanted?

Could it only be regret and remorse that drove him? And what of herself? What was driving her right now?

"He knows everything now." She added in a whisper.

"Oh crap, Bella." Alice sat down next to her on the bed.

"He wants a second chance." She admitted ruefully as she played with the edges of the shirt still in her hands.

"And what about that girl, the one he went chasing after. Can you even trust someone that is that fickle?"

"_I_ was that girl, Alice." She admitted with a resigned sigh. "He went after_ me_."

"Please don't tell me you've forgiven him."

"No! God, no. " Bella shot her a horrified look. "I'm not even sure if I can…not fully.. But I think I owed it to myself to face him so I don't have any more regrets." No more 'what if's', she silently added to herself.

"Fine, you faced him." Alice pointed out. "So what is he doing in the living room?"

"I told him I'd spend the afternoon with him. He's going to show me around a little."

"Don't do it." She insisted. "Tell him you've changed your mind."

"I can't." She shook her head and buried her face in her hands. "God, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I'll probably run into him all the time at work. I think…I think it will be easier if I could make some sort of peace with him, you know?…even if I can't fully get past…well…the past."

"And that second chance he wants?"

Bella shrugged. "I don't know…we'll see."

Bella wasn't sure he would be so easily dismissed though. He had spoken like it would be a given but she wasn't ready to entertain that just yet.

Edward stood up and swallowed thickly when he saw Bella finally emerge from her room. She looked just as good in casual clothes as she did all dressed up and he wished for the strength to respect the boundary she had put up earlier.

"You look beautiful." He whispered and waited for her blush. He wasn't disappointed.

"Thank you…so um…I'll clean the clothes you lent me and I'll have them returned to you some way."

He was on the verge of telling her to keep them, he never wore them anyway but an even better idea came to mind.

"Don't wash them." He demanded. "I'll pick them up when I return you here."

"But that's …they're…"

"Covered in you." He huskily finished.

* * *

They took the D Train from West 4th to Bryant Park. This was a brand new experience for Bella and Edward couldn't help but watch her, enthralled by her wide-eyed wonder at her surroundings; the ads covering the walls, the underground musicians panhandling for dollar bills, the loud passing trains and even the rats that crawled along the tracks. Personally, he couldn't stand public transportation; opting for driving his own car or taking a cab when he couldn't.

"Even on a Sunday, people are still rushing around." Bella observed in the awe only a tourist could have as they quickly entered the subway car before it closed on them.

"It is a far cry from Florida." He agreed as they sat down on the plastic orange seats. He wanted to hold her hand but they were clutched around her purse.

She had been somber when she came out of her room and he had worried about what she and Alice had discussed behind closed doors.

He literally felt her closing off from him and it hurt.

"I'm glad I wore comfortable shoes." Bella grumbled as they walked down the long tunnel and up the two flights of stairs onto 42nd Street.

Edward smiled. "You may want to consider wearing sneakers to commute and bring your shoes with you." He stopped and paused once they got to street level. "Turn around."

He guided her to look behind her and when she did she was met with the sprawling white Beaux-arts marble building of the New York Public Library made unmistakable by the two lion statues flanked on either side of the wide steps.

"Oh, wow." She breathed. " It looks so much bigger in real life. Can we go in?" She looked up at him with such child-like enthusiasm; he couldn't hold back a chuckle.

"Wouldn't you like to see the offices first? It's only a few blocks away."

"Right…offices…work." She groused in good humor. "Lead the way."

He laughed heartily again, guiding her across 5th Avenue. "We'll come back this way, I promise."

With growing trepidation, they walked towards East 40th and Madison, stopping in front of a moderately tall, glass paneled building. Though, it was nowhere near the size of the looming skyscrapers that surrounded it, there was still something intimidating about the utilitarian modern design; as if it laughed in the face of the older structures around it.

"This is it?" Bella questioned when he guided her into the chic, modern lobby.

"Mmm, the first building we bought. You're offices are on the twenty first floor."

"And yours?"

"Thirtieth…the top." He grinned knowingly. "Looks like we'll be sharing the same elevator bank."

"Exactly how many buildings do you own, Edward?" She asked as they bypassed the security desk and entered one of the elevators.

"We just bought our fifth one last week; a luxury high rise apartment complex on the upper west side. Coincidentally, you spent the night there last night."

Bella's eyes nearly bulged out of her head and she blew out a harsh breath. "You're not a millionaire, you're a billionaire." She said feeling very small and insignificant.

"I just may be." He agreed before taking hold of her shoulders and turning her so she would face him. "Bella, like I told you before, it means nothing. It's empty. Buying and selling real estate is like a game; lucrative and powerful, yes, but still just a game."

She wanted to tell him, not to look at her like that with naked hope in his eyes... that she couldn't give him what he wanted. That this wasn't as easy for her as he was making it sound it should be _or_ as easy as it was last night under the haze of tequila and grief…that there was too much going on in her life right now but the elevator doors opened and she could say nothing.

Before she could walk two steps onto the floor, he was securing a hard hat on her head, tucking her hair under it and away from her face.

"Technically, this is a construction zone." He waved his hand indicating the clear plastic tarp, plaster and half structured walls. "I don't want anything happening to that beautiful head of yours."

After putting a hard had on his own head, he led her around showing her the basic outline as he had discussed with Aro, Caius and Marcus Volturi. He had her laughing at some of the items Aro wanted to add including the waterfall.

"I can picture that." Bella laughed. "He is rather peculiar. You should see the brothers' office in Miami."

"You mean they share one?" He asked surprised.

Bella shrugged. "It's very large but as I said…eccentric."

Edward heard the distinct sound of voices coming from the elevator banks. Frowns burrowing in consternation, he held his finger to his lips motioning for Bella to be quiet while he tried to listen.

After not being able to distinguish anything other than low volume mumbles, he touched her shoulder gently.

"Wait here." He told her before leaving to inspect.

Going towards where they had entered, he encountered Caius Volturi and someone he didn't know.

"Gentleman." He inclined his head subtly in greeting, his face a cold mask. "I wasn't aware you were allowed twenty four hour access into the building yet."

"Mr. Cullen, what a surprise." Caius' momentary shock was covered up quickly. "I was just showing Demetri here where the new offices will be. Demetri, this is Edward Cullen. He owns this fine building."

Edward barely paid younger man any attention, dismissing him immediately as no one of consequence and turned his attention back to Caius; his expression chilled. "You never answered my question."

"Oh forgive me. Was that a question? It sounded like a mere observation? No matter..." Caius waved his hand in dismissal. "Your partner, Mr. Hale was so kind to grant us admission when I called him."

Edward did not like this man and if it weren't for the copious amount of money he was paying for the reconstruction of the office space, he would tell him to go to hell. And that consideration only went so far. Demetri didn't win himself any favors either with the smug look on his face.

He now took the opportunity to scrutinize the younger man more closely; taking note of his perfectly groomed appearance, from his deliberately tousled brown hair to his brand new black loafers. Edward didn't like him on sight.

"Regardless," Edward told them. "This is a construction zone. It is only for your personal safety that you were not given unlimited access. I am surprised Mr. Hale did not apprise you of that."

"Oh yes, he did make mention of it come to think of it but 'tis for naught. I am sure it's perfectly safe. You're here aren't you?" Caius paused and seemed to focus on something behind Edward before a wide smile broadened his face. "Ah, and Isabella too, I see."

Clenching his fists at his sides and closing his eyes only briefly, Edward turned around to see Bella demurely standing there.

"Hello, Caius, Demetri." She greeted them, hesitantly. When she went to see what was taking Edward so long, she never imagined she'd be running into her boss. How was she going to explain this?

"Isabella, I wasn't aware you were acquainted with Mr. Cullen." Caius remarked with suspicion darkening his tone.

Bella looked nervously at Edward. "We…um…knew each other back in Florida and ran into each other last night, purely by accident."

It angered him that she should speak of their past relationship like they only had a brief passing acquaintance that was beneath her notice and it angered him even further the way this Demetri character looked at her as if she were his next meal.

Edward chuckled bitterly, his displeasure evident. "Actually, Bella's not telling the whole story. She was my girlfriend in high school and partially through college. I am looking forward to getting reacquainted with her once again." He said as he placed a possessive hand around her waist and pulled her into his side.

Bella sucked in a sharp breath. What the hell was he doing? This was her boss he was talking too and he was laying a claim to her without her permission.

"Oh!" Caius clapped his hands together once in delight. "Childhood sweethearts. How fortuitous that you should meet up again after all these years. Isn't that right, Demetri?"

"Fortuitous, indeed." Was his only reply before he smiled widely at her. "I'm happy to see you've made it up here safely, Bella. I've already been to our temporary offices and I've taken the liberty of having your boxes placed in the office next to mine...it has a nice view of Park Avenue that I knew you would appreciate."

"Err, thank you, Demetri. That was very thoughtful."

"It was nothing. Considering we'll be working quite closely together on the new campaign, I figured it would be convenient as well."

Bella felt Edward stiffen next to her as she had yet to extricate herself from his unyielding grip on her waist. She couldn't do so without making it obvious. Why did she feel like she was some sort of pawn in a power play?

"Edward, I think I've seen enough." She told him hoping he'd catch the hidden meaning in her words. "We should probably go."

Her words broke through the haze of proprietary anger he was beginning to feel. He wanted to lunge at the man for what he was implying.

"Of course." He told her. "Gentleman, please be careful of where you walk. You never know where some harm could come to you."

* * *

"Where are we going?" Bella demanded when she notice the elevator was going up instead of down as she expected.

"To my office." He replied tersely. "Your anger is obvious and if you are going to yell at me, I'd rather not have it happen in the middle of Madison Avenue."

He stalked off the elevator, through the blocked glass halls and all she could do was follow quickly behind before he unlocked a wooden door, waiting until she entered before shutting it. He shoved his hands in his pockets to prevent himself from grabbing her and kissing her senseless.

Edward watched her guardedly. She was seething, her chest heaving with fury filled breaths and it was magnificent. But he was furious too, almost to the point of it being a tangible, visible thing.

"What the _hell_ was that?" Bella seethed, whirling on him, ignoring the rather impressive décor of his office.

"What?"

She growled at his attempt at innocent expression.

"That...that…display of testosterone back there. You wouldn't have made yourself any clearer if you had peed on me."

No longer did he hold the bewildered façade.

"That Demetri person..." He sneered, "was beginning to annoy me."

Bella's laugh was one of exasperation. "You had no right, Edward...no right. Caius is my boss, Demetri, my superior...and you were deliberately baiting them. Not to mention that you basically called me a liar by correcting me on our past relationship."

"I wasn't calling you a liar. I was clarifying something important that _you_ omitted."

"To what point? To engage in some sort of alpha male pissing contest? Did you ever think that maybe I want to keep my private life, private?"

"Your co-worker, Demetri, wants you." Edward said through clenched teeth to prevent himself from shouting in jealousy.

"I hardly think so." She snorted derisively. "He was _testing_ you. It's what he _does_. But even if he wants me as you say, so what?"

"_Excuse me_?" Edward reared back as if she had slapped him. Had she not listened to a word he said for the past sixteen or so hours?

"So what if he wants to get in my pants?" She pressed. "That doesn't mean I'm going to let him. I don't go around sleeping with everyone that takes an interest in me…_do you_?"

Dumfounded and partially guilty, he hesitated only a fraction of a second.

"Of course not." He replied indignantly but he couldn't look her in the eyes afraid of the truth she would see.

"Not to mention that you don't have any right to get in the way even if I did want his attentions."

She wanted to retract the words as soon as she said them. He just got her so angry, she had no verbal filter. Some of it latent animosity, she knew but the way he was acting, like he decreed it and so it shall be done, bothered her. She wasn't about to let him steamroll her back into his arms. Not like this.

Edward's whole body stiffened and he shot her an icy glare. "Is _that_ what you think?" His voice was frigid, laced with dark amusement. "That I have _no_ right? As if last night _never_ happened? As if you being here with me, now, doesn't mean _anything_?"

Her anger suddenly deflated faced with his words, leaving her feel oddly defeated and very tired. Had she led him on, letting him believe that the second chance he wanted was inevitable…that it was happening now?

She made her way to a chair and sat down, shoulders slumping as she did so.

"Edward, " she said tiredly. "You've made it abundantly clear what you want…the thing is, I don't know what_ I_ want. You came on like gangbusters and I've had no time to...to process...to examine what it all means for me, for you…for _us_…I need space…I need to _breathe_."

"Bella," He addressed her solemnly...resigned. "Why did you agree to come out with me today?"

"Honestly?"

He managed a small, uncomfortable smile. "When one asks a question, one usually expects an honest answer."

"I don't know."

He nodded, seeming to accept her vague answer and what it inadvertently implied.

"Okay, then, let me ask you this…and I think I already know the answer but humor me anyway. Is there part of you, Bella, any part of you at all that still loves me?"

Bella buried her face in her hands not sure how to answer that one. Without a doubt and despite the hurt and anger, she was still in love with the _old_ Edward, the one she knew in Jacksonville and although there were pieces of the Edward she knew in this newer, more complicated version, she didn't _really_ know the man standing in front of her now.

"That's a complicated question." She said thoughtfully. "I never stopped loving you, but that was the twenty year old you…_he's_ the boy I remember. You're not that same boy anymore."

"No." He shook his head sadly and kneeled in front of her. "I'm not…but that boy…the one that loves you with all his heart…he's still here, Bella." He placed her hand over his rapidly beating heart. "Underneath this cold, hardened shell of a man, he is _still_ here…waiting for you to bring him back to life."

Oh jeez, she might as well turn into a puddle of goo right there. If he kept talking like that, she'd forget all her resolve and they'd be back to where they started. She had to get off this merry-go-round now.

"What do you need from me, Bella, to make this right?"

"Time…I need time." She looked at him, her gaze begging for reprieve.

He felt his chest constrict at her answer. Time was the one thing he didn't want to give her…he didn't think he could.

"We've had enough time between us, don't you think?"

"That was before." She swallowed painfully. "This is…_different_."

He inclined his head in agreement. She was right.

"And if I were to give you what you ask, how _much_ time?" He asked stiffly, dreading the response.

"A week? Two? A year?" She laughed through a sob and shook her head. "I don't _know_."

"I can concede to a week. I can't promise more than that."

A small smile flitted about her lips. "Are we negotiating, Mr. Cullen?"

He smiled at her in return trying to mask the fact that he was crumbling inside. "Why I believe we are, Miss Swan."

"Then make it two and we have a deal."

"Bella, I…"

"Please." She interrupted him, placing a trembling finger to his lips. "My whole life is in boxes at the moment…between a temporary office and a temporary place to live, I just need some dust to settle first before I can even think about anything else."

Edward's shoulders slumped in defeat but he could give her no less than what she asked for. He made it through ten years, he could make it through two weeks, couldn't he?

He stood up, helping her up with him.

"Okay." He brushed her hair from her shoulder. "We'll do things your way this time."

"Thank you."

Giving a bereft and heavy sigh, he tilted his head toward the door.

"C'mon," "I'll take you home."


	9. AN 2

A/N - Okay, I am really sorry for doing this (again) but I was so excited, I could not contain my enthusiasm. I just received word that "Merciless" has been nominated for Fic of the Week over at The Lemonade Stand. Please show some love (if you are so inclined) by voting for it. There are only 2 days left to vote.

Voting is at tehlemonadestand. net

Also, you may have received an update for a chapter already posted. That was my mistake as I was editing some chapters and reposting them. That was my mistake and I apologize.

I hope to have a real chapter for you all real soon (my muse was hiding due to the recent "purge" of stories).


	10. Chapter 10

A/N - Thank you to all of you who have read, reviewed, alerted and added this story to your favorites. I am positively humbled by positive response this story has received. I will endeavor to keep enthralling and entertaining you and perhaps at time have you flush with anger or desire.

* * *

He was a man of very few virtues and patience was definitely not among them. What the fuck had he been thinking, conceding to a two week reprieve from her? For what? So she could reassemble the wall he had very nearly gotten through (and would have if he pushed hard enough)? So she could have the time to think and ask questions?

And what did he do in the meantime? _Wait?_

Hardly, Edward snorted at the thought as he walked down by the water near his apartment building, ignoring the joggers and bike riders on the path.

He needed to backtrack. He needed to campaign and press his suit in a way where it would not cross the line...too much

He needed a plan.

She wasn't immune to him and he saw that as valuable points in his favor. She had been angry and saddened, yes, but he took those as a positive signs. She wouldn't still be so upset if she didn't care…if he didn't matter to her.

With Monday morning came a renewed sense of purpose. Choosing his wardrobe carefully, he got dressed in his suit, feeling much more like himself, wrapped in business armor.

"I've updated your meetings for the day." Tanya told him as he walked by her cubicle and towards his office without sparing her a glance. "They should be listed in your Outlook."

"Thank you." He nodded gruffly and continued.

He sat behind his desk and booted up his computer. With a frown, he lifted up his head as Tanya followed him in and shut the door behind her.

He was so not in the mood for her games today.

"What is it Tanya?" He said with a heavy sigh as he stared at his computer screen.

"You seem upset, Edward." She purred, posing seductively against the door. "Is there something I can do for you?"

Edward wasn't looking at her though. He was too busy going through his meeting schedule, frowning.

"Actually, there is." He said finally looking up, noting her expression and wanting to get her out of his office as soon as possible. "You can tell me why my meeting with Caius Volturi is not on this updated list. Have they rescheduled?"

"Mr. Hale said he would take the appointment instead."

"And when did he say that?"

"When he came in about a half hour ago."

"Thank you, Tanya." He meant it as a hint to leave but apparently she had other ideas.

"Is there _anything_ else?" She sauntered closer, her red manicured fingers playing with the edges of her low cut, partially unbuttoned blouse, purposely drawing attention to the ample swells of her cleavage.

Edward was partially bemused and fully disgusted with her blatant attempts at seduction. She had been getting progressively bolder over the past few months and he was no longer in the mood to tolerate it on any level. Especially now, when Bella was going to be part of his life again.

"Yes, there is _something_ else." He managed a deceptively seductive tone despite his repulsion.

He watched with grim satisfaction as her lips parted and her tongue darted out to lick at them as her eyes darkened with lust.

"Anything you want."

Her voice was husky with arousal and to Edward this would make what he had to say feel even sweeter. His lips twisted cruelly in anticipation as he leaned forward over his desk. He saw her eyes glow with victory and he relished in what he was about to say.

"Unless you have a second job advertising for Victoria's Secret and even then, I expect a certain sense of decorum in the wardrobe of my employees. Your blouse has three more buttons on the top. I suggest you make use of them. _That_ is all. Please shut the door behind you on your way out." He said picking up his phone, effectively dismissing her.

Her sharp intake of breath and face reddened from anger and not from any sense of modesty alerted him that he hit his intended mark. She swiftly turned around, her hair flinging behind her and left his office, nearly slamming the door in her wake.

"Hello, Jasper." He spoke into the phone when his friend picked up. "Would you care to tell me why you decided to take my meeting at Volturi?"

* * *

Bella inspected her sallow complexion in the mirror. She looked like a bad arrest picture. After washing her face and giving up on trying to tame her hair, she walked absently towards the smell of coffee. Alice must have already left for work, she thought when met with nothing but silence as she walked into the kitchen area.

Had the past few days really happened?

Oh God, they _did_ really happen.

He wanted her back.

Like the past ten years never happened.

And for one brief second, she thought about it.

Was _still_ thinking about it.

She sat at the table with her steaming mug and tangled her fingers through her hair in frustration. Why was she even thinking about this? She had so much to do and none of it was going to get done if she dwelled.

But it was so hard to forget his words, the way he looked at her, how his touch made her ache with wanting all over again.

"God damnit." Her fist banged on the table in frustration, causing her mug to jump and coffee to slosh over the sides. "Great Bella, just great." She mumbled to herself, getting up and grabbing a sponge to wipe up her mess. "You are going to stop this right now and go put your ass in the shower, get started on your day and put Edward Mas…uh Cullen out of your mind."

* * *

After making an appointment with the realtor Alice recommended, she made her way to the subway and traveled uptown to the temporary offices of Volturi Media on Park Avenue. After a few wrong turns, she finally entered the building only to realize she needed a security card to get in.

Frustrated and annoyed with herself for not inquiring ahead of time about that, she fumbled for her Blackberry and dialed Dimitri hoping he would be in and able to come and verify her identity. She wanted to unpack some of her things so she wasn't scrambling next Monday. It was a good thing she had her laptop at Alice's and could log on her company's intranet anytime, should one of her current clients have issues that needed immediate assistance. Out of office replies tended to not be received well.

"Aren't you off until next week?" Dimitri asked surprised as they ascended to the twenty-fifth floor.

"I wanted to organize some of my things." She answered him with a shrug.

"Caius will like that. It shows you're industrious. But then again, I already knew that."

Bella frowned, not liking the way it sounded coming from his mouth.

She was hoping he'd leave her alone once he showed her to her office but that was not the case. Instead he came in and when he sat down in a chair making himself comfortable, it appeared to have no intention of making a quick exit.

"I'm sure you have a lot of work to do, Dimitri." She said praying he's get the hint as she found the box she was looking for and opened it.

"I want to apologize about yesterday." He said. "I may have been a _bit_ antagonistic."

Yes, Bella thought. That's putting it mildly.

"It's fine." She waved her hand in dismissal. "Don't worry about it."

Expecting that was all he had to say, she started to unpack some of her recent client folders.

"You're a bright rising star within this company, Bella and I would hate to see that light snuffed out by the likes of Mr. Edward Cullen."

She tensed and swung to look at him. It was a backhanded compliment if she ever heard one and a fissure of alarm went through her. Why did it sound like his apology wasn't an apology at all, only a segue to bring up her private life?

"I can assure you I know how to keep my professional and my _private_ life separate, if that is what you're concerned about." She didn't even bother to hide the annoyance in her tone.

Dimitri's sigh was full of condescension. "If it is as you say, that you have had no contact with him in the past ten years than it might be upsetting to find out he's probably not the boy you once knew"

"What _exactly_ is that supposed to mean?"

"Caius reluctantly informed me of some rather unsettling habits that your Mr. Cullen may have indulged in over the years." He said as he got up and walked towards the open door of her office. "I'll leave you to your organization now."

_What?_ He couldn't leave after dropping that bomb. Was he _trying_ to drive her crazy?

"What habits?" She called out after him.

"I'm sorry, Bella." He shook his head. "You may not believe me if I tell you. It's hearsay after all and I don't want to be the bad guy here."

Then why the hell say anything at all, she thought angrily to herself as she watched his retreating back. Could Jane and Edward be right? Did Dimitri want her? The thought made her shiver but she couldn't discount it. Everything he said led her to believe he was trying to start trouble where there was none. What other motive could there be?

What habits could Edward have? Drugs? No, that was impossible. She refused to believe that. Edward hated drugs because of Laurent. There was no way she would believe that even if Dimitri had been more revealing.

Determined to put the conversation out of her mind, she continued with her task, wanting to finish it before her appointment with the realtor downtown.

* * *

With a sense of accomplishment, she looked about the room. IT had come by and installed cables and docking station for her laptop and set up her temporary office phone. She had been to the building management's office to get a picture identification security pass. Now, she could come in next Monday with nothing to focus on but her work.

Checking her watch, she noticed that she'd been occupied well past the morning and it was now after one. She had just enough time to grab a quick bite to eat before her appointment at three. Hoping to avoid Dimitri, she snuck past his office while he was on the phone and ran right into Caius…and Edward.

Holy crap! He just kept getting more disgustingly handsome each time she saw him. This time he was in a probably ridiculously expensive black pinstripe suit. He dripped power from every delicious pore. It suited him. If she weren't careful, he would steamroll all over her resolve to keep a clear head until it was nothing but a weak and feeble protest at best. And by the look he gave her when he saw her, he knew it too.

"Bella, I didn't know you would be here." He said but the smirk on his face made what he said seem less than sincere. "I was meeting with Caius about the new offices."

"I came in to unpack some things." She said and frowned inwardly at herself. Why was she justifying why she was here?

"How wonderfully productive, Isabella and on your week off too." Caius exclaimed. "I knew we made a good decision in promoting you." He tapped his long tapered finger against his chin in thought, a gleam coming to his eyes. "I was just walking Mr. Cullen out but it's lunchtime, is it not? Aro said you introduced him to a rather enjoyable little spot when he was up here." He said addressing Edward. "Dante's, I believe the name was. Perhaps you and Isabella would care to join me."

Edward stiffened, his whole body tense as his eyes narrowed. Whatever Caius was up to, he would pay dearly for it and asking Bella to be a part of that depravity, well he was not going to take that lightly.

"I'm going to have to decline." Edward said with menace coloring his tone. "I no longer patronize the place. The last time I was there, I became quite ill."

"Hmmm, how disappointing." Cauis remarked with false regret. "Aro had said the cuisine was really quite delectably exotic."

"It's too bad you cannot avail yourself of their menu then if that's what you crave. They not open to the public and you would need to accompany a member in order to gain entrance." Edward told him pointedly. "and unfortunately for you, I am no longer a member."

There was no way he was going to allow him to take Bella there alone, if that was his intention.

Bella watched the verbal tennis match and wondered why it didn't sound like they were talking about food at all but for the life of her she couldn't figure out what it was. The undercurrent of malice in Edward's tone to Caius surprised her.

"Thank you for the lunch invite, Caius but I really have to go." Bella interrupted, feeling it necessary to diffuse what ever was going on. "I'll see you next Monday."

"Another time then, Isabella." He called out after her as she made her way to the elevator bank.

Like hell, Edward thought.

He gave one last icy glare to Caius who returned it with equal challenge. He was not of a mind to get into this here and now so he turned on his heel to catch up to Bella. He managed to make it into the elevator right before the doors closed.

Bella watched him warily as he smoothly slid into small confined space. The close proximity of him seemed to suck out all the oxygen in her lungs replacing with fiery heat. Need, want, desire, lust; they all built with in her and no matter how hard she tried to temper the flames they burned a like a pyre, hotter and higher until there molten lava running through her veins.

No matter how pragmatic and distant she wanted to be, her cursed body betrayed her with it's wanting. It had always been like this with him. Ten years had done nothing at all to diffuse it. Ten years absence only made it impossibly stronger.

She knew he felt the intense magnetic draw too; the sexual tension that swirled around them like tightening bands of electrical current. The upwards slant of one side of his mouth and the darkened emerald of his gaze told her he felt it too.

Her scent was holding him captive. She was all vanilla and strawberry and arousal and he wanted it. All he needed was the whip cream and the hot fudge and she'd be his very own Bella sundae to savor at his leisure. He had to bite his lip to keep from groaning and almost smiled when he heard a gasp catch in her throat.

"Where are you headed?" He asked her attempting to sound like he wasn't about to throw his jacket over the security camera and damn the two weeks of distance she insisted on.

He was still trying to shake off the harbinger of doom that was beginning to settle on his shoulders. He mentally cursed himself for ever bringing Aro to Dante's to begin with. It was just one time, so many months ago when he came up from Miami to take a look at spaces for his new offices. There was no way for him to know that Aro was in any way connected with Bella.

"I was just going to grab something to eat before I meet with my new realtor." She said, not seeing any reason to lie.

"I know of a nice place, not too far from here if you want some company."

"Better than Dante's?" She threw out there wondering what type of reaction she would get from him.

Edward schooled his expression to remain impassive. He should have known she would pick up on the not too subtle undercurrents and innuendo speak.

"_Much_ better."

She sighed in frustration. Contrary to what her body craved, her mind wondered where were the space and time he was supposed to give her? She knew it was only a coincidence she ran into him today but it was obvious he was going to use it to his advantage.

"Edward, you agreed to give me some time."

"We don't have to talk about any of that." His molten green eyes bored into her, a silent demand for acquiescence. "Why can't we be two old friends catching up on the past ten years?"

"Because we were never friends, Edward." The elevator doors opened and she stepped out grateful for the open space of the lobby atrium around her.

Stick to your guns, Bella, she thought to herself. Be strong.

Steeling her shoulders, she turned to him.

"I'm sorry, Edward but I'm going to have to decline your invitation as well."

* * *

Her quick bite to eat turned out to be nothing more than a hot pretzel from a sidewalk vendor and she couldn't even eat half of that, her stomach was in too many knots. Bella's nerves were completely frazzled by the time she reached the realtor office and even more so after talking with her.

As it turned out, if she wanted to pay in New York what she was paying in Miami, she'd have to live in Brooklyn or Queens. With her apartment specifications, Susan, the realtor, told her she'd was looking at, at least $3900 a month for a one bedroom in a decent area in Manhattan. Briefly she wondered how much Alice was paying. She imagined it was quite a bit more than $4000.

Not wanting to waste either hers or Susan's time, she told her she'd have to reassess her budget and her expectations and come back another time.

"Shitty day?" Alice asked her when she walked in the door and dropped her purse on the floor and sunk into the couch cushions.

"You could say that." Bella replied, rubbing her temples. "Apartments are so expensive here."

Alice set her drink down and moved to sit next to her, drawing her arm around her so Bella could rest her head on her shoulder. "I told you, there is no time limit on how long you can stay here. I like living with you. It reminds me of the good ole' days."

Bella gave a sad laugh. "Except now we drink out of glasses not red solo cups." She lifted her head. "How much do you pay for this place?"

Alice bit her lip and looked away. "Honestly Bella, it's not important."

"Seriously, how much?"

"Well, it's mine...I mean I own it. So I pay a mortgage."

"Okay...and...what's that a month?"

"I pay a little over twelve."

"twelve hundred?" No, Bella thought. That couldn't be right.

"Twelve thousand."

"Twelve thousand!"

Bella shot up out of her seat.

"Bella, stop. Why are you so upset?" Alice's confused gaze met hers.

"Allie, I can't even afford to pay four grand a month, let alone half of what it costs to share an apartment with you."

"Did I _ever_ ask you for money?"

"No but..." Bella sat back down again feeling completely defeated. "I can't _not_ contribute anything and I don't know how long I'm going to have to stay."

"Oh, honey." Alice soothed. "I've been paying for this baby all by myself for two years now and I'm not strapped for cash. If it makes you feel any better, give me an even thousand per month until you nail your first couple of big clients and then we can talk about more or you might have enough at that point to move out on your own."

Bella thought about it for a minute. She'd become a workaholic. It was the only option. She wanted her own place, not that she didn't love her friend but she liked the sanctity of coming home to somewhere that was truly hers. It was still left over remnants from her relationship with Sam, she supposed.

"Fifteen hundred." Bella countered. "It was what I was paying in Miami."

"Deal. Now that that's settled why don't you tell me what else is bothering you."

As usual Alice could see right through her. She told her of the odd conversation with Dimitri and how she bumped into Edward.

"How can that be possible?" Alice said mostly to herself.

"Well, he _did_ have a meeting with Caius."

"No, he didn't. I mean he _did_ but..."

"But what? How do you know who Edward had a meeting with?"

"Jazz told me when we spoke yesterday. I asked him if he could take over the meeting instead because you'd be going there today. He promised me he would. I didn't want you to have to run into Edward if you didn't have too. I remember how upset you were yesterday when you came home.

That bastard! He _knew_...Edward _knew_ she would be there. He completely disregarded what she wanted and worked the situation to his advantage. She had no doubt that Jasper did what Alice requested of him. She didn't know him that well but he seemed quite enamored of her friend already.

"I have to call him." Alice jumped up to get her phone.

"No, don't." Bella stopped her. "I don't want my relationship issues to interfere with what you have with Jasper. I'll deal with Edward Cullen."


	11. Chapter 11

A/N - Don't you just love when chapters just write themselves...I do, I do. This one may answer some of your questions...don't hesitate to let me know what you think.

* * *

It had been not to long since Alice decided to call it a night to work on some designs in her office leaving Bella alone with her thoughts and a glass of merlot. The television was on but she wasn't really paying attention to the images on the screen or the low volume of background noise it provided.

After the initial shock about Edward's underhandedness was over, she found herself less angry and more resigned. She should have expected him to find a loophole…to not be satisfied with being cut out of her life completely for the amount of time she had asked for. Frankly, she had been surprised that he had given in so easily to start with.

Maybe she should just let it go, not bother to make a mention of it. To what purpose would it serve?

Maybe the extents to which he was willing to go should mean something more than words ever could even if he covertly disregarded her wishes.

Or maybe the wine was just making her malleable and more than a little wistful.

Getting up she wandered towards the window, sipping slowly from her goblet as she stared down at the street below. It was ten o'clock on a Monday night but the street was still filled with pedestrians and neighbors all probably enjoying the cool September evening. She was tempted to go outside as well, just sit on the steps as she had seen others do but she was still unfamiliar with the area.

One day, she thought to herself.

Her ringing cell phone broke her out of her morose reverie and she quickly ran to fish it from her bag before she missed the call.

Rosalie, the name on her touch screen read. So why did she feel the smallest bitter twinge of disappointment? Shaking it off, she answered.

"Hey, Rose."

"The kids are in bed, Emmett's shouting at some God-awful boxing match on TV and I'm bored."

Bella laughed at Rose's acerbic tone. It was good to hear her voice. It was a familiar balm and a grounding force for her tethered nerves.

"I'm touched you thought of me as relief for your ennui." She deadpanned in response.

"Seriously, I know it's only been a few days but I hope you have some juicy tales from the big city so I can live vicariously through you."

Bella rolled her eyed and took another sip…well, fortifying gulp of her wine. If she only knew. Then again, maybe she _should_ tell Rose. Get her take on the situation. As it was she was floundering in indecision and Rose was always so pragmatic.

"Actually, there _is_ something I need your sage advice on."

"_Sage_?" Rose chuckled. "You make me sound like I should be dressed like Stevie Nicks with a crystal ball." She giggled and cleared her throat. "Okay, I will attempt to give you my '_sage_' advice."

"And you can't tell Emmett." Bella added. If he knew then he'd be on the next plane up just to plant a fist into Edward's very gorgeous face.

"Sounds ominous but my mouth is salivating with curiosity now. I _promise_ I won't tell Emmett."

Bella briefly told her what happened with Edward from Saturday night on, even divulging some of the more intimate details she never told Alice. To her credit Rose remained quiet until she was finished and then she let out a long whistle.

"Wow. When I asked you for juicy tales, I never in a million years expected Eddie Mason to be in the starring role. You must be reeling right now. A fucking billionaire, huh? When I get off the phone with you, I am so Googling his ass."

"Reeling is an understatement." Bella replied drily. "I just feel so lost and confused right now."

"It's no wonder why. _Jesus_, Bella. I don't think I want to live vicariously through you anymore. Out of curiosity, I am sure you asked Alice's advice, what beads of wisdom did she have to impart?"

Bella sighed. "Alice is…biased. She only knows about our relationship from my perspective and I was very angry, bitter and heartbroken…not to mention drunk, when I first told her. But you, Rose...you were there. You saw it from the very beginning and the very end."

"I remember." She said softly. "From your very first day at school, it was like watching two magnetic forces collide and spontaneously combust."

Yeah, Bella thought, that's exactly how it was like. She remembered vividly.

* * *

**Jacksonville FL 12 years ago**

_She took extra care in dressing that morning, knowing that even though it was a fairly large school, being the new girl in the middle of the school year, she was bound to be somewhat of a novelty for at least the first couple of days._

_To save her from the embarrassment of being driven to school in Charlie's police cruiser, Rose had volunteered to take her to school since she didn't have a car yet and Rose had an early class over at the Community College not too far away._

_"I'll wait here until you get inside." She said putting the car in neutral._

_"You don't have to. I don't want you to be late for class."_

_"Oh, please Bella." She rolled her eyes and smiled. "The way I drive?"_

_"Thanks again Rose." She said as she gathered her things and jumped out of the car._

_"Knock 'em dead, Bells." She shouted at her through the open window causing Bella to shake her head and grin._

_There were a few double takes thrown her way as no one recognized her but she remained on course. At least until she felt the prickly sensation on the back of her neck like someone was watching her…intensely._

_Craning her neck to scan the parking lot, she saw him. He was leaning against an old red Chevy, a cigarette dangling from his mouth, wearing dark sunglasses and an unbuttoned long sleeve black shirt over a white t-shirt. It was the messy shock of thick burnt copper colored hair and the straight edged jaw that brought her back to a bittersweet memory of a boy and a Fourth of July Picnic two years before._

_It had been the first time, she had ever been kissed, the first time she ever felt the stirrings of womanhood and the first and only time she ever felt like she could fall in love._

_Bella had wondered if she would see him again once she moved back but tried not to dwell on it for fear of disappointment. But here he was, looking at her like she was a ghost sent to haunt him. It was only then that she realized that he was not alone. A girl with long curly red hair was leaning into him very closely. She went to touch his cheek but he abruptly turned his head so she touched nothing but air._

_Not wanting to examine why it was so painful to watch, Bella turned away and continued to walk at a quickened pace. Pounding footsteps echoed behind her and she felt a hand grasp her arm. She knew it was him just based on the currents running through her at his touch. Despite the humid heat, she shivered._

_"Bella?" The way he said it was so hopeful, her heart nearly seized in her chest._

_She turned around to face him. He had taken his sunglasses off and she was struck by the reverence in orbs of green that were thoroughly focused on her. They were the same green eyes that managed to weave their way into her dreams for the past two years. They perused up and down her body now and the scorching heat of his gaze made her burn._

_"It is you." He grinned broadly changing his whole face to appear less harsh...more boyish._

_"You remembered." Her heart soared and she couldn't help but smile widely back at him. Oh, he was so close, she could smell him; a heady combination of tobacco, soap and sweet, sweet sin. Two years ago the feelings he evoked in her confused her fourteen year old mind. Now, older and a bit more world-wise, she wasn't confused anymore._

_"I never forgot." He said huskily cupping her cheek and caressing it with the calloused pad of his thumb and sliding his other hand loosely about her waist._

_"I wasn't finished with you yet, Eddie." The red head sulked as she tried to pit herself in between them. "And who the hell are you?" She turned to her with hands on hips and full on just sucked on a lemon glower._

_Bella tried to extricate herself from Edward's arm but he tightened his hold, refusing to let her go. Instead he turned to their intruder with a scowl, his jaw clenched._

_"Sheath your claws, Vic." He hissed. "And get the hint. I'm not _fucking_ interested in what you're offering."_

_"That's not what you said last month." She said with a leer before walking away, swaying her hips._

_Edward closed his eyes tightly before opening them again, this time his gaze was wary._

_"Girlfriend?" Bella questioned, nodding in "Vic's" direction, finally able to put a bit of distance between them. If he was already taken, she wasn't going to interfere. But damn it, she couldn't fight the surge of jealousy and loss as she waited for his answer._

_"She wishes." He snorted. "Don't pay attention to anything that comes out of her poisonous mouth." Sighing, he reached for her to pull her closer and pressed his forehead to hers. "You don't know how happy I am to see you again." He spoke in a hoarse whisper. "Please tell me you're here to stay."_

_She swallowed past the constriction of emotion in her dry throat. Her breathing became shallow and breathy and her heart beat an erratic staccato in her chest._

_"I'm here to stay."_

* * *

Propelled back to the present by the sound of Rose's concerned voice calling her name through the receiver, she tried to clear the tickle in her throat that was usually precursor to her tears. Even now she felt the burn of them pricking at her eyelids.

"I'm here."

"Where did you go?"

"Sorry." Bella apologized. "Just taking a trip down memory lane."

"Yeah, so…" Rose started uncomfortably. "You wanted advice."

"_Please_."

Bella poured more wine in her glass and sat back down. She was beginning to feel a bit lightheaded.

"Well, first off, what does your brain tell you?"

"Oh, that's easy…" She chuckled drily. "Run…don't walk, to the nearest exit."

"Okay, now what does your heart say?"

She suddenly felt not so humorous anymore. "That's a bit...more...complicated."

"Not really…it's only complicated if that brain of yours won't allow you to admit it to yourself and out loud."

Bella clenched her eyes shut, the phone trembled in her hands. Why bother to deny it?

"God help me, Rose, I still love him." She burst out through a sob. "and it scares the shit out of me."

"Shh…shh, it's okay." She soothed. "One more question; what is your body telling you?"

"Let's just say it's rated NC17." She laughed as she swiped at her eyes.

"Bella, I think you already know your answer." Rose said seriously and sighed. "Honey, I can't tell you what to do but from the way you described this weekend, he loves you too and hiring a PI to find you and then flying over a thousand miles to show up at your door, well I don't know if that's devotion or desperation. I get that you're scared because of what happened in the past but there are no guarantees in any relationship. You have to ask yourself if your love is stronger than your fear."

"I've been asking myself that." She admitted. She just couldn't find an answer she could live with.

"That's good. And I am glad to hear that you asked him for some time to think but Bella, asking for time is different from completely cutting him off. How can you make this decision if you don't spend the time to get to know who he is now?"

Bella let out a groan of frustration and sunk her head into her hands. "Because every time I am near him…I'm consumed by him…all reason and logic go out the window."

"And that right there, Bella, is very telling indeed."

* * *

Edward's stony glare at the older blonde man sitting on the other side of his desk was met with equal measure. Steepling his hands under his chin, he contemplated what he was going to say now that Caius Volturi was in his office. Truthfully, he expected the man to show some emotion other than a mere open curiosity. It was unnerving and he didn't much care to feel unnerved.

After spending much of the night in turmoil over what to do about this potentially devastating bomb that had been dropped in his lap at the most inconvenient of times, sweating over the ramifications with Bella because of his own licentious behavior even if he had been single, his first action of the morning was to place a phone call asking Caius for a meeting.

This bastard, who figuratively held his life in his hands, didn't even have the decency to sound surprised.

"I suppose you're wondering why I asked to see you." Edward started, his voice deceptively calm hiding the raging emotions bubbling within him.

"Not at all." Caius casually crossed his legs and tilted his lips upward. "In fact, I expected to hear from you yesterday."

Edward cocked an eyebrow and slowly placed his hands flat on his desk, fighting the urge to fist them.

"Just what exactly are you playing at here? What is it you want from me for your silence?"

The youngest Volturi brother chuckled. "What makes you think, I want anything, Mr. Cullen? It was merely a test and I am glad to tell you that you passed it."

This time Edward couldn't contain his anger.

"You're playing a game with my _life_?" He shouted, springing half way off his seat before catching himself and sitting back down.

"It's no game, I assure you. I had to see for myself just how attached you were to that 'club' you attend and if you would come back and take me up on my offer to go. Well, the abhorrence on your face was quite apparent so…" he shrugged. "you passed my test."

"What are you _talking_ about?" Edward roared, slamming his palm on his desk, feeling the sting reverberate all the way up his arm. "A _test_?" This man was fucking insane.

Caius didn't even flinch. "When Aro told me of the establishment you had taken him to, I thought nothing of it. I have tolerated his, shall we say, exotic tastes for many years. Nor do I let what a man does in his personal life become a factor in deciding whether or not I want to do business with him." He looked pointedly at Edward.

"_However,_" he continued. "Isabella Swan is a very valued employee of Volturi Media. In the two years since I've known her, she has blossomed and flourished into a very talented and competent young ad executive. I do not doubt she will go far. It is _that_ very reason why she was given the promotion she was and even though she agreed to the move with the vigorous enthusiasm I have come to expect from her, I cannot forget that we plucked her from her family and her friends only to deposit her in a strange and rather intimidating city. In short, I consider it my responsibility to look out for her and when I see someone such as yourself pay her such obvious attention even if you have a past together, it…_concerns_ me. I take Isabella's welfare very seriously and by the way you look at her Mr. Cullen, I am happy to admit that it appears you do as well."

Edward couldn't help the unbelievable laughter that bubbled out of him. Either this guy was lying through his teeth or he didn't realize that absolute gall he had by trying to interfere in his employees' private lives. He remembered something Bella had said on Sunday about keeping her professional and private life separate when he had mentioned to her boss that they were high school lovers. Was this a behavioral pattern of Caius' that Bella was already aware of? Is that why she got so angry at him?

"And you just expect me to believe everything you just said?" Edward sneered. "That you are simply acting in the role of benevolent guardian or avuncular protector?"

The older man shrugged, folding his hands neatly into his lap. "It's of no consequence to me if you believe me or not."

"Will you tell her?" Edward hated the unsure and desperate way his voice sounded. One simple question left him feeling vulnerable and exposed; a feeling he had successfully masked for many years, until now.

"About your escapades into iniquity?" He shook his head. "No, but Aro and I are not the only ones that are aware." Caius stood up and straightened out his suit. "In a weaker….less…discreet moment that I am not proud of, I let it slip to Dimitri. While I can vouch for my silence, I cannot vouch for his and if I were you _I_ would be _concerned_. I think you know why."

Edward tensed visibly at the very clear message.

"Tell me," Edward said just as Caius opened the door was about to let himself out. "Do you interfere in the private lives of all your employees or is Bella the exception?"

"I look out for the welfare of all my employees, Mr. Cullen." He said gravely, flicking an imaginary piece of lint off his sleeve. "Especially those that show such great promise. Good day."


	12. Chapter 12

A/N - I'm a bit iffy about the last scene in this chapter. Edward and Eleazar kind of took over on me and ran away with the keyboard. So don't blame me, I am only the portal through which these characters speak. Please don't hesitate to drop me a review and let me know what you think...oh and lemons ahead.

* * *

_She laid on a large beach blanket; the one with the Phoenix Diamondbacks emblem which had been a gift from Renee and Phil. She always laughed at the irony of a beach blanket from a desert state but reminded her of how quirky her mom's sense of humor could be._

_The sun was hot as it beat down on her skin. Beads of moisture, some of them perspiration, others from the ocean water covered her blue bikini clad body. She could hear the sound of the ocean waves, children giggling nearby and the gulls overhead as she closed her eyes and soaked in the serenity of the early afternoon beach atmosphere. Somewhere off in the distance a lifeguard blew his whistle and someone was blasting Bob Marley from an antiquated boom box._

I wanna love you - I wanna love and treat - love and treat you right;

I wanna love you every day and every night

_Despite her closed eyes and prone body, she bopped her head and shoulders to the music, singing along softly. Nothing said beach music like Bob Marley._

Is this love - is this love - is this love -

Is this love that I'm feelin'?

_Suddenly it wasn't Bob's voice in her ear but Edward's._

Is this love - is this love - is this love -

Is this love that I'm feelin'?

_His voice, as hot as the humid day crooned huskily in her ear before his ocean wet lips nipped at her earlobe, sucking it into his mouth. She moaned, unconsciously arching her body upwards and looked at him through her dark sunglasses._

_He was looming over her, hovering with his elbows resting on either side of her, the only part of him touching her was his lips, now trailing down the side of her neck. Fresh from his swim, salt water dripped from his body onto hers, making her squirm._

_Bella heard his throaty laugh against her neck and it vibrated through her making her body tingle with heat and shiver with desire. Her nipples became two hard points through her suit and she arched her back even further to rub them against his chest. She gave a throaty chuckle when he growled._

_"_You_ are a vixen." He said nipping at her lips now_

_"And _you_ are blocking my sun." She teased._

_"I am also blocking Mike Newton's wandering eyes." He said annoyed as he rolled over to her side on the blanket. "He's been staring at you with his tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth since I went in for a swim."_

_Bella scowled and looked over at Mike who sat a good distance away rubbing white sunscreen all over Jessica Stanley's back._

_"No he isn't." She nodded in his direction. "He's with Jessica drenching her back in sunscreen."_

_"He wants _you_." Edward's tone was low and full of menace. "He always has."_

_Bella turned to her side to face Edward and trailed her finger down his wet jaw._

_"But _I_ want you." She whispered. "I always have."_

_Grabbing her finger, he drew it into his mouth slowly, sucking on the tip watching her with dark green eyes that were all at once passion glazed and angry. She felt the action all the way to her groin. The way his tongue lapped over her finger as he suckled reminded her was what else he could do with his tongue._

_"Turn over." He demanded when he released her finger._

_"What? _Here_?" She felt the fissure of excitement explode within her at his command as she scanned the area directly around them looking to see if anyone was paying them any attention._

_"Do it…please."_

_Warily, she flipped over onto her stomach with her hands cradled under her head to pillow it. What was he up to? The lower half of her body writhed ever so slightly when he put his hand on her lower back and lowered the waist of her bikini bottom ever so slightly._

_She smiled wickedly, now knowing exactly what he was doing. She felt him trace the sideways figure eight over and over again, ever so slowly. They had both gotten the same tattoos there last week. This was the first time she wasn't wearing the white bandage over it as it healed._

_"When I watched him put the needle in you and start to ink you with this symbol...this permanent brand of my love," He said low and husky, "and you gripped my hand so tight…it was so fucking hot, I was burning with it. It was all I could do not come right there. I was so fucking hard."_

_"I remember." She whispered into the blanket, her body weeping with need. She had gotten so wet just watching him grow in his jeans, knowing that it was just for her, she hadn't even paying attention to the pain being inflicted by the needle piercing her flesh. When their tattoos were finished, they had went at it like animals in his old Chevy in one of their secluded spots. He had joked that his shocks would never be the same._

_Edward's fingers weren't on her anymore. It was his tongue that was tracing the infinity sign. Oh God, it was so blatantly erotic, what he was doing. She started to pant and grind her pelvis slowly into the blanket feeling the lumps of sand move and shift beneath her, doing nothing for the ache that settled between her legs._

_"This means you are mine, Bella." His lips kissed the tattoo while his hand dipped around the front of her suit and under the fabric, now soaked with her arousal. "Mine, always." He added in a harsh whisper, sinking his fingers into her fevered folds, manipulating the slick flesh, flicking her hard little bud with his thumb._

_She moaned long and low as his finger thrust upward._

_"Say it, Bella." He demanded through passion infused gritted teeth. "Out loud. You are mine. Always."_

_He could be so possessive, sometimes it terrified her…this intense need he had reassure himself of the love she gave so freely. But at times like these when his possessiveness turned carnal…well there were no words._

_"Yours, Edward." She panted on the verge of release. "Always yours."_

_With a near primitive groan, his fingers left her and he was suddenly hoisting her over his shoulder running towards the Atlantic. She screamed as her overly stimulated body collided with the water causing a few sunbathers to turn and look at them before shaking their heads and returning to what they were doing._

_"Wrap your legs around me." He said when they were in deep, the water level rising to just below his chest._

_She did as he ordered, desperate for the promised release. Cradling the back of her neck with one hand, he swiped her bikini bottom to the side and in one swift move he sunk deep and hard, groaning as she tightened herself around him._

_"Mine." He nuzzled her neck, his teeth grazing the skin as she threw her head back._

_"Yours."_

_"Always."_

_"Forever." She moaned as the first wave of released rolled through her._

Bella woke, sweaty, hot and teetering on the very edge of the precipice of desire. Her heart beat in a racing, cacophonic rhythm and her breath coming in shallow pants not unlike that in the dream memory.

Just a dream, she thought as she swiped a wet strand of hair that was clinging to her brow. No, not just a dream but a vivid, Technicolor memory. She could still hear her promise of 'forever' echoing through her ears and into her very soul; taunting…mocking until she thought she might go mad. Their forever lasted until scant more than nine months after that.

But did it really? A haunting voice rung in her ears.

With a single broken sob, she buried her face into her hands and clenched her thighs together to ease the unfulfilled ache.

"You're losing it, Bella…really losing it." She muttered to herself.

After trying to fall back to sleep again and failing miserably, she decided to get up and work off some of the tension and desire still thrumming through her veins.

Wearing shorts and a tank top, her ipod on an arm band and her hair in a high ponytail, she greeted Alice who was leisurely sipping her morning coffee while checking emails on her Blackberry. When she saw Bella, she put her coffee down and frowned at her.

"Aren't you on vacation?"

Bella shrugged as she poured herself a cup of the uber strong brew.

"I couldn't sleep anymore."

"So you're going jogging." Alice said shaking her head. "I have to admire your get up and go."

"Speaking of which, is there anywhere I can get up and go _to_?" Bella asked. She really wanted to run but wasn't in the mood to deal with the hindrance of commuters and traffic slowing her down.

"Sure. Take a right out of the building and walk a few blocks to the Hudson. The Hudson River Greenway is right there. It's a city jogger's wet dream." She said with a grin taking a sip of her coffee. "Not that I would know."

"Good." Bella nodded absently as she looked out the window at the ever brightening sky.

"Hey, are you okay? You look kind of…I don't know…off?"

"I'll be fine." Bella assured her. "I just have some thinking to do."

"Do I want to know?"

Bella shook her head. "Probably not." When she saw Alice about to say something, she continued. "Don't, Alice. I love you dearly and I appreciate your support and concern but I need to work this out on my own."

"I was just going to say I have a date with Jasper after work so don't wait up." She said feigning innocence with an exaggerated bat of her eyelashes.

"Mmmm." Bella hummed under her breath, compressing her lips. "And on a school night too."

Alice chuckled happily. "What can I say? I like him."

"He seems like a really good guy."

"So far..." She shrugged. "We'll see. You don't mind that I'm bailing on you?"

"Nah." Bella waved off her concerns. "I'm sure I'll find something to get into."

* * *

The brown manila envelope sat on his desk taunting him. It had been delivered by personal courier from Jenks' office only moments ago and since then he could only stare at it, debating whether or not he should open the damn thing.

When he requested the full background report, he had been on his way back from Miami, unable to locate her but now that he knew where Bella was he wasn't sure if he wanted to let the document inside tell him what he wanted to hear directly from her.

Moving it from his direct line of vision, he continued with his work. He had several projects under way and a meeting with Jasper to go over the returned RFP's for a new architectural firm to redesign a dilapidated old building they picked up for a song over in Jersey City. They had let it sit for awhile trying to decide whether to make it commercial or residential. In the end, with its' prime Upper Bay and New York City skyline views, they decided on residential and were going to embark on their most ambitious project yet; a complete tear down and rebuilding.

That meant architects, building permits, construction companies, electricians, plumbers, attorneys, real estate agents, advertising…

"I like this design." Jasper said as he popped a memory stick labeled Zafrina Inc into the computer. Hitting a few keys, he pulled up the full color three dimensional diorama of the structure design. "It's in keeping with the other contemporary residential buildings in the area but uniquely different enough to be appealing to new buyers…_and_ you're really not listening to me are you?"

Edward's shoulders slumped. He'd been caught and called out.

"Sorry, I have a lot on my mind." And on my desk, he thought thinking back to the thick manila envelope.

"I don't want to be a hard ass, Ed, but we really need to focus here. This is a huge project and a potentially giant money maker. I need you fully on board for this."

"I am, Jazz…"

"No. You're not. Maybe if you went to…"

"No!" Edward said forcefully. "Never again. I'm done using that place as my crutch." But even as he said it, taunting whispers in his head made him wonder if he was as adamant about it as he sounded. If things with Bella went south... He shook it off, feeling his skin crawl with the thought.

"Whoa, kid…" Jasper held his hands up in surrender. "I was going to say Eleazar….you know...the guy who you give copious amounts of money to help you work through your shit. Now you have me worried. You don't _want_ to go back to Dante's, do you?"

"No," He sighed in defeat. "Besides, I'm not a member anymore, remember?"

"Oh I remember." Jasper replied. "I'm just making sure _you_ do. You are so close to having everything you ever wanted, Edward. Don't fuck it up now."

"Jenks sent me the background check I asked for…on Bella." Edward blurted out.

"Oh?" He raised one eyebrow in inquiry. "Did you find out anything interesting?"

Edward gave a dark chuckle. "It's still sitting on my desk unopened."

"My advice?" Jasper said seriously. "Let it stay that way."

* * *

Left to her own devices after her five mile run, Bella showered and decided to go exploring around the area, laughing at some of the more eclectic goth shops that looked more like BDSM sex shops, although there were those too.

In her wanderings, she came across The Strand, a massive bookstore that boasted eighteen miles of books. She was in bibliophile heaven. For hours, she browsed through the aisles filling her basket with new and used books alike.

"If you like nineteenth century lit, there's a rare book room on the third floor." A young woman around her age with a soft spoken voice told her.

"How could you tell I liked..." Bella glanced down at the contents of her basket and blushed when she realized she had filled it with Bronte, Alcott, Austen and and even Ann Radcliffe, the famous gothic literature author. "Oh...I hadn't realized." She finished.

Bella was more than a little perturbed, not even realizing what she had set aside to buy. For the past ten years she had not read any of her favorite authors. She had left all her old books behind when she moved to Phoenix and hadn't thought of them since.

"Hey, are you okay?" The woman asked. "You look a little sick."

"I'm fine." Bella shook her head and forced a smile. "I just moved here and I'm just kind of getting my bearings."

"Welcome to New York then." She said with a bright smile. "I'm Angela."

"Bella."

As they walk and talked amongst the stacks, she found out Angela, a book addict just like herself moved to New York with her husband Ben two years prior to fast track his career and make more money as a freelance photojournalist.

"Luckily it worked." Angela said as they had coffee at a nearby outdoor cafe. "It was scary at first when we moved here. So different than where I'm from."

"And where is that?" Bella asked her, truly curious.

"Somewhere you never even heard of, I'm sure. A small little town in the Olympic Peninsula of Washington called Forks."

"Forks." Bella covered her mouth to prevent herself from laughing out loud.

"It's okay." Angela laughed as well. "You can laugh. I always did. Dreary place. It rained all the time. Where are you from? Some place warm, I bet judging by your killer tan. I'm so jealous by the way." She grinned.

"Miami." Bella told her blushing at the praise. "Well, I'm originally from Jacksonville."

"Ahh, the Sunshine State. Polar opposite of Forks. Must have been nice."

"It was." She said a little sadly. "But I was offered a great new opportunity, so here I am."

"By yourself?"

"No. I'm living with a friend for the time being until I can get my own place."

"Yeah." Angela frowned. "We weren't quite prepared for the rent prices either. Our first apartment was a dingy little studio but then Ben started to get more lucrative jobs and we were able to save and get a bigger place for anyone else that happens to come along...if you know what I mean." She added, her eyes twinkling.

Bella did know and suddenly her throat began to tickle and constrict. She nodded mutely, begging for her eyes not to well and cursed herself that after all this time, it still affected her so much. It must have been talking about it the other night that opened the emotional scar.

"I think it's great that you're trying to have a baby. I wish you all the luck in the world."

And she truly did, Bella realized. She hoped this kind hearted woman sitting across from her would never feel the pain of losing a child, like she did. Wanting to change the topic to something much less emotional, Bella peppered her with questions about the area and best places to go to eat, drink and shop.

By the time Bella returned to the quiet apartment, she had a bag filled with books and a new friend. It had turned out to be a very good day.

* * *

Edward was having a very bad day. After finalizing the decision with Jasper on the architectural firm they were going to give the bid to, he realized his whole meeting schedule for the rest of the day was screwed up because Tanya had decided to take the day off and never emailed him the changes, probably out of spite because her called her out on her attire. So he missed some important meetings and arrived at ones that were canceled.

Feeling prickly with tension and more than a little antsy, he knew these were the signs that he could potentially get him into trouble.

Picking up the phone, he dialed the number he knew by heart and shoved his fingers through his hair when the familiar voice picked up.

"Eleazar, I need you to fit me in."

* * *

Eleazar sat in his leather arm chair, hands folded in his lap as he watched Edward pace the around his office like a tiger trapped in a cage. He had come to know his patient well enough over the past few years since he had been seeing him but even hearing what had unfolded recently in Edward's life surprised even him.

He had been thinking quite a bit of Edward since he had called him on his way to Florida, sounding so unlike the cynical and control-needy man he was familiar with. Even when discussing Edward's most deep-seeded issues of physical abuse and emotional abandonment, he had always retained a veneer of that frigid composure; a man in thorough command of everything around him, including himself.

Now the man that stood before him was vulnerable, obviously distraught and in desperate need of help. It was a marked improvement, Eleazar thought but it was time to rein it in.

"It appears you've had a rather intense week." The psychologist said.

Edward gave a derisive snort and sat down across from him, his right leg shaking up and down in nervous tension. "As always you have a deep appreciation of the understatement."

"And _unlike_ always, you have managed to surprise me."

"Do I get bonus points for that?" Edward tried to joke but it ended up falling flat to his own ears. He was jumpy, nervous and about ready to crawl out if his own skin sitting here under the eagle-like gaze of Eleazar, even if he was the one that demanded the appointment.

Eleazar gave him the barest of smiles before focusing on the notes he made while Edward was speaking…well, rather ranting if he were to be quite honest.

"I want to go back to the original question I asked you the other day. What spurred this on? People, especially ones that maintain such rigid control over all aspects of their lives like you do, rarely break from that unless something acted as a catalyst."

"I don't know." He sighed, watching his fingers dig into the arms of the chair. "It was her birthday."

"It wasn't the first birthday since you left." Eleazar gently reminded him.

"Is that a question?"

"In a matter of speaking. What was so special about this one?"

"Nothing really." Edward frowned thinking back. "I was feeling restless…I ended up at my usual spot…"

"Dante's"

He gave a singular nod and continued. "Yes. There." Edward sneered barely able to push the syllables off his tongue.

"What happened, Edward?" He asked leaning forward in his chair sensing the turmoil within in patient.

Edward gripped the sides of the chair more forcefully, feeling the leather give under his fingers.

"They knew my name, what my favorite drink was, where my favored spots to sit were…how I liked my women." He spoke in a whisper filled with self-derision. "And I remembered when I first went there, how fucking appalled I was and how I couldn't stop myself from returning…for release…for control...to fill the...vast emptiness inside me. I recalled how I used to hold the older members in such contempt with their jaded lives and their tarnished souls and I realized how at thirty fucking years old I had become one of them. It was a rather startling epiphany."

"I bet it was." The psychologist whispered. "Why the search for Bella though? I am quite positive you have no shortage of women vying to be the one on your arm and in your heart."

Edward gave a dark humorless laugh. "Because I love Bella. All these years and I am still in so much love with her it hurts to breathe…and don't regurgitate the crap that I am in love with a memory of what was. Haven't you ever just looked at someone and knew that that was it….this was the person for you…_forever._"

"And yet the other night, when you had the opportunity to consummate years of wanting, you stopped. Even when it appeared she wanted the same thing you did."

"Yes."

"Interesting." Eleazar steepled his fingers and regarded his patient feeling a certain amount of pride in him. He was certain he loved this woman but it wasn't at Edward's emphatic verbal insistence, it was his actions.

"What is?" Edward bristled.

"Well, you've never made a secret that you have a very active libido and use sex, specifically meaningless, emotionally detached sex to exert control, to temporarily fill a void and various other reasons I won't name..."

"Yes." Edward snorted. "You called it hypersexual disorder. Which is complete and utter rot."

Edward had hated the diagnosis, didn't believe in it. He had liked no strings, no holds barred sex and often and he knew a safe place to get it. That was all.

"But now..." Eleazar interrrupted. "The one time in ten years where it would actually mean something to you, you turn it down."

"Because it would have been wrong!" Edward shouted as he abruptly stood up and began pacing again with a vengeance. "We were both drinking and grieving and God…so much _pain_. She would have regretted it and ran, never looking back and where would I have been then, huh? At least now I have a fucking chance."

"I agree." He nodded. "You made the right choice and I concede that I may have been a bit presumptious in my orginal diagnosis. So what happens now?"

"She asked me for time." Edward grimaced like it was a dirty word.

"And _that_ is why you called me."

Edward nodded. "I don't know if I can wait. I don't _want_ to."

"Surely two weeks isn't unreasonable?"

"You don't understand. Every day…_Jesus_…every _hour_ that passes, I feel like I am on the verge of shattering completely if I don't see her. And now I have her God damn background report sitting on my desk that I am so close to ripping into just to feel that much closer to her…to her life…the one she had _without_ me…the one that _I_ left."

Edward felt the walls closing in on him in his panicked state. As his eyes darted around the room, he felt his breathing grow harsh, his body shake and his vision start to grow dim.

"Edward! Edward!"

Eleazar's voice seemed to come to him through a long dark tunnel. He snapped his eyes, feral with fear, to the doctor.

"You need to stop. Blaming yourself for what you did as a twenty year old barely out of adolescence is not productive and _will not_ solve anything. Not to mention you're avoiding the _real_ issue here. You need to focus on the here and now. Obviously giving her the time she requested scares the living daylights out of you. What are you really afraid of?"

"My past." He swallowed thickly. "That she'll have time to find out about the things I have done and she'll hate me for it. There are people she knows that are aware of my less than savory behavior."

"Then perhaps you better opt for full disclosure before she _does_ find out from someone other than you." Eleazar leaned forward in his seat. "Technically, you've done nothing wrong…you have been single all this time. That being said, it will be a bitter pill for her to swallow. Imagine if she told you that she belonged to a club so she could and in your words 'fuck randomly at will in sometimes the most basest of ways'...letting men touch her and do to her what you've done to other women."

Edward felt at once violently nauseus and insanely jealous at the thought. Could he forgive that? Maybe. Would he demand to know who the fuckers were so he could beat the ever living shit out of them? Hell, yes. Would it change how much he loved her? He just didn't know.

"She will most likely take it better hearing it explained by you..." Eleazar forged on. "Listening to _your_ reasons and not someone else's assumptions."

"And if she doesn't?" Edward whispered, horrified at the thought. What would he do then? What _could_ he do then?

"You do what anyone else would do, you move on."

Eleazar watched with a heavy heart as his patient despondently left his office. Edward Cullen had come a long way in just the past week than he had in the past three years and only a small amount could be attributed to his therapy. He had to defer to a certain Miss Bella Swan in this one and although it wouldn't be easy for anyone to look past the way Edward used women for sex as a coping mechanism, he hoped that she had enough forgiveness in her heart. Otherwise he feared Edward would go completely off the rails.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N - Hold on kids, it's going to be a wild ride.

* * *

Bella slipped on her Breakfast at Tiffany's inspired cocktail dress she bought the other day in preparation for the dinner party Caius and his wife, Athena were hosting. The concept was to have the employees that transferred from Miami mingle with the new New York hires in a non-work related setting.

With a final glance in the mirror, she grabbed her small evening bag and her wrap and headed out the door to grab a taxi. Today marked her first week anniversary in this new city and she had to admit she acclimated far better than she thought she would.

She had spent the week wandering through different neighborhoods, having lunch with Alice a couple of times and she even took out her cherished camera and rediscovered her love of photography. She had also thought quite a bit about Edward.

The separation from him now that he wanted back in her life was difficult. She felt a magnetic pull towards him that wasn't as easily defined now as it had been ten years ago. She often found herself wondering what he was up to at various times of the day and if he was thinking of her as often as she thought of him.

Of course, the power to end this tumult…this madness rested in her hands. She had been both surprised and disappointed that Edward was actually respecting her boundaries by staying away. She half-expected him to make some type of gesture before now. In those first couple of days she had found herself jumping in anticipation every time the phone rang or someone buzzed on the apartment door's intercom.

She didn't jump anymore.

Who was she trying to fool anyway? Edward Mason now Cullen had been a dormant fever in her blood since she watched him walk away all those years ago tainting every relationship she tried to have since. Now the fever that had lain under the surface for so long was a fire raging through her veins, ignited once more.

By some illogical twist of fate, he wanted the very same thing she told herself she couldn't have anymore. But she _could_ have it. She had only to reach out and grab it.

And as the elevator brought her up to the 20th floor where Caius' apartment was, she resigned to do just that. She only had to figure out how.

Greeted by a white gloved waiter holding a tray of champagne flutes, she grabbed one and entered the foyer. Now that her mind was made up, she only intended to stay the minimum requisite of time before politely taking her leave and dive into the second chance that was waiting for her.

"Isabella." Athenodora, Caius' wife, greeted her warmly, kissing both cheeks and taking her arm, leading her further into the large apartment. "I am so glad you could come. You look exquisite, by the way."

Bella blushed under the praise of her boss' wife. She was a slim, beautiful woman, almost waifish in appearance with blonde hair but Bella knew the fragile exterior was very deceiving. Underneath, Athena had the heart of a lion; fiercely protective and very loyal. She reminded Bella a little of Rosalie in that way.

"As do you." Bella replied graciously with a nod of appreciation at her sapphire blue dress.

"Come" She said with a smile as she pulled her further into the throng of mingling guests. "Let me take you to Caius and he will introduce you around to the new members of our New York team."

For the next hour or so Bella blithely nibbled on a various assortment of hors d oeuvres, sipped Tanqueray and Tonic and conversed with new and familiar co-workers alike.

Aro, who had come up from Miami for the occasion was wandering around the room with Dimitri attached to his side, both talking animatedly. She had been trying to escape their notice all evening. Aro made her uncomfortable and she was beginning to wonder if Jane's accusation about how she had gotten the promotion had a ring of truth to it.

Making her way to the bar for a drink refill, she was approached by a girl probably slightly younger than herself with nearly white blonde hair save for a streak of bright pink woven into her slicked back high pony tail.

"Hi I'm Bree." She stuck out her hand and gave a bright smile. "I don't think we've met yet."

"Bella." She replied warmly.

"I love your dress. Very Hepburn-esque."

"Thank you." Bella looked at Bree's twenties flapper style dress and grinned. "I like yours too...very Clara Bow."

"I'm not even going to pretend to know who that is but I'll take it as a compliment." She turned a small circle sending the beaded fringes twirling around her. "I bought it at a thrift shop in the Village. It's just a shame though I couldn't wear my Doc Marten's with it. I don't think the bosses would appreciate that too much." She added in a conspiratorial whisper before she took a sip of beer the bartender just served her.

"No." Bella cringed thinking of how uber formal the brothers were. "Definitely not."

"So Bella, how long have you worked for Volturi Media?"

"About two years now. And you just started right? Creative department?"

Bree chuckled. "Gee, how could you tell? Was it the hair?"

"And maybe the Doc Marten reference." She admitted.

She spent the next few moments speaking with the quirky young woman, until a shadow passed over her left shoulder and an elbow took residence on the bar top beside her. Bella would recognize the pretentious odor of Aro's cologne anywhere and she schooled herself not to recoil from his close proximity.

"Isabella." He said drawing out her name like he always did. "As always a pleasure to see you. I must say New York agrees with you."

Suppressing a shudder, she turned to him and gave a confident smile belying the ill at ease feeling she always felt in his presence. She could literally feel his eyes perusing her and was thankful she wore a demure neckline.

Aro never just looked, he leered. His eyes, made especially magnified by the way he wore his hair tightly slicked back in a ponytail, always seemed to suggest his mind was ruled by his libido and tonight was no different.

"Aro, how nice to see you." She lied easily, not wanting him to see the way he was eyeing her up and down was making her squirm internally.

Her only comfort was that he wasn't this way only with her but with the other females in the office and he would be mostly based at the Miami office, she would only see him sporadically.

Everyone ignored his suggestive stares for the most part so she found herself bearing it when she had to. He was careful not to make any overt gestures that she was aware of, though truthfully if it _had_ been Aro that had originally interviewed her two years ago, she would never have taken the job.

Beside her, Bree mumbled out some apologetic excuse that she had to use the ladies room, leaving Bella alone with him. She only wished she could follow her without appearing rude.

"Thank you again for the opportunity." She said taking a sip from her drink when it was apparent he was in no rush to leave her side when he received his own.

"Your most welcome and most deserving." He responded, somewhat amused. After looking like he was debating something in his head he started to speak again. "Speaking of opportunities…there is something I wanted to talk with you about…come…" He said taking a light hold of her elbow. "I know somewhere private we can chat."

Alarm bells rang in her head but she had no choice but to follow where he led her. The hand on her bare arm felt exceedingly cold and papery causing her to want to yank herself from his grasp. Her anxiety was short lived however when he took her into a smaller room off the open kitchen but still in view of others.

"Much better, " He said with an approving sigh. "I can actually hear myself think."

"What did you want to discuss?" Bella asked, still wary but hiding it well behind a shield of indifference.

"Well…It's something Caius and I were discussing actually. We were going to hand this over to Dimitri but we both agreed that your _particular_ talents would be better suited to the job."

It was on the tip of her tongue to ask what talents he was referring to but he starting speaking again.

"Word on the street is that a certain prestigious cosmetics firm is not too happy with their current AOR. On Monday morning, I want you to contact them, court them, work your magic and make them our client…_your_ client. The account is worth millions and would be quite the feather in your cap."

Bella was dumbfounded. Here she was expecting him of some nefarious deeds and he was essentially putting a high-profile, lucrative account in her lap.

"Aro," She breathed out. "I don't know what to say. Thank you. This is…" She shook her head, flabbergasted.

Aro chuckled. "No need to thank me, my dear. Just nail the account. Caius will give you all the details Monday morning."

"Oh, I will." She said, suddenly determined and fired up for this new challenge.

"That's what I like to hear. Now that's enough talk of business for the evening…Dimitri was telling me earlier that you know the building owner of where our new offices are…that you know him _very_ well."

Bella's whole body stiffened at the mention of Edward and the way Aro had spoken of their relationship. She tried very hard not to let Aro see how mentioning him affected her. This was why she wanted Edward to keep quiet.

"Yes. I know him." She said in a non-committal manner.

"Interesting man, that Edward Cullen." Aro snickered in such a way that had the hair on Bella's neck rising to attention. "We went out to lunch…he has rather _fascinating_ tastes."

A shiver went through her. Aro's words nearly mirrored a conversation discussing the same event only at that time Caius and Edward had been talking about Aro.

"What do you mean?" She asked, taking a sip of her drink only this time she wasn't able to hide her trembling fingers as the glass made it's way to her lips.

* * *

Raising the bottle of twenty four year old Macallan Scotch to his lips after giving up on pouring glass after glass, Edward stared bleary eyed at the thick manila envelope on the opposite side of his glass dining room table. He'd been staring at it for the past two hours as he continued to drink himself into oblivion. He never allowed himself to get this inebriated.

It didn't feel as therapeutic as he thought it would.

In fact he felt like shit.

Mocking himself with a dark sniggering laugh, he stretched his arm out to the offending package and pulled it towards him. The edges of the opening were bent and frayed now and there was a small tear from where he had angrily pulled it from his briefcase, warring with indecision on whether or not to open it.

He flipped it over again and again, his fingers playing with the now worn seams. He had avoided looking at it for days but in his mind the temptation was always there building within him, warring with any conscience he had left.

Temptation won.

* * *

"Lunch at his sex club …"

"The women…"

"…In the back room he…"

"…Witness to decadent, vile acts …"

"…Such wickedness …"

"…Utter depravity…"

Bella felt sick…stomach churning, bile inducing…sick. She could feel the blood retreat from her face leaving it feeling pasty and cold. She barely heard what Aro was saying anymore, her brain choosing to tune out much of what he said after sex club but the implication was clear and so were the visions slamming into her.

Oh God! And she had changed her mind only a few hours ago, ready to go to him and give him another chance.

Her stomach lurched again.

"…I was appalled of course. We nearly backed out of the deal but…Bella? Are you alright? You look quite ill. Oh dear, perhaps I shouldn't have said anything."

Then why did you, she wanted to scream at him. _Why_?

She wanted to sob.

She wanted to throw something and make it shatter.

She wanted to throw up.

She wanted to get the hell out of there…out from under the almost gleeful gaze of Aro Volturi.

"I think…" Bella said clutching her middle. "I think I'm going to leave now."

"Don't go." He told her gently. "You're not looking well. I'm sure Athena would let you lie down for a while…somewhere you won't be disturbed."

"No." She shook her head. "I want to go home."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Alright then. Let me find Dimitri, I am sure he can be persuaded to escort you home."

"No, Aro…that's not necessary."

"Of course it is, dear. I can't in good conscience let you leave by yourself in the state you're in." He said walking off.

"Even if you are the one that put me there?" She muttered under her breath.

Bella didn't waste another second. Ignoring her body's need to sink to the floor and weep, she quickly made a bee-line to the front door of the apartment. As she made it out the doors of the building the heavens opened up on her and saturated her with a torrent of rain.

Letting out a hysterical laugh that was more of a broken sob, she ran, arm extended out to the street to hail a cab. She never noticed the subway grate and tripped into it breaking the heel on her shoe and landing forcefully on her knee. She never noticed the pain. The pain squeezing her heart had obscured everything else.

Thankfully, a cabbie took pity on her and stopped. She had just closed the door when she saw Dimitri come running out of the building shouting her name.

Images of Edward rutting against some faceless woman in the back room of some dirty club assaulted her. It was all so sordid and lewd and not the Edward she knew...it wasn't even the Edward she wanted to know. _How_? How could he stand there and tell her with the look of adoration and love in his green eyes, it was only her that ever claimed his heart, that he _wanted_ her...when he had _that_...when he treated women _that_ way? How long was it going on? Was it _still_ going on?

Bella's stomach rolled once again and she fought down the Tanqueray tasting bile that invaded her throat.

Aro had to be lying. He just had to be. Because if he was telling her the truth then what?

But why? What could possibly be his motive?

Dimitri. It had to be. Dimitri was his boy. He was trying to clear the way for him. That had to be it.

What if it wasn't? What if it was exactly like Aro said it was and Edward was...

Bella sobbed into her hand.

She wanted...no, she needed to know the truth.

"I've changed my mind." She told the cab driver in a shaking voice. "Take me to Riverside and West 64th...The Rushmore."

* * *

White printer paper was scattered all over the room and Edward was sitting in the floor in the middle of it all holding just one piece of it crumpled in his white knuckled fist. Subconsciously he knew he had no right...no right at all to what he was feeling but he felt it anyway...the rage...the jealousy...the hurt.

He had skimmed over her financials. He really didn't care what her credit score was or how many credit cards she had but he was pleased to find out she wasn't hurting financially.

He had been surprised to find out she moved back to Phoenix after Charlie died and then returned a year later to attend the University of Florida.

He had been expecting to find her name linked with the case filed against Laurent although it still made his gut clench seeing it in black and white.

What he _didn't_ expect...what hit him like a well aimed punch was one short line amongst a sea of inconsequential information about the life of Isabella Marie Swan.

**June 20, 2008 - Marriage license application issued for Isabella Marie Swan and Sam Quilette. Application expired, not filed for processing.**

She was going to get married...to someone else. She had loved someone, took him into her bed and her heart and agreed to marry him and they went to get the license on his God Damn _birthday_.

It didn't manner that they never got married. It didn't make a difference at all. He _knew_ her. She would never have agreed to wed someone she wasn't in love with. Someone else had replaced him in her heart and he felt sick over it.

No matter what he did or who he did it with, she was _always_ it for him. There was never another to claim his heart, to claim his soul. He couldn't move on but apparently _she_ had.

He shouldn't feel this level of stinging betrayal, he knew but he did.

His phone rang breaking him free from his thoughts. Getting up slowly he lumbered to the phone and picked up the receiver.

"Yeah." He answered into the receiver, his voice sounding dead and heavy.

"Mr. Cullen, you have a guest downstairs. Her name is Bella Swan."

Even though he visibly stiffened, Edward's whole body ignited just hearing her name. He clenched his eyes shut, pressing on the bridge of his nose.

"Send her up."

* * *

The man at the security desk eyed her warily as he put down the receiver of the phone.

"He says you can go up."

Bella closed her eyes in thanks that he was home...that he wasn't _there_...at _that_ place.

"Are you..." the security guard swallowed. "Are you sure you don't need the hospital?"

It was the second time he asked. She could only imagine what she looked like. She didn't care.

She shook her head silently, feeling the wet strands of her hair pelt against her cheek.

"Okay, then. I'm going to have to do a manual override on the elevator. We are not allowed to give out the pass codes to guests."

He was speaking to her as if she were a child or maybe more accurately, a mental patient. She blinked and nodded and followed him to the elevator bank and got in one of the cars. The doors closed and the metal box ascended.

When the doors opened again, she couldn't move. In her shock and numbed state she could do nothing but stand there, head bowed. She was too shellshocked to move.

All thoughts of any imagined betrayal dissipated the moment he saw her standing there, soaked and shivering, shock and fear took it's place. He couldn't move as his eyes traveling the length of her. She was completely bedraggled. Her hair hung in wet strands around her face. She was carrying a broken shoe in her trembling hand, her knee was ripped open and bleeding, her shin smeared with red streaks.

Snapping out of his state and thinking the worst, he ran forward.

"Bella?" He questioned, his voice reflecting the icy fear threading through his veins. "Bella, baby, what happened to you?"

He cupped her icy cold cheek but she flinched away from him, never looking at him.

Frantic now and desperate, he kneeled down in front of her.

"Please, Bella." He choked out. "Were you mugged? Were you..." He swallowed convulsively unable to complete the sentence. "God, Bella, _please_ tell me what's wrong." He stood up again, shoving his fingers through his hair.

Edward scooped her up then, holding her shivering form close to his chest. Gently, he sat her on the couch and ran to get a towel and first aid kit from the bathroom.

He was shaking so badly he nearly dropped the antiseptic. Something was terribly, terribly wrong and he was terrified to find out what it was.

When he got back to her, he still hadn't regained his composure and she hadn't moved. She just sat there shivering. Draping a towel over her head, he knelt down in front of her pouring hydrogen peroxide on a gauze pad.

"This will sting a bit." He warned as he began to gently dab at her knee with the cloth, trying to remove embedded gravel as he did so.

The only sound out of her lips was a deep hiss at the burning sensation.

As Bella watched him attend to her knee, the mind numbing shock that had set in was starting to fade. She was trying to come up with a coherent enough thought...to formulate a sentence without tripping over her words.

"I wish you would talk to me, Bella. Whoever did this to you..." His hands shook even more as he looked up at her, pleading.

She did meet his eyes then, her own eyes luminous and haunted with streaks of mascara lining a dark path down her cheeks. He sucked in a sharp breath.

With her brows scrunched together, she tilted her head giving him a look of confusion.

"Is it true?"

"Is _wha_t true, baby?" He nearly sobbed hearing her voice; it sounded to uncertain, so child like. "Bella, _c'mon_, you're scaring the shit out of me here."

"Do you belong to a fuck club?"


	14. Chapter 14

A/N - This chapter is chock full of emotional landmines. Please do not complain if chin damage due to jaw dropping. No seriously, this was a dfficult chapter to write so I hope I've done it well.

* * *

"Is what true, baby?" He nearly sobbed hearing her voice; it sounded to uncertain, so child-like. "Bella, _c'mon_, you're scaring the shit out of me here."

"Do you belong to a fuck club?"

Each word annunciated clearly…slowly…angrily as she stared him down, her eyes hollow and burning.

Edward felt like all the air had been sucked out of his lungs and out of the room the second the crude words slipped from her lips. His whole body turned stone rigid and he could do nothing but turn away from her accusing stare. He swallowed thickly feeling like he would choke on the lump lodged in his throat.

Bella didn't need to hear his answer to know it was true; the flash of alarm and guilt in his eyes was enough.

It was too much.

She broke.

She clutched her stomach as gales of manic laughter laced with acidic bitterness escaped her. Afraid to approach her, Edward could do nothing but watch helplessly, hating himself for not coming forward and telling her sooner and hating whoever did tell her.

"So it _is_ true." She finally said when she came back to herself and could catch her breath. Wiping her eyes with the back of her hands, she looked at him.

He was across the room now, hands fisted in his pockets with the most desolate look on his face as he watched her warily. He was angry...so _fucking_ angry he didn't dare move. How had she found out? Had Caius told her when he said he wasn't going to? Was it that Dimitri person who wanted Bella for himself? He'd like to pulverize whoever it was; Watch them squirm...hear them beg for mercy and he would show them none.

"Who told you?" He was barely able to choke the words out through his clenched teeth. He poured himself a drink and downed it quickly, slamming the glass on the bar.

"Does it matter?" She let out another desperate laugh and shook her head. "You know what the whole fucked up irony here is, Edward? I was going to come here tonight anyway…I was ready to give you…to give _us_ a second chance. Then Aro opened his mouth at the party tonight…I couldn't believe it…I thought…I _hoped_…he was lying to me…but he wasn't, was he? You took him there…what he described…"

"That's _not_ how it happened." He snarled, interrupting her. He was watching everything that mattered to him slip away and he had to stop it. "He asked me if I knew of a place. I did. He wanted to go...badly. I didn't just decide to take him there...he was practically salivating at the thought."

He managed to make it sound so simple…so innocuous but he knew he was grasping at redemptive straws. He could tell by the look on her face and the scornful twist of her lips that the attempt to taper his guilt for that one time did nothing to erase all the rest.

Bella shuddered at hearing one of her bosses being described so seedily but it didn't surprise her, nor did it serve to diminish the images she had of Edward still locked in her brain; a willing and active participant in what could only be described as Satyr-like hedonism.

"Again, does it matter?" She gave a harsh, contemptuous chuckle. "You must think I am so naïve. Do you think I don't know that you can't just walk in off the street or that you need to go through a screening process to even join...that you have to pay a very high membership fee? God, did I ever really know you at all?"

"You _do_ know me." He broke the separation and kneeled in front of her once more. "Perhaps you're the only one that does."

"No…not anymore…maybe I never did. The Edward I thought I knew wouldn't…"

"It meant _nothing_." He sprung to his feet, his fingers fisting in his hair. "_They_ meant nothing! Because they weren't you!"

"And that's supposed to make it better?" She returned heatedly, her voice rising a few octaves. "To know that you didn't care who you were dipping your wick into…just as long as you got some sick sort of satisfaction from it? I _never_ expected that you would have remained celibate all these years. I would have been shocked if you had but this…_this_…" Her voice broke on a whimper. "Is that what you need, Edward? The anonymous, meaningless fucking?"

He recoiled at the vehemence in her tone and the mocking animosity of it.

"It was all I had, Bella. It was never what I truly needed. I never lied to you. You are the only one that has ever claimed my heart. But apparently you can't claim the same." He said bitterly.

"What are you talking about?"

"You were engaged…to be married."

"You walked out on me!" She cried feeling like she was on some sort of Ixion's wheel, forever spinning.

"Do you think it makes it hurt any less? To know that I was replaced so easily? The fact that I was the reason for that only made it worse. I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest when I found out." Edward grabbed at his shirt over his heart and yanked at the material like it was burning him.

"And how exactly did you find out?"

He pulled the piece of crumpled paper he had shoved in his pocket when the phone rang and gave it to her. With a marred brow, she took it. Smoothing out the sheet on her leg, she skimmed the paper and looked up at him sharply, her eyes narrowing to angry slits.

"You did a background check on me?" She questioned, disbelieving by his sheer audacity. She didn't know if she wanted to scream or laugh.

"I had to find you and when you weren't in Miami, I had my investigator pull a full report."

She crumpled the paper back up and threw it at him hitting him square in the chest. Although, he barely felt it make contact, he flinched anyway, taken aback by her viciousness.

Getting up, she stalked him slowly limping as she did so, not caring about the pain shooting up her leg.

"You think you have all the answers, don't you…from one single line of type." Her voice was dark with disdain. "Well, you don't. What that little piece of paper _doesn't_ tell you is that the relationship was a sham from the get go. I never loved him…not even close. He offered me a comfortable life and all I had to be was be the picture perfect wife of a budding politician. That's right, Edward." She said at his shocked expression. "I sold my soul so I didn't have to try anymore…so I didn't have to look for you anymore in every man that showed an interest. It would be over. _Over_. It was no coincidence we applied for the marriage license on your birthday if you've wondered about that. In fact, Sam insisted on it…a final goodbye he said.

"Only I couldn't go through with the wedding. He didn't just want someone on his arm to make him look like the perfect family guy when he was campaigning. No…he wanted to control every aspect of my life right down to my wardrobe…for votes...public opinion." She sneered. "Only he felt free to do his own thing when he thought no one else was paying attention. Do you want to know why I know so much about those sex clubs, Edward? It was Sam. I'll spare you the gory details but let's just say I inadvertently found myself an unwilling audience to it. And do you know what he said when I gave him back his ring? That if I hadn't been so 'uptight' in the bedroom, he wouldn't need it."

She was heaving when she was done; shocked by all she revealed. No one knew the full details on what was the final catalyst to their relationship ending, not that she hadn't been debating about walking away before but the horrors she witnessed that night sealed it for her.

Suddenly exhausted and feeling utterly beaten, she sat back down. She hugged herself fighting the chill seeping into her and continued never noticing the cushion next to her depressing as Edward sat down next to her.

"After the initial horror of it all wore off, I realized I was relieved. It wasn't about me…not really. It was _him_…for whatever reasons he _needed_ that lifestyle. I was going to end it anyway…seeing that just made it that much easier to do. But when Aro told me about you…it was like history coming back to kick me in the ass. I remembered what I witnessed back then only it wasn't Sam in the memories, it was _you_. And whatever I felt back then was a thousand times worse because this time…_this time_ it matters. This time I can't console myself with the fact that I don't care or I don't love you even after all this time…and to know that_ you_ need what_ he_ needed…well, how can I compete with that, Edward…how can I possibly be enough?"

"You _are_, Bella. You are. Never doubt that." He never wanted to touch her so badly as he did now. His fingers itched to do it but he was terrified she'd pull away from him and he'd be left holding nothing but air.

"Then why?" She finally recognized he was beside her and turned to him beseechingly, pleading to understand. "How could you engage in something so appalling…so debasing to yourself...to other women?"

"Trust me," He snorted. "The women paid the same amount to be there as the men did."

"You still haven't answered my question."

"No, I suppose I haven't." He sighed, realizing that if he had any chance at all to fix this, he had to be honest. "I'm not sure if I can completely explain why…I'm not so sure myself, but I'll try."

Edward leaned backwards into the seat trying to find the right words.

"My first time there, someone had taken me as a guest. I was just as...disgusted as you were. But the drinks were endless and the drunker I became, it…well, it didn't seem so awful anymore. At that time, I wasn't in the best state of mind. Being there…doing that…it freed me for a while. I didn't want a relationship…not if it wasn't with you...but I felt that I already lost you so I couldn't go back. This place, Dante's, allowed me the liberty to do things where I didn't have to worry about strings being attached. It's not a justification, that's just how it was.

"Everyone there was of a like mind. I rationalized being there by telling myself the other clientele were wealthy businessmen and women just like me...that it couldn't be _that_ horrible. It became a habit; one that began to make me feel repulsed by my own depravity and terrified of the emptiness that followed as time went on."

"When was the last time you were there?" She asked but she wasn't sure she wanted to or was ready to hear the answer.

"A few weeks ago." He admitted apologetically. "I turned in my membership when I decided I was going to find you and do everything in my power to get you back. I haven't looked back since. I _don't_ need that Bella. I only thought I did. It was something that gave me a temporary escape and it just wasn't worth it anymore. I need you."

"This is so fucked up, Edward." Bella said burying her face in her hands. "_We're_ so fucked up. How are we going to get through this? At this point should we even try?"

"Yes." There was no hesitation in his answer. He gripped her shoulders and forced her to look at him. "You were going to come here tonight anyway…you said so yourself. You want that second chance. You knew you wanted it the minute you saw me in the restaurant. Don't deny it. Don't let Aro win, Bella."

"This isn't about letting anyone win. It's about trust. How do I know that I can trust you…trust that you'll be satisfied in a monogamous relationship when it's been so long since you've been in one?"

"You don't." He answered quietly. When she went to pull away from him, he wouldn't let her. He held on tighter and continued. "But I'll prove it every damn day if I have to. No relationship has guarantees." He added, his lips twisting in a sad smile.

"Except ones found in places like Dante's" She whispered.

"Those weren't relationships, Bella…not even close."

He pulled her to him and her head automatically rested on his shoulder. It was an unconscious, automatic movement; one born of familiar intimacy and she was just too emotionally exhausted to care. She stared unseeingly forward, for the first time really noticing the ripped papers around the room. How ironic that he was so eager to delve into her life, invading her privacy when he was so reluctant about sharing his past.

"Were you going to tell me?"

Edward shifted slightly, uncomfortable with the question. "I knew the clock was ticking down on me as soon as I realized someone knew...that it could get back to you. So yes, I was just trying to figure out how."

"And if _no one_ knew? Would you have told me then?"

He sighed as he bowed his head, his arm tightening around her. "I'd like to think so but..." He shook his head sadly. "I really don't know if I could've been that noble. Knowing that I might lose you again...the strangling feeling I get when I think about it..." He looked at her then, his eyes bleak. "I'm a selfish man, Bella."

"Thank you for being honest about that at least."

"I mean it Bella. I don't want...I _can't_ lose you again."

She remained quiet at his words. She wanted to tell him that he didn't have her to lose but that would be a lie. As much as she would have liked to deny it, she had always been his.

Wracked by indecision now that the harsh truth was out, she snuggled closer into his side, breathing him in as if somehow it would give her an answer. He pressed his lips to her temple.

"No more secrets?" She asked, peeking up at him through her lashes, mentally bracing herself for the answer.

"None...in my personal life anyway." He answered with complete confidence that she believed him. "I am, however, legally bound not to divulge company secrets." He tried to joke. "And you?" He clenched his eyes shut waiting for the answer.

"We have ten years separating us...while I wouldn't call them secrets, there's..." She swallowed uncomfortably. "There's a lot you don't know."

Unable to stop himself, he trailed kisses down her cheek until he reached the side of her mouth and she let him. Despite everything, she felt the burn of awakening desire spread through her. Her fingers found their way to the back of his neck and she threaded her fingers through the soft hair she found there.

"Tell me something I won't like." He murmured against her lips.

She stiffened in his embrace. "Why would you ask me to do that?"

"I want you to...I need you to." He whispered, using his mouth and the sudden pressure of his body now hovering over hers, to coax her into submission.

She moaned into him before pushing her palm against his chest. Her eyes snapped to his, searching, trying to gage what he was doing. Realization slammed into her.

"You think that's going to put you on equal footing, don't you? I tell you something awful that I've done so you don't have to feel so bad."

"No," He sat back, tugging at his scalp and shaking his head. "No, that's not it at all."

"Then why? We weren't together then. What you did over the past ten years...while I can't say I'm say I'm thrilled with it and I'm not sure if I can even live with it...you had...you had every right to do it."

"But it hurts you...I can see that. I'm not blind. I want..." He shook his head again.

"You want me to punish you."

"Yes." He admitted with a defeated slump of his shoulders.

"That is...seriously fucked up, Edward. Do you realize that?"

"I know. But if we're both ripped open then maybe...we can heal together, we can move past this...we can move forward."

She didn't agree with him at all. His logic was so skewed. His remorse and guilt were already so apparent, she didn't know if she could do it...not to him and not without ripping herself open even more in the process.

His lips were on hers once more, not even giving her the chance to speak. He kissed her repeatedly with a desperate hunger as he cupped the back of her head, holding her to him.

"Please, please." He whispered over and over when he released her.

"I slept with Jake." She blurted out when she could take no more.

"That boy." He nearly snarled. He had suspicions, of course but hearing her confirm it, shredded him.

She nodded, watching him warily. "A week before I came here. For so long, he watched me go through a steady diet of relationships that were doomed to fail and before I left, we got drunk and I slept with him. He thought that meant I wanted to be with him but I didn't."

It was a moment of stupidity she still hated herself for but she could see no revulsion in his eyes...no anger, only understanding. It confused her.

His fingers trailed up her side, coming in contact with the almost completely hidden metal zipper nub right under her arm. He pulled it down slowly.

"Why so many relationships, Bella?" He asked as his hand slipped in under the fabric, touching bare skin. He felt her muscles contract at his touch.

Bella almost couldn't think anymore, she was writhing under his touch, resenting her body for it's reaction to him. His hips rolled once…twice and settled in a little more between crux of her thighs.

"Why Bella?" Edward's voice was a husky whisper against her too sensitized skin.

"I couldn't…" Her tongue darted out over her bottom lip.

She tried to stretch backwards to move away from him. He was too close…it was too much. With shallow breaths, she watched his eyes darken and focus on her mouth. He cocked his head to the side and regarded her with a knowing half-tilted grin. He was still waiting for her to answer.

"I didn't want to…be alone anymore." She finally replied and tried to push at his chest. She needed breathing room, damn it. She couldn't think straight like this.

Edward wasn't having it. He wasn't going anywhere, not now…not ever.

"And why were they doomed to fail, Bella?" He asked her slowly.

The question took her off guard.

"What?"

"Your relationships...why were they doomed to fail?" He asked, his gaze unflinching as he continually stroked the heated flesh at her side, stoking the inferno inside them both. "Tell me." He urged, his other hand cupping her cheek, his mouth only inches from hers.

Her breath hitched and her heart felt like it would beat out of her chest. The intense way he was watching her made her believe he could see right through her.

She was so aroused that he could feel her body heat through her dress; smell the spiciness of it. He pressed his body into hers, gently grinding into the apex of her thighs, letting her feel his hard length stroke against her.

"They weren't you." She choked out as her body arched like a bow towards his. "They failed because they weren't you."

He wanted to bury himself in her at her words but for now he settled for resting his head in the crook of her neck, letting his lips graze at the tender skin there.

"Maybe we're not so different after all. We just chose different outlets."

She stiffened as his words cut through the haze of desire.

"You sonofabitch." She whispered on the edge of a sob. His questioning had an underlying motive that she didn't see until it was too late and she played right into it. "You God damned sonofabitch."

The worst part was that he was right…about all of it.

She tried to squirm out of his reach but he only strengthened his hold. She pushed once more at his chest, more forcefully this time but in one easy maneuver, he secured her wrists keeping her arms locked and immobile between them.

"Say I'm wrong, Bella." He growled as he stared down at her. "I dare you."

Bella turned her head to the side. She couldn't look at him anymore even as her body longed to take what he was offering. If only she could tell him he was wrong. This would end right here. But she couldn't lie to him anymore. She couldn't lie to herself.

"Tell me again how_ this_ is wrong. How you're afraid you won't be enough..." He gyrated his hips against her. "How _this_ isn't enough."

Grasping her chin, he forced her to look at him and see the truth. He moved his pelvis insistently against her through their clothes; glowing in triumph when he let her wrists go and her arms came around him. Her nails skated at his back and he was sure she hadn't decided whether she wanted to cause him pleasure or pain by doing so. He didn't care right now…he'd take either.

"Everything we've done Bella..._everything..._has led us to this moment right here." He pressed his forehead against hers as he drew a line down her jaw with his shaking finger. "We are lost without each other. The last ten years have proven that. You want this just as much as I do. No more space...no more thinking. Say it, Bella." He demanded with a thrust of his hips. "Say we have that chance to make it right again."

She felt a drop of moisture fall on her cheek and realized it wasn't from her. It tickled a path down the side of her face and another one took it's place. Tilting her chin up towards him, her lips ghosted over his.

It was the only sign he needed. With a groan he covered her mouth, coaxing it open and delving inside as his hips quickened the grinding motion against the apex of her thighs. His arms reached forward, his hands seeking purchase and leverage on the arm of the couch.

Pressed flush up against him, her body responding rhythmically, moving unconsciously against his, she gave in to the kiss. Their tongues tangled and fought; each seeking dominance over the other. There was no thinking, no rationalizing, no deliberation, only sheer unadulterated emotion and need.

She hitched her leg over his, making a mewling sound deep in her throat as he slid himself harder and faster against her core. His hands, no longer grasping at the ends of the couch, tangled themselves in her hair, keeping her head locked in position as he ravaged her mouth mercilessly.

He was consuming her and she was letting him. He pulled away roughly, his breath coming in sharp and painful bursts of air as he stared back into her passion glazed eyes that were now veiling with confusion.

"I'm not going to be the one to stop this time, Bella." He said in a gravelly voice. "I want you to be very clear what this means. No going back, no more thinking, no more space between us. If you want to stop you have to do it now." He forced the words from his throat and watched her. If she put on the brakes now, it would just about kill him. "So, what's it going to be, Bella?"


	15. Chapter 15

A/N - Are you ready? So just a small note...the extra vivid "lemony" chapter, complete with a dash of salt and a shot of Patron, can be viewed on The Writers Coffeshop website under the same chapter heading, the same story by yours truly.

* * *

"I'm not going to be the one to stop this time, Bella." He said in a gravelly voice. "I want you to be very clear what this means. No going back, no more thinking, no more space between us. If you want to stop you have to do it now." He forced the words from his throat and watched her. If she put on the brakes now, it would just about kill him. "So, what's it going to be, Bella?"

Breathing heavily, flushed with desire, she stared up him through her lashes into his demanding green eyes. His hips still rocked against her softly but insistently. She could feel the hard length of him, taunting her, just shy of the sweet spot she knew he was deftly avoiding.

Bella wasn't a fool. She knew exactly what he was doing by trying to work her body into a sensual frenzy. She was aroused beyond comprehension. Each time he stroked, he created a delicious friction against her already over-stimulated flesh that was covered by only the barest wisp of silken fabric.

Another thrust of his hips, harder, more insistent this time drew forth a desperate moan from deep within her. He was letting her know he was losing patience and he wanted an answer.

Could she do this? Give him what he wanted? Give herself what she wanted despite all the bombs that were dropped tonight?

"Bella." His voice was low and guttural, her moans nearly driving him over the edge…nearly driving him to forget that he asked for permission and just take what he wanted.

It was the complete and utter look of lost vulnerability that was barely concealed in the depths of his eyes that had her nodding slowly. They had both made mistakes over the years and while there was still so much to work through, she had to seize this second chance and see where it led.

"Say it." He demanded harsher than he intended. "I need to hear the words."

"Don't stop." She whispered before surging her hips upward to collide pleasurably with rigid flesh concealed by his pants.

Edward blinked twice, taking the barest of moments to let the words register and root. With a ragged groan of exultation, his lips swooped over hers once more in a claiming kiss. His hand skated up her thigh until it met silken lace. Pushing aside the scrap of material that covered the most intimate part of her, his fingers delved into the molten heat, caressing her with renewed purpose.

Her fingernails dug into his back as he circled the small hidden nub, rubbing it with his thumb, flicking it gently back and forth until she was moaning incoherently into his mouth. He pulled back, peppering her face and jaw with kisses until he reached the sensitive area on her neck right under her ear.

"So hot and wet and _so_ fucking sweet. You _wreck_ me, Bella." He whispered as he sucked and nipped at the skin delicately. "I can't wait to taste every delectable inch of you."

His words alone nearly sent her plummeting over the edge until she heard the metallic ripping sound of a zipper. Her eyes snapped open when she felt the slow thrusts of him completely bare against her slick flesh.

"Wait."

She pushed the heels of her palms against his shoulders.

He lifted his head to look at her, his eyes completely wild with lust.

"No turning back, remember?"

"It's…it's not that…" She stammered. She felt the head of him at her entry, making slow shallow thrusts and it took everything she had to keep herself from pushing down on him and letting him fill her completely. "It's just…" She bit down on her bottom lip, a crimson blush stealing over her cheeks. "Considering your history…"

Edward's face softened and he nearly laughed with relief when he realized she wasn't changing her mind.

"I'm clean, Bella." He assured her. "I've gotten tested every six months because of…well…you know." He said not wanting to mention the club again. "But I also haven't gone…raw…since you."

"Oh, that's…um…good to know. Me too…I mean…I…uh…I'm clean too. And I'm on the pill."

"Good to know." He smiled, mimicking her words. Slowly, he eased up off the couch and held his hand out to her.

He was stopping _now_? But…? She gave him a look that was half panic and half confusion.

"For what I want to do to you, I need a lot more room." He told her, his eyes burning with promise.

When she placed her hand in his, her lifted her up and swooped her into his arms, making a bee line up the stairs to his bedroom. He refused to let her down until his feet were planted firmly inside the door despite her half-hearted complaints of not wanting to be carried.

As he set her on her feet, he grabbed the hem of her dress and in one fluid motion, pulled it over her head.

Shocked only for a moment as the air hit her heated bare flesh, Bella stood there in her demi bra and black lace panties that were now slightly torn as Edward looked his fill.

She was all sinewy muscle and luscious curves. The youthful teenage body of the girl he remembered was no longer. Bella was all woman now; lush, tone and strong. With a growl, he stood centimeters from her; his hands locking on the flair of her hips, pulling her towards him even as he backed her up toward the bed.

Without halting momentum, he cupped the back of her head and bent down for a devouring kiss. Her hands fisted in his shirt, greedily unbuttoning with her trembling fingers and yanking it down over his arms. When the backs of her knees hit the mattress, she had nowhere else to go but down.

He released her then, peeling off his shirt the rest of the way and letting it fall unceremoniously to the floor. Watching her, her eyes level with his groin, his whole body jerked with anticipation as she licked her lips and set about unbuttoning his pants and worked them slowly down his legs baring the taut muscles of his thighs. He yanked them and his boxers off the rest of the way and kicked them aside.

Edward clenched his eyes shut when she reached out to stroke him, still wet with her essence. His hips thrust forward involuntarily, reaching towards her touch as his breath came harshly. Bella leaned forward and kissed his navel, tonguing the shallow orifice before placing open mouthed kisses around it, moving lower down the trail of dark hair on his pelvis.

"Enough." Edward's voice was a strained plea. He felt like a teenager about to lose his virginity. If she kept this up, he wasn't going to last much longer.

Bella, noticing the predatory gleam in his eyes when he opened them to gaze down at her and used her forearms to scoot herself backwards towards the headboard. Crawling over the mattress after her, he stalked her like prey until he hovered his body over hers, trapping her with his arms on either side of her.

Grabbing her calf, he hitched her leg up over him before sinking his weight against her, nestling himself in the crux of her heated thighs, burrowing his way until he reached the hot little pearl of flesh that awaited him. She nearly cried out as he began his slow, teasing rhythm in her folds and his hand kneaded her breast.

Edward smiled lasciviously before bringing his head down, lapping her nipple with his tongue in slow strokes while his other hand meted out attention on the other. She arched her body into his mouth as her hands fisted in his hair.

His stroking and thrusting against her was no longer rhythmic but erratic and fast. He needed to be inside her, surrounded by her heat and he needed it now.

"_Yes_." She breathed out, answering his silent question.

He lifted his head up so he could look at her as he entered her.

"Open your eyes." He demanded. He wanted her to know it was him inside her, giving her pleasure…him and no one else.

When she slowly opened her eyes and lifted her unfocused gaze towards him, he rammed into her in a single hard thrust. Bella could feel her eyes roll back into her head just as she let out a piercing scream as he entered her.

He was lost. Utterly and completely lost. It was everything he dreamed it could be and more. How he had missed this…this feeling of such a complete emotional connection…this feeling that only Bella could give him.

His hands grabbed at her hair, holding her in place as he covered her mouth again, his tongue matching the same erratic rhythm of the lower half of his body.

Their joining was base and primal; a culmination of ten years of lust, desire, love, anger, betrayal and forgiveness.

Out of breath, totally sated and bodies slick with sweat, they lay there entwined with each other. Bella could feel the pounding beat of his heart against her chest and the air from his ragged breathing on her neck. What they just shared was cataclysmic. How could she have ever thought to deny herself this for...this feeling of total completeness, for even a second?

She tangled her fingers through the wet tufts of hair at the back of his neck and she felt his arms tighten around her possessively. Not wanting to crush her, he rolled over on his back, taking her with him so she was lying on top of him, their bodies still joined. He didn't want to leave her heat just yet. He had been without her for too long and now that he had her again, he knew it would be a constant craving…an addiction.

He caressed her spine up and down with his fingertips and chuckled when he felt her squirm on top of him. She brought her head up, resting her chin on his chest, damp strands of hair framing her face and smiled at him.

"You are so fucking beautiful." He whispered emotionally as he traced her cheek with his finger.

"So are you." She told him, kissing him on the chest.

His breath hitched as his body began to respond to her innocent touch. His caressing movements down her spine became more insistent...faster, delving past her lower back and back up again. He thrust his hips up slightly and watched in satisfaction as her eyes darkened in understanding when she felt him twitch and come to life again inside her.

With a grin, he could only describe as gloriously evil, she began to kiss him around the darkened disc of his nipple, her tongue darting out to flick at the erect flesh before taken it wholly into her mouth and grazing it with her teeth.

"Sweet Jesus." He moaned when she tightened around him, the sensation lighting a desirous fire within him.

Bella slid herself over him slowly, feeling the ecstasy start a slow burn in her, ripping through her veins. Sitting up, she braced her legs against him and continued her sinuous movements, loving how she could feel him stretch and grow to fill her.

"That's it, baby." He panted, arching his body to meet hers. "Ride me."

She did until he could take no more. Taking command once again, he had her flipped onto her back, making good on his promise to taste every inch of her. This time around there was no rush, no frantic movements. He took the time to enjoy her thoroughly and fully, learning her body again; all the smells, tastes, touches and curves that were uniquely Bella.

Delicious torture was the only way Bella could describe it. Restricted to the barest of movements, he held her pinned as he mastered her with his mouth. When he raised to his knees, looking at her, the area around his mouth pearly and moist, she thought she had never wanted anything so badly. The way he gazed at her; primitive and greedy made her feel powerful and vulnerable at the same time.

She wanted to reach out and stroke him, touch him any way she could but he still held her under his command, positioning her before he powerfully joined his body with hers once again.

* * *

Bella lay nestled in his arms, her head resting on his chest as he stroked his fingers through her hair and gently pressed kisses to the top of her head. The consistent and deep movements his chest raising and falling with each breath had her fighting to stay awake.

She knew there was still a lot left unsaid but right now she was replete and content just to lie there in the quiet darkness. There would be time enough come morning to ponder what the future held for her…for them. Right now it didn't matter that outside of this space, they lived in two different worlds.

For Edward, he had never been so utterly satiated, so filled with peace within himself. There were no self-recriminations, no feelings of remorse and loathing, no empty void swallowing him whole, just joy and fulfillment.

From the moment, she said yes, her knew he was never going to let her go. He knew all too well what life was like without her and he was not above doing anything to prevent that from happening again. His arms tightened around her unconsciously at the thought and a sharp stab of anxiety went through him causing him to tense.

"What is it?" Bella glanced up at him, concerned when she saw the hard line of his jaw and felt his muscles stiffen underneath her.

He shook his head, not wanting to ruin the moment.

"Nothing."

Bella's eyebrow shot up in blatant disbelief. Years ago, she would've let him get away with the lie, not wanting to rock the proverbial boat by getting into an argument. She wasn't going to do that now.

"Do you want to try that again?" She asked.

He chuckled lightly but she felt the reverberations echo through her own body. Sighing heavily, he used his thumb to edge the hair from her face so he could fully see her features illuminated by the moonlight coming in from the window.

"Now that I know what this feels like again, I can never let you go." He stated honestly, his tone dark with grim determination.

"I'm right here." She tried to assure him despite her own trepidations.

"I'm not the same scared kid I was, Bella," He told her. "I fight for what I want and I don't fight fair."

Bella supposed she should bristle at his words, challenge him on them…ask him how far he'd go but she felt oddly comforted by his disclosure. He was saying he wasn't going to leave.

* * *

Comparisons with the past were inevitable, he surmised as he watched her saunter her way to his master bathroom, nearly growling at the affect the gentle sway of her hips and derriere had on him. The Bella of years ago would have pulled the sheet from him to wrap around herself. Not this Bella. She was obviously more confident with her body and it showed.

"You were gone awhile." He whispered into her hair when he welcomed her back into his arms.

"Well, it _is_ a big bathroom." She told him, ashamed to mention that she had been peeking around looking for evidence that other females had been there despite the fact that he told her she was the only one. "You have a really nice Jacuzzi tub."

At least that wasn't a lie. She marveled at the entirely black, white and chrome bathroom with it's huge sunken tub and separate shower stall complete with customized shower heads to hit most every angle.

"Perhaps we can make use of it tomorrow."

"I was hoping you'd say that. I have a feeling I'm going to be deliciously sore."

"Mmm…" He soothed her hair. "So did you find everything you needed?" He asked with a smirk.

With wide eyes, Bella looked at him and gasped, her face turning red. He knew what she had done.

"I'm sorry…I…" Her shoulders slumped. There really was no defense

"Bella, shh, it's okay." He pressed a kiss to her brow. "I wish you would trust me but I understand why you don't…not yet completely anyway. Had our positions been reversed, I probably would've done the same."

She nodded sleepily, her eyes drifting shut. Trust, she thought, it was the hardest to build and the easiest to break.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N - Thanks again for all the reviews and support of this story! When I first began to write this darker version of Edward, I wasn't sure how it would fly. He even makes me cringe at times in this story. This chapter originally had been a lot more explicit but I "cleaned" it up a bit and if you really want to read the uncensored version, it's on The Writers Coffeeshop.

* * *

She woke up slowly on the tail end of a cloudy dream, taking in the reflection of morning sunlight shimmering on the slivery gray satin sheets beneath her. As she became more aware of her surroundings, she felt a strong hand kneading her breast, plucking her sensitive nipples and hard, rigid flesh rocking back and forth between her thighs from behind.

Her body was readying itself again for him. She could feel the building of delicious pressure take root and spread within her. By all accounts she should be sore and exhausted after last night. It was like they were making up for the past ten years in the course of one evening but she wanted him again...desperately. He could work her body like no one else could.

He wanted her just as badly. She felt it in the way the tempo of his heart increased with each passing second, the way his breath grew heavier and his hands more demanding.

"Good morning." Edward's voice was a husky whisper in her ear.

She turned her head to look at him and was stunned when she saw the naked vulnerability behind his passion glazed eyes. Was he expecting her to bolt? Clearly he was.

When she went to open her mouth to wish him good morning as well, his lips descended, his tongue diving, his hand drifting down to cup the most intimate part of her.

Edward was so afraid that she'd pick up and leave in the middle of the night, he'd wound himself around her possessively. Waking up next to her, the feeling was even more so in the bright light of the morning when they were no longer sheltered by the veil of night.

She was so responsive to his touch; her passage tight and wet, her moans low and keening, it was becoming difficult to maintain his slow, deliberating strokes. Gently he rolled her over until she was on her stomach and positioned her so her sweet, pert behind was raised upward to him.

He didn't take her this way last night but he wanted to now. It was the controlling, dominating side of him, he knew, that needed this act of surrender from her. He smiled salaciously when she wiggled her behind just slightly and craned her head back to look at him. Her hair was falling into her eyes but he knew that look; that molten chocolate, devilish, come hither look.

Edward's arm swept under her and pulled her back against him. She was so ready for him; he could feel it on his fingertips, the musky scent of it, thick and heady, making him dizzy with lust.

"God, you're so hot and so fucking sweet like this."

"You're fault." Bella teased, pushing her hips back against him, undulating in a gesture she knew was openly erotic.

He grasped her hips to restrain her and positioned himself right at her opening dancing around her entrance without pushing inside. His fingers continued to swirl over her in slow, methodical strokes.

Bella felt like every nerve ending was engulfed in flames. She was so close, her pending orgasm ebbing and flowing with the movements of his expert ministrations. She gripped the sheets, seeking purchase and bit the pillow to prevent her from crying out even as she pushed and gyrated alternately against his probing fingers and his hard length.

He hovered over her now, chest to back, skin to skin. Slick perspiration beaded and gathered between them. His breath came harsh in her ear as he suckled on the lobe and used his teeth to graze the tender flesh. She bucked back against him, pleading with her body what her mouth refused to do.

"You're mine, Bella." He said possessively as he stroked at the very center of her.

She groaned into the pillow, his fierce possessiveness driving her wild with desire. He was the only one who had ever lit that spark within her…to push past her limits…to shatter her completely.

"Say it, Bella." He demanded savagely, rivulets of sweat dripping down his jawline and onto her. He was still using the same slow, provocative rhythm just flirting with the now weeping opening. He was too close to the edge, dangling over the precipice and near bursting from holding back. "You're mine. Say it."

Bella whimpered beneath him but she knew the game. She wanted to drive him as crazy as he was driving her. She was pushing his limits now and she could tell he wasn't going to be able to linger much longer.

"Damn you." He growled close to her ear, his fingers working her feverishly. "Say it…Mine."

"Yours."

That one word was all it took for him to let loose and follow through. She let loose a loud scream that had been building from the depths of her very soul as she came instantly.

With his hands gripping her hips tighter, his erratic tempo increased. His knees slid against the sheets with the force of his movements.

"Mine!" He growled repeatedly in between each earth shattering lunge until he exploded.

Completely drained, he collapsed against her, burying his face in the damp tangles of her hair.

* * *

Dressed in Edward's black satin robe, her hair still wet from the shower they shared, Bella slowly sipped the coffee he had made and watched him with a smile as he attempted to cook breakfast of pancakes and eggs.

"Are you sure you don't need help over there?" She asked watching him jump backwards to avoid getting bacon grease spat at him from the frying pan.

"Why? Am I amusing you?"

"Frankly, yes. I mean regardless of this state-of-the-art gourmet kitchen you have going on," Bella waved her hand around at the large room "It doesn't look like you know your way around the stove too well."

He grimaced at her, flicking some batter her way so that it landed on her chin.

"Hey! That's not fair." She wiped the batter from her face but she was grinning.

"No one ever said life was fair, sweetheart. I am sure my prowess in the bedroom more than makes up for my lack of cooking skills. Open." He said dangling a piece of bacon in front of her lips.

She gave him a wary look but opened her mouth. He watched as she bit on the bacon and began to chew the crispy meat in a seductive manner.

Edward's eyes narrowed. "Not fair, Swan."

"No one ever said life is fair...Cullen." She quipped with a one-sided smirk.

"Keep that up and we're christening this counter." His voice lowered to a seductive taunt. He was being completely serious. Did she even know how tempting he thought her, standing there in _his_ robe, in _his_ kitchen, drinking from _his_ mug with her tousled hair and fresh face?

He never wanted her to leave. He wanted to wake up like this every damn day and if he had his way, he would. But it was too soon. He'd scare her off and that was the last thing he wanted.

"Okay, I'll behave." Bella held her hands up in mock surrender. "Now feed me."

The pancakes weren't too bad, Bella thought. A little raw in the middle but nothing dousing them with syrup couldn't fix. Some syrup dribbled on her chin. She gasped when Edward's green gaze darkened and his eyes followed the path the thick, sticky liquid took down her jaw.

"Let me." He whispered when she went to wipe it with a napkin. He leaned over and used his lips and tongue to lick it off. "Mmm, tasty." He said smacking his lips together with a cat that ate the canary grin.

Bella always loved this playful side of Edward, the side he kept tucked away. She couldn't be sure what the past ten years were really like for him but she got the impression that he rarely let go. She, at least, managed to enjoy an active social life with her friends over the years. Bella didn't think Edward had many people he was truly close with. She didn't think he ever did and the thought made her sad.

After breakfast, she decided to check her phone. In all the chaos of last night, she forgot to call Alice and she probably had a back log of messages and texts from her wondering where she was.

She was right. Alice wasn't the only one who called, however. Demetri had left a few frantic messages as had Caius. Aro left one, with a less than sincere apology.

After a quick call to Alice leaving a message that she was still alive..._again_, she tossed her phone down on the couch near where she left her evening bag and sat down next to it.

In her haze of desire, she had forgotten about the events that led her here, forgot about the deep sense of betrayal she felt about Aro's machinations.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked her, noticing with worry the look of disgust on her face. Fear stabbed at him.

"Nothing." She lied. "Just listening to my voice mail."

He gave her a dark look of warning.

"Bella, Tell me."

"Really, it's nothing."

He didn't believe her for a second. Seeing her Blackberry carelessly thrown on the couch, he picked it up.

"Hey, that's mine!"

When she went to grab the phone from him, he stood up and began to listen to her messages. The more he listened, the angrier he got. So this Demetri person thought he could comfort her, hmm? He thought he could swoop in on his white horse and protect her from him…try to take what was his?

And what of Aro with his slick apology claiming he was acting in her best interests? Well, fuck him. Fuck them both.

With a grim face, he handed her back her phone.

Bella was starting to get really concerned. Edward wasn't saying anything but his expression spoke volumes. He was way too quiet. It was beginning to scare her.

"Just let it go, Edward."

"Let it go?" He sneered. "After you ended up in my apartment, bleeding and in shock? Anything could have happened to your way here. No, Isabella," He shook his head slowly, never removing his eyes from hers. "I don't think I _can_ let this go."

She cringed at the way he used her full name. The tone in his voice suggested a calm menace; soft but filled with hard edged steel. This was the Edward Cullen that made millions and took no prisoners.

This wasn't his fight though, it was hers.

"Technically the only thing Aro did was tell me the truth of your less than reputable activities; an action that has probably already gotten him a reprimand by Caius. You don't need to be involved. I will deal with this on my own."

His expression was at first incredulous, staring at her as if she lost her mind. If she only saw herself as he saw her last night; bleeding, broken and crying a river of tears. She was his now, by her own admission and he took care of what was his.

"I'm already involved."

"There is nothing to be done. It's over. Aro is probably already on his way back to Miami."

"There's still Demetri to deal with."

"Who happens to my superior…and the boss' nephew." She paused to let those facts sink in. "And to reiterate, I'll admit he may have ulterior motives but he did nothing wrong."

"He wants what's mine."

She almost forgot how possessive he could be…how controlling he was in and out of the bedroom but now it was so much worse. He was intent on staking a claim out of fear. She couldn't let him do that. It would destroy them before they had a chance to start.

"Edward." She stood up and walked over to him. Placing her palm over his heart, she could feel it thump rapidly against her hand. He stood stock still, barely breathing as he watched her warily. "I know you're afraid but you have to trust me to handle this myself. We have a really good chance here. Let's not taint it by repeating past mistakes, okay?"

Gnashing his teeth together, he averted his gaze from the admonishing look in her eyes.

"I can't stand by knowing he's going to manipulate you to his own end without doing anything. No."

"No?" She scoffed. "And what about me? Do you think so little of my intelligence that I'll fall such easy prey to Demetri?" Bella stopped for a moment to think; a look of horror spread over her features. "Is that what you think _I_ did with _you_?"

He turned to her swiftly then. "No!" He grabbed her hand to prevent her from fleeing from him. He could see she was already debating it.

"That's not what I think." His voice was softer now. He lifted his other hand, threading his fingers through her hair and pressed his forehead to hers. "There were so many times over the past week I wanted to come to you, press my suit…use what I knew was there to my own advantage. But I didn't. It drove me insane to do so but I refrained. I wanted you to come to me. I needed to be sure of how you felt. As for thinking you lack intelligence, nothing could be further from the truth."

"I don't understand."

"I _know_ men like him; how aggressively ambitious they are to get what they want. I don't mean to sound chauvinistic but my telling him to back off will carry more weight than if you told him to."

Her cell phone chimed causing Bella to jump and effectively break the tense moment.

"Let it go to voice mail." He demanded closing the space even more between them, tracing her lower lip with his thumb.

"But..."

Shaking his head he preseed his thumb gently against her lips to silence her.

"No buts. I'm not sharing you today."

He held true to that statement for the entire day. After confiscating her phone and putting it on mute he gave her the grand tour of his penthouse. She was so touched, it brought tears to her eyes when he showed her the library and told her that he was thinking of her when he designed it; that he wanted a sanctuary where he could go that would always remind him of her and her warmth.

She was like a kid in a candy shop; investigating every shelf, every nook and cranny of the room with obvious delight. She marveled over the two tiers of books separated by a narrow cat-walk and attached ladder with wheels to slide amongst the stacks.

"This is a wonderful room." She breathed, looking up at him with eyes full of wonder.

Edward felt a constriction in his chest as he gazed back at her. How many times had he imagined her here, like this; a specter of his fantasies haunting him? Heard her lilted voice, seen her presence on the ladder as she would search the shelves for a book so many times the longing almost hurt too much to enter?

She was here now, in the flesh, he had to remind himself. This wasn't a dream anymore. It was real.

Restlessly, he crushed her to him, his lips searching for hers as he sent a silent prayer of thanks to the heavens.

They ended up making love on the buttery textured leather, cocooned amongst the books; their sighs and moans of pleasure meshing with the soft strains of the music coming from the stereo system.

"So what finally convinced you to give me another chance?" He asked her, brushing a few damp strands of hair from her face.

In the aftermath of their lovemaking, they were still joined together on the couch, her head tucked against his shoulder when he had the urge to know. Something was bringing her back to him before the whole Aro debacle. He had to know what it was.

"I don't think you'd believe me if I told you."

"Try me."

"It was Rose."

"Rose? Emmett's girlfriend?" This was a surprise. From what he knew the acerbic blonde never liked him. He was too possessive, too demanding, too jealous…and he was. He always had been, at least where Bella was concerned.

"Sister-in-law now." She corredred. "In typical Rose fashion, she got to the heart of the matter; so to speak…telling me no one in their right mind would do what you did to find me unless they were serious. She also told me that life offered no guarantees and I shouldn't let fear hold me back. She knew what we had was powerful enough to warrant a second chance."

"_Have_, Bella, what we _have_." He squeezed her closer to him. "Remind me to thank her for giving me my life back."

* * *

Later on that evening, they ate Thai food from plastic take-out containers and drank Plum wine on a blanket covered Aubusson carpet in the library surrounded by the luminescent lights of a dozen candles.

Edward had changed into loose fitting pale blue cotton pajamas and Bella wore the matching top counterpart. It was way too big on her and she had to keep rolling up the sleeves to prevent them from dipping in the curry sauce. Edward thought she looked adorable.

She laid her head back on the sofa she was leaning against and stared up at the wooden beams on the ceiling. She knew she should've gone home hours ago. The more she stayed, the harder it would be to leave; the harder it would be for him to let her.

"I feel like I've been lazy all day." She told him.

"Not too lazy." He smirked. "We did quite a bit of physical activity."

She playfully pushed at his shoulder and he made a show of toppling over, pulling her with him so she was lying on top of him. When he laughed, she felt his whole body vibrate against her. Sighing, she rested her cheek against him.

"Speaking of physical activities how's your knee?"

Her knee? Bella had forgotten all about it, only feeling a slight stiffness and stinging sensation when he mentioned it. She glanced down her body at the small bandage.

"Actually, I forgot all about it until you brought it up. Thank you for taking care of it for me."

"I always want to be the one to take care of you."

Bella sighed. Today had been a dream; one that she had never thought would ever happen. Lying here, wrapped in his arms, it was easy to pretend there weren't bigger issues to think about; the real world looming closer for one and with it, her own insecurities outside this bubble of contentment would resurface.

Could she believe the need for a lifestyle he was accustomed to be magically erased over the course of a few weeks? Could she accept the darker side of his nature that she had only seen a glimpse of? It had been arousing and invigorating but she had to wonder just how deep and how dark did it go?

Edward felt the subtle shift in the air; had known instantly the moment her mental shield had started to slip back into place. She was pulling away, distancing herself and he couldn't bear it.

"What are you thinking?"

The quiet tenor of his voice broke her out of her inner monologue and into the present. Not wanting to divulge the true gist of her thoughts, she opted to reveal only the barest of truths.

"That I do eventually have to go home."

"I know." His tone was resigned and he brought his arms up around her, his hands disappearing under the pajama top so he could stroke her back. "Stay with me tonight. I'm not ready to let you go just yet."


	17. Chapter 17

A/N - Your reviews never fail to inspire me! Thank you all so much. Also a little note on this story. I have submitted it to the Making of a MASTERPiece contest under the title Too Merciless (Yes, crappy title but I hope to change it in the future) on the The Writers Coffeeshop site and it made it into the 12 finalist stories. Voting on the 4th chapter begins on 8/1- 8/6 and it would please me greatly if you would vote for me if you feel this story warrants it. There will be quite a few changes (the names are different for the contest) but I hope the changes in the story will make it better.

* * *

Sunday morning brought with it the cold hard slap of reality. Bella knew she had to go home and get her bearings just as Edward knew he had to let her.

Despite her protestations, he had insisted he drive her home. She, in turn, insisted that he not walk her to the door. Alice might be an issue and she wanted to field that on her own without him running interference. She was too tired to deal with Alice much less Alice and Edward in the same room.

"You're thinking too hard."

Bella looked up at him noting his wary expression and gave him a quick reassuring smile. They were in the elevator that she hadn't seen since Friday night when she was feeling broken and in shock and it seemed so ironic that she was in the same dress when everything else had irrevocably changed.

"You seem to be suffering from the same affliction."

It was true, he thought. Ever since she announced her desire to go back to the apartment she shared with her friend, he was loathe to let her leave...to allow her the space to think and mull. If yesterday was a dream, the next few days had the ability to be a nightmare.

He meant what he told her though. He was not going to let her go.

Edward led her into the building's underground garage and towards the allotted parking spaces for his cars. Bella wrapped her arms around herself to ward off the damp chill and the general atmosphere of creepiness the dim lights and row after row of expensive cars gave off.

"Here we are," Edward said pointing his key at the red sport cars, deactivating the alarm and started the car with the click of a button.

Bella tried not to gape at the Maserati. Not that she knew anything about cars but she was certain the Blue Book value was somewhere in the six figures.

"Well, it's certainly not you're old Chevy," She mused.

"No, it's not." He grinned boyishly, opening the passenger side door and helped her climb inside.

She marveled at the interior of the luxury vehicle; the soft tan leather seats, the Bose stereo system and the even the leather and ingrained wood steering wheel. Everything about it said power and status.

"What ever happened to The Beast anyway?"

"Sold it for parts after Jazz took me in. I didn't need it anymore."

"I loved that car," She murmured, staring absently ahead. "We made some good memories in it."

He looked at her with a bittersweet smile on his face and a sadness in his eyes.

"Yeah…yeah, we did."

He didn't tell her part of the reason he had to get rid of the car was _because_ of the memories attached to it. There were pieces of her in it everywhere; a hair tie he found under the seat, her garter belt from prom in the glove compartment, an old tube of lipstick wedged in the seat cushion, a love note crumpled among the folds of the beach blanket they always kept in the trunk. He even found one of the earrings he had given her; one they had searched everywhere for but never found. It was in between the back seat cushion and the door.

Ironically enough he got rid of the car but kept all of Bella's things.

Funny that.

* * *

When he pulled up to her apartment, threw the car into park and switched on the emergency lights, Bella knew he was angling for a long goodbye.

"I have a charity function to attend on Saturday night. I want you to be my date."

"You want me to be your date, hmm?" Her eyebrow rose upward in a silent admonishment of the demand.

He sighed and reached over to touch a curl of her hair that escaped her ponytail.

"I'd really like you to come with me. Bella, will you please be my date?" He amended, fighting to look contrite and failing.

"Since you put it so nicely. Yes, Edward, I'd love to be your date."

His response was a kiss that was hard and demanding and all too quick. She was flushed when his lips left hers. All she could think about was grabbing him by the back of his hair and yanking him towards her again.

"Go and face the wrath of your roommate," He smirked, both amused and aroused at her obvious hesitation to get out of the car. "Or your neighbors are going to get quite a show if you keep looking at me like that."

"You wouldn't be so amused if you had to be the one to face her."

"Probably not," He faked a shudder. "Now get out of here before I change my mind and keep you with me. I'll call you later."

Bella rolled her eyes and got out of the car. She had been worried that she would get stares from her neighbors noticing she was coming home in the same outfit she left in two days ago but she needn't have worried. Any eyes that were outside, were focused on the car.

"Oh by the way," Edward said leaning his head through the open car window. "I love you."

* * *

"You're home," Alice observed blithely when Bella cautiously entered the apartment.

"I'm home."

After offering a tight lipped smile, Bella walked straight to her bedroom, tossed her evening bag on the bed and stepped out of her heels.

"So, did you get everything worked out?"

She whipped around startled to see Alice leaning against the doorframe with a cautious expression.

"For now," She replied cryptically as she unzipped her dress and began to change. She just wanted to feel normal again, forget about the constant ache in between her thighs and the rush of arousal being with Edward always released.

"I hope you know what you're doing."

"I do."

She didn't…not really but she wasn't going to tell Alice that. Knowing her friend, she'd jump all over it and she didn't want to get into an argument about this. Then again, Alice had been strangely complacent since she walked in the door.

"I suppose you're wondering why I'm not reading you the riot act."

Bella's lips formed a small smile. "It did cross my mind."

Alice sighed and sat on the bed, her fingers nervously picking at a loose thread on the comforter.

"Jasper clued me in on a few things and I realize I may have been a _teeny_ bit judgmental."

That was an understatement but coming from Alice, it was as big of an apology she was going to get. Alice hated to admit she was wrong.

"You were trying to be a good friend."

"I was a buttinsky."

"That too." Bella grinned to let her know she was forgiven.

"Sooo, you want to tell me what prompted you to make another disappearing act and go off to Edward's?"

"See, now there's the Alice we all know and love. I was wondering where she took off to."

"I was worried about you."

"I know and I'm sorry. It was kind of a spur of the moment thing." She shrugged dismissively.

"I get the feeling it was a little more than that."

Alice was nothing if not intuitive to a downright scary level of accuracy, Bella thought. A trait she always admired until now. She had no intention of telling her friend about her conversation with Aro. Any benevolence Alice was feeling towards Edward would deteriorate very quickly. She also strongly suspected, that it was Jasper who introduced him to that club in the first place and frankly, it was just none of Alice's business what Edward did in the past.

So she did the only thing would work in diverted Alice's attention elsewhere.

"He invited me to a charity dinner or something on Saturday."

"Really?" Alice's eyes lit up like a little girl on Christmas morning. "You'll need something to wear then."

"Maybe you could help me find something."

Alice shook her head and tsked under her breath as she put her arm around Bella's shoulder.

"Honey, you're going to a public event on the arm of one of the most sought after bachelors in the Northeast. You are wearing one of my gowns."

"Are you sure? I can't even afford your designs."

"Oh please, it's free publicity for me. Well worth the investment." Alice eyed her upon and down with a calculating eye and snapped her manicured fingers. "I think I have the perfect one for you."

* * *

She arrived for work purposefully early on Monday morning. Her intention was to be situated and working before anyone else arrived.

In essence, she was going for complete avoidance.

The offices were completely silent and cast in darkness as she entered with a swipe of her security card by the door. Flicking on the lights, they blinked a few times before turning on completely. She walked swiftly past the rows of cubicles towards the back where her office was.

The end of her peace came exactly at nine in the form of an email from Caius. She had been organizing and taking notes on projects she had been working on prior to her promotion to get them prepared for the person who would be taking her place when her Outlook notification pinged.

With a sigh, she logged off her computer, picked up her notepad and made her way towards Caius' office. Dimitri wasn't in yet so she didn't have to worry about having a face-off with him just yet.

"You wanted to see me," She said poking her head into Caius' office.

He looked up from his computer and smiled at her, waving her inside.

"Please, have a seat. I know Aro spoke with you Friday night."

Bella blanched under her make-up. Was he going to mention that debacle now? God, she hoped not.

"About the cosmetic account I want you to get for us," He clarified much to her relief.

As he went on to explain further, Bella realized how big of a deal this really was. She had heard of Chasseur Cosmetics and of Jack Chasseur, the man that owned the company; a cosmetic and perfume creator that was on the same elite level as Dior, MAC and Chanel thanks to a few well-placed celebrity endorsements. She had never used them herself. They were too ridiculously over-priced. However, the owner was on the move to launch a new product line geared toward the 18-35 demographic of women that were trend-minded but lacked the paycheck to back it.

It was a brilliant business plan and Caius wanted to be the agency that helped to launch it.

"Here," Cauis said sliding a plastic card across his desk to her. "It's a company credit card. You can walk over to Lord and Taylor on Fifth, buy some of the product, use it, have your friends try it…and after you've done all your research on the company, on Chasseur and have a workable marketing plan, I want you to call him and arrange for a business lunch meeting. Do you have any questions?"

Bella picked up the card that had her name on it and looked up at her boss.

"Just one. I don't want to look the proverbial gift horse in the mouth but why was I chosen to head this up. I'm relatively new. Surely someone with more experience would be better suited."

Cauis chuckled lightly. "You fit directly into the demographic he wants to sell to. Also, many agencies will be courting him but they are also going to go into this with pre-conceived notions and outdated ideas because that's what they are comfortable with. I've seen your ideas. You, my dear, have your eye on the future of the advertising industry."

"Thanks," She said trying not to blush at his praise. She felt relieved. Aro had made it sound like she was chosen because of some sordid reason. She was happy to know differently.

"Now we have that out of the way, may we speak candidly?"

Oh no. He was going to bring up Friday night and her mad rush out of his dinner gathering. No, she was going to nip this in the bud and take control of this conversation.

"If this is about Friday, I'd like to extend my deep apologies for such an abrupt departure. It was unprofessional of me and it won't happen again."

Caius waved his hand dismissively. "Please don't apologize. Aro spoke out of turn and he's already been taken to task over it. I just wanted to know if you were alright. Athena and I were understandably concerned."

"I'm fine." She offered him a reassuring smile. "Everything's been worked out."

* * *

Dimitri wasn't as compliant as Caius had been. She knew the moment he walked into her office without bothering to give a courtesy knock before coming in.

"I called you over the weekend repeatedly. You never called me back. I was worried about you."

Her back stiffened at his accusatory tone and the presumption that she owed him anything. Now that she was more aware of his possible motives behind his odd behavior lately, she needed to put distance between them.

She glanced up briefly before turning her attention back to the web page she was on and shrugged.

"I'm sorry. I don't usually check my work phone on the weekends."

"I called your cell right after you left."

She was not in the mood to get into this now. She had a lot of work today and she didn't want to waste time by going back and forth with her co-worker, who may or may not have more than a working relationship in mind.

"Dimitri-"

"Isabella,"

She cringed. His tone took that borderline sympathetic quality she always hated.

"Please, Dimitri. I have a big project on my plate and it's going to take most of my time."

He mashed his lips together, petulantly. "He's no good for you, Isabella. Men like Cullen will only hurt you in the end. Maybe now that you know the truth you can put it all behind you and move forward.

"Move forward…yes," She said confidently, being purposefully vague. Her personal life was none of his concern. "That's exactly what I intend to do. Now that's settled, I really do have a lot of work to do."

"Good." He gave a satisfied smile. "Now if you need me for anything, anything at all, let me know."

Bella suppressed a shiver. She didn't like the implied message in his words or his tone. It made her feel a little violated. There was nothing she could do however. He made no physical advances, didn't speak to her lewdly and he was the owners' nephew. Yet, still, she would keep an eye on him. Maybe Edward's words were beginning to make her paranoid but Dimitri was definitely beginning to make her uncomfortable.

"Thank you, Dimitri. I'll keep that in mind."

* * *

Edwward noticed the double-takes and whispers behind his back immediately as he walked past the rows of cubicles and offices on the way to his own. Was he such a miserable fuck that a smile on his face would provide fodder for the office gossip mill? He supposed the answer would be a resounding yes.

There was no help for it though. A major shift had happened in his life literally overnight and he was still riding the high…would be riding the high for the rest of his life if he had his way.

She was in his blood, more so than ever now; a potent addiction that ran through his veins.

"Bella Swan," Her lush voice answered the phone and had him hardening in an instant, picturing her laid out on his sheets like a luscious dessert.

"I missed waking up next to you this morning."

"Did you?"

"Oh yes. You quite spoiled me these last few days." Edward leaned back in his leather chair, placing his arms behind his heed. "I'm thinking we definitely have to have a repeat performance and soon."

He heard her sigh into the phone. "I don't know when I'll be able to arrange that. I have a big project that I'm working on and it's going to be taking a lot of my time."

He was no longer relaxed. Slowly, he sat up, his hand clenching around the phone.

"Does this project involve a certain man named Dimitri?"

"No," She sighed. "There's a lucrative account Caius wants me to get and there is a lot of work involved. Why would you even think Dimitri was involved?"

"Because I know what I would do...what I _have_ done to get close to you. Tell me, have you told him about us, yet?"

"It's not his business and it's not something I wanted to bring up at work. Before you say anything...please, I really don't want to argue about this right now. Can you just let it go?"

He didn't want to let it go. Everything in him screamed that this Dimitri person going to do what eve he could to undermine him and try to take Bella for himself. His own hold on her was too tenuous right now to become complacent. Arguing with her right now however would only defeat his purpose. He had other ways to get what he wanted.

"Fine," He said trying to force a smile into his tone. "How about you call me when you are ready to leave and I'll take you to dinner? You have to eat sometime."

He could feel the thick weight of her hesitation over the phone line.

"It might be late. I don't want you to wait to eat on my account."

"I don't care. I just need to be with you."

"Okay. I'll call you when I'm done for the day."

Immediately after hanging up the phone with her, he was on the line with a local florist.

"I need a dozen red roses delivered with a note card. The message? To My Bella - With All My Love, Your Edward." After quickly rattling off her work address and giving his credit card number he hung up with a satisfied smile. "Well, if he wasn't aware before, he certainly will be."

Edward heard something drop on the floor. Startled, he looked up to see his assistant standing in the doorway, her face chalk white under her makeup. Well, well..looks like he killed two birds with one stone today.

"You dropped something," He told her her as his eyes went to the fallen folder on the floor. "Is that for me?"

His words shook the dumbfounded look her face and she immediately crouched down to retrieve the fallen documents with hands shaking with fury. When she stood up again, her mouth was set in a compressed line and her eyes were moist.

Nearly stomping over to his desk she slapped the folder on his desk.

"Your signatures are needed on these."

"Thank you, Tanya," His look was rueful as he watched her just standing there staring at him. Acknowledging her obvious distress would open a conversation he had no intention of ever having, he decided to ignore it. "Anything else?"

"No, Sir."

She quickly pivoted on her heels and stormed out of his office.

An hour later, his cell phone rang and smiled when he saw the caller ID on the screen.

"I don't know whether to kiss you or throttle you."

His kitten had her claws out and he knew she must've received his flowers. Knowing her as he did, he knew she would've seen right through him.

"I might enjoy both," He said seductively into the mouthpiece. "But tell me why would you want to throttle me? I may be out of practice but don't all women enjoy getting flowers from their lovers?"

Edward heard her sigh on the other end of the phone.

"You know why. I know you. You weren't just sending flowers, you were staking a claim."

"I look at it more like sending a message."

"Well, I think your message was received loud and clear."

"Good. Now there can be no misunderstandings. Dimitri knows you are officially off limits to him."

"Next time you want to send me flowers, can you do it without an ulterior motive? I could've handled Dimitri if it got to the point where I needed to do so."

"I didn't want you to have to. You work with him and I wanted to spare you the awkwardness of that conversation. Now tell me more about this kissing and throttling you have in mind."


	18. Chapter 18

A/N - So sorry it's been so long but here is the long awaited chapter. I hope you enjoy.

* * *

He ran his finger down the fissure of her behind before bringing his other hand around so he could frame the globes between both hands.

So soft, so white against the tan line on her hip. Need overwhelmed him. Before he even realized, he was bringing one of his hands back.

_Smack!_

Bella jolted forward with a gasp and her eyes popped open.

What the hell? Did he just spank her?

_Smack!_

There it was again; the burning, stinging sensation that shot a burst of pleasure right to her crotch. Confused and shocked, she bit back a moan, rearing her body back against him even as her brain wanted her to scramble away from him.

_Smack!_

She couldn't hold back the moan this time. It forced its way through her teeth, past her lips and into the thick air surrounding them.

Her traitorous body craved the sensation again even as her mind rejected it. There were five slaps in all. She counted each one as they landed; counted each one as they drove a hard thrill through her. They made her body coil for release, her clit throb, her breasts tingle and eyes burn.

After the first slap, Edward stared at his hand in horror at what he had done. This was Bella, not one of the club members. But as he saw the white of her ass cheek stain pink in the shape of his hand like his own personal brand, it did something primitive to him.

Fascinated by the taut flesh of her buttocks turning color under his palm, he had to do it again...and again.

The sharp sounds of her pleasure drove him to push her higher; test her limits. She liked it, reveled in it, wanted it. It shocked him as much as it turned him on.

He stopped after the fifth time. He didn't want to scare her. He didn't want to scare himself. If he couldn't rein it in, he would lose her. She was his again and he was going to keep her this time.

* * *

Leaning her elbows against the hard black quartz stone counter, she watched him make pasta and sauce with the efficiency of a short order cook.

Her behind still stung from earlier and now her mind was busy playing catch up. She didn't understand. They had flirted on the line of the darker side of love making in the past; limiting it blind folds and maybe some rough play but he never actually raised a hand to her.

Until now.

Nevertheless, she didn't know what shocked her the most; the fact that he spanked her or the fact that a part of her actually liked it, had craved more after the first stinging palm met her flesh.

"I thought I was supposed to be the one doing the throttling tonight," Bella said with a slightly nervous edge to her voice.

"You weren't quick enough, Princess."

His breath caught when he saw the expression in her eyes; the uncertainty and confusion plainly scripted on her face. Despite the heat of the stove, he felt something cold slither down his spine and the stinging on his palm became more pronounced. Though unspoken, her reservations about what happened earlier were clear even though he knew she loved every minute of it. He couldn't have that.

"You spanked me." There was no accusation in her tone, just a calm statement of fact. Yet the words hung and grew in the room between them.

"I did," he said, shutting off the stove. After dipping a piece of Italian bread into the sauce, he held it up to her lips. Her eyes narrowed but she opened her mouth. He watched as she tentatively touched it with her tongue and bit down. "And you enjoyed it."

"Did you?"

"Immensely."

She saw the glint in his eyes and knew he wasn't kidding. There was a deceptively smooth edge to his tone that suggested something dangerous underneath, something she didn't know if she wanted to recoil from or embrace. It had been arousing and exciting beyond measure but she had to wonder just how deep the darker side of him went; wonder if he spent so much time at that damn club that it was part of him now.

"Why?" she found herself asking.

"Why did I enjoy it or why did you?" He tried to tease but it fell flat and hollow to his own ears.

"I never said I did."

"You didn't have to. I know your body, how it reacts. I've dreamed about, _fantasized_ about it."

"You fantasized about spanking me?"

"I fantasized about doing a lot of things...with you...to you." His voice lowered to a seductive taunt as his eyes skimmed over her, burning green, liquid fire.

Her pupils dilated and she began to breathe in shallow breaths. Bella sat down on a high backed stool with a wince and crossed her legs against the onslaught of desire his words struck in her and the images they produced.

He noticed her obvious discomfort at her contact with the chair. Had he been too rough?

"Are you in pain?"

"A little," she admitted reluctantly

"I have some ointment I can rub on it for you."

"Maybe you can kiss it and make it better."

Edward's eyes narrowed. "Is that a dare?"

* * *

She managed to persuade him to take her home. She needed, if not a retreat, than at least a temporary reprieve. He was playing her with an artful mastery that scared her. Her life was becoming too immersed in his too quickly.

As they rode up the elevator down, she had a feeling he wasn't going to let her go that easy. He had vacillated between belligerence and pure seductive skill to get her to stay.

Within the confined space, his hungry eyes tormenting her, she knew the night wasn't going to be over quite over yet. Her breathing picked up and arousal bloomed when he leaned closer into her, crowding her until she could smell the arousal on his own skin. She pressed herself back against the elevator wall with her palms flattened against it and waited with anticipation what his next move would be.

She didn't have to wait long.

With a slow, ravenous smile, he reached behind her shoulder and pressed a button.

The elevator stopped.

"What are you doing?"

"Indulging in another fantasy of mine," he replied, shrugging out of his jacket and tossing it over the black globe shaped security camera.

"Here?" Her eyes went wide. "Are you crazy?"

"I just may be," he rasped, pulling her closer so she was pressed flush against him. "If I can't have the whole night, I'm taking what I can get."

Edward pressed his face into her neck, suckling at the tender citrusy scented skin there as his hand drifted up her body to capture her cotton covered breast in his hand. Her nipples puckering against his palm nearly drove him insane.

"Edward, wait." She tugged on the back of his hair, forcing him to look at her.

"I can't," he said, swiftly yanking the hem of her skirt up around her waist.

His searching fingers pulled her panties to the side and delved into her swollen flesh.

The elevator it is then.

* * *

James Chausser was a very rugged looking man with blonde hair tied back in a ponytail and just enough growth on his face to be fashionable without looking unkempt. He was also very clearly gay. A fact that Bella was very much relieved about considering quite a bit of her time would be spent with this man in the coming months now that she had successfully signed him as a client.

They were sitting at the Bryant Park Grill after spending a few hours in his office going over ideas, mock ups and budgets. James may have had photographs of him and his partner displayed in his office but he had no remorse over eyeballing their waiter's behind.

"Don't tell me you don't think that is a fine looking ass," he said, his lips twitching into a smile.

Bella nearly choked on her white wine.

"Umm," she felt herself growing red. "I take the fifth?"

"Boyfriend, huh? It is okay to look you know. I won't tell if you won't." He gave her a conspiratorial wink and a one-sided grin.

"So," she started wanting to get back on track with business and off her personal life. "We should coordinate our schedules for a photo shoot for the magazine ads. I have a few modeling agencies-"

"Bella, stop. You have the account. We are relaxing now, getting to know each other better. No business talk at lunch. It gives me indigestion." He grinned as he sat back in his chair. "Now let's talk men."

An hour later, Bella's sides were hurting from laughing so hard. James Chausser was indeed a very funny man not to mention very catty. He had systematically ripped apart nearly every patron in the place based only on looks and wardrobe choice. Living in Miami, she had her share of gay friends that she used to go to the bars with every so often and with James she felt like she was hanging out with an old friend instead of a new client.

As they parted ways, he gave her a peck on each cheek and a hug.

"I hope your man knows how lucky he is," he said giving her a peck on each cheek, European style. "Until next time, Bellisima."

* * *

Caius popped open the champagne and poured it in two flute glasses.

"I knew you could do it Isabella. Congratulations." He handed her a glass and took a sip of his own. "Who knows? We may see a CLIO adorning your office soon."

Bella blushed. A CLIO was the advertising industry equivalent to an Academy Award.

"Thank you for your confidence in me but I wouldn't have been able to get the account if it wasn't for Bree. Her ad mock-ups were incredible."

"Are you saying you want to share the credit then?"

"Oh, absolutely."

He gave her a wide grin and picked up his phone. "Well, let's get her in here then, shall we?"

For the rest of the afternoon, Bella was in too good of a mood to let even Demetri spoil it for her. He had offered his congratulations as well when she got back to her office but it was tinged with malice.

"You know this account is going to take up quite a bit if time," he told her, leaning in the doorway of her office.

"I know."

"You may not have much of a time for a social life."

She frowned at him. Just where was he going with this?

"Thank you for the warning."

Demetri shrugged. "I'm just saying men such as your Mr. Cullen may not react to well to a woman putting her career above him. His type has certain needs to be met."

"You know nothing about his type."

"Don't I?" He raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. "Just some food for thought while you work late and he is left to his own devices."

His words left a chill in her that she couldn't seem to shake. She wanted to dismiss what he said; throw it out as jealous ramblings but part of her latched onto it and recognized it as a possible truth.

"Let's get one thing straight right here, right now," she said, nearly slamming her palm on her desk, she was so mad. "I don't know what kind of game you're playing at but my personal life is my business."

"I'm only looking out for you, Isabella."

She cringed at the way he said her name; like a caress with bad intentions.

"I can do that just fine on my own."

* * *

Dealing with Demetri had put a bad taste in her mouth for the rest of the afternoon but she was determined to try and throw off the insecurities it left her with. That night Edward took her out to eat at Per Se to celebrate her new account. Over the nine course chef's tasting menu and a delicious array of wines to accompany each dish she told him of her new project and deliberately left out any mention of her co-worker.

"Over the next few weeks or maybe months, I'll be very busy launching this new campaign," she explained as she wiped her mouth with the cloth covered napkin.

"You're expecting me to have some objection."

"I wasn't sure what I was expecting. I just wanted to let you know. Also, James mentioned there may be some travel involved."

"Travel? With James? Hmm, I may have some objections after all," Edward said, his voice dangerously low.

"Didn't I mention, he's gay?" Bella said, the corners of her lips twitching in amusement.

"I think you may have left that part out." His mouth settled into a thin line, fighting a smile.

"Well, he is." She grinned and popped a truffle into her mouth.

Over dessert, he reached into his inside pocket and pulled out a small envelope and slid it over to her.

She picked it up, testing the weight of it and gave him a curious look.

"Open it."

It was a small plastic card that looked like a credit card, except it wasn't and it looked familiar.

"What is this?"

"The access card for my penthouse. There's a small piece of paper in the envelope with the passcode."

Bella's eyes went round as she stared at the unremarkable gray card. Suddenly it felt very heavy in her hand.

"I don't-"

"I'm not asking you to move in with me. I don't think you're ready for that yet," he explained. "You just said you'll be working a lot. With my key, you'll be able to come and go at will. I want more than just a few stolen hours with you during the week. I've already made room in my closet and drawers. You can bring over some clothes at any time."

Bella's breath caught in her throat and she watched the play of the candles reflecting in his green eyes, momentarily hypnotized. "Oh, Edward, I..." She frowned. "I don't know. Even _that's_ a big step."

"Bella." He grabbed her hand over the table, needing the physical connection. "Stop looking for an ending."

"I'm not."

"You are. This is real. I am real. I'm not going to run again...and neither are you."

_I won't let you._

Bella didn't need to be a mind reader to know what he was thinking. It was there, in his eyes, etched in his face. Her lips tilted up so slightly at the corners, more of a gesture of uncertainty than a smile. He kept pushing for something more permanent and she wasn't quite ready for that yet. Not after only a few, albeit intense, days. Not after ten years of absence.

"So," she said, deliberately concentrating on stirring her coffee. "The charity dinner this Saturday… can you tell me more about it?"

"Don't change the subject."

She set her spoon down, regarding him with an exasperated look. "You're not going to stop until I say yes, are you?"

"No, I won't." He knew he was pushing her but he couldn't seem to stop. Her saying yes would mean more than just having some of her outfits hanging in his closet. They both knew it.

With one arm he reached to the side and pulled her chair so it was only inches from him. He leaned towards her, his mouth centimeters from her ear. "So put us both out of our misery and say yes."

She couldn't think straight when he was close like this but she supposed he already knew that. His lips hovered over her sensitive earlobe, his hot breath sending whispers of chills through her, causing the fine hairs on her arm to stand on end. Unconsciously, she nudged against him and she could feel him smile a victory against her skin.

"Is that a yes?" His fingertips slowly trailed up her thigh, his traveling touch burning her.

"It's a maybe."

Her answer was intentionally noncommittal and he knew it. His hand wandered further up her leg, kneading as he went, grinning lasciviously when her breath caught. He saw her nipples harden under her tight blouse and bit back a groan.

"We're in public, you know." She tried to keep her voice light and teasing. Instead it came out shaky and breathless.

"And no one's watching."

She let out a nervous chuckle. "Is this another one of your fantasies?"

"I could make you come right here, right under this table." His hand reached the juncture of her thighs. "and no one would be the wiser."

The way he says it with his lips pursed just so and his wandering hand right there makes her glad to be sitting down. His words thrilled her with their naughtiness. She should be shocked but she wasn't. She should be repulsed at the idea of his fingers, sinking into her, playing with her while they sit in the corner of the crowded restaurant but she was enticed by it.

Two can play at that game.

Her own hand reached for him, feeling the near vertical length of his erection, hard under her fingers. He raised his hips slightly, seeking...wanting. She watched the pleasure on his face as she stroked it; saw his eyes close and his teeth graze over his bottom lip.

She heard a plate crash and a chair scrape against the floor. Abruptly, she pulled away. Her face flamed as she cautiously glanced around to make sure no one really was watching.

What was he doing?

What was _she_ doing?

"I think we've tested your theory enough for one evening."

Edward leaned back and laughed.

* * *

As it turned out, Jasper had invited Alice to the charity dinner as well. His and Edward's company was not only a corporate sponsor but Edward himself had started it. It wasn't Edward that had told her it was Alice.

The Friday before the event, she questioned him.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

He shrugged, leaning back into his sofa. "I don't know."

"Can you tell me about it?"

Edward sighed and raked his fingers through his hair, feeling decidedly uncomfortable. "I gave heavily to charities and foundations that help abused children and runaway teens but it wasn't enough...not for me. The system only helps you until you reach your majority. After that..." He shrugged. "You may as well be a statistic living on the street. So I came up with a plan. Those kids don't have a Jasper in their lives to help them. When nothing can be done through child services or the teen runaway shelters, they call us. We help them. They get free room and board and education assistance and the corporations we work with place them in paid internships."

"And in turn, you have a sense of fulfillment...from the emptiness." It was only a guess but Bella felt she guessed right. He often spoke how his money and position meant nothing. Maybe he really did mean that.

"No." He gave his head a slight shake and sighed. "It makes me feel like I'm doing something worthy, sure." He took her hand and pulled her on his lap so her back was nestled against him and she was encased in his arms. "but I didn't feel fulfilled until now."

Bella traced her fingers against his hand. "You said these kids don't have a Jasper in their lives. How exactly did he end up helping you?"

"When I first came to New York, I was doing many odd jobs. One of them was a bicycle messenger."

Bella's jaw dropped. "You were one of those insane guys that ride their bikes in between traffic, dodging cars and scaring the hell out of us poor pedestrians?"

He grinned. "I see you're familiar with the occupation."

"I'll say," she grumbled. "I nearly got pulverized the other day by one."

"You should be more careful." He frowned at the visual she put in his head. "Anyway, about two weeks after I started, I was sent to deliver some documents over at Jazz's office. He was in a meeting and I needed his signature. So I waited...eavesdropped actually." Edward smirked and took a sip of wine. "The man he was meeting with was obviously trying to swindle the poor bastard. So, when the guy walked out of his office, I told him so."

"Did he believe you?"

"Not at first. I mean who was I but this punk, dressed in tattered shorts and a t-shirt? But the seed was planted. A week later, Jazz specifically asked for me to deliver a package for him. When I walked in to pick it up, he told me I was right, that I saved him a ton of his grandparent's inheritance and offered me a position on the spot. The rest, as they say, is history."

What he didn't tell her was that until then, he had been living in a cheap, roach infested, hotel; angry, miserable and about two steps away from turning tail and driving back to Florida...back to her.

"You were very lucky."

"I was in that regard," he said as he caressed the nape of her neck with his fingertips. "Not so much in others. That's changed now."

The conversation was getting too heavy for her. She knew what he was meant and didn't want the weight of the responsibility for his happiness solely on her shoulders.

"Did you find a dress for tomorrow night?" he asked her, feeling the sudden tension in her body.

"It's one of Alice's designs."

"What does it look like?"

Bella frowned. "I wish I knew."

"You don't know?"

"When she did the fitting for it, she blindfolded me. Wouldn't let me see it. She said it's a surprise."

"Blindfolds, huh? That sounds very intriguing."

"You _would_ think so."

He was quietly pensive for a moment, steadily tracing her skin underneath his fingers. "About tomorrow night…there will be a lot of press there. They are going to want to know who you are. I want to tell them that you're my girlfriend."

"Are you asking me for my permission?"

"No."

* * *

The dress was another of Alice's backless creations. This one was black, long and sleek with an imitation ruby and sapphire encrusted gold collar and a front that split open, revealing some of the still tanned skin underneath.

Alice was in blue to match her eyes; a short above the knee number that swirled with each step she took.

Bella felt strange; like she was dressed more for an awards show than a charity event.

"Trust me," Alice told her. "This is New York, not Florida. These things are done differently here."

She hoped Alice was right. She had organized and attended her share of political fundraisers and she had never dressed like this. Sam would have never allowed it. It would reflect badly on him.

This wasn't Florida and Sam was the past.

Edward and Jasper arrived early; both in tuxes. Although Bella didn't know enough to guess the designer, judging by Alice's reaction, they were top quality.

"It's a good thing we are going in seperate limos," she whispered to her. "I don't think I'll be able to keep my hand off Jazz and if the look in Edward's eyes is any indication, you'll be lucky to get to Cipriani's with your hair in tact."

It was true, Bella thought as they prepared the drinks and took them into the living room. When Alice had opened the door, Edward had frozen in the entry way, struck momentarily dumb. She could have even sworn she heard him growl.

He cornered her in her bedroom when she went for her shawl; his hands wrapping around her upper arms pulling her to him so her back was pressed against his chest. She felt the hard length of him against her.

"Do you know what it does to me seeing your tattoo exposed for all to see, like my own personal brand on you?" he whispered huskily close to her ear.

"I think I can guess." She wriggled against him and smiled when he hissed.

"Oh, what I would do to you if we had the time."

He stroked his finger down the side of her cheek and let his thumb glide over her plump bottom lip. Her tongue darted out and licked it, drawing it into her mouth and suckled.

Electricity sizzled through him and before he knew what he was doing, his other arm came around to her front, splaying across her abdomen and slowly slid down; his fingers searching through the thin material of her gown for the treasure underneath.

"C'mon kiddies, we don't want to be late," Jazz said knocking on the door and smiled when he saw them jump and separate.

"Fucker," Edward muttered under his breath as he adjusted himself.

* * *

The large, ornate reception hall of Cipriani's was crowded with the New York City social elite, local celebrities, wealthy business owners and yes, even the press. Edward made good on his promise, or was it a threat, to introduce her as his girlfriend.

Her presence next to him caused quite a stir and as she found out, Edward wasn't lying when he said he had never been associated with another woman. Everyone seemed surprised and some even showed dismay that he showed up with her, a doting lover whose hand never strayed far from the small of her back; his fingers flitting over her tattoo.

With champagne in hand, they circulated around the room, making small talk and standard social conversation. Edward couldn't have been more proud of her; the way she handled herself with grace and allure, charming everyone. She spoke so passionately and eloquently about his foundation without it sounding like a generic plate sales pitch.

"You are amazing," he told as they sat down at their table. "It almost sounds like you know more about my foundation than I do."

"I may have done a little research," Bella admitted reluctantly.

"Thank you. That means a lot to me."

He kissed her then, full on the lips. A blinding flash went off right near them and he smiled into her mouth.

"What's so funny?"

He pulled away and stared at her mesmerized. "How much do you want to bet that will make the local papers?"

Bella blushed. "Did you plan that?"

"No but I'm not against using it to my advantage. I want every one to know you're with me...only me. Now, I have a speech to make. Wish me luck?"

"Good luck."

"C'mon Princess, you can do better than that."

She leaned forward and gave him a hot kiss that had his arms winding around her to pull her closer.

"Was that better?" she asked coyly when she pulled away.

"Much." He winked and made his way up to the podium.

Bella attentively watched Edward speak about the foundation he cared so much about before a backdrop of a slide show of the kids his charity helped over the course of the few years they'd been operating.

"Bella," Alice said giving her a hard nudge to her side with her elbow.

"Ow, Al, that hurt."

"Look to your left."

"What is it?"

"Just look but don't be obvious."

Bella rolled her eyes and turned expecting to see Robert DeNiro, maybe Alec Baldwin or some other resident celebrity New Yorker. Instead she came nearly face to face with someone she never expected to see again and he was making his way right towards her.

"Bella? Is that you?"

"Sam?"


	19. Chapter 19

Bella wanted to stay seated but she did not want to address Sam in a position that made her look up at him from a subservient level. She stood up, rigid backed and slow, turning to face the man that almost succeeded into turning her into someone she didn't recognize.

He looked the same; still exuding the typical wolf in sheep's clothing politician aura complete with a fake smile and calculating gaze. His dark brown hair was clipped short and neat and his lean frame had some added broadness. He had nothing on Edward though.

"Hello, Sam," she inclined her head and tried to hide her shock when he pulled her into his arms for a light embrace and a perfunctory kiss on the cheek. She stiffened in his brief hold and heard Alice suck in her breath behind her.

"Play nice," he warned her, his mouth hovering over her ear and his hand still at her elbow. "The cameras are on us."

_Of course_. How could she forget? Everything with him was a media show.

"What are you doing here?" Bella asked as she pulled away from him, all too aware now of the small gathering of press just behind her; probably salivating for a juicy story.

"My future father-in-law is a local politician." He shrugged. "He invited us. What about you? What are you doing in New York?"

"Career promotion."

"I always knew you were ambitious." His grin was real this time; almost lascivious and definitely cocky. "You look good by the way." He gave her ensemble more than a cursory glance, resting his eyes a little too long on her breasts; making her want to cross her arms over her chest. They both knew she was wearing a dress that would've never passed his inspection when they were together.

"So, you're engaged again," she said, purposefully bringing his attention to the fact that he was getting married.

"I am." He glanced around and his focus settled on a woman that looked almost like her from a distance; brown haired and petite. "That's Emily."

The young woman gave them a smile from across the room but her eyes were wary, strained, and almost vacant. Bella was intrinsically aware that this woman with her practiced smiles and genteel gestures could have been her. She never thought she could feel grateful about discovering Sam at that club but she was.

Emily was wearing the same type of dress Sam would have picked out for her, Bella thought as she looked more closely at the woman Sam would marry. It was a shapeless dress; an unremarkable dull hue of black that totally washed out her features with a modest neckline.

"Still picking out your fiancé's wardrobes, I see." Alice said, standing up behind her.

Sam's jaw ticked with annoyance. "Well, well, if it isn't little Alice. You haven't changed a bit. Still trying to interfere where you don't belong."

"You're the one that doesn't belong."

A fight was going to break out. Bella just knew it. Alice was primed and ready to go and now Jasper had gotten up from his seat ready to throw himself into the fray. He didn't say a word. He didn't need to. Jasper exuded a power that stemmed from generations of old money influence and it was on full display now.

She knew Sam though, knew he would take it as a challenge. He was not one to back down easily or willingly.

"Alice, Jasper, I got this. Really."

"You sure, darlin'?" He was asking her but his steely eyes remained on her ex and his fists were clenched at his sides. "Because I can always call security and have him removed."

There was the slightest hint of a malevolent smile playing around Jasper's lips and Bella thought he would like nothing more than to have him tossed out. Wouldn't that be a great floor show, not to mention completely skewing the message Edward wanted to get across. Things would get real ugly, real damn fast.

"I'm sure," Bella said, turning to Jasper. "Why don't you two sit back down? I think we've gotten enough attention."

"Yeah," Alice agreed, her glance darting towards the stage. "and he doesn't look too happy about it."

Bella felt a fissure of awareness and looked at the stage where Edward was still giving his speech. He had the appearance of being completely unperturbed; his presence commanding as he spoke passionately to the audience but she knew his focus was on her and the relaxed stance was a complete façade. She could feel it like it was a living, breathing, tangible force.

"Well, I wish I could say it was a pleasure to see you but under the circumstance that would be a lie," she said in an obvious dismissal when Alice and Jasper reluctantly sat back down. She was hoping to put an end to this conversation and quickly. Edward was wrapping up his speech and no good would come from him and Sam meeting.

Sam's lips compressed into a thin line at her words, all appearances of civility were stripped away, leaving a cold look in his eyes. He took her by the elbow, attempting to lead her away. She itched to wrench her arm from his grasp but dared not to incite any more interest than they were already getting.

"Do not touch me," she said through gritted teeth to keep from shouting.

"I need to talk to you. Privately." His hand moved from her elbow to slide around her waist, clutching her to his side; a familiar gesture and one that made her skin crawl. He was trying to control and dominate and he was using this public forum and his knowledge that she wouldn't want to attract attention to do it.

"Why?" She tried to slip from his grasp but his hand was firm on her hip.

"I don't know if you've heard but I'm going to be running for Florida Senate."

"And that affects me, how?"

"You know how."

"This really isn't the right venue, don't you think?" She smirked. "The cameras are on us, don't you know?"

"Fine." His eyes darted around him before focusing back on her, lowering his head so he could speak in her ear. "When can we meet? It has to before I leave New York on Monday afternoon."

"Is there a problem over here?"

Bella's breath hitched when she heard Edward's deep, rumbling voice behind her. When did he get off the stage? Was she so wrapped up in her conversation with Sam, she didn't even here the applause?

His hands came up to rest on her shoulders and they were teaming with unreleased tension. He glared at Sam and then to where his arm was around Bella's waist. Sam immediately released her and in a calculated move, Edward positioned himself so he stood in between Bella and the stranger that dared to touch her with such territorial familiarity.

"You're Edward Cullen, right? It's an honor to meet you. I'm Sam Quileute." Sam held out his hand and Edward's nostrils flared at the name. He stared the offered hand like it was contaminated. Sam's eyes widened at the slight and uncomfortably let his hand drop to his side. "You've had quite the turn-out here tonight. Congratulations."

"Thank you." He gave Bella's shoulders a gentle squeeze filled with hidden meaning. "Bella, my love, can you get a drink for me? My usual. I'd like to have a few words with Mr. Quileute."

The words and the actions, she knew were a deliberate claim and an unvoiced demand. It was obvious Sam had no idea that Edward Cullen was the Edward Mason from her past but Edward knew exactly who he was. She wasn't going to leave the two of them alone. Knowing Edward's temper especially when fueled by possessive jealousy even without cause, it could be disastrous for his image and the message he was trying to project here.

"It's fine, Edward." She placed a placating hand on his arm, feeling the barely controlled fury in the tensed muscles underneath her fingertips. "Sam was just saying hello. Isn't that right, Sam?"

"Yes. A hello between old friends," Sam said with a deceptive smile before he took a sip of his drink. "So you're the new man in Bella's life?"

"That's right."

"Interesting" He smirked. "and how very convenient for you Bella. When you call out Edward's name in bed I bet he has no idea you're referring to someone else."

Oh no! Bella was immediately in front of Edward holding him back while Jasper got up and was in front of Sam so quickly it was a blur. She felt the bunched muscles of his chest under the palms of her hands, saw the flaring nostrils. He was a bull ready to charge.

"Let me go, Isabella."

"No, Edward, don't. Not here. Not like this," she pleaded as she pushed at him; aware of the murmurs around them.

"Leave. Now." Bella heard Jasper whisper menacingly to Sam behind her.

"I'm going to head back to my table now." Sam said, casually straightening his suit jacket and cuffs. "Mr. Cullen, again it was a pleasure to meet you."

"I don't think you understood me," Jasper spoke again. "I meant collect your party and leave the event or I will call security and have you forcibly removed. Understood?"

"Understood." Sam nodded. "Bella, I'll be in touch."

"You don't go near her. You don't even think about her," Edward said as he started against Bella's hold at Sam's parting words.

"No, Edward. Just let him leave."

* * *

The first thing Bella did when they got into Edward's apartment was take off the ridiculously high heels Alice had insisted she wear.

"Ahh, that's more like it," she said, curling her toes into the carpet.

Edward had been stoic and quiet since Sam had taken his leave, his demeanor stiff and his face grim. Oh, he had played the P.R. game well the rest of the night but Bella knew underneath was a volcano waiting to erupt. In turn she had played at the art of deflection; coercing him to dance with a smile, standing with him, letting her hands run over the tense muscles in his lower back while he talked with potential donators.

"What did that fucker say to you before I showed up?" Edward asked, tossing his keys on the side table and shrugging off his suit jacket, tossing it aside with total disregard.

He hadn't asked her before now. They had been too occupied; flitting from one table to the next, dancing and smiling pretty for the cameras. He'd been edgy the whole drive back, sipping his drink and staring out the window while he absently stroked her thigh. She'd been expecting him to blow up when they were finally afforded some privacy. He didn't disappoint.

Bella had her own worries. She couldn't believe she didn't even think of the ramifications of the media being there tonight; photographing her with Edward, photographing her with Sam and photographing them all together. She needed to warn Edward of the potential complications.

She sank down into the sofa and accepted the Hennessy cognac Edward handed her. She took a sip, letting the vanilla and almond essence of the amber liquid slide over her tongue before she answered.

"He wants to talk to me."

"Why?"

"It doesn't matter. I won't be seeing him again."

"Of course it _fucking_ matters!"

Edward wanted to explode. The vision of his hand on Bella's waist kept playing in an unrelenting loop in his head creating a strangle-hold of jealousy. Since that bastard made that comment, he wanted to beat the crap out of him. He would have too if Jasper hadn't stepped in. Now he had all this adrenaline pumping through him with nowhere to go.

"Forget Sam!" she yelled back, leaping to her feet. "Just for now, please. There's something I need to-"

"Answer me."

"Fine!" She slammed her glass on the cocktail table. Feeling antsy under his scrutiny, she stood up and began pacing. She could feel his eyes on her, boring into her back. Sucking in a breath, she whirled around to face him. "Politicians with skeletons like he has don't tend to do well in the polls come election time," she said with a bitter twist of her lips. "He told me he's going to run for Senator, which means the media will want to dig up anything they can find."

"So, he wants to make sure you don't talk."

"Yes. It wouldn't be the first time. Only now so much more is at stake."

"Jesus Christ!" He raked his fingers through his hair and did the quick calculation in his head. "Who knows how far he'll go to keep you quiet?I don't want you going anywhere alone. I'll have to put security on you. "

"No." She rolled her eyes. "There's more at stake because of _you_."

"Me?"

"Tell me something. How many people know who you really are; Edward Mason, troubled kid from Jacksonville?"

Edward stilled, his only movement was the twitching in his right eye. "No one knows my real name or where I am from but I've never made it a secret that I've had a troubled and violent childhood. You would know that had you been listening to my speech tonight instead of getting all cozy with your ex."

"Cozy?" Her tone was incredulous. "You're out of your mind."

"He had his hands all over you and you let him. You _protected_ him."

"First of all, I didn't _let_ him. Second, I was protecting you! Your image. I didn't want a scene for the salivating press that was avidly watching from the sidelines."

"I could give a fuck about the press. The media doesn't matter to me. You do. I should've punched him in the face as soon as he put his hands on you. Gossip be damned."

"You _should_ give a fuck."

His nostrils flared and his pupils dilated. She was so magnificent in her outrage; cheeks flushed, eyes luminous and chest thrust forward in unwitting invitation. He was instantly hard, wanting nothing more than to strip her bare and take her mercilessly on the carpet. After everything that went down tonight, he needed it…needed an outlet for the raging storm within him. He needed Bella. Now.

"You know what?" he asked as he plucked open the buttons of his shirt and peeled it off his chest. "This conversation can wait until morning. No more talk of Sam or the press or anything except how I'm going to fuck you senseless."

Before she could say anything else, he cupped her face within his hands and took possession of her mouth.

* * *

Laid out spread eagle, she felt like she was some sort of odd virgin sacrifice on an altar.

As the satin covered metal handcuffs secured with a distinctive click around her delicate wrist, her breathing became more ragged. She couldn't see through the covering over her eyes so she sensed rather than saw his presence above her; felt his body radiating heat that could burn right through her.

Her body squirmed but he stayed her silently with his hand right over her rapidly beating heart. He hadn't said a word after he told her to strip and lay on the bed with her limbs extended. She had done it without question and now she doubted the intelligence of that move. There was so much yet to resolve and he was still pissed and jealous over Sam.

"Edward, this is-"

"No talking. Just feel."

Her ankles were bound next. Not with cuffs but with something soft and wispy. It tickled her foot and her Achilles tendon.

"What are you doing?"

"You'll like this. I promise."

"Can I have that in writing?" she tried to joke but her voice came out a shaky, restless whisper.

He didn't answer her; made no attempt to acknowledge that she said anything at all. She was keenly aware of the tell-tale rustled whisper of clothes being removed and felt the mattress dip under his weight.

His finger traced a line from her neck straight down to the very center of her and stopped. When she arched upward, he removed his hand completely.

What the fuck was he playing at?

"Are you scared?" he asked as if he could read her mind.

"Should I be?"

"No. I would never hurt you."

She believed him.

The drawer next to his bed slid open. She heard liquid spurt and flesh rub together. When he touched her with oil slicked hands, she gasped and arched off the bed as much as the bonds would let her. He started on her arm, up and down, massaging the scented oil into her skin. She couldn't hold back a moan of pleasure.

"I told you, you would like it."

He worked her other arm next, from fingers to shoulder. Then her legs, his smooth hands working the muscles in her calves up to her thighs and back down, deliberately avoiding the spot in between that wanted the attention so desperately. The longer he worked at her, the harsher his breathing became until it was the only thing Bella could focus on.

His hands moved to her torso, his hands splayed out on her skin, moving up in a circular motion until he was straddling her, cupping her breasts. She felt his erection hard against her stomach. Bowing upward, her body begged for him.

"Not yet. Half the pleasure is in the anticipation."

If that were the case, she was in pleasure over load. She ached to touch him so badly, to torture him as he was doing to her. Her hands strained against the cuffs causing them to clink against the headboard.

His answering chuckle was a low rumble in his chest right before he took her nipple into his mouth and bit down gently, his teeth grazing the puckered flesh.

With his hands, mouth and tongue he brought her body to a delirious fever pitch, leaving no part of her body untouched save one. She knew what was coming when he plumped a pillow under her, raising her hips off the bed.

His hot fingers separated her hidden lips and his breath on that little bud had her shivering.

"I love this part of you," he said, his thumb flicking at her. "So pearly, so wet and waiting...waiting for me.

A fraction of a beat passed left her wondering what his next move was. Then he feasted. Just as she was about to come full force, he pulled away.

"Please."

Edward watched her writhing on the bed, her legs spread out before him, her pussy glistening wet, her body bound and waiting for him. He entered her hard and fast, causing her to catch her breath and her body to buck under him. There was no more finesse, no more slow torturous strokes. He wanted and he took.

She came, loud and long, convulsing around him, casing his cock like a tight glove. He knew once he entered her, he wouldn't last long. With one last thrust, he spent into her.

Kissing her gently he undid her bonds and untied the silk from around her eyes. She had to blink a few times for her eyes to get used to the warm glow of the bedside lamp. What she saw made her gasp. He was watching her cautiously, shame creeping into his eyes, warring with the satisfaction she saw there.

He laid down next to her, scooping her into his arms, their bodies' slick with oil and sweat.

"You were made for me, only me. No one else," he told her once he could regulate his breathing. "If you ever doubt anything, know that."


	20. Chapter 20

Come morning, Edward decided he still wanted to ignore the previous night's conversation and take Bella out on the water. They needed the escape, the opportunity to get away from it all and just be.

She'd been quiet and withdrawn since they had woken up; his body wrapped around hers while she absently ran her fingers through his hair. When he asked if he had frightened her last night with the way he made love to her, she gave a silent shake of her head but offered no further explanation.

He hated being shut out.

Thinking back the events of the night before, he concluded that her ex had a hand in her sullen mood. His whole body tightened in anger.

"Don't bring your ex into bed with us."

Her fingers stilled, her body stiffened and she untangled herself from him, giving him a heated glare. "I'm not."

"Then what is it? And don't say it's nothing."

Bella debating bringing it up again considering his reaction last night but she didn't want it festering either. No, they had to deal with this and he wasn't going to use sex this time to distract her.

"There was a lot of press last night and-"

"Are you _still_ worried about that?" Irritated, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. After shoving his arms into the sleeves of his robe and tying it closed, he turned to face her. "How many times do I have to tell you to fuck the press? Nothing they say or do mean anything to me."

"What about me?" she asked, tightening the sheets around her like a shield. "Did you, for one-second, stop to think that maybe it means something to me?"

Edward sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose. "It will be fine, Bella. There is nothing that they can do that we can't handle."

"We'll see about that, won't we?"

"I don't want to argue over this. Not today. I have plans for us and I won't have them spoiled by shit that doesn't matter."

* * *

She was still shooting daggers at him over her morning coffee. All she wanted to do was warn him about the impending media storm but he would have none of it; acting like a churlish brooding child who demanded his way or else. She wasn't about to fall into that trap again.

"Did you ever wonder why I never spilled to the press about Sam's secrets?"

"I thought we were done with this."

"No. You said you were done. I, however, am not. You've told me one of your biggest regrets about the past is that you didn't listen to me; you railroaded over my concerns so you better damn well listen to me now."

Edward heard the silent "or else" at the end of her sentence and froze. Now she had his full attention.

"Alright, I'll bite. Why didn't you ever tell Sam's dirty secrets?" he asked, saying the name of her ex with disgust painted on his tongue.

"I was paid well not to."

There was a sharp intake of breath followed by the slamming of a coffee mug. "He paid you to keep your mouth shut?"

"Not him. His father," she corrected. Leaning back in her chair, she toyed with her spoon in an effort to calm the anger the memory brought up. "When I walked away from the engagement, I walked away with nothing. The house was in his name. My job was working for him and his campaign. Every thread of my life was entwined with his. So yes, when his father came to me with his checkbook out, I took the offer. Thinking of the way they used me, the way they used my past for votes, the way they manipulated me did a good job of wiping my conscience clear."

"What do you _mean_ he used your past for votes?"

Bella inwardly cringed. He _would_ pick up on that and dismiss the rest. The deadly, scathing calm of Edward's voice was very telling of the storm that lay just beneath the surface. She would have to choose the words carefully.

"Why don't we have this conversation in a room where there aren't so many sharp objects?" she said with a nervous-edged laugh. "Come on." She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the library; the one room in the penthouse that she knew relaxed him.

He went willingly, letting her lead him, letting her do this her way.

"Sit," she ordered, pushing him onto the sofa.

He raised his eyebrow at her and pulled her towards him so she stood in between his legs. "Tell me, Bella. No more procrastinating. How did he use you?"

She stepped away, removing her hands from his and walked towards the fireplace, absently picking up the small statues on it and inspecting each one before setting them back down again.

"Sam was groomed his entire life to be in politics. His father was a politician as was his father before him. It was only inevitable that Sam would follow in the footsteps laid out before him. I didn't realize at the time but every move he made was planned. It's probably the reason why he is the way he is, why he-"

"Stop making excuses for him."

"I'm not." She whirled around to face him. "I just-" Her shoulders slumped in defeat. "Anyway, I thought I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to marry Sam. I was naive. He announced our engagement at the same time he announced his intent to run for Assemblyman. It was a calculated move."

"He would be taken more seriously if he was getting married, starting a family."

"Yes." She sat down next to him with a sigh. "Sam had known about you, of course, but I never told him about Laurent...what he did to me. I had no idea the press would have any interest in me but I was wrong. A few days after his announcement, a news story hit the media about me...about what happened. I was horrified to say the least. When I apologized to Sam for not telling him, he laughed. He actually laughed. 'Who do you think leaked the story?' he had said."

"He did? Sonofabitch. That _sonofabitch_," Edward ground out through his teeth before he shot up of the chair. His breathing turned harsh and ragged as rage tore through him. He paced, his body primed to fight.

Bella shook her head and swallowed hard, aware the beast was rising. She forged on calmly, knowing she had to finish and hope for the best. It was too late to stop now.

"Again, his father. As it turned out and what I didn't realize was that I was vetted the minute Sam told his father about me. They had known all along. You see, Sam's father felt that Sam shouldn't have a high society wife but an average girl, one who could connect with voters. The fact that I had a traumatic past was a bonus, one they could use to hop on a platform that would resonate with the public. What Laurent did to me was reduced to a campaign talking point and now I am back in the public eye again…with you. It's only a matter of time before someone connects the dots and not only will I be splashed across the pages of the New York Post but you will too."

Something flew past her and shattered against the wall, then another and another in rapid succession. Bella jumped off the sofa and gripped his wrist tightly; a Faberge Egg was clutched in his hand ready to be launched next.

"Stop it!" she yelled, giving his arm a shake. "Just stop," she added in a softer tone. "I didn't tell you all this so you could destroy your damn house."

He dragged his gaze to meet hers, focusing on her warm brown eyes and felt the red haze of rage recede to a more manageable degree. It still wasn't gone, not by a long shot.

When Bella saw he was becoming less volatile, she slowly unlocked her grip and took the priceless piece of decorative art from his hand and set it down gently before cupping his cheek with her palm.

"He needs to pay." Edward's voice came out harsh and ragged. "They _all_ need to pay."

"No, Edward." Edward may be very powerful but so were Sam and his father.

"Then how do I fix this?" His eyes looked bleak, desolate and determined. "How can I possibly fix this?"

"You can't." She gave him a sorrowful look. "I just-everything, all of it…it's going to be out there again. My past and now your past. Living through it again; it won't be easy for me."

He grabbed her then and wrapped his arms tightly around her, burying his face in her hair. "I'll fucking destroy any newspaper that dares to mention anything that causes you pain."

"Oh, I really wish you could," she said before taking a deep breath. "I really wish you could."

"We'll figure this out, Bella. I promise. I won't ever let you be hurt again."

* * *

The day was almost freakishly warm. The rays of the sun reflected off the glass atrium of The Winter Garden; the centerpiece of the World Financial Center. He took her through the atrium first, wanting to see the awe on her face as she took in the rows upon rows of the monstrously tall palm trees that seemed to grow out of the brown and white marble floors.

"This is one of my favorite spots in the city," he told her as they walked through the glassed half-dome towards the exit for the North Cove Marina. "It's hard to believe a little over ten years ago this spot was nothing but rubble, the entire building destroyed on 9-11. They rebuilt and it's stronger than ever; a true testament that anything can be restored if it's wanted badly enough no matter what tries to get in the way."

Bella let her eyes wander, feeling dwarfed by the ten stories of glass she was surrounded by and suppressed a shiver. "It _is_ pretty amazing," she agreed, wondering if he was making some sort of analogy about their own relationship and their earlier conversation.

He led her out towards the marina where small sails mingled with large yachts and the sun shone shimmering pools of light off the gleaming white boughs. And there she was, his 69 foot Ferretti 700. Nestled in her slip, waves gently lapped at her as she bobbed on the water. Edward was glad he hadn't put the yacht in dry-dock yet.

It had been his first impulsive luxury purchase and he aptly named it _The Bella_. He had been in a morose, reflective mood when he christened the vessel; remembering how they always used to walk the wooden docks of the Jacksonville marinas, fantasizing about escaping and sailing the world forever, traipsing from exotic port to exotic port where she would take her photographs and he would forget the world outside of them ever existed.

The boat was a requiem for dreams he let slip through his impulsive fingers.

"Here we are," he said, urging her to climb the ladder to the deck.

Bella paused, startled at seeing her name in blue script decorating the side of the yacht. She looked up at him, fighting back the threat of tears.

"You named your boat after me?"

"I did."

Suddenly the media, what they were going to dig up, what they'd piece together, it didn't matter anymore. He named a boat for her. That meant more to her than all of his words and actions put together. Words could be scripted, actions rehearsed but this…this wasn't some contrived set-up to win her or confuse her. This was from the heart. This was real.

Once on board, they were greeted by a man that could have been anywhere from thirty to forty years old, with a broad smile and a sun-weathered face.

"Mr. Cullen, I just cleared with the Coast Guard and everything's a go."

"Thanks Mick," Edward said giving his hand a shake. "This is my girlfriend, Bella."

"Pleasure to meet you, Miss. If you need anything at all, please ask me or my first mate, Jeff. He's up in the cockpit."

"Thank you. It's very nice to meet you," Bella greeted him before she cast a sideways glance to Edward.

"You're giving up control of your boat?"

Mick coughed to cover up a laugh. "On that note, I'll cast off, Mr. Cullen." He tipped his hat and climbed the stairs back to the cockpit.

"Why, Bella, I think I'm offended," Edward teased as he turned to her. He placed his hand over his heart and pretended to look affronted. "Did you just call my Ferretti a 'boat'?"

"Hmm." She grinned, tapping her forefinger against her chin and looked around. " It's a vessel used to travel by water, ergo, it's a boat."

"Let's have a tour of my _boat_ then, shall we?"

He placed her hand in the crook of his arm and escorted down the wooden lacquer steps into the main was open and airy with one continuous mid wall to ceiling window that brought in the sun at all angles. A large leather couch sat across from an equally upholstered wraparound settee and glass tables sitting on a pale ash wood floor. On one side was an entertainment center and the other a sleek galley with a buffet bar inlaid with the same white leather stitching as the couches.

He showed her the two guest quarters which were rarely ever used and then finally into the master suite. Two large Bergdorf and Goodman bags rested on the gold toned comforter of the king sized bed. Bella looked at him questioningly.

"For you."

"You went shopping for me?" The sense of déjà vu was strangling and Bella could literally feel the color leech from her face as she fought to swallow the bile that invaded her throat.

Edward is not Sam, she kept repeating to herself.

_Sam would not name a boat…er…yacht after you. He would not pine after you for ten years and he definitely would not make you dampen your panties every time he eye-fucked you._

"Ah, well not exactly." Edward cupped the back of his neck and gave a sheepish grin, completely oblivious to her internal freak-out. "I gave the personal shopper your sizes and told her you would need clothes fit for being on the water for a couple of days."

"You didn't have to buy me clothes, Edward. I could've packed my own."

"And deprive me of the joy of buying you things?"

"But-"

"No buts. I wanted to do it and it's done."

Bella sighed. This wasn't a particular battle she wanted to fight. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He smiled victoriously as he walked towards the bed and grabbed a bag. "Let's have a look, shall we?"

Edward handed her the bag and watched as she bit her lip and reached inside. Her curious expression changed to confusion when she pulled out a jewel blue negligee.

"I wasn't aware lingerie was fitting for a couple days on the water," she said, her lips tilted upward and a wicked gleam in her eyes.

"No, but it is fitting for the nights even if you only would be wearing it for five minutes." Edward's pupils dilated with lust as he watched her glide her hands over the garment in a provocative manner. He was tempted to demand her to put it on at this very moment.

Bella looked through the rest of the bags and sure enough, he had thought of everything; all of it designer. She felt uncomfortable accepting the clothes. Subtly, she tried to find a tag on the sweater just to see what it had set him back.

"If you're looking for a price tag, you won't find any. I gave instructions that the clothes be delivered without them."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because I know you, Isabella." He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. "Don't over think it. Just accept it. Now," he said letting her go to retrieve a box wrapped in silver from one of the drawers. "This is for you as well."

"What's this?"

"Open it."

She took the box from his hands. It was heavier than it looked. She looked at him questioningly.

"Go on," he prompted with a smile.

Carefully, she opened the wrapping to reveal the box underneath it. It was a camera. Not just any camera. It was a professional grade Nikon; one she knew cost thousands of dollars, one she would have bought for herself if she could afford it. But no matter how much it made her drool, she couldn't accept it.

"I can't," she said with a frown as she shut the box and sat on the edge of the bed, placing it beside her. "This is too much."

"You can and it's not." He sat down next to her and pulled her to him, kissing her temple. "I bought this for you a few days ago when I saw you struggling to get just the right shot with that old camera of yours. I know you have trouble accepting gifts but this is as much for me as it is for you."

"Not for taking pictures of us!" she said aghast, her face reddening with the vein of her thoughts.

Edward threw his head back and laughed. "No, you silly, beautiful girl. Though, if you wanted to, I wouldn't be opposed to the idea as long as they were kept private." His face turned serious as he gazed at her. "You still have that photographer in you, Bella. She was full of joy. Light, happy and unconventional; seeing the world so differently than the rest of us. I want to see her again. I miss her."

His words touched a chord in her; an open wound she had thought long since closed, a wound that hadn't started to knit itself closed until now. She felt the burning sting of tears behind her eyes.

"I love it," she whispered, turning towards him. "Thank you."

She kissed him then; hard and sweet, pushed him down on the bed and straddled him. The depth of open emotion in her watery gaze before she lowered her head over his made his breath catch. It was the first time since they had gotten back together that she had taken the initiative with him and he reveled in it.

An hour later, they stood on the deck of the yacht watching the city skyline as they rode past. Bella leaned forward against the rail; her face turned up to the sun and the wind blowing the tendrils that escaped her ponytail. Edward thought she had never looked more beautiful; the glow of their recent lovemaking still fresh on her face.

"So where are you taking me?"

"We're going up to Cold Spring. It's a great place to catch some of the autumn colors that are beginning to show and I have a feeling you'd really enjoy it."

It was something she would enjoy, immensely. Living in the southern parts of the country most of her life, she never had a chance to see autumn firsthand in all its colorful glory and now with the camera, she could capture it all.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want to spend the night at my place?" Edward asked Bella one more time when he braked in front of her apartment late Monday afternoon.

"I can't," she answered honestly. Their weekend get-away was exactly what they needed to re-connect on a deeper level but she was still feeling cautious about giving him free reign. She couldn't let herself give up everything she achieved. She was striving for a balance.

His lips flattened into a thin line and his hands tightened on the steering wheel. "I see."

"Don't do that. This isn't about you. I just have a lot of things to do before going into work tomorrow." She noticed he only looked marginally relieved. "Now, can I please have my phones back?" She held out her hand and wiggled her fingers. He had taken them and had them locked in the safe aboard the yacht. No interruptions, he had told her when she had complained.

"Not yet." He leaned in closer to her and cupped the back of her neck with his hand. "Our weekend isn't officially over until I do this first."

His kiss was hot, searing and felt like a brand. The way his tongue encapsulated hers, had her moaning deep in her throat and her body itching to plant itself on his lap. He groaned into her mouth and with a quick click, he undid his seatbelt and pressed closer to her.

He was making it very, very hard for her to be good.

Her hands found his hair and used it as leverage to hold his head in place so she could be the aggressor. He pulled back, panting; his eyes bright with lust as he stared at her. His surprise was evident.

"You continually surprise me, Isabella," he whispered, his voice gruff.

She continually surprised herself; she thought when she realized she very nearly jumped him in broad daylight, in his car. Her panties were soaked with the thought.

_Damn, I'm going to have to invest in more underwear if we keep this up._

"Look at us." Bella gave a nervous laugh. "Fogging up the windows of your car like a pair of teenagers."

"Just like the old days." He shook his head and gave her a goofy smile that was so uncharacteristic of the Edward he was now.

Bella could still feel the pressure of his lips on hers as she made her way into her apartment.

* * *

"You know this has the potential to be a giant media clusterfuck don't you?" Alice said contemplatively as she sat cross-legged on the sofa, drinking a glass of wine.

"Yeah," Bella nodded, thoughtfully running her finger around the room of her own glass with a frown before. "Is it too much to hope that I'll pass under the radar?"

"No, but it's not very realistic. You may have a few days max before it all hits."

"Damn it," she muttered under her breath and grabbed a throw pillow, hugging it to her chest. "I don't have time for this. I have a make me or break me campaign on the line and my company is finally moving into Edward's building tomorrow."

"That should be interesting." Alice's eyes were full of mirth. "Sky rockets in flight," she began singing. "Afternoon delight."

"Ali!" Bella threw the throw pillow at her.

"Think about it. Quickies in the office and oh, he can probably shut down the elevator and you know...chica chica bow bow." Alice made an exaggerated pumping motion with her body.

Bella laughed at the image. "You're a good friend Ali, the best."

"Why? Because I have a dirty mind."

"No, because you made me laugh when I needed to, made me stop worrying, if only for a little while." She stood up and looked towards the phone. She had been delaying this but she knew she had to do it and soon. "I think I'm going to have to call Emmett and let him know about all this before he finds out from someone else."

* * *

The other end of the phone was silent, eerily so. Emmett was loud, boisterous, and quick to find the bathroom humor in any situation. What he was _not_ was prone to long silences of any nature no matter what kind of mood he was in. The fact the she heard nothing but the sounds of harsh breathing when she dumped what had been happening over the past few weeks didn't bode well. At all. It was a good thing then that she left quite a bit out.

"Bella?"

"_Rose_?"

Why the hell was Rose suddenly on the phone?

"Rose, what's going on? Where did Emmett go?"

Bella heard something crash loudly in the background and she cringed.

"You told him about Edward, didn't you? Oh shit...wait...he's coming back."

"YOU KNEW!" Emmett's booming voice came across loud and clear over the miles separating them.

"Calm down, Em, you're scaring the boys."

"Give me the phone, Rosie."

"Not until you promise to be rational."

"I'm not promising anything. Now give me the God damn phone!"

"Sorry, Bella, I tried," Rose told her. Away from the phone she added, "Behave yourself."

Not good, not good, Bella thought and braced herself.

"Bella-"

"Listen Emmett, I know-"

"No, you _don't_ know.! How could you..._Jesus Christ_…how could you go back to him after all the shit he put you through? After everything he-"

"He says he loves me and I believe him."

"Really?" Emmett chuckled but it was dark and nasty, brittle. "_Love?_ He left you to rot, left you to nearly die by the hands of that asshole step-father of his. He never saw the shell you became or sat by your side in the hospital praying you would pull through and wondering how to keep from falling apart if you didn't. He never nursed you through the nightmares for months afterward. He-"

"He didn't _know_," Bella sobbed into the phone, her brother's words hitting a chord. "He didn't know."

But Emmett continued as if he didn't hear her. "He didn't have to watch you sell your soul to a man who wanted nothing more from you than to be a pawn in his political game, watch you change into someone you weren't."

She sucked in a sharp breath. "You _knew_ about that...about Sam?"

"Of course, I did. Do you think I'm blind? Don't you think I paid attention?"

"You never said anything." _Or did he?_ She couldn't remember. She blocked out most of those days out of self-preservation. Now it seemed like everything was coming back to haunt her.

"I tried but you were so stubborn you didn't want to hear it and I was too afraid of losing you again to push too far. Now I wish to God I did. It's all going to come out again isn't...all that shit with Laurent...all because of Eddie Masen?"

"It's Cullen now," she said automatically without thinking.

"I don't give a rat's ass if he changed his name to Ghandi. It doesn't make him a new man and it certainly doesn't change what he's done to you."

"I only told you to give you a heads-up, Emmett, so you wouldn't be blindsided. I'm not asking you for advice on my love life...or your blessing."

"You know I have half a mind to fly up there and give him a piece of my mind and drag your ass back down to Florida," he said and paused a moment then sighed. "But...I know it won't change anything."

"The heart wants what the heart wants, right?"

"And yours wants Masen...Cullen...whatever." His voice sounded resigned and utterly defeated.

"It's getting there. We're taking it slow," she said.

"If he fucks up again, I'm lambasting him into the next century. Do me a favor and tell him that for me."

"I will. So, am I forgiven?"

Emmett snorted. "You know I can't stay made at you for long even when you do something monumentally stupid."

"Good and you do me a favor, don't be pissed at Rose. I swore her to secrecy."

"Yeah, yeah. Fine. I know how _that_ girl code works."

"Thanks, Emmett. I love you."

"Love you too, Bells. And you call me for anything, okay? I don't care for what. I know I wasn't around much when you were a kid but I want to be there for you now."

* * *

Knowing Bella's company was slated to move into his building today, he didn't want to have this meeting in his office but he didn't want to risk being seen or more accurately being overheard in public. There was no help for it though. This meeting had to happen today. Even if he was only recently made aware of the situation, this conversation was years in the making.

Edward didn't bother standing up when Tanya gestured the two men into his office. They didn't seem to look wary or threatened in the least.

That was about to change.

His smile was broad and predatory as he greeted them. "Hello, Gentlemen."


	21. Chapter 21

Edward waited until Tanya offered the perfunctory refreshments. They both declined as he assumed they would. This wasn't supposed to be a pleasant gathering and everyone in the room knew it.

"Would you like me to stay and take notes?" Tanya asked him.

His narrowed gaze flickered briefly to her before returning his attention to the men in front of him.

"That won't be necessary."

"Let me know if you need anything – anything at all." Her voice was sultry as she darted her tongue over her bottom lip.

"I will," he said, annoyed and wondering what was up with her and why she was acting so suggestively inappropriate to him in front of his visitors.

He waited until she left his office and closed the door behind her and waited some more; assessing the two as he did so. Edward had done his research. He knew they weren't originally from Florida but Washington State and the surname, Quileute, had been made up to separate themselves from a scandal and cover-up perpetrated by Sam's grandfather; Charles Uley. Cover-ups seemed to be a family trait.

Both were dressed crisp and sharp, down to the shine on their patent leather shoes; the son, a weaker imitation of the father. The elder Quileute, however, possessed something the son did not; a predilection for Machiavellian behavior. Sam wasn't that savvy. The father controlled the marionette strings as well as the purse strings. Sam was just the preferred vehicle of choice for the father to gain power.

A man like that would not stop at anything to get what he wanted. In his mind, the end would always justify the means.

Joshua Quileute impatiently checked his watch. "Can you get to the point, Cullen? We have a plane to catch in a few hours. I don't have time to sit here and engage in a staring contest. This is about Miss Swan, correct?"

Hearing Bella's name on that man's lips caused a visceral reaction in him but Edward schooled his features to remain expressionless. He would give nothing away.

Play it smart. Show no weakness. Be merciless.

Steepling his fingers in front of him, he leaned forward. "It is," Edward conceded.

Joshua sat back in his chair, crossing one leg over the other, a sly, cat-eating-the-canary smile flitting over his lips. "What do you want to know about her?"

"Nothing. What I want is to find out is what is so important that Sam, here, had to badger my girlfriend at a charity event." His eyes flicked to Sam, who had straightened up a little further in his seat when his name was mentioned.

"I believe that's between my son and Miss Swan. It's certainly none of your business." He chuckled slightly, trying to give the impression that there was something illicit going on. Edward wasn't buying it.

"Well, I make it _my_ business when ex-fiancés display a sudden interest after so many years." Edward paused and turned an examining eye to Sam. "So Sam, since your father claims to be ignorant, tell me what _was_ your intent?"

"Oh, you know how it is, Cullen." He crossed his legs, making a show of smoothing out his pant leg and shrugged. "It was a play for the cameras. We were engaged after all. I was just showing that there were no hard feelings for us."

"So, it was only a publicity stunt? Is that what you're saying?"

"What else would it be? We were in the same room together, there were reporters. I wanted to get a jump on any speculation. If you saw the papers and the internet, you would see it worked."

He hadn't seen any publicity, damn it and he hated that it was out there without him knowing about it, not that he believed a word of what was coming out of the wannabe politician's mouth.

"Then why bring your father?"

"So I could personally deliver this." Reaching into his inside suit pocket, Joshua pulled out a folded piece of paper and tossed it onto Edward's desk. "I'm sure you'll find it very revealing."

The paper skidded across the desk until Edward used two fingers to stop it. He recognized the challenge in the other man's eyes. He slid the paper closer to him before picking it up and unfolding it. Briefly, he scanned over its contents, a thoughtful frown forming on his face.

"What exactly am I looking at?"

"You'll note the payee of the cancelled check and the endorsement signature is the same person – Isabella Swan."

"I'm assuming this is supposed to prove something to me."

"She is a pretty little thing but underneath lays the heart of a mercenary. I'm doing you a favor by showing you this."

"Really? Do tell." He feigned interest, wanting them to feel confident enough where they unwittingly exposed themselves for what they were. Underneath, he wanted to crumple up the piece of paper in his hand and toss it back at Joshua Quileute's face. No, fuck that. He wanted to ram it so far down the bastard's throat, he'd be able to grab his balls and rip them back up through his esophagus.

"Don't be coy, Mr. Cullen. It doesn't suit you. You have in your hands proof that Ms. Swan is only out for the money. She was never fit to be the wife of a politician but..." He shrugged nonchalantly. "My son wanted her. I indulged him for a time - until she became a liability. Of course, she wouldn't listen to reason when I asked her nicely to do the right thing and end her engagement with my son - she _did _listen when I wrote her a fat check."

"You _already_ paid her off?" Sam's tone was incredulous as he stared gape-mouthed at his father. Joshua gave his son a quelling glare before offering Edward a facetious smile.

Did they think he was going to be so gracious for the false information, he would write them a check to fund their campaign? They obviously assumed Bella never told him the truth and it was obvious they didn't know who he really was and how far back his relationship with Bella really went.

He knew he had to get these two out of his office before he did something that would get him arrested. Slowly, he crushed the paper between his hands, cold murder in his eyes. Joshua's victorious posture deflated just as slowly.

"This piece of paper only proves one thing," Edward seethed through his teeth. "and it's _not _Bella Swan is a gold digging mercenary." Standing up, he tossed the paper into the wastepaper basket and walked to the front of his desk, perching himself on the edge of it. "You," he said, turning his attention to Sam. "are a fucking coward. Coming here with your daddy in tow because you're too afraid to face me alone. What's the matter, Sam? You can bully around a woman but can't face a man?"

"Bully?" Sam scoffed. "Is that what she told you? She was _broken_ when I met her." Edward flinched, the muscle by his left eye starting to pulse. "I _made_ her what she is."

"There are things you probably do not know about your precious Isabella Swan," Joshua said in a scathing tone as he stood up and straightened his suit jacket. "We are not the evil ones here, Mr. Cullen. Ask her about Edward Mason. Ask her about how she pined for a piece of white trash that left her pregnant and never looked back. My son gave her a purpose and she threw it back in his face."

"I don't have to ask her a damn thing," Edward growled savagely. "Now, let's get one thing very clear," he continued. "You do not look at Isabella. You do not try to contact her and you certainly don't hire anyone to contact her on your behalf in _any_ capacity. You do not even think about her. Trust me, I am someone you do not want to mess with."

"Is that a threat?"

"I'm not in the habit of making threats, Mr. Quileute - but I do keep my promises."

Edward cursed foully when they left, feeling the desire to destroy something - anything. They were liars, that much he knew but he knew something else. Joshua Quileute was not one to back down. No. An election was at stake and he would do whatever he felt was necessary to make sure his son won. Bella's knowledge was potentially giant obstacle in his plans.

He picked up his phone and punched in the numbers he knew too well.

"Garrett," he spoke briskly into the receiver. "I want a shadow on Joshua Quileute and his son Sam... That's right twenty four-fucking-seven. I'll email you specifics on what I want from my private email account. No, you heard correct...the Florida Senatorial candidate... Yes, I know that has its challenges. Just do it."

* * *

"There that does it," Bella said as she put the last finishing touch up in her office; a picture of her and Edward this past weekend up in Cold Spring. The photo was taken at twilight against the backdrop of the yacht and the setting sun behind them.

When she looked through the files of all the photos taken over the weekend, this was the one that struck her the most. She had set the camera on an intermittent timer on the dock to capture the sunset. It was completely by fortuitous accident that it had snapped the picture just as Edward had snuck up on her and whisked her up in his arms.

The picture displayed a carefree version of her hard business-man lover with a broad smile and adoring eyes. It had taken her breath away just to look at it. So different from what he was and somehow, still the same.

She put up some of her own work in here as well; photographs and portraits that served as a reminder to that piece of her she lost and wanted to find again. She intermingled with some of the artwork of the campaigns she worked on.

"Not bad." She gave a satisfied nod as she stood in the middle of the room, carefully surveying it with a critical eye.

"Not bad at all," Bree agreed, startling her. "Where did you get all the photos?"

"They're mine."

"Well, of course they are. I didn't think you stole them - wait, they're yours as in...?"

Bella nodded. "So, how is the new creative department coming along?"

"Oh, no Swan. You do not get to drop a bomb like that without elaborating."

"It's nothing," she said with a dismissive wave. "Just a hobby."

"Are you sure you don't want to come work in _my_ end of the agency?"

"Positive," Bella said but inside she wasn't so sure. "Now, what brings you over to the boring neck of the woods?"

"Well, since Caius is giving us the afternoon off, a bunch of us are going to happy hour early. Wanna come with?"

Bella bit her lip with indecision and glanced at the clock. Yes, Caius had called an early day since everyone had dug in to help organize the new offices but there was quite a bit she needed to get to. Calling an early day today meant working late the rest of the week.

"C'mon, Bella," Bree interrupted her thoughts. "You know you want to."

She did. She really did. And Bree's conspiratorial grin was infectious. "Okay, let's go." She grabbed her purse and followed her down the hall.

A few margaritas and a lot of laughs later, Bella had completely lost track of all time. She and a few co-workers from the art department had hopped around a few pubs down Third Avenue, staying for only one drink before jaunting to the next one. They were at their fourth pub; a rowdy, dimly lit sports pub when she realized she hadn't checked her phone once.

"Shit," she muttered to herself, as she delved her hand into her bag.

"What's wrong?" Bree asked her.

"I probably have a ton of calls that I missed. What time is it anyway?"

"Oh relax," she said with a dramatic eye roll and a hiccup. "Put the phone away. Have another margarita. It's not even five yet."

She debated for a moment before letting her phone slide from her fingers back into her bag without ever looking at it. Why not, she thought. She was having fun, bonding with her co-workers, just like how she used to do.

"Are you up for a shot, ladies?" Nahuel, one of the graphic designers, slung a casual arm over each of their shoulders. "I'm buying."

"How about a round of lemondrops?" Siobhan came over and leaned her ample body against Nahuel.

"Nah, that's a sissy drink." He scrunched his nose in distaste.

Bree snorted. "This coming from the man, and I use the term loosely, that wears pink socks and dances to Lady Gaga around the office."

"I do have my boundaries, love. Bella, what say you, darling? Lemondrops? Or do you want a true taste of New York and go with Picklebacks"

"Picklebacks? What the hell is that?"

"Heaven," he said licking his lips.

"Oh Bella, don't listen to him. They're gross. How anyone ever thought of combining Jameson with pickle brine is beyond me."

"I'll try it," Bella said. If she was going to listen to herself and find the person she used to be, she had to start somewhere.

It was sometime around seven when the cab braked to a stop in front of her apartment building. After drinking that shot, which was a bad idea, they all went out for Tex-Mex , a few blocks from the last pub to help soak up some of the alcohol. Pizza would've been a better choice, Bella thought with the taste of pickle brine, a combination of liquor and refried beans still on her tongue.

Still, the evening on a whole had been fun and even though, Nahuel revealed that she and Edward had landed on Page Six of the New York Post, complete with quite a few speculations about their relationship status, thanks to Nahuel being a society page junkie, she somehow she managed not to freak out about it. Maybe it was the alcohol and it would all hit her later or maybe she just realized there was nothing she could do.

Thinking of Edward, she realized she hadn't looked at her phone all evening and wondered if he tried to get in touch with her. He'd told her he would most likely be working late, catching up on the business he didn't get to because of the holiday and she had told him she'd most likely be doing the same.

Oh well. Hopefully, he wouldn't be too bent out of shape. In the elevator, she went through her bag, looking for where she had dropped her phone.

"Holy shit," she exclaimed, looking at the screen. There were so many missed calls and quite a few voicemails. Not wanting to think about it at the moment, she tucked the phone away and dug for her keys instead.

The front door to her apartment swung open quickly.

"Oh, thanks, Ali. I would've had to look forever for my-" Bella looked up, the rest of her words dying on her tongue. "Edward, what are you doing here?"

Edward stood in her doorway looking like she had never seen him. His button down shirt hung wrinkled and un-tucked from his pants. His hair was a disheveled mess like he ran his hair through it too many times and his eyes looked wild and unfocused. He glanced around the hall before grasping her arm and pulling her inside.

"Where the hell have you been?"

It took a moment for her alcohol-hazed brain to connect the words. She blinked slowly, stunned at first at his ire and the angry fire lighting his eyes. Then she felt anger course through her. She wasn't a child staying out past curfew and he wasn't her father. She shouldered past him clumsily and dropped her bag down on the couch.

"Where's Alice?"

"Did you not hear me? I asked where you were."

"I was out." Gripping the side of the couch, she leaned down and took her heels off, letting her tired feet sink into the rug. "There that's better. Now, where's Alice? Did she let you in?"

He huffed, running his hands through his hair before placing them on his hips. "Yes, she let me in," he admitted. "And after many attempts at trying to reach you, she had to leave. I opted to wait here for you," he added and gave her a pointed glare, his eyes roaming over every inch of her. He frowned, his brows creasing and his lips thinning. "Have you been drinking?"

He looked so censorious that Bella had to let out a giggle. Oh, she must have had more than she thought.

"I went out with a few co-workers. It's not a crime, Edward."

"Do you have any idea at all how worried I was?" The words exploded from him. "Any idea at all?"

"No, but I have a feeling you're about to tell me."

"Don't fucking joke around with me, Isabella." He spoke through clenched teeth. "Not with the day I had."

After his meeting with Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dummer, he had been in a dark mood and it got even darker when all his attempts to contact Bella had fallen flat. He had wanted to take her to lunch but she never responded and when he finally gave up trying to contact her by email, phone and text, he went straight to the source only to find a deserted office. Only Cauis had been in. After being informed that the office had closed early for the day did Edward really begin to worry.

Where the hell could she have gone? Was it possible that Sam and Joshua Quileute had ignored his threats and caught up with her anyway? She was nowhere to be found and as the hours ticked by, the more anxious he became. He left work early after deciding he was pretty much useless until he located her. Not knowing where she was, what she was doing or who she was with was a feeling he never wanted to have again. He had been just shy of calling the hospitals asking if there was a woman of Bella's description admitted when Jasper had talked him down.

Even Alice had no clue; only waved off his worry as inconsequential but allowed him to wait for her at their apartment after he had already waited several hours at his, expecting the elevators to open any second and she would be there, safe and whole.

"Why are you so mad? We didn't have plans." Bella stood up, his mood having a sobering effect on her. "Since when do I have to check in with you? You were working late. So I went out with friends from work. So what? It's not like it's one in the morning. It's early. I don't see what the big freaking deal is?"

"Because I didn't know where you were!" he roared causing her to flinch. His chest heaved with barely pent up anger and his heart thudded hard against his sternum. With one swift motion, he pulled her to him, holding her tighter as she stumbled. His hands moved to her hair, stroking the sides of it in an effort to calm down his ragged breathing. He pressed his forehead against hers and squeezed his eyes shut. "Because I didn't know where you were," he repeated in a softer voice this time but no less harsh. "and it makes me crazy…out of control. I don't like that feeling. At all. It makes me want to do things."

"What things?" she asked nervously, for the first time feeling really apprehensive by his presence. He was too angry, too cruel sounding, like he wanted to punish her.

"Bad, bad things." He pressed his groin into her and used one hand to cup her ass, forcing her flush against him, so no part of them was left not touching. He relished her gasp when he gyrated against her, letting her know in no uncertain terms, what "things" he had in mind.

"No." Bella pressed her palms against his shoulders and pushed against him but he remained unmoving. "Edward," she bit out. "I said no."


	22. Chapter 22

"I said no."

He felt the pressure at his chest and wasn't sure if it was coming from her hands or within him when her words finally filtered through.

No?

He shook his head. He must have heard her wrong.

Unacceptable.

His lips dived for hers and devoured, ignoring her protests until she ripped her mouth off of his and the pushing became shoving until she maneuvered out from his hold entirely leaving him feeling bereft by the loss of contact.

"Bella-" He took a step toward her, his hands clenching into fists against his legs.

"Don't," she said as she wrapped her arms around herself and backed up even further, willing her resolve to stay strong. "I said no and I meant it. Look, I know I probably should've called or at least checked my messages but the way you're acting...it's frightening and disproportionate."

"Disproportionate?" He scrubbed his hand down his face and looked at her in disbelief. "I was worried, no - I was _frantic_ not knowing where you were. You have no idea what that was like for me."

"I get that…I really do but that doesn't excuse the fact that you were trying to use sex as a way to end an argument and make me tow _your_ line - follow _your_ rules, without recognizing what _I_ wanted."

"Is that what you think I was doing?"

"It's what I _know_ you were doing. I've had enough of someone trying to exert control over me with Sam. I don't need it with you."

"Do not compare me with him. Ever," he seethed, stepping closer. "I am nothing like him. Nothing!"

"Oh God," she clamped her hand over her mouth. "You don't even see it, do you?"

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Forget it." She shook her head. She couldn't do this, here. Not now. Not like this. "I had one too many drinks and I'm tired. I think you should leave before we both say something we'll regret later."

"I'm not going anywhere. We're going to talk about this."

Talk? A few minutes ago, he wanted to drag her into the bedroom. She didn't trust that he wouldn't try that again. Not in the emotionally erratic state he was still in.

"And we will," she assured him. "But not tonight."

"You're serious," he said as he searched her face, looking for the truth. "You really want me to leave."

"I think it's for the best right now."

"What if I said I don't think it is?" he stalked closer to her, his eyes holding a predatory gleam until only centimeters separated them.

Slowly she looked up at him as he towered over her. "Then you're taking a very big risk, Edward and I really don't think you want to do that."

* * *

Edward resisted the urge not to squirm under the unrelenting yet speculative gaze being focused on him at the moment. It was more necessity than compulsion that brought him here, to this familiar, sometimes gut-pulling spot. He hadn't been here in weeks and nearly let himself be fooled that he didn't need this. He almost forgot how these visits had the power to, if not calm him down, then at least help him take the edge off his volatile emotions when he felt them get out of hand as they had gotten tonight.

He still couldn't believe she had kicked him out.

After wandering around in the brisk city air for over an hour, he found himself here and more than a bit desperate to purge his soul. How had things gone so wrong, so quickly?

Taking in the scent of the old leather, he sat back and squeezed his eyes shut as the feeling of guilt shamed him. He fucked up and he needed to know how to fix it.

"I'm glad you came to see me but so far you haven't explained the reason it was such an emergency."

No, he hadn't. He was too hesitant to say it out loud, fearing the truth in the words and what it meant. He could lose Bella.

"She thinks I'm trying to control her with sex," he finally admitted, opening his eyes to face the man sitting across from him.

Eleazar nodded thoughtfully and scribbled something down with his pen. "Are you?"

"Of course not! I-" He buried his tortured face in his hands and slumped his shoulders forward. "I don't know. She's stubborn, she challenges me, defies me and I have to bind her to me some how so she won't fucking leave me and damn it, I – sometimes I just feel –"

"Out of control?"

"Yes."

"And being out of control frightens you."

"To death."

"Why?"

Edward thought about the countless times he suffered under the hands of Laurent, all the times he made him feel small and defenseless, every single time he begged his mother to leave, all the times he stepped in and took the brunt of the violence to protect her from his fists, the constant threats and humiliation.

He broke.

"Because of him," he gritted out, slamming his palm against the leather of the chair, feeling the numbing sting travel up his arm. "Because I am reduced to feeling like that scared kid again, the one who got the crap beat out of him and was too weak to do anything about it."

"So you need to take control and keep it? Control equals safety. Edward Cullen doesn't get hurt if he is the one with power, whether it's the boardroom, the bedroom or the playrooms of a fetish club."

"Yes!" Edward's eyes widened in absolute horror.

Eleazar sat back and expelled a breath, satisfied. "And there it is."

"There _what_ is?" Edward was emotionally exhausted, his coarse, tired voice reflecting that.

"The breakthrough I've been waiting a few years for you to have. All this time, you claimed your need for sexual dominance was about the need to feel numb, that you felt too much and sex helped you turn it off or at least bring it down to a manageable level. It wasn't. It was about your fear of being vulnerable which to you, is having lack of control…and unfortunately, it bled out into every area of your life. Apparently, it still is."

"You son of a bitch. You knew this all along didn't you? Why did you never tell me?"

"Because you needed to come to the realization on your own. And thanks to your Bella, you did."

"So what do I do now?"

"You need to take a leap of faith."

"Leap of faith?" Edward snorted derisively. "What's that supposed to mean?"

A smile flirted over the psychologist's lips. "You're smart. I'm sure you'll figure it out."

Sensing the session was over, there was nothing more the good doctor could wring out of him, Edward stood up and grabbed his jacket, tugging it over his shoulders. He needed his control, craved it like a drug. It was a part of him. He didn't know if he could survive with out it. Yet the thought of Bella not being in his life anymore, that he was crossing the line more times than she could stand, causing her to walk away, terrified him. The fact that she compared him to Sam, angered him and that there was even the remotest possibility that she was right, sickened him to his core. Did he need to give up his control to keep Bella? Could he?

"You're over thinking this too much, Edward. Go with what your heart tells you."

"Thank you as always, Eleazar."

"You're welcome. Now, don't wait until you're at point break to come see me. Oh and next time, you might want to consider bringing Bella with you."

Edward wasn't thrilled with the idea of Bella sitting alongside him while he spilled his proverbial guts to his therapist but he nodded anyway before stepping out into the hallway and back out into the night.

* * *

As tired as she said she was, Bella couldn't make herself fall asleep. All she managed to see when she closed her eyes was Edward's defeated posture and cold eyes as he gave her one last look before she shut the door. She knew she hurt him with her impulsive remark that he was trying to control her like Sam did but it didn't make it any less true. He had and he did. He played her body like a finely tuned instrument and used it against her but she also knew part of the fault was hers. She knew there was a dark part of him and she let him into her heart again despite it…or maybe because of it.

Part of her had wanted to reach for him and pull him back, explain where she was coming from but the logical side of her knew better…knew _Edward_ better. The argument would have only escalated and ended up in the bedroom, where it always seemed to. Seeing Sam again recently had brought back those memories of shame; of a naïve young woman, lost and floundering amongst the wolves.

She never wanted to be controlled like that again. She couldn't let herself be.

After a morning filled with back to back internal meetings, she had to meet James uptown for lunch to go over the plans for the advertising photo shoot. Her phone buzzed with a text as she was gathering the paperwork in her satchel.

It was Edward.

From ECullen: How are you this morning? Are you okay?

Bella shook her head. Was she? She didn't even know. She hadn't allowed herself to think about it at all during the morning.

From BSwan: I'm good.

She waited a few seconds and typed again.

From BSwan: We need to talk.

It was a while before he answered her. She imagined him staring at the screen after she dropped that bomb.

From ECullen: Lunch? My office?

Like there was any way she was going to air their dirty laundry while his devious PA was anywhere within earshot.

She quickly texted him back.

From BSwan: Can't. On my way out to a lunch meeting.

From ECullen: Then when?

Oh, he was getting impatient now.

From BSwan: I'll call you.

She entered the elevator only to be met by Edward, his intense gaze fixated on her. Sucking in a sharp breath, she walked in and pressed the button for the lobby.

"Hi."

He gave her a tight smile. "I thought I'd save you a phone call."

"You didn't have to do that. I would've called."

"Yes, well, given your penchant for ignoring phone calls, I opted for the sure bet."

His demeanor was confident but there is a despondent look in his eyes that told her much of it was an act.

"I'm not avoiding you. I really am busy."

"I know." He looked up at the red digital numbers displaying their descent, knowing he didn't have much time. His fingers itched to stop the elevator all together but it wouldn't help his cause. "I hate this feeling of discord we have between us, damn it." He slammed his palm against the elevator wall. "It ate at me since I left your place. I can't do that another night, Bella."

"I'm sorry. I am…but I can't do this now. I have an important meeting and I-"

"So your meeting is more important than us?"

"No! That's not what I'm saying at all. God, will stop trying to twist my words around."

Before he could say something else, something that would inevitably thrust his foot further into his mouth, the elevator doors opened to the lobby. She stepped out and turned to him.

"I'll call you later. I promise."

He nodded once, his jaw tight and watched her walk away as the elevator doors closed back up again and he made the ascent back to his floor.

* * *

Despite her mood, Bella managed to have a productive lunch meeting; going over the details of the scheduled photo shoot in Central Park and the teaser web and social network campaign. James seemed very pleased with the progress they were making with the product launch and that made her feel a little better about brushing Edward off earlier.

"Now that we've concluded the business, would you like to tell me what has you looking so glum considering you've been parading around with that gorgeous piece of arm candy?"

"Not you too," Bella groaned. "Let me guess, Page Six?"

James scowled. "Like I would read that piece of trash. No, darling, TMZ."

Like that was supposed to make her feel better, knowing her relationship made not only the local newspapers but national TV.

"Don't they only have segments on celebrities?"

"And juicy tidbits about how one of the richest, never-seen-with-a-woman bachelors in New York is suddenly, not only attached but making goo-goo eyes with a certain unknown albeit stunning ad exec."

"Wow, you managed to get that all out in one breath."

"You should see the things I can accomplish with my astounding lung capacity," he joked. "Now seriously, tell Uncle James all about it."

Bella laughed. She couldn't help herself. And it felt damn good. Uncle James, indeed, she thought staring at the young, good-looking and very gay man before her.

"It's nothing, really."

"Nothing doesn't put bags under your eyes, sweetie, not unless you're not getting any sleep for very good reasons, which judging by your expression, that isn't it."

"We've been having some...difficulties," she admitted. "He likes to have his way." It was all she was comfortable with saying. She and James had gotten close but she wasn't about to purge the intimate details of her relationship to him.

"A man like Edward Cullen doesn't get to where he is without _that_ quality but from what I saw on the telly, he is irrevocably in love with you."

"That's not the problem. Sometimes, I feel like he treats me like a child in need of parenting. Before I got here, he cornered me in the elevator -'

"Sounds hot."

Bella shook her head. "He wanted to pin me for a time when we could 'talk'." She made the air quotes with her fingers. "And - Jesus, James, how did you manage to get me to talk about this?"

"You obviously needed to and I couldn't stand to look at that sullen expression anymore. It will give you wrinkles, if you don't watch out."

"You'd just give me your wrinkle cream," she teased trying to make light of it.

"What I'm going to give you is some advice." His face turned serious. "Call him. Find the time to talk."

"Call him, like right now?"

"Right now. We're not leaving this restaurant until you do." He crossed his arms over his chest and smiled like a cheshire cat. "I'm the client and the client is always right."

"Fine," she huffed, fishing her phone from her bag. "You are a manipulative bastard, you know that don't you?"

"Oh, sweetheart, you don't know the half of it," he said with a playful wink.

* * *

His palms were sweaty, his face felt clammy and his skin felt two sizes too tight. The call from Bella two hours after he saw her in the elevator, surprised him. Even though he hoped he would hear from her, he hadn't expected it to be so soon. Her voice was awkward and her tone uncomfortable when she spoke asking him if they could have their talk tonight.

Like he would refuse.

He stared around the room, feeling his vision start to dim from the overwhelming anxiety coursing through him, making his heart thunder in his chest and every nerve ending feel like it was on fire. He was following Eleazar's cryptic advice. He was going to take a leap of faith, praying he was doing the right thing. It had better work. If it didn't, he was definitely getting a new shrink.

The stage was set. Now all he had to do was wait.

* * *

Bella used her key pass to enter Edward's penthouse. Her legs shook as she entered the dimly lit room only to realize he wasn't there. She listened, waiting to hear something that indicated he was around but there was nothing but silence.

"Don't tell me he worked late," she mumbled. "Edward!" she called out. Maybe he was in the bathroom or something.

"In the master bedroom," he called back to her. His voice sounded strained, making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

"Are you all right?" she asked as she climbed the stair to the second level. "You sound sick."

"I'm fine."

He didn't sound fine. She was more convinced than ever that something was really wrong. _Was_ he sick? Her pace picked up until she reached the bedroom door, which was only slightly ajar. She tentatively pushed it open and peered into the room. The sight she was met with made her skin turn icy and her jaw drop.

"Oh, Edward, what did you do?"


	23. Chapter 23

"Oh, Edward, what did you do?"

"I'm taking a leap of faith."

Wearing only black silk boxers, he was anchored to the bed, his ankles bound by silken ties. His arms were stretched over his head, his wrists locked to handcuffs around the wrought iron bed post. A fine sheen of perspiration covered his skin and his body shook feverishly, as she gaped at him, horrified.

Coming out of her shock induced trance, she ran over to him, not sure what to do, how to act. Tears pricked at her eyelids at the expression of sheer terror on his face. He looked like a little boy lost, scared and abandoned with his wild-eyed gaze and beads of sweat covering his upper lip and forehead.

"How long have you been like this?" she asked in a voice filled with panic.

His brows puckered in thought. He looked confused, disoriented and it was scaring the hell out of her.

"I don't -" He shook his head, dazed. "An hour...I think?"

He trussed himself up like a damn Thanksgiving turkey for an _hour_? It was only then that she really took stock of the room; saw the soft glow of votive candles spread about the room, heard the dark classical music from the speakers high in the wall...and Dear God, was that a riding crop next to him?

"_Why_? Why would you _do_ this?" Her voice was close to a shriek, flinging the crop off the bed and to the floor. This isn't want she wanted. Not even close.

"I'm giving you the control,Bella," he said in a shaky voice. "Take it."

How could he think she would even _think_ of taking advantage of him in this state? That she would _want_ to? There was nothing remotely sexually desirable in _this_. She felt sick just thinking about it.

His breaths were becoming more shallow and his skin seemed to leech of all its color as the seconds ticked by. Bella shook her head violently at his desperate, pleading expression, the tears leaking from her eyes, unchecked. She brought her eyes up to the handcuffs manacled to his wrists and saw the raw, red skin underneath.

"Where are the keys?"

His eyes closed and with a deep breath, he reopened them. She could see the resolve mixed with absolute terror in their green depths.

"I want you to take me. Just like this."

"_Stop it_!" she screamed in alarm, her eyes wild and darting around to find the keys to the handcuffs. She'd tear the room apart if she had to. "Edward, where are the damn keys?!"

His mouth clamped shut but she saw the brief flicker of his eyes towards the night stand. Scooping them up quickly, she tried to unlock the cuffs with quaking hands.

"Don't," he pleaded, his voice raspy and hoarse. "Please, Bella. If this is the only way-"

"Not like this!" she cried out. "Never, like this," she added in a softer tone when he visibly flinched.

She breathed a sob-filled sigh when she got them unlocked and with one quick movement of her arm, she threw them across the room. The music was next; the sound of it making her ill. With a quick press of the tiny remote, the room was reduced to silence with the exception of their harsh breaths intertwining. Bella worked on the binds around his ankles next, Her fingers fumbling with the tight knots desperate to get them off of him.

As soon as they were off, Edward felt his stomach roll in nauseous waves. He jumped off the bed, stumbling into the dark master bath. With a slam of his knees on the tiled floor, he hunched over the toilet and wretched violently, his shoulders shaking under the force of his heaves as they traveled through his body.

Bella knelt behind him and wrapped her arms around him. Pressing her cheek against his back as he vomited, she whispered words meant to soothe. She stroked his sides, feeling the tensing muscles underneath her fingertips.

"Leave, Bella," he rasped and yanked a few sheets of toilet paper off the roll to wipe at his mouth. "I don't want you to see me like this."

"I'm not going anywhere. Not when you're like this."

She eased him back so he was resting against the wall. He looked worse than before; his face sallow and drawn, his eyes; lifeless, red-rimmed and bloodshot, his body still shaking.

"Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with me?"

Soothing a lock of hair from his brow, she said softly, "You're having an anxiety attack."

"Is that was this is?" He gripped his chest, feeling the painful constrictions. "_Fuck!_ It hurts."

"I know. It'll pass soon. Let me just get you some water, okay?"

"You've had these before?"

"Yeah," she admitted, focusing on her task of getting him water from the sink. "I used to get them all the time - with Sam," she said, handing him the small cup knelt down beside him again.

Her revelation made him wince. Is that what would eventually happen with them? He'd end up causing her to feel the way he felt now? No wonder, his actions had her so freaked out. Jesus Christ!

"What was all that about, Edward?"

He dragged his gaze to meet hers. Even with tears streaking her face, she was still so beautiful. And her tears were for him. He owed her no less than an honest answer.

He sighed in defeat. "I thought if I gave up control, you would see...you would finally understand that I need you more than I need it. And I tried, Bella. I tried so fucking hard but all I felt...all I _saw_ while waiting for you, was him. His voice was in my head, telling me what a little shit I was, how I was a good for nothing little prick, how he was going to make me squirm and I-"

"Shh, it's okay. We're going to be okay." She pushed his sweat slicked hair from his face.

"I'm sorry."

"Oh you silly, silly man," she choked out a sob and gave a warbled smile through her tears. "Just because I don't want you using sex to control me, doesn't mean _I_ want to control _you_ in that way."

No, and he should've known that. He did know that. But somewhere in his befuddled brain, trying desperately to make amends and change for her, he forgot that - forgot who she was. She wasn't like him. And he would thank God everyday for that.

"I know, I just didn't know what else to do to prove to you how much I want this."

"That was never what this was about."

His eyes followed her when she stood up and relaxed when he realized she was only going to his medicine cabinet. She pulled out antibiotic ointment and some cotton balls. Gently, she took his hand within hers and tended to the red, inflamed skin on his wrists.

"You must've struggled quite a bit," she said as she inspected the welts.

"I didn't even realize." He leaned his head against the wall. "God, I've really mucked things up with this stunt haven't I?"

"No," she whispered. "You haven't mucked things up at all. You've actually made them pretty clear." He hitched his breath and she sought to reassure him. "It's a good thing I promise. C'mon." She stood up and held her hand out to him. "Let's go to bed."

Bella lead him back into the bedroom, quickly shutting the lamp to dim the evidence left on the floor. She didn't want him to be reminded of it. After tucking him into bed, she undressed and pulled out a t-shirt from his drawer and slipped it on before crawling under the covers with him.

He was still tense, staring up at the dark ceiling, his chest rising and falling still too quickly.

"Now that we're here, I do have one request."

He turned to her, his expression wary.

"I just want to hold you. Can I please just hold you?"

Edward let out a deep breath feeling himself relax a bit more into the covers. He nodded. "I think I would like that."

She curled herself around him, resting her head on his bare chest and stroked his arm in a feather light touch. It wasn't long before his ragged breathing turned into deep, even breaths and she was finally able to close her own eyes.

* * *

Edward watched the sleeping woman beside him with one part fascination and two parts adoration. She refused him it was the best thing that could've happened. She took care of him, refused to give strength to the demons chasing him...didn't take advantage of his trust. He took the leap of faith and won. He came out whole if not a bit unscathed.

He'd been wholly prepared to relinquish to her the control he cleaved to but he was completely unprepared for the torment the waiting would bring, tied up as he was. The more the minutes ticked by, the more the memories came until he was drowning in his own panic.

An anxiety attack, Bella had called it. Such an innocuous sounding term. He felt like he was going to die. He never wanted to feel that way again.

_"I used to get them all the time - with Sam."_

He could barely wrap his head around what she admitted to him in the state he was in but now, in the light of the new day seeping in from under the window blinds, he could feel how devastating that admission was for her to make. He got it now like he never got it before. Though her need to have control was solely centered around her and not controlling others, she needed it just as badly.

When she began to stir within his arms, he dropped a tender kiss on her forehead.

"Mmm, good morning." Her eyes blinked sleepily and she warmed his soul with a shy smile.

"How did you sleep?"

"Shouldn't I be asking _you_ that question? How are you, really?"

He shrugged and pulled her closer, happy she went into his arms so willingly. "I'm okay or at least better than I was."

"I'm relieved. Last night was..." She blew out a breath, unsure of how to describe the living nightmare.

"Not one of my better moments, I admit. I'm sorry."

"Please stop apologizing."

He nodded once and was silent for a few moments. "Would you be agreeable to going to an appointment with me?"

"What type of an appointment?"

"My therapist. I think it's time the two of you met."

* * *

Bella had allowed herself to relax somewhat after the debacle of that night a few days ago when Edward scared the hell out of her. He seemed almost fine since; resorting to his normal routine but they had yet to have a discussion about that night or the one preceding it. It was almost as if nothing had happened. Almost.

It wasn't until they stood outside the door of his therapists office that she began to feel nervousness seep back into her. She'd never done this before. She didn't know what to expect or what was expected of her.

"Are you ready?" She felt his hand at the small of her back, anchoring her with its comfort.

"Not really," she admitted. "You?"

"Not really." He took a deep breath before turning the knob on the door.

Sheila, the receptionist, greeted them with a friendly smile and waved them to a seat. "He should be with you in a moment. Would you like some lavender tea?"

"You should have some," Edward whispered to her, taking her hand in his and giving it a squeeze. "It's very calming."

"No thanks. I'm good." Her stomach was flip-flopping too much to even consider putting anything in it. She concentrated instead on the paintings that hung on the walls and the various informational brochures on psychological disorders.

Edward sat silent beside her, leaning back in his chair, foot tapping against the rug in an uneven tattoo. It was unnerving to her that he seemed to be nervous when he had been coming to this man steadily for a few years. Why did he seem so ready to jump out of his own skin? What was he afraid of?

The door to the inner office opened and a dark haired man of middle-age stood there, casually dressed in a chambray shirt and beige dockers. Edward stood up, taking her with him. When he began to walk forward, the therapist stopped them.

"Just Bella for now," Eleazar said and beckoned Bella forward.

She gave Edward a curious look but he looked just as confused.

"It's all right," he assured her after a moment. "Go on."

Bella warily nodded and followed Eleazar into his office. He closed the door behind him and moved to sit down, motioning to the seat across from him.

"Dr -"

"Eleazar, please. After all, I expect we're going to get to know each other quite well."

"Okay...Eleazar," she said, offering up a tentative smile.

"You look anxious."

"I am."

"Have you ever done this before in any capacity?"

"You mean therapy?" she chuckled nervously and shook her head. "No. This is my first time."

"Not even right after what happened to you?" he asked in disbelief, then lowered his voice and said, "Edward told me what happened."

"Um, no...it was recommended but I just...didn't."

"Can I ask why not?"

"My father was dying and there was so much going on..." She shrugged. "It just didn't seem that important."

"I see. And you're willing to do this now?"

"It's for Edward, so..."

"But not for yourself?" he prompted when she trailed off. "Bella, I want you to know that even though Edward is my patient, I am here for you as well. Anything you want to divulge to me will remain strictly between the two of us."

"Thank you."

When she didn't add anything else, Eleazar eased himself from his chair. "Okay then, let's bring Edward in now, shall we? I'm sure we let him stew long enough."

Edward entered Eleazar's office and quickly noted the tension in the room before taking a seat beside Bella. Her body was stiff and her fingers fidgeting in her lap. What exactly did his shrink say to her?

"Edward," he started with a smile. "I have to say, I am pleased to see you here so soon after your last session but I am also curious. What brings you both here today?" His assessing eyes darted back and forth between the two of them.

As if the bastard couldn't guess, Edward thought before he reluctantly recounted the events of the other night, his mangled attempts at a leap of faith and his appalling anxiety attack that made him feel less of a man somehow. He'd even spent a good portion of time attacking his punching bag to exorcise that particular demon.

Eleazar listened attentively but his face revealed shock and concern over Edward's story. "Well, Edward, that wasn't quite what I meant by taking a leap of faith," he started when Edward finished speaking. "In fact, it was rather dangerous. If Bella hadn't been so intuitive in acting as she did, if she actually _did_ take advantage of you in that state even though you said you wanted it, the consequences for your relationship could've been disastrous."

"The anxiety attack certainly _felt_ disastrous," Edward muttered.

"Honestly, I'm not surprised you had one. I would be more concerned if you didn't."

"I hated her seeing me like that. So weak."

"Bella?" Eleazar turned to her. "Did _you_ perceive Edward as weak?"

"No! Of course not."

"What did you feel then?"

"I hated it. I was so frightened...and guilty. To think that it was my fault he was like that..."

"No, Bella, no," Edward denied. "It wasn't."

"No, it wasn't," Eleazar agreed. "But it is very telling that she thinks it is. Bella, I want to ask you something but I want you to address Edward when you give the answer."

"O-okay?"

"When Edward tries to control you, how does that make you feel?"

Bella turned to Edward, biting her bottom lip. "It scares me. I feel like he..."

"Not me, Bella. Answer to Edward."

"I feel like you need to control me and when you can't or I won't let you, you resort to sexual dominance and I give in and end up hating myself for it. I'm terrified to become what I was and I find myself unconsciously rebelling against you to prevent it. I don't want to lose you but I don't want to lose myself either."

"Now, Edward, how do you feel about what she said? Remember, address Bella, not me."

Edward swallowed hard and gripped her hand, trying to organize his thoughts, his feelings. "I'm sorry. I know I've said that many times but I really am. I just...don't know what else to do to make you listen to me."

"'Make you', that's an interesting word choice, Edward. Can you elaborate why you feel it necessary to 'make' her do anything?"

"Because I'm scared too, damn it! Because any number of things can take you away from me and I just can't lose you again. You say you rebel and I feel it when you do and it makes me want to hold on tighter. I'm so afraid you're going to walk away from me that I cling all the more, using whatever weapon I have in my arsenal to keep you and if that is sex then so be it."

"But you _can't_ do that, Edward. You resort to sex when I do things you don't approve of or there is some imagined threat or if you don't get your way, instead of discussing it with me, like two adults. I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells around you, unsure of how to approach things without you going off the rails."

"And that is where I come in," Eleazar interrupted. "I have an exercise for the both of you."

"Exercise?"

"Yes and I know you're not going to like it, but at this point, I feel it is necessary. For most couples, sex is a way to connect on a deeper level but in many ways, Edward, that is not what you are doing. I would like the two of you to try to abstain from sex until your next joint session."

"What?!" Edward exploded. "What do you mean by no sex?"

"You're allowed to be intimate on some levels but no intercourse and no oral sex. For the sake of your relationship, you're going to have to find other, _healthier_ ways to solve your differences of opinion and let go of your fear. You need boundaries and limits, Edward. This will help you in finding that."

"For how long?"

"I would like to meet with you both separately next week, so..." Eleazar flipped through his appointment book. "The Thursday after next, we'll see where we are and revisit this exercise."

"_Two weeks_? Isn't that a bit extreme?"

"No, Edward. I think it's just about right."

"Why now?" Bella asked. "Why have you never told him to do this before?"

"I doubt it would've made a difference before, Bella. He has you now. There are cold, hard consequences for his behavior if he allows himself to continue in this vein."

"And if I refuse?" Edward asked and looked at Bella beside him. "If _we_ refuse?"

"That's up to the two of you, of course, but if you are serious about having a lasting and fulfilling relationship, I suggest you listen to the advice you pay me for."


	24. Chapter 24

Two weeks. He had to go two weeks without burying himself inside her, without feeling himself glide within her honeyed warmth. Five minutes after leaving Eleazar's office, he was already calculating, trying to find a loophole but the therapist's instructions were pretty explicit. No sex with Bella, oral or otherwise.

"You're too quiet," Bella observed as he opened the car door for her. She had expected a steady stream of complaints from him but instead he became closed off and distant; not having said a single word since leaving the session. "This doesn't have to be a bad thing, you know."

He remained stoic as he slid behind the wheel of the car. For a moment, he just sat there staring absently ahead, thinking, while his fingers clenched tightly around the steering wheel. He sighed deep, brought the car to life and pulled into the street.

"Do you want to grab some dinner?" she asked when he remained quiet. "We could pick up some take-out; have a carpet picnic. My treat?"

Only the merest ghost of a smile touched his lips before he responded. "I'm kind of tired. I think it's better if I just take you home."

"If that's what you want." She couldn't hide the disappointment in her tone or the way her lips pressed together in disappointment.

Edward wanted to shout that it wasn't what he wanted but he held back. "It is. For now."

She knew better than to push him, especially now even though she wanted to. So, she just sat back and watched the city go by as he drove her home.

Edward's "for now" turned into longer than that. They didn't talk about what happened in Eleazar's office the next day or even the day after that. They didn't really talk about much of anything at all. Their conversations were short, tainted with awkward detachment and always ended with some feeble excuse on Edward's part not to see each other.

_"I have to work late going over contracts."_

_"I'm having a lunch meeting with my accountant."_

_"There is a new property we're thinking of acquiring and Jazz and I have to go to Jersey to check it out."_

When he did see her over that first weekend of the no sex "assignment", he seemed overly polite and courteous and with none of the possessive heat she was used to. It was almost as if she was a business client. There were no overnight stays. His lips barely even made contact with hers when he said goodnight.

The next week was more of the same and by the time Bella had her separate session with Eleazar, she was in turmoil.

"Ah, Bella, you're here. Come in," Eleazar called to her the doorway.

"Edward's not in there with you?" She and Edward were supposed to have back to back sessions but when she arrived, he was nowhere to be found. She thought he might've been in the office already since he was scheduled to go ahead of her but obviously that was not the case.

"He had to cancel."

He cancelled? What the hell? Wouldn't he have told her? He said he would be here.

"You don't look surprised," she noted as she entered and sat down in the same seat she occupied the week before.

"So tell me, how has this past week been for you?" he asked, ignoring her statement altogether.

"Fine."

"Really? The inflection in your tone indicates otherwise."

Bella blew out a long breath. "You're right. It wasn't fine."

"Have you and Edward already broke the rules of the assignment?"

"I wish that were the case. He barely spends time with me and when he does it seems like he can't get away fast enough. He's hasn't been acting like himself. He's so cold."

"Have you discussed your feelings with him?"

"No."

"And why not? The key to any good relationship is communication."

"I don't…I don't want to push him too hard, you know? I feel like if I say something it well set him off and he will fail this. If he does that...he'll just castigate himself."

"Did you ever think that he needs to be pushed? That the whole reason behind this exercise is to get to the point where he can be pushed and he won't react in the way he's always relied on? This wasn't supposed to be easy, Bella. You both have to re-learn how to cope with his emotions and your own in a way that neither of you are used to with each other. I fear you may be doing a disservice to both of you by allowing him to avoid confrontation out of fear that he will fail this exercise. His avoiding and you letting him is, in my opinion, more detrimental to your relationship than ending a power-struggle with sex."

She didn't think of that, not really but something else was also playing on her mind.

"You're biting your lip," Eleazar observed.

"Oh, sorry."

"It's fine. Is there something else on your mind?"

"Sort of…" She shifted uncomfortably in her chair, feeling blood rise to her cheeks. "What if he technically _doesn't_ fail?"

The therapist shot her a confused look. "I'm not sure I know what you mean."

"You said he can't have sex with me. You never said he shouldn't have sex with anyone else. What if this...this..._need_ he has is so strong that he finds other...err…outlets. And maybe that is why he is being so closed off to me. I mean, he _did_ cancel on you when he told me he was going to be here. Where _is_ he?"

Eleazar's express became sympathetic. "I can't answer that, Bella, because I don't know where he is _but_ I know Edward and I've seen the changes in him since you came back into his life. I honestly don't think your fears are justified. However, you know I can't offer you any guarantees. I _can_ see where your fears hold some logic. You will have to speak with him…don't be afraid to push him, not if you love him."

"What if he has already decided it's too much work? He left me once, who's to say he won't do it again?"

"Now that is a question that is loaded with your own insecurities. Do you feel like you are too much work? That you're not worth the effort?"

"No," she said automatically. "I don't know…sometimes, I guess."

"Why?"

"It's not that I feel that I'm not worth the effort but I also know that Edward has certain…_issues_ and I can't help but wonder if he wants the old Bella, not the new one. The old Bella was stubborn yes, but she wasn't strong. I'm stronger now, after…well, after everything and it's not exactly what he signed up for."

"I think Edward knows exactly what he is getting, which is why I think he is being so protective of it. Push him, Bella. He needs to see that he can do this."

"Push him," she whispered to herself. Could she? Did she dare?

"Now, let me pose this question to you. Edward is not the same man he was either. Do you think _he's_ too much work?" When Bella opened her mouth to respond, he held up his hand and continued. "I don't want you to tell me just yet. I want you to really think about it because the success of this relationship hinders on your answer."

"No pressure or anything, right Eleazar?" she grumbled causing the man seated across from her to smile.

"No Bella, no pressure."

* * *

After the session, she stepped out onto the city sidewalk and started on her long walk towards the 57th Street station. The wind had a bite to it now as it whipped through her hair and swirled around her skirted legs. She wanted to wait to get home first before calling him, to let the walk give her time to think and calm down.

"Miss Swan?" She heard a voice call her name.

When she looked around she saw nothing but other pedestrians passing by her but no one seemed to be paying her any extra attention. She wrapped her coat closer around her and started on her way again.

"Miss Swan." The voice was more insistent this time and now that she heard it again, she could tell it was coming from the street. When she glanced over, she noticed a black town car pulling up next to her.

Her pace quickened up, her mind filling with Emmett's stories of New York City crime statistics. But this man knew her name.

"Mr. Cullen sent me."

This stopped her short and she turned to inspect the car and the driver a little more closely. The man was young and wore a suit with a cap on his head. He looked like a chauffeur.

"Is he with you?" She couldn't see inside the back interior of the car because the windows were heavily tinted.

"No, Miss but I have explicit instructions to drive you home."

"Whose home?"

"Yours, Miss."

Of course. He was avoiding her but he was still trying his long arm of power on her.

_He needs to be pushed. _Eleazar's words came back to her.

"No, thank you," she told the driver. "I'm perfectly fine on my own."

"But Miss-"

"Sorry." She continued walking, realizing the car was still driving very slowly alongside her, the driver completely oblivious to the honks of the other impatient drivers beginning to line up behind him.

Her phone buzzed in her bag and she didn't have to guess who it was. Finally, maybe she's be able to force him to talk now.

"Hello."

_"Bella, what are you doing?"_

"Why hello, Edward. I'm fine, thank you for asking. How are you?"

_"That isn't funny. Will you please get in the car so I know you got home safe?"_

"If you wanted to make sure of that then maybe you should've been there tonight. Where were you?"

There was a pause and she heard some sort of crash before he answered. _"I had something come up that required my immediate attention."_

"Thank you for letting me know beforehand. What was so important?"

She heard him sigh heavily through the earpiece but couldn't detect any background noise to indicate where he was. _"I'm not having this conversation right now."_

"Then when do you want to have it? I'm tired of you avoiding me. We need to talk."

_"Just get in the car, please."_

"I'll see you tomorrow, Edward. Goodnight."

Feeling bad for the driver, she handed him a fifty for his trouble and bid him goodnight as well.

She expected him to show up at her apartment and she was ready for it, looking forward to the confrontation she'd been wanting to have with him now that she had Eleazar's permission. But he never came. He never even called. Well, the weekend was coming. He couldn't avoid her then.

On Friday morning, she realized she was wrong.

_"This weekend is not a good idea."_ She heard his impatience over the phone and reminded herself to stay calm. _ "I think I'm coming down with something and I don't want you to catch it."_

"I could make you some chicken soup and bring it over," she hedged, mentally gritting her teeth trying not to explode on him.

_"Thank you but that's unnecessary. I'll have my housekeeper prepare me something."_

"Are you certain you don't want me to come over, make sure you take your medicine?"

"_I'll be fine_," he clipped out, not even acknowledging the teasing in her voice. _"I'm probably going to try and sleep it off most of the weekend. I really won't be good company."_

"Edward,we-."

"_Enough, Isabella,_" he scolded and immediately recanted it with a heavy sigh. "_I'm sorry. I guess I'm feeling worse than I originally thought. Look, I have to go. I have some paperwork to finish before I leave early for the day."_

He didn't even say goodbye, she thought mulishly as she placed the phone back on the receiver. He did sound exhausted but she knew he was just coming up with excuses.

"You know, Isabella, most men would jump at the chance to have their girlfriends coddle them when they feel sick, unless there's something wrong in paradise already?"

"Demetri," she uttered under her breath and clenched her eyes shut for only a moment before turning to face him with a fake smile. Why is it that he always seemed to be lurking about when she was feeling her most insecure? Did she send out vibes or something? "Everything's fine. Not that it's any of your concern."

"Of course, it's my concern, Isabella. I care for you – as a colleague."

Yeah right. Like he tried to get into all of his colleague's panties. "Did you need to talk to me about something…other than my personal life that is?"

He chuckled under his breath with a shake of his head and gave her a smile, she thought was very condescending. "As a matter of fact, I do. I was looking for the demographic research we did for the Trivoli's Restaurant Corp account."

"I gave all those files to my replacement."

"She says she doesn't have them."

Bella sighed. "Maybe I have them backed up in my archived files. Hold on, let me check."

He must've taken that as an invitation to come in instead of leaning on her doorway. As she tapped away on the keyboard, he walked behind her and leaned over her shoulder.

"Seeing as you are left without company this weekend, perhaps we could go to dinner?" His breath was hot against her ear and it took everything in her not to visibly cringe.

"You're lucky," she said instead. "I found the data. I'll just forward it to you in an email."

"I knew you'd come through for me. And dinner? Will you come through for me there as well?"

"I'm in a committed relationship, Demetri."

"Judging by what I walked in on, I wonder how committed it can be. Have a nice weekend, Isabella."

She groaned and buried her face in her hands the minute he left.

Shake it off, Swan. He's just trying to press your buttons.

But what he inferred only helped to solidify her own burgeoning fears and insecurities.

That's it. If by tonight Edward didn't change his mind, by tomorrow, she was going to take matters into her own hands.

* * *

Alice perched herself onto the high-backed stool at the kitchen bar, watching Bella chop carrots and celery. "Since when do you cook chicken soup - from scratch no less _and_ on a Saturday? I'm seriously impressed, Swan."

"Edward's not feeling well so I thought I'd bring him something to make him feel better."

"Oh you didn't have to slave over a hot stove to do that. I'm sure showing up in some lacy French number with a can of Progresso would've done the trick."

Alice was completely unaware of the strain her and Edward's relationship was under at the moment and Bella intended to keep it that way. She longed to confide in her best friend but she couldn't share it, couldn't betray Edward's trust that way.

"I wanted to do something unexpected." She cleaned her hands and started in separating the chicken into small pieces. "What are you up to tonight?" She asked, putting the chicken in the large pot. "Date with Jazz?"

"Mmm," she nodded. "He's dragging my uncultured butt to Lincoln Center."

"Ballet?"

"No," Alice scrunched her face in disgust. "Opera."

"Opera?" Bella threw back her head and laughed. "You _hate_ opera."

"Don't remind me." She reached for the coffee and poured herself a hefty mug. "It's okay, as payback I'm taking him to see Justin Bieber."

"Now that's just cruel. Wait, don't you hate Bieber?"

"Well, yeah but Jazz doesn't know that and a client gave me free tickets, so..." she shrugged. "Hey, it's better than watching buxom women and men in codpieces sing loudly in a language I don't understand. Culture..." She stuck out her tongue. "Blech!"

While she had the soup simmering on the stove, Bella took a shower and used the hot torrent of water to shake the feeling of unease that settled within her. Why shouldn't she just show up without advanced notice? She was his girlfriend. He had given her his penthouse access card so she could do just that. Yet, she couldn't lose that sense of trepidation that was making her second guess herself.

Dressed and ready to go with the plastic container filled with soup, she was just about ready to leave when her cell rang.

"Hello."

"Hey girl, it's Bree."

"Oh hey, Bree. I was just on my - "

"I'll be quick. Siobhan and I scored free passes for tonight to this hot new club opening in your neck of the city, called Cyberia. Wanna come with us?"

"I'd love to but I'll be with Edward tonight." Or so she hoped.

"Bring him along."

"He's not feeling well."

"Say no more. Men can't help but play the sympathy card when they're sick. My ex was the same way. He could get a broken rib in a fight and no problem...small case of the sniffles and all I heard was whine, whine, whine. Listen, if you change your mind, let me know."

"Will do. Have a great time."

* * *

The penthouse was dark when she arrived; dark and way too quiet. Thinking he was asleep she placed the soup in the kitchen and tiptoed quietly up the stairs to the master suite. The bed was made, not a wrinkle on the silk brocade duvet to even signify he had been in the room recently.

Her feeling of unease grew with each room she searched. He wasn't anywhere; not the gym, not the library, not in the bathrooms or in any of the guest bedrooms. He did say he wasn't feeling well and was going to sleep most of the weekend, didn't he? Where the hell was he?

After waiting a half hour and completely agitated, she opened a bottle of Cabernet from the wine rack and poured herself a drink. After a few sips, she pulled her phone from her bag and called his cell phone only to hear it go straight to voice mail. Frustrated, she tossed her phone aside and took a few more sips.

Sometime later, she jolted awake and glanced at her watch. How the hell did four hours go by? Edward still wasn't home and there was no sign that he had been while she waited. Demetri's words were beginning to haunt her now.

_However, you know I can't offer you any guarantees. I can see where your fears hold some logic._

Was Edward out somewhere, giving into his need for control with someone else? No, she shook her head. She couldn't think like that. He wouldn't do that, would he?

She called him again and received voice mail again. This time she left a message.

"Hey it's me. I guess you're still sleeping it off," she said nearly choking on the words. "I'll probably be out but call me when you're feeling better."

She knew she was being duplicitous by not letting him know she knew that he wasn't home but she was angry and she was hurt and she had to admit, albeit reluctantly, that she was testing him. Would he lie to her again? But this wasn't something she wanted to debate with herself all night.

"Hey Bree," Bella said into the phone, sleep still in her voice. "Is it too late to change my mind?"

"Not at all. We're going to be leaving in an hour. Do you want to meet us there?"

"Yeah, just text me the address."

Before she left, Bella put the soup in the refrigerator, wondering if he would even find it there and make the connection that she had been there and knew he was lying to her.

"I hope you choke on it," she said vehemently before turning on her heel and leaving.

* * *

One bleary eye opened then another. Blurry masses became focused into defined shapes amongst the light coming in through the window blinds. Bella shifted in bed and groaned at the sharp pain it caused against her skull. She was only dimly aware that she still wore the tight black number she went out in the night before and strangely enough in light of what she was informed of last night she didn't care.

"Good morning."

She heard the gravelly voice and turned her head in its direction. Edward sat in the chair across the room, his face obscured by shadows, his clothes rumpled. She quickly sat up, wrapping the sheets around her and immediately regretted the movement. Her head throbbed more now and her stomach began to recoil.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice sounded as rough as she felt and she could swear she tasted cigarettes on her tongue. It unnerved her because she couldn't remember why. She couldn't remember much of anything after speaking with that bitch Tanya. That was when her fun girls night out turned to shit.

"Alice let me in." Although his gaze never wavered, he still made no move to approach her. Was he too afraid she would see the shame and guilt all over his face if he came out from the dark corner?

She pushed the hair back from her face and rubbed her eyes with the heels of her palms. "That's not what I meant." She fixed him with a steady gaze. "Let me rephrase. Why are you here?"

A tortured expression crossed his face briefly before he buried his face in his hands.

"I fucked up. I'm so sorry."


	25. Chapter 25

A/N - I felt bad. I couldn't leave you off with the previous ending and not give a quick update, so here it is.

* * *

"I fucked up. I'm so sorry."

Bella stiffened. If that wasn't an admission of guilt she didn't know what was.

"Get out."

"Wait, let me –"

"I said get out!" she yelled and pointed her finger at the door.

"Not until you listen to me –"

"Fine," she grumbled and somehow found the strength to crawl out of bed even though her heart was breaking. "If you won't leave, I will." She crossed the floor on shaky legs, flinging open her bedroom door and stormed from the room, uncaring about how immature she must look. She managed to make it to the bathroom without Edward stopping her and slammed the door behind her.

Once inside, she turned on the cold water and braced her hands on the edge of the sink, her head bowed with tears leaking from her eyes as the memories of last night haunted her.

The club was every bit she had expected it to be; loud, dark and crowded. Even though she looked the part of a trendy club goer, she wasn't feeling it. She still felt the sting of rejection and the bitter bite of betrayal that Edward had lied to her. What she really had wanted to do was turn tail, go home and soak in a hot tub with a glass of merlot. But she had let her anger make her impulsive again.

Her friends had been easy enough to spot. Bree had a bright hot pink streak in her hair that was hard to miss and Siobhan was leaning over the bar waving money to get the bartender's attention. After a few drinks, Bree ended up hooking up with some really tall guy with a platinum mohawk and Siobhan, who was a great believer in the "buddy system" dragged her to the bathroom. It was on the ridiculously long line that she had seen Tanya a few people ahead of her, chatting away animatedly with the blonde girl next to her.

She hadn't meant to eavesdrop but when she heard Edward's name come from the viper's mouth, her stomach clenched and all her senses were on alert.

_"He is so sexy even when he's sleeping." Tanya's eyes had slid to hers and her lips curled upwards in a smirk before turning back to her friend. "and his lips are so soft."_

_"So, what else happened?" The friend urged her on. _

_"Hmmm, I don't kiss and tell." Her gaze flickered back and before she could control herself, Bella found her feet moving forward and she was barely aware of Siobhan calling her name._

_"You're a liar."_

_Tanya threw her head back and laughed. "And you are in denial, sweetie. Yes, I was with him. All afternoon. I would say I'm sorry, he never answered when you called those couple of times but I'm really not. He was a bit indisposed, you see."_

_"If that's the truth, why are you here now and not with him?"_

_"So, he could break the truth to you, of course. He felt bad about leading you on."_

_"That is such bullshit. You're just pissed off because he doesn't want you. He never has."_

_"His cock tells me differently. Just between us girls, Bella, doesn't the tattoo on the base of his spine make you really hot. And that mole just south of his navel," the bitch added with a lick of her lips, "why I could lick that all day, if he wasn't demanding me to lick something el-"_

_Bella remembered the room starting to spin and the air being involuntarily sucked from her lung before her hand connected with Tanya's face. _

_"Okay, time to go." Siobhan grabbed her wrist before she could strike again and pulled her away. "Let's get you a drink. You look like you need it."_

Bella had no idea what happened after that.

She became aware of the pounding at the door over the sound of the running water. He admitted it. He fucked up. His words. Could he really not help himself? She knew Tanya wanted him, felt it every time she was in the same room with them. She just didn't realize Edward may have wanted her too. Or maybe she just had refused to see it.

So what was he still doing here? Was he going to give her every sordid detail and rip her heart to shreds more than it already was?

"I swear to God, Bella, if you don't open this God damn door, I'll fucking break it."

"Please, just go," she whispered brokenly.

"Jesus, I'm trying to apologize here," he said, sounding defeated and angry at the same time. "I want to make it right - make _us_ right again. I'm sorry about the past week, I just- "

"Sorry?!" She opened the door, fuming as swiped at her eyes. "_You're sorry_? You fucked your PA and you think _apologizing_ is going to make it better? What's the matter, Edward? A week without getting laid was too much for you to handle?"

Edward's face paled as he looked at her in complete horror and disbelief. "What the hell are you talking about?" he asked, his voice low and menacing.

She tried to shoulder past him but his hand snaked out and grabbed her wrist before she could go anywhere. She watched as he clenched his eyes shut searching for control, his breath hissing slowly through his teeth. When he reopened his eyes, she saw grim determination and just as quickly as he had grabbed her, he let her go.

Beginning to feel claustrophobic in the small hallway, Bella strode into the living area. Edward's footsteps echoed behind her.

"Let's try this again," he said with a hard swallow. "Why on earth would you think I would have anything to do with Tanya? After everything I've done to be with you, after the _years_ I've yearned to be with you, after the countless times I told you I love you, how can you think I would ever even conceive of throwing it all away like that?"

Bella looked up at him with hard, empty eyes. "She told me."

If possible his face paled even more, his own eyes took on a wild look and his teeth snapped together right before he pivoted on his heel. His hands pulled at the roots of his hair as he paced. "And you believed her?"

"Not at first...not until...she _knew_ things, Edward."

He turned back around with a fearful look. "What things?"

"That I had called you yesterday, several times. Your tattoo and where it is. Your _mole_. Things she wouldn't have known, things she _shouldn't_ have known. Where were you yesterday, Edward?" She sucked in her breath and waited for the answer that could either give her hope and proved Tanya was a lying bitch or he could destroy her.

"I was at my office," he said slowly, "working."

"Were you alone?"

Bella saw the telltale pulse at his temple and his jaw tighten as he debated what he was going to say.

"No," he finally ground out through his teeth, "I wasn't entirely…alone."

"Was Tanya with you?"

"Yes." His shoulders slumped. "But-damm it, I didn't fuck her. I _fired_ her!"

"You fired her?" Bella backed up and felt the back of her knees collide against the couch, forcing her to sit down.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling the skin there gather between his fingers before bringing his gaze to meet hers again. "She's fucking crazy, Bella. I went into the office early to immerse myself in work and somehow I ended up drinking too much Scotch and passed out. When I awoke, Tanya was there, straddling me, my shirt completely undone and my pants unbuttoned." His lips curled in disgust, still feeling violated.

He wanted nothing more than to erase the memory of her stroking him while he was sleeping and how his body involuntarily responded to her touch. He remembered calling out Bella's name and felt her stiffen. When her lips met his and his fingers had threaded through her hair, he knew. His eyes had shot open to see Tanya, bare chested, her face hovering over his and her eyes glazed and crazy. He immediately shoved her off, screaming at her.

"She was trying to kiss me. When I realized what was going on, that she wasn't you, I pushed her away. I swear it."

"She touched you," Bella seethed with anger. "While you were passed out, drunk? What kind of a desperate sicko is she? She undressed you too?"

"Only partially." He shivered. "She must've seen the tattoo when I was fixing my shirt. I told her to leave but she just wouldn't stop. She kept coming at me, saying the most bizarre things. I fired her and called security to escort her out. I wouldn't touch her, Bella. Not when I have you. And you...it hurts you thought the worst of me when all I ever did was love you. Why?"

"I went to your apartment yesterday, Edward and I waited for you for hours. You said you were sick and were going to rest all weekend at home. Do you know..can you _imagine_ how I felt knowing you lied to me and then I went to the club later that night and there was Tanya saying all these things? And not a half hour ago, you're sitting in my room, saying you fucked up and you looked so guilty and after the past few days of being so cold and distant, coming up with lame excuses not to see me. What was I _supposed_ to think? What would _you_ think?"

Edward couldn't answer that. He knew what he would think. It would be the same thing she thought, with one exception. He would've probably killed any man that told him what Tanya had told Bella, especially when it came to that sacred tattoo. He could already feel the jealous possessiveness in him wanting to break free with just the thought. His shoulders slumped in resignation before sat down next to her.

"I said I fucked up because I knew I was avoiding you and I hated myself for it, for hurting you." He reached for her hands that were clasped in her lap. When she opened up to him and let her fingers twine with his, he allowed himself to hope. "I never should've done that and it was the wrong way to handle the boundaries Eleazar set for us. I thought it was the only way I could get through the two weeks. I wanted to pass it for you so fucking badly because I know that part of me scares you and it scares me too. After that debacle with Tanya, I went to the gym and then to Eleazar's apartment for God knows how long. When I went back home, I saw it. The soup you left. And I knew I had to fix this right away, explain myself. I couldn't wait anymore."

Bella stares at their two hands clasped together,felt the way his thumb circled her knuckles in a caress and felt so much of the fool for letting Tanya get to her. She was obviously a very sick person and Bella didn't feel bad about cracking her in the face.

She let out a stuttering breath. "I didn't know what was going on in your head all week and then after Tanya, I find you in my bedroom, looking so guilty. When you said, you fucked up it was like all my worst fears come to life."

"When you woke up, I was so desperate, I just blurted out the first thing that came into my mind because I just wanted you to forgive me. I never realized you would take it the wrong way. But now that I know you saw Tanya last night and what she said, well, putting two and two together, I can't say I blame you all that much for jumping to the wrong conclusions. It doesn't mean that it still doesn't hurt, though."

"I know." She nodded, looking down. "I should've confronted you before it got that far."

"And I should've come to you and related my own fears."

"Wow," Bella said suddenly with a small smile.

"What?"

"We actually had an argument and communicated with each other without it ending up in the bedroom."

Edward let out a bark of laughter and shook his head. "You know, Miss Swan, there might be hope for us after all."

He leaned over to kiss her, tentatively at first, his trembling hands, cupping the back of her head, her hair grazing the back of his fingers. He was so nervous, he felt like this was his first time kissing anybody. With a nervous swipe of his tongue over his bottom lip, his head lowered and his lips met hers. Using immense effort, he quaked to keep in gentle until he heard the mewling she made in the back of her throat.

Her lips opened under his, letting him slip his tongue inside. A second later, he reared back looking at her in surprise.

"Bella, why do you taste like cigarettes?"

"I don't know." Her face reddened in guilt. "Last night after my confrontation with Tanya, things got a bit hazy." She brought her eyes up to meet his and held her breath waiting for the explosion she was sure to follow.

His own breath hiss through his teeth and his grip on her tightened slightly before he let go of her completely and distanced himself away from her. "How hazy?"

"Well, after I slapped her -"

"You slapped her?" Edward was both shocked and amused. He would've loved to have seen it with his own eyes. He was also aware now more than ever before that his ex PA was not all in her right mind. Would she prove to be more of a threat than she already had been?

"Yeah, hard too," she answered, feeling impressed with herself. "Anyway, Siobhan pulled me away and kind of doused me with shots. I don't remember anything...not even how I got home."

Edward's jaw clenched tight along with his fists. "I think you should call these friend's of yours and find out."

"I think you're right," Bella agreed, not liking have the blank spots in her memory.

Fortunately, after a phone call to Siobhan, she was filled with relief. She hadn't done anything really stupid save for bumming a few Marlboro Lights from another club goer and promptly nearly choked to death on it even as she insisted on chain smoking them. Bree and Siobhan got her home and into bed only after a couple of hours later.

_"You did also throw a glass of wine all over Tanya's dress when you saw her later but we won't count that,"_ Bree told her, chuckling.

"I am so sorry, Bree. I wouldn't blame you if you never invite me out again."

"_Nah, it's all good. I would've done the same thing. So is everything all cool with Eduardo or has he been demoted to fuckface status."_

Bella glanced over at Edward who was watching her intently.

"You know, I really think it's all cool. Thanks again, Bree."

She hung up the phone and released a sigh of relief.

"Well?"

"It seems the extent of my drunken stupidity involved chain smoking and pouring red wine on Tanya. Bree and Siobhan brought me home and put me to bed."

"I knew you wouldn't have done anything to betray me."

"How could you be so sure?"

"You're not wired that way. You don't have it in you."

"Then why have me call Bree?"

"Because you looked so terrified, Sweetheart. You needed to find out for your peace of mind. Plus, I don't like thinking that anyone could've possibly taken advantage of you when you were in that state." Like he was, he thought. "Now, sit down and lean back into me. I just need to hold you in my arms. They've been too long without you."


	26. Chapter 26

"You should tell the police," Bella told him as she cracked the eggs into the frying pan, pretending she was cracking Tanya's head. So, it really wasn't very mature of her but she was pissed and wanted the bitch to pay. A slap in the face and some spilled wine weren't nearly enough to compensate for how she felt.

"Tell them what? That my PA made a pass at me?"

"It was a little bit more than a pass and you know it. She accosted you when you were unaware," she bit out. "If some guy did that to me -"

"I'd kill him," Edward said without hesitation.

"I'm being serious."

"So am I."

"What if she tries to turn it around and slaps you with a sexual harassment suit? Then what?"

"She won't. She can't. I'd bury her before her lawyer made his first query."

"You sound so sure."

"I am. My office has security cameras installed which record during non- business hours. What she did is clearly documented, trust me."

Bella nearly dropped an egg on the floor. "You've looked at them?"

"No," he said horrified, "and I don't intend to. I lived it. I don't want to see it from a camera's point of view. I had security pull the tapes and lock them in a safe, should I need them."

"Which brings me to my original point, if you have proof, go to the police."

"I will if she tries to take it any further. I just don't want that kind of publicity. Nor do I want you to suffer from it either."

"How would I suffer?"

"Do you honestly not know the speculation that would go on? What could be said? The media circus? No, I want to keep this a private matter."

Frowning, she thought about what he said as she served them both breakfast. No, she didn't exactly want to see a sex scandal with Edward's name attached, saturating the headlines. She knew how devastating that would be for him, for his charity and all those kids. However, now that Tanya had failed, what was she going to do next? Bella did not think this was the end of it but it was the last time, she was going to let some bitch put doubt in her mind.

Edward watched Bella pick at her food, deep in thought. He had been such an idiot and that idiocy could've destroyed them. If he had just been honest with her, trusted her and himself, expressed his fears and concerns, Tanya would've never been an issue even if he was glad to be rid of her.

"Bella, we really need to talk. About everything."

"I know," she sighed heavily and put her fork down.

"How about we take a drive somewhere?"

"Where?"

A small smile flitted over his features. ""Somewhere you've been wanting to go for a long time."

* * *

They left the skyscrapers and the permanent fog that seemed to cocoon the city behind them. The attached homes and apartment buildings of Brooklyn and Queens gave way to the tree-lined parkways of the Southern State as Edward navigated expertly through the traffic typical of a late Sunday afternoon morning.

He was glad to be driving, doing something with his hands, keeping the temptation to ravish her at bay. This wasn't the time for that. He switched the stereo off, trapping the car in silence, signaling he was ready to talk.

"Are we headed to the Vineyard?" she asked him, noticing they were traveling east.

"Not today. I have somewhere else in mind and it's a bit of a drive. I figured we can talk on the way." He took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts before he spoke again. He had to explain this right. "I'm not looking to justify my actions when I say this but you have to understand that my last relationship was with _you_ ten years ago, hell, my _only_ real relationship was with you, so I need a bit of a learning curve here. I don't even know if I ever did it right with you in the first place."

"You did, Edward, you did," she tried to reassure him. "Even though, we had our problems towards the end, we could at least talk. But now? I feel like every time we take a step forward, we lake two giant leaps backward. The only time we're completely honest with each other is when we're angry. This past week, I felt like you were only using me for one thing and if you couldn't have it then, what was the point for you?"

"No, that wasn't it at all. You have to believe that."

"Then what was it? Help me understand what was going on in that head of yours."

"Every time we spoke, it...it killed me a little inside, knowing I was being so cold and I wanted to be with you so damn much. It was fear that kept me away."

"Fear of what? Failing Eleazar's expectations?"

"In part," he hesitantly admitted. "I was terrified that if I couldn't do it, achieve what Eleazar wanted from me, then you would lose hope that I could be the man you felt would keep your heart safe, instead of the man I'd become. It felt like our relationship hinged on my success and if I failed, I would lose you and I couldn't cope with that. So, I thought, and stupidly so, that if I kept our contact to a minimum, I would heighten my chances of succeeding, that the temptation to revert to that part of me that scares you would be lessened."

"What scared me was that it was so easy for you to stay away."

"Easy?" he chuckled bitterly. "There was nothing remotely easy about it. I nearly caved so many times. I held my breath every time we spoke, wondering when you were going to break, to confront me, to force the issue and then I would have no excuse to stay away. But you never did."

"Don't pin the blame on me. I knew you were struggling with it and I didn't want to be the cause for you to fail. You are so out of control with being in control, I knew if it happened it might set you off even worse. Then when Demetri and then Tanya-"

"Demetri?"

"Uh, yeah." Her face flamed. "You know, he was doing what he always does, likes to plant little seeds and watch them take root. It's not a big deal."

"It is to me. Tell me, did Demetri do anything else beyond plant seeds?"

"He asked me to dinner but I declined. That's all." She stole a glance in his direction and saw that tell-tale muscle tick at his temple and his jaw locking. "Let it go, please. This conversation is not about anyone else but us. Let's keep it that way."

"I'll concede. For now."

"Thank you. You know, I love you, all of you."

"Even the damaged parts?"

"Even those," she said without hesitation. "I just want...to be treated as an equal, to be able to express how I feel without worrying if you're going to go all alpha-male on me. I want to not to have to walk on eggshells around you. But most of all, I want us to be able to be open honest with each other no matter what. We're both going to make mistakes but not communicating is when they mushroom out of proportion."

"I can't promise I'm going to change overnight."

"I know that, but at least you're being completely honest with me…and you're calm so, that's a start."

Her words hit home and he knew he wasn't being completely and totally honest with her in everything, not really. He had kept his meeting with her ex secret and he knew if he really wanted to prove himself, he had to tell her. But just as he was about to open his mouth to confess the last of his sins, he saw the sign on the parkway signaling where he had to exit.

Later, he promised himself. He would tell her later.

The wooden signpost read, "Brigham Farms" and beyond the farmhouse store front, she spotted row upon rows of apple trees with parents and their children running about filling baskets.

It was an apple orchard. He had taken her to an honest-to God, real life apple orchard.

"You remembered," she whispered in awe, thinking of the time he had driven nearly two hours on a quest to find an apple orchard in Florida. He had sworn up and down that he had found one.

_"Are you sure you found an apple orchard?" she had asked dubiously._

_"That's what the website said. My baby wants to make apple pie from apples she picked herself, I'm going to make sure she does._

As it turned out it wasn't an apple orchard at all but an orchard that had apple pears. She couldn't even make pie from it but it had probably been one of the most carefree times with Edward she ever had.

Edward took her hand her hand and skated his lips across her knuckles. "Bella, every moment I shared with you has lived vividly in my memories for the past ten years in a constant loop. And," he gave her a saucy wink with a smile, "today you're finally going to get to make that pie."

* * *

They had scoured the orchard on Bella's quest to find the perfect mix of apples. He held the ladder for her, watching her delectable butt as she climbed it to pick the fruit from the trees and they even joined the hayride that took them around the farm with other visitors. He carried her basket with one hand and held her hand with the other and at one point he set their fruit in a wheelbarrow and gave her a genuine piggyback ride while she laughed joyously. He couldn't recall the last time in any recent memory that he had so much carefree fun.

Now, Edward couldn't believe they were actually making pie at nine o'clock on a Sunday night. Well, Bella was making the pie; he was more or less covered in flour after his flawed attempt at rolling dough. There was something so right in the domesticity of it, which made him fight to breathe. This…this is what he wanted. This, right here with Bella; this is what filled the empty spaces within him. The feeling was so strong and so intense, he almost asked her to marry him as she was putting the pie in the oven.

_Not this way. Not yet._

"Stay with me tonight," he said instead. When she bit her lip in hesitation, he gently cupped her cheek with the palm of his hand. She leaned into his touch and sighed. "I just need you with me, just to know you're here," he went on to explain. "I don't need anything else right now." It shocked him that when he said the words, he found they were actually true. Of course he wanted to make love with her, he always would but being with her, having her next to him where he could feel the warmth of her body and her touch, _that_ was what he needed.

_Bella's mouth plundered his but it felt all wrong somehow. She kissed different, tasted different, even her lips felt less plump against his own. Yet even as red flags raised in his mind, his body reacted._

_"Bella," he groaned out and felt the body above him stiffen even as his hips surged upward, seeking. His hands fisted in coarse waves. That's when he knew for sure. His eyes sprang open to meet the tawny gaze of his PA. Becoming instantly aware, his cock became flaccid as the rest of him became stiff with anger. "What the fuck, Tanya!" he said giving her a shove off of him._

_She landed backward on the other end of his office couch, her skirted legs spread open revealing she wasn't wearing any underwear. When he thought of what could've happened, what had been so close to happening when he wasn't aware, made him want to be violently sick. At least his dick was still in his pants although his shirt was undone._

_Not wanting to be near her he scrambled up and swiftly buttoned his shirt, not even wanting to look at her._

_"I want you, Edward." _

_"I'm giving you exactly five minutes to pack up your desk and get the fuck out of here. Consider yourself unemployed."_

_"Good." She sounded triumphant. "Now none of those pesky HR rules can get in our way."_

_"Don't touch me." He jerked his head away when he felt her hands on him again. Never in his life had he been tempted to hit a woman outside the boundaries of consensual sex but he did now. He decided to play it smart. Picking up the phone he dialed security to come up and physically escort her out of the building. "Security's on their way. I suggest if you want your personal effects, you better get them now." At this point, he didn't care if she was able to pack her things. He'd dump them all over the lobby come Monday morning if she wanted them badly enough. _

_"Two years," she approached him again, invading his personal space and all he could do was try to avoid her. "I waited two God damn years for you. And you… I've seen how you look at me with lust in your eyes. You can't say you haven't wanted me too."_

_"You're out of your mind." He shook his head in disbelief." I'm in love with Bella. I've _always_ been in love with Bella."_

_"Bel-la." Her name dripped off Tanya's tongue with such vile disgust, Edward felt the hairs on the back of his neck raise. Why did he have to say anything? "This is her fault, isn't it?" Tanya paused, and her face changed. A determined resolve came over her features. "If she wasn't around, you'd be mine."_

_"You're wrong. The sight of you makes me sick. You assaulted me, here , in my own office. I could never want you."_

_"Assault?" She threw back her head and gave a sharp cackle before fixing him with her gaze again. "Now Edward, we both know that's a lie. You enjoyed every minute of it. Your cock told me so. Poor, poor Bella. She's going to be quite broken up over this, isn't she?"_

_Security was there before he could respond. She struggled in their grasp and he watched them take her away. _

_"I guess we'll find out," he heard her say when she was finally out of sight. Was she talking to him or the guards?_

_The recent memory morphed into something less definable but infinitely more terrifying. He was running through a maze…no, not a maze…the halls in the lower floors of Dante's. Moans of ecstacy reached his ears from behind the closed doors. He screamed out Bella's name, repeatedly until his voice grew hoarse from his desperate cries._

_A door at the end of the hall opened slowly. He ran towards it but the floors turned to a substance that swallowed his feet and slowed him down. When he finally reached the open door, he wished he hadn't._

_Bella was hanging from the ceiling, naked, manacled and bloody. Her lips were tinged blue, her neck at an unnatural angle and her eyes wide open with a death stare. Surrounding her, were the gleeful faces of Laurent, Sam and Sam's father, Joshua, each with a whip in hand._

_"NO!" he shouted, falling hard to his knees._

_"I told you, she'd be broken up," he heard the voice of Tanya behind him. "You should've listened."_

Edward startled awake, his breath coming in quick pants, his body slick with cold sweat.

_It wasn't real. It wasn't real._ He reminded himself over and over as he wiped his shaking hands over his face.

"Edward? Are you all right?" Bella asked him, her voice filled with sleep but the brows over her drowsy eyes furrowed with concern.

"Yeah, baby." He pulled her closer, spooning his body around hers and kissed her temple. "Go back to sleep."

She looked at him questioningly.

"I'm fine," he lied, conjuring up what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

"Mm, kay," she mumbled incoherently as she snuggled back against him.

He listened for her breathing to even out again in slumber, soothed by the sound of it. She was here and she was alive. It was just a dream, a fucking awful dream. Well, half of it was anyway

Jesus Christ, he didn't know if he would be able to get that image out of his mind long enough to go back to sleep. Would Tanya harm Bella? Was that what she meant when she said Bella would be broken up? No, it couldn't be. Bella had already been broken up about it when Tanya, the bitch lied to her about what really happened. That's all Tanya meant, wasn't it?


	27. Chapter 27

The untold secret he had been keeping from her was never far from his thoughts; tainting whatever peace he had begun to feel. He felt like a liar and a hypocrite every time she expressed how happy she was that he was finally being honest to her. The longer he waited the heavier the burden of keeping it became.

So he had told her as he drove them both to work. Unable to keep it hidden anymore, he told her he secretly met with the father and the son in his office after she explicitly told him not to do anything. He told her about Joshua Quileute's lies and how ever since that meeting, he had sensed something dangerous in them and was now having them both watched for his sanity's sake.

Bella had been too quiet as she listened to him and digested what he was telling her. She only nodded silently, her eyes rounding in shock at his revelations until finally the shock gave way to disappointment and even worse, grim resolution.

_"I can't say I'm surprised," she said on the end of a heavy sigh. "I mean I should've known, right? You haven't said much about them and thinking you would abide by my wishes, well, that was too much to hope for wasn't it?"_

_"Bella, that was before. I vowed to be forthcoming now…to not railroad over your wishes."_

_"Then prove it to me that you can do this, that you want to do this."_

_"How?" he asked her warily._

_"Call off whomever you have watching Sam and his father."_

He had yet to agree even though their conversation was hours ago and after a tense ride up in the elevator, he had to watch her walk away from him as the doors closed. He didn't know if he could do it. It went against everything in him to know that she wasn't protected in some way when there was, what he perceived, a very real threat.

Would he be proving himself at the sake of her life? Could he take that risk?

His fingers itched with indecision as they hovered over the keypad of his phone and he prayed as he picked it up that this wasn't going to come back to haunt him.

A few moments of his time were all it took and it was done. Pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to alleviate some of the tension that had gathered there he waited impatiently by the fax machine for the final report to come through; all of the Quileute's movements that had been tracked.

"Excuse me, Sir, there is someone here to see you."

Edward looked up from at Dolores, the timid temp the agency sent over this morning. He had already been through three temps in as many days and this girl would probably be the fourth.

"Sir?" Dolores prompted him, her hands wringing together and her eyes wide and wary. This would probably be her last day as well.

"I don't recall having any appointments on my calendar for this time."

"No, Sir, you didn't. He came in unannounced. He says it's urgent he speak with you."

"I don't care how _urgent_ he says it is. How the hell did he get past the security desk? Who let him through?"

"Don't yell at the poor girl, Edward. I _was_ pretty insistent."

Edward's head snapped to the figure standing behind Dolores and paled, his eyes widening in shock as he stared at the man he hadn't seen in years; the man who essentially turned his back on them and walked away.

He took stock of his mother's brother. He was expensively dressed right down to his Gucci loafers and the diamond encrusted wedding band that adorned his ring finger. The years had been good to him, it seemed.

"If it isn't Uncle Carlisle. How did you find me?"

"It wasn't hard," Carlisle threw down a newspaper on the desk, the paper already opened to a page.

Edward stopped the slide of the newspaper with two fingers and looked down at it. There was a picture of him and Bella with a small caption; "Billionaire Bachelor, Edward Cullen with first ever, confirmed girlfriend, Isabella Swan. Will we be hearing wedding bells soon?". He grimaced at the words and how he hated that his relationship was being treated so sensationally before glancing back at his uncle.

"Okay, we have the how. Now I want the why. The last image I have of you is your back as you walked away."

Carlisle's shoulders slumped as he cast his ashamed eyes downward. His graying blonde hair falling over his face before he looked back up again, his expression resolute.

"May I sit down?"

"Why not? Let's chat, shall we?" Edward sneered and gestured towards one of two chairs that were positioned opposite his desk. The offending couch that had been there, had already been removed. He had still been enraged over what Tanya had done and the perversity of it that he had ordered his whole office be stripped clean and the large space disinfected to the point of near fumigation as if that would somehow erase the memory.

"It's been a long time, Edward."

"Fifteen years since I begged you to help me…help _us_." He refused to make this easy on his uncle. He couldn't. Not after what he did. All sense of any familial feelings he may have once felt for the man were obliterated long ago.

Releasing a heavy sigh, Carlisle nodded. "I know. I remember. If I could go back in time and change it-"

"You can't."

"I was young then, just getting into med school. Your mother told me you were lying and she was very convincing. I had no reason not to believe her."

"You had me. You had _my_ _words_. _My bruises_."

"She told me you got into a lot of fights."

"With him!" Edward roared, standing to his feet. "Most of my fights were with him!"

"I know that now. I knew that since the trial. Your girlfriend, she told me."

"You know Bella?"

"I do." Carlisle looked away from Edward's glare. "I was one of the attending physician's in the ER the night that - well, I'm sure you know."

Yeah, he did know and it still had the power to nearly bring him to his knees. Edward's jaw worked furiously as he tempered the desire to ask him for details of that night; anything Bella may have left out to spare him.

"I was an idiot then, Edward," Carlisle continued. "I ignored all the signs in favor of denial mainly because I wasn't equipped to handle it if it were the truth. But when faced with the cold hard truth, I couldn't deny it anymore. I've made my amends with Elizabeth a long time ago."

"And now that you've found me, you're asking for my forgiveness?"

"No." He shook his head. "I came on Elizabeth's behalf. She needs you."

"I needed her! All those years ago, I needed a mother. Now she needs _me?_ And of course she couldn't come on her own." He barked out a bitter laugh, slamming the palm of his hand against his desk. "She's asked you do it. That's rich."

"She couldn't come on her own!" Carlisle shouted angrily, shoving his hand through his hair.

"Why?" he asked, his mouth suddenly dry. A shred of concern wormed through him but he fought it back, remembering all those times he begged for her to leave, to save them both but she never did. "And more importantly, why should I care?"

* * *

Bella hung up the phone with a frustrated sigh and shoved her hand through her hair. She had to work, damn it, not field calls from overzealous society reporters wanting the scoop on her relationship with Edward.

That's what you get for dating a local celebrity, her subconscious chimed in.

They were stealthy too; lying about who they were to get past the receptionist. It wasn't only the New York papers that were interested either. Interest in her private life was pretty much scattered all over the eastern seaboard. It was only a matter of time before they dug back far enough to find the blights in her past.

What then?

She'd have to deal with it when it came, she supposed. Worrying about it wasn't going to change the facts and it damn well wasn't going to erase what happened.

"I thought you'd be celebrating, not burying your head in your desk."

Bella lifted her head from her hands and gave a half-hearted smile at Siobhan. "Celebrating? Why? What's up?"

"You haven't heard?"

"Um, no," she said, her brows furrowing in confusion.

"Demetri is being sent back to the Miami office."

"_What?_"

"Oh yeah." Siobhan nodded with a wide grin. "Between what he was trying to pull with you and now apparently, his replacement for you, Caius had about all he could take."

"How did I not know about this?"

"I have no idea. The office has been buzzing with it all morning. Caius was overheard yelling at him behind closed doors and it wasn't pretty."

"Has he left yet?" she asked hopefully.

"Packing his office up as we speak, from what I hear. He's not too happy about it so be forewarned."

It wasn't long after Siobhan dropped the news that she found herself summoned by Caius. She felt the eyes of her co-workers follow her as she walked down the hall. Managing to pass Demetri's office without being seen by him, she entered Caius' office and shut the door behind her as he gestured for her to do.

Already inside was the girl she recognized as Demetri's Junior Executive, Charlotte. She was so young, Bella thought as she watched the girl wringing her hands in her lap. She'd been crying. That much was obvious by the tear tracks on her cheeks and the mangled tissue, Bella now saw in her grip.

Caius looked relieved when he saw her. He motioned for her to sit down and handed Charlotte another tissue. Steepling his hands under his chin, his shoulders slumped as he sighed.

"Caius, are you all right?" Bella asked him with genuine concern. His initial look of relief had morphed into one of defeat and disappointment so quickly.

He shook his head and rubbed his tires eyes with the palm of his hands. "I'm sure word has gotten around that Demetri will be leaving tomorrow, permanently."

"I only heard a little about it," Bella confessed.

"Certain things have been called to my attention that I couldn't in good conscience ignore, thanks to Charlotte here."

Bella spared a glance to Charlotte and saw her stiffen. What exactly had the creep done to her.

"Suffice it to say, we'll need someone at a senior level to handle some of Demetri's local clients. Though I am sure Charlotte here, can take care of most of the work, some clients are a bit more picky than others."

"I understand." It was something she knew well and encountered often when she was at Charlotte's level. There were clients that would only deal with senior level executives.

"I knew you would, Bella," he said with a sad smile. "Charlotte can give you the logistics about the campaigns."

"Caius, may I speak freely?"

"Of course."

"What is it exactly that Demetri has done?" Aside from leering at me and trying to make me doubt my relationship, she quipped silently.

"He made advances on me, Miss Swan," Charlotte answered. "_Physical_ advances and then threatened my job."

How terrified she must've been, Bella thought horrified. Demetri was a Volturi, a fact she was sure he would've tried to use to his advantage to keep her quiet.

"There's more," Caius said. "Go ahead, Charlotte. You can tell Bella."

"It upset me, of course but I was going to keep quiet. I need this job, Miss Swan. Peter, my husband, is unemployed right now and..." She gave a broken sob and pressed a tissue to her mouth.

"It's okay, Charlotte." Bella reached out and grabbed her other hand with reassurance. "Speaking up was very courageous and Caius is a fair man."

"You don't understand." she shook her head violently. "I overheard him last night talking about you."

"Me?"

"He was planning something. I don't know what exactly but it sounded..." Her voice trailed off like she couldn't finish the sentence, which had Bella's internal alarms buzzing. "I had no proof but I knew I had to say something. I would've never been able to forgive myself if something happened and I did nothing to stop it. So I took the risk and came to see Mr. Volturi this morning."

"And I believed her," Caius stated with conviction. "My first thought was to fire his ass." He grimaced. "But after conferring with my brothers, we made a mutual decision to send him back to Florida where he will work in a low-level position under Marcus. Should he decide to quit the firm entirely, he will do it without any references."

Which, as Bella knew, would look extremely bad to any potential employer, knowing he had been fired without a decent reference from his own family's business. It would be career suicide.

She was still reeling from the meeting as she walked back to her office on shaking legs. She knew she owed Charlotte a lot for potentially putting her job on the line by coming forward. Edward had been right all along. Demetri wasn't as harmless and easy to handle as she thought. He was dangerous.

When Charlotte told her exactly what she had overheard when she asked her to elaborate, Bella felt the bile rise to her throat. She was still nauseous.

God, should she even tell Edward? He'd lose it. She had to though. She couldn't expect absolute honesty from him and not deliver it herself.

The object of her thoughts was sitting in her office when she entered. He didn't notice her at first, standing and staring out the window as he was, his hands clasped behind his back. She was surprised to see him there and she took a moment to study him, noticing right away the stiff line of his back. Something was horribly wrong.

"Edward?" she asked, shutting her office door behind her before she approached him. "What are you doing here?"

He turned sharply around, the look in his eyes so empty and desolate, she momentarily pushed any thoughts of Demetri aside. All her concern was now for the man standing before her.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

In two strides, he reached her and pulled her into a tight embrace as he buried his head in her shoulder. She stroked his back comfortingly, feeling him tremble in her arms.

"I need you. I don't know what to do," he spoke against the skin of her exposed neck.

"Tell me."

He pulled away from her slightly, searching her eyes with his own. "Come with me?"

"Where?"

"Anywhere." He stumbled back from her, gripping his hair. "Just away. I can't - I don't know how to fucking _deal_ with this, Bella."

"Deal with what? You're scaring me. What happened?"

"Elizabeth," he breathed out finally, clenching his eyes shut.

It was the last name she ever expected to hear from his mouth voluntarily. "You're mother?"

"She's dying."


	28. Chapter 28

A/N - I know Edward and Bella are not perfect, they have flaws and a lot of damage between the two of them, but your continued support and reviews of this story warm my heart. Thank you all so much for your interest and please don't hesitate to drop a word or two (or more) letting me know what you think. They are all appreciated.

* * *

"You should go see her," Bella told him after considering her response carefully.

Edward stopped his pacing long enough to give her a look of such twisted pain, it made her heart hurt but she couldn't back down, not from this.

"You can't erase the past but if you don't at least seek this closure, now, while you have this short window of opportunity, you'll have to live with it for the rest of your life."

"I've lived with worse."

"You may not care now but Edward, when she dies, there's no going back. Not ever. Don't heap regret on top of everything else. If you don't want to go for her, go for yourself." Edging closer to him, she placed her hand over his heart, feeling the wild thumping beneath her fingers. "Despite how ruthless you like to make everyone think you are, it's not you."

He hand that rested on his chest. "You put too much faith in me. After everything I put you through…" He let his voice trail off, his brows furrowing together.

"And you don't put enough faith in yourself. Just think it over. Whatever you decide, I'll stand with you, in whatever capacity you need me to."

"Are you saying you'd go with me to Florida if I choose to go?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

He expelled a heavy breath of air, feeling a weight being alleviated from his shoulders. Maybe he could do this. If she were by his side, he just might be able to do anything.

"I'll think it over and let you know later."

"That's fair enough."

* * *

As the plane made its descent into Jacksonville Regional Airport, Edward gripped Bella's hand for silent comfort. It wasn't long now before he was going to step back into the city he vowed he'd never enter again, to see the woman he felt abandoned him long before he ever set foot away from her presence. He doubted he would've even made the trip had Bella not come with him.

He was beginning to fully appreciate that she was strong in her own right. She challenged him when he needed it and maybe, even if he wasn't able to forgive the woman that gave birth to him, at least he'd have answers to the questions that had been haunting him for so long.

"I'll be with you every step if you want me to, okay?" Bella smiled at him, leaning over to give him a small peck on the lips before they exited the plane.

He nodded silently. It was more than okay. It was more than a want. He needed her with him even though he felt like such a shit for it. Here he was going through now what she had gone through with her own father. She was offering him the comfort that he hadn't been able to giver her when she needed it. He had been too immersed with his own problems.

They rented a car and she ended up driving to the hotel. Carlisle had offered up his home to them but Edward didn't want it. He wanted the freedom to come and go as he pleased, especially since Elizabeth was being cared for by his uncle and his wife there. Staying under one roof with all of them would be too much for him to take.

"Wow," Bella breathed out as she looked out over the balcony at the twinkling night sky. "The view is beautiful."

"It certainly is." Edward came up behind her, his breath catching at seeing her profile upturned to the sky, the warm breeze gently swaying her hair. Nuzzling her neck, his lips gently nipped at her lips. She turned in his arms and cupped his cheeks with her hands, letting her thumb graze over his bottom lip.

His fingers found the top button of her blouse and stilled at her questioning gaze. "This isn't about control or why we're in Florida or even what Eleazar thinks is right or wrong for our relationship. This is only about you and me...and right now, being inside you, feeling your heat surrounding me -" He took a deep, shuddering breath. "I need you, Bella. Please tell me that this is okay, that you want this as much as I do."

How could she deny him when he asked her that way?

Her answer was several slow nibbles along his jawline and up towards his ear. "Yes," she whispered before grazing her teeth along his sensitive lobe.

Swallowing convulsively, he began to slowly unbutton her top with the trembling hands of a school boy in this first throes of desire. He peeled it off her shoulders like he was unwrapping a confectionary treat, revealing the black lace underneath.

"So beautiful," he uttered, tracing a line with his finger across her collarbone, dipping into the hollow of her throat and trailing it down the center of her chest. With an expert twist of his fingers , he unclasped the front of her bra and watched the material spread open to expose the perfect creamy globes of her breasts.

Where his hands led down her flesh, his lips followed, blazing a path of white-hot heat over her exposed flesh. She sunk her fingers into his hair and pulled him towards her when he began to lave her nipple with the sinuous strokes of his tongue until she moaned low in her throat. She felt both vulnerable and invincible under his hot touch and she embraced all of it.

He was on his knees now, in front of her, sliding her pants down her legs and pressing his face into her mound. He licked at her through the thin material of lace and satin, his fingers diving under to part the slick and swollen flesh underneath. His tongue and fingers worked together at a sensuous pace, intent on driving all rational thought from her and it was working.

She felt the pressure build within her, threatening release. He was killing her slowly but oh, what a way to go.

When her knees threatened to give out beneath her, he carried her over to the king sized mattress and laid her down. His pupils dilated with desire as he unbuttoned his own shirt and threw it aside. She was so ready for him and he relished it. His need was becoming more frenzied but he vowed to hold himself in check. He wanted to show her without words how undone she made him, how utterly he loved her.

Hovering over her, bracing his elbows on either side of her head, he began a tantalizingly lazy exploration of all her curves and crevices. With his hands, he worshipped her. With his mouth, he devoured her. With his body, he consumed her. With his heart, he adored her.

He was poised at the precipice of her entrance, the tip of his cock stoking her petals with the shallowest of thrusts, making her burn. Edward fought back the urge to violently sheath himself in her. She was so slick and he could feel her pussy, tightening on him, suctioning him to keep him inside, not wanting to let go.

With each slight movement of his hips, he immersed himself further into her. Wild with want, she wrapped her legs around him, trying to push him deeper but he wasn't having it. How could he be so controlled when she was on fire with desperate need? Her hands were clasped with his above her head, his fingers tightening around her sweat slicked palms as he moved.

"Please," she begged on the edge of a moan, her hips tilting upward. "I want –"

"Tell me." He thrust a little deeper. "Tell me what you want, Bella."

"You. All of you. Now."

He plunged into her, all the way with a satisfied growl, filling her to her womb. She moaned low and long until he covered her lips with his own, drinking greedily the verbal evidence of her pleasure. She wanted to touch him, to give him the pleasure he was giving her. She needed to. But with her hands in his, her movements were restricted. His glides were a slow and sensual rhythm designed to send her over the brink. She arched her pelvis up to meet him, her feet sliding over the taught muscles of his legs.

"Look at me," he commanded, his thrusts coming faster, less controlled. "See me."

She did. She saw everything in the dark, molten pools of his eyes; their past, their present, their future. She saw love and gave it back in equal measure.

"Need to touch you," she panted out.

He let her go, he let her fly - and she soared. Her hands went everywhere; in his hair, on his bunched shoulders, cupping his ass to pull him closer. Losing the fight over his body's need, he pistoned faster, urged on by those damn sensual noises that escaped her.

"Yes. God, yes," he hissed through clenched teeth, bucking his hips when her nails scored his back.

She was almost there. She could feel the orgasm ready to rip through her as it built to a crested peak.

"Now," she screamed, her teeth clamping down on his shoulder.

He growled low in his throat but his mouth couldn't contain it. His own orgasm hit him with such force, he roared with its release and buried his head into the crook of her neck, completely spent.

"I am so in love with you, I am consumed with it," he whispered hoarse and low. "You are my life…now and always."

"As you are mine." She stroked the back of his head, cradling him to her and added, "I love you too, so much."

* * *

Bella woke languidly and tried to stretch. Edward's body cocooned her closer as she moved, his arms tightened unconsciously around her. He was still asleep but his face was anything but peaceful. She traced the V that marred the skin between his eyebrows wishing she could chase away the demons that haunted him in his sleep.

Something irrevocable changed between them last night. She felt it with every cell of her body. The way he made love to her was different; as if he were relearning her all over again. It was the most intense she ever felt and knew that somehow everything was going to be okay. Whatever obstacles they had to face from here on out, they would do it together.

"Good morning," she said to him as his eyes blinked sleepily open.

A slow smile spread across his face and he nuzzled her closer. "It is a very good morning. Shall we order room service for breakfast?" he added, dropping a kiss to her bare shoulder.

"Um…" She looked over at the clock. It was already ten. Not wanted to break his seemingly good mood, she knew she had to. "What time are we supposed to be at Carlisle's?"

Edward rolled over and threw his arm over his eyes and drew a deep breath. "Around noon. He said she was most lucid in the early afternoon." He paused a moment before turning to her with beseeching eyes. "I don't know how to do this, Bella. I'm so full of…_God_…." He yanked at his hair. "…all these _feelings_. Anger, resentment, betrayal and yet…she's my mother. She was a good mom once…and I don't…I don't know what I'm supposed to feel…what's right for me to feel."

"All of it." She turned to him, rubbing soothing circles over his chest. "All of it is right. You can't control how you feel, Edward. You just do. You can only control what you do with those emotions. You, alone, choose whether you use them constructively or destructively. She's not the same person she was back then and neither are you. Listen to what she has to say, for both your sakes."

"Are you taking lessons from Eleazar?" he tried to tease but his smile never reached his eyes.

"No. That advice is all mine."

"I think you've missed your calling, Miss Swan."

* * *

Uncle Carlisle must be doing very well for himself, indeed, Edward thought as he handed his identification to the guard at the entrance of the gated community. They drove around winding palm-tree lined streets until they pulled up onto the curved driveway of a large Spanish Tudor home. The moment, the car doors shut, the front door of the home opened, revealing a stylish looking woman in her late forties. She smiled radiantly at them.

"I'm Esme, Carlisle's wife."

"Hello, Esme." Edward's response was cordial but he was not going to call her "aunt".

The light in her eyes dimmed a bit but her smile never wavered as she turned to Bella. "And you must be Bella. I'm so happy to finally meet you both, despite the circumstances."

"It's nice to meet you too," Bella said awkwardly, feeling Edward's tension thrumming through her.

"Well, instead of us standing outside yammering, why don't the two of you come inside? I've put out some refreshments in the breakfast room," she said conversationally as she led them into the spacious house. "Carlisle is with your Mom and her nurse upstairs. As soon as they come down, I'm sure you would like to see her."

He wasn't sure of anything at all but he remained quiet. Esme didn't deserve his ire no matter how much he wanted to lash out. He felt Bella's hand entwine with his as if she could sense the warring emotions in him. In that moment and perhaps always, she was his tethering life-line.

"How is she?" he asked, looking up towards the open balcony above the stairs. All seemed quiet and he wondered which room she was in and what he would find when he finally laid eyes on her after all these years.

"She has her good days and her bad days," she replied somberly before offering a slight smile. "She knows you're coming so today is a good day."

Edward didn't know what to make of that so instead he took the cup filled with coffee that Esme graciously offered and sat down to wait. Bella and Esme fell into idle conversation and for that he was grateful. He needed the mundane right now to take his mind off what was waiting for him up those stairs.

He didn't have to wait for long before he heard the whisper of a door opening and the sounds of footsteps coming down the stairs. Carlisle looked tired. A strain lingered around his eyes even as he greeted them with a smile just as gracious as his wife.

"She's ready to see you now," Carlisle told him. "Her room is right upstairs, second door to your left."

"I'll wait for you here," Bella said with a hand on his arm.

"Edward? Before you go up there, please remember to keep an open mind and more importantly, an open heart."

He wasn't promising anything he couldn't deliver so he just nodded and made his way to the stairwell.

Knocking once on the door to alert her to his presence, he entered the room unsure of what to expect behind the closed door. The room was brightly decorated with buttery yellow walls and landscape prints but with the whir of the oxygen machine, the steady beep of a heart monitor and a morphine drip, no amount of interior decorating magic could disguise what this room really was; a hospice where the shadow of death lingered in the corners.

Even the smell of the room; antiseptic, plastic and latex, branded it as a waiting room for the death knell. A coughing sound brought his attention to the bed and the figure in it; the last place he wanted to look. But now that he had, he wished his feet would carry him far away from here. Instead he found himself walking forward to her outstretched feeble arm.

He focused on that arm first; noticing with a wince, the network of blue veins rising from thin, translucent skin. Slowly, his focus moved towards her face. The sunken blues of her tired eyes, brightened at him. When had she gotten so old?

"You look just like your father did at his age."

Those weren't the first words he expected to hear nor did he expect to feel so haunted by them, spoken like they were in a raspy whisper filled with nostalgia.

"Hello, Elizabeth." He sunk his hands into his pockets and watched the fragile light that lit her eyes dim.

"I suppose you believe I deserved that."

She did deserve it but he held back his acerbic response in favor of diplomacy. She was dying. Whatever pain he wanted to inflict on her for the misery she caused him would serve no purpose now.

"Sit down, Edward," she said in a surprisingly strong voice. "I have things to tell you and you're making me nervous hovering over me like that."

He bit back a bark of laughter but sat down.

"Are you in much pain?"

Elizabeth sighed heavily and Edward could hear the rattling in her chest. "My heart hurts more than my body does." She licked her chapped lips and reached for her water. After taking a sip she leaned back further into the floral cased pillow with tear-moist eyes. "I have done many things to be sorry for but perhaps once I explain, you will understand."

Edward shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He really didn't know what she could say that would justify any understanding on his part but he was here, he may as well hear what she had to say.

"I'll listen but I won't make any promises."

"Fair enough," she nodded. "I know you think I betrayed you, even abandoned you in a way but at the time I didn't know what else to do."

"You could have left him."

"I tried. He wouldn't let me."

"Oh come on. That's bullshit."

"No. It isn't. He threatened you if I left."

"He threatened me all the God damn time! He beat me, Elizabeth. And you did nothing."

"Please," she pleaded. "Just listen to me. I know what I did was wrong. It killed me to watch it happen but he beat me too with more than just his fists. He told me if I left him, he was going to find some way to get you arrested, plant evidence of a crime where you would be sent to prison for a long time." She paused to cough, great wracking hacks that shook her frail body. Edward shoved the cup of water in her hands and urged her to drink while rubbing circles into her back not knowing what else to do. She finally stopped, her body sinking further into the mattress.

"Maybe you should stop. Table this for when you feel a bit better."

"Unfortunately, the trouble with cancer is there is no feeling a bit better as time goes on. There's only stolen moments of peace. I want to continue."

Fine, if that was what she wanted. "Why didn't you come to me with any of this? We could've found a way."

"I wanted to…so many times but…." She shook her head. "Everything was so foggy, it was like I couldn't even think clearly. Every night, I prayed you would get so angry at me…at him…that you'd leave. I wanted you to…to just get out. And one day you finally did." She grabbed his hand in a vice-like grip that belied her frail state. "Please believe me, I had no idea Laurent would go as far as he did…to nearly kill Bella. There was no way he could deny it after that…the monster he tried to keep hidden was revealed."

"At what price?" He yanked his hand away. "I lost everything and for what? Didn't you know me at all. I would've preferred he try to put some trumped up charges on me."

"I didn't know, Edward, I swear I didn't." She was shaking her head now, crying. "After he was arrested, I had to check myself in a hospital. I was having withdrawal symptoms only I didn't know what was happening."

"You were using?" he asked, horrified, his lips pulled back into a sneer. "Like _him_?"

"No...well, not consciously. It was Carlisle that had me tested for drugs even though I swore to him that I wasn't using anything. Turns out I was, I just didn't know it. I tested positive for barbituates. It was Laurent. He was giving them to me to keep me complacent."

Edward stood up fighting the waves of nausea. Everything he thought he knew, that he believed was wrong. He felt like his world was shifting completely off its axis and he didn't know how to stop it.

"I can't…I have to…" He pulled at his hair looking wildly around the room at everything except for the sorrowful woman on the bed. "I…I have to go."


	29. Chapter 29

It had been hours since Edward had torn down the stairs and stalked out the front door, hours since she begged him not to drive in the state he was in but he had insisted he needed time alone, hours since he left, leaving only the reverberating sound of the car door slamming and the roar of the engine in his wake. And now the sun was starting to make its slow trek across the sky towards twilight. He texted her just once, only to let her know he was safe but typed words were a lousy substitute for his voice.

Elizabeth, worn from the visit, fell asleep soon after Carlisle had gone to check on her and while Esme played the gracious hostess, Bella couldn't keep from staring expectantly at the front door or checking her phone. She gave up calling him when it was obvious he had turned it off, making it quite clear he didn't want to talk to anyone, including her. Even as she understood it, it still hurt that he shut her out.

She slapped the phone down next to her in annoyance when Esme came back into the room carrying a tray with two cups, a small pitcher of milk and packets of assorted types of sweeteners. She sat down next to her and handed her a cup.

"I thought some herbal tea might relax you while we waited for Edward to return."

"Thank you." She looked at the steamy liquid that smelled like chamomile and took a small sip. Was this supposed to soothe her nerves? She didn't think tea was going to cut it, not unless it was laced with whiskey, the way Charlie used to drink it.

"Did you know I was Elizabeth's therapist?" Esme asked her, conversationally. "That's how I met Carlisle."

Bella didn't understand where the question was coming from and wondered if Esme had an ulterior motive for asking and how much this woman knew of her involvement and her history with Edward.

"I never had much of a reason to talk to her Edward left; only during the trial really. Sue, my father's girlfriend, gave me updates. I was happy to hear she was slowly getting back on her feet."

"It took a long time. She was not in a good place back then."

"None of us were." Bella frowned thoughtfully. She remembered so vividly, Edward's mother's horror when all the carnage left in Laurent's wake was exposed and the part she had played in it. Her words hadn't been kind then. She had verbally annihilated Elizabeth outside of the courtroom, in the cold halls of the courthouse. She had still been raw from her testimony and lashing out at Laurent didn't seem like nearly enough. As broken as she was, it hadn't been a proud moment for her.

But that was then, when everything seemed to exist in black and white with little room for shades of gray. She had only started to understand some of what Elizabeth had went through when she experienced some it herself with Sam but to a much lesser degree. Yet, even for all of what Elizabeth had endured, Bella could not imagine any woman, not fighting like hell to get her son out of that situation.

"Sometimes good people do the wrong things for what they see as the right reasons at the time," Esme's voice impeded on her thoughts as if sensing exactly where her thoughts went. "and sometimes people feel like they have no other choice."

Bella knew that first hand just as she knew she made the wrong ones at first but she always had a choice, she always knew that. "I was involved with someone who was controlling once," she admitted softly. "He didn't show his true colors until we were engaged. I never loved him," she shrugged, nervously playing with the hem of her skirt, "and after awhile I just couldn't face myself and what I was allowing to happen. When he crossed the line, it was the push I needed to walk out the door."

"It's not always as easy or as simple as that. At one time, Elizabeth did love Laurent. He wasn't always abusive. Their relationship started out like many normal ones do. It didn't change until later on but by then… emotions are tricky beasts, Bella. They are messy and usually don't follow a logical pattern. Throw in self-esteem issues and a man that knows how to manipulate you; it becomes a recipe for disaster."

"She had a son," Bella fumed angrily. "Someone whose life should've mattered more than her own. If that was me, I would've found a way."

"It's easy to say what you would do if you were in someone else's shoes but unless you've been there; the truth is you _don't_ know. Elizabeth not only felt powerless, she _was_ powerless. Laurent was drugging her. If he would stoop that low, do you honestly think he wouldn't have resorted to some type of mind control? Played with her sense of reality? Think about it."

"Edward's so damaged by all of this, Esme. You have_ no_ idea. It's not me you have to convince and I while I appreciate being able to understand a little more clearly, I can't help but wonder if subterfuge was your true goal here…trying to appeal to Edward through me."

"Maybe I am." She gave her a sad smile. "She never gave up hope that Edward would come back to her one day so she could make him understand. She knew he blamed her just as much as Laurent. It was only by sheer luck or maybe it was divine intervention that Carlisle saw that photograph of the two of you in the newspaper. Is it fair to have the woman she is now, go to her grave paying for the mistakes of the woman she was then?"

Resigned, Bella carefully placed her tea cup on the table and stood up, fixing Esme with a determined look. Maybe she was right in a way. It was time for all of them to let go. What happened in the past should be buried there if they were to be free of it.

"I do think that Edward should forgive his mother. I always have. But not for the reasons you think…not just so she can die in peace but so _he_ can live _with_ it."

Esme seemed to expect this and nodded, looking up at her. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to find him."

Her determination faded and her shoulders slumped when she realized she had no way of doing that. Edward had taken the rental car and she was stuck.

"You can use my Mercedes," Carlisle said as he came up behind his wife and placed his hands comfortingly on her shoulders.

"Are you sure? I don't want to-"

"Take it, Bella." He handed her the keys. "Find him."

* * *

She had no clear thought in mind when she began to drive through the city she had once called home. Edward could be anywhere. He wouldn't go back to his old house, of that she was certain. Too many bad memories lingered there even if it was occupied by someone else's family now. Nor would he go back to her old house. Sue still lived there and he wouldn't want to risk her seeing him. Then it came to her. Of course. She wanted to slap herself in the head. It should've been the first place she thought of.

The drive towards the beach was familiar yet so much had changed. The little ice cream parlor they used to go to was now a gourmet ice cream franchise. Ricky's Surf Shoppe no longer looked like a bungalow shack. It had been modernized with the same store fronts the rest of the block had so it no longer stood out. Inky's, where she and Edward had gotten their tattoos was still there, untouched by time. At least that hadn't changed.

When she finally got to the parking area of the beach, she saw their rental car was parked haphazardly, covering two spaces, giving her a key into the state of mind he was in when he got here. The skies had already turned that shade of pink that made the clouds resemble giant puffs of cotton candy. Taking off her heels, she trekked through the coarse sand, horizontal to the shoreline past the second set of sea grass covered dunes. She had forgotten how far away the spot was from where the sunbathers and swimmers usually converged.

She pushed the windblown tendrils of hair away from her face as her eyes skimmed the area. There she found him, his dark silhouette standing out in the back light of the descending sun over the horizon. The sand kicked up gently at her heels as she made her way slowly towards that old but never forgotten piece of heavy driftwood. She suspected it was deeply rooted into the sand if it was still here after all this time.

"You found me." He was absently sketching infinity signs in the sand with a long twig, his shoulders hunched inward like he was trying to withdraw into himself.

"I had a feeling you would be here."

"I didn't know where else to go," he murmured from his perch on the wood as he stared out towards the water. "I couldn't believe it still exists…that it hadn't been washed away after all this time. It feels like a sign, don't you think?" His tone was curious, hopeful.

"I would like to think so," she said, sitting down next to him. He looked so shattered; she couldn't help but reach out to smooth his wind-blown hair. She was relieved when he didn't turn away from her touch. "This spot definitely holds quite a few memories for us."

"Those memories were the only things keeping me alive most of the time."

"Me too."

"Do you remember the first time we came here?"

Bella let out an unexpected bark of laughter at the memory. "The first time I dragged you here, you mean."

"Hey, I carried all your heavy camera equipment and didn't complain once."

"That you did," she nodded with a nostalgia filled smile. "It was then that I knew that you really must love me. What guy in his right mind would walk a mile in the sand hefting pounds of crap on his back just because his girlfriend had to get the perfect shot?"

"It was so worth it. There wasn't much I could do for you but I could do that."

"And that's how I knew," she whispered.

"I told you I loved you for the first time that night too. I'd been wanting to say it for so long but I knew once I did, there was no going back and you would be tied to me in a way you weren't before. My life was just so unstable, I didn't want to do that to you."

The revelation threw her. She had no idea. Not that it would've changed anything. She had already been tied with him, with or without the words.

"So what made you change your mind?"

"The sun was going down, just like it is now," his eyes glowed with love as he rubbed a strand of her hair between is fingers in a caress, "and the way it caught the red highlights in your hair, just like it is now," he added in a choked voice, "it took my damn breath away, just like it's doing now. The words just kind of burst out of me, like I had no control over them. And when you said the words back, _my God_, it didn't feel like I tied down you with me, I felt like you set me free, like I could do anything, be anything because you loved me, you believed in me. At that moment, Laurent, my mother...they didn't matter. Nothing did. It was only us. _You_ gave me that. Only you."

"And I always will Edward...I love you. But my love can't set you free from this now. Only you have that power to let go and finally be done with this."

"I know." He still had no idea what he was going to do. He wasn't any closer to finding an answer than he was hours ago when he sprinted out of the house. "I'm sorry for leaving you there with them. I just had to sort my head out. I hope you understand."

"I do," she affirmed at his hopeful look. "But I was worried about you. We all were."

Her comment was met with silence but that was okay. His stillness was deceptive; a mask over the restlessness she knew was stirring inside of him. But if he just wanted to sit and stare as the night time waves crashed to the shore, then that's what they would do. If he needed to vent, she would listen and not cast judgments either way.

Shifting beside her, he picked up a piece of sea glass and worried it between his fingers before tossing it far away. He watched as it landed with a small plunk in the sand and disappeared from view. Taking a deep, stuttering breath, he fixed her with a desolate stare. There was anger in his gaze too but she knew it wasn't directed at her.

"I feel like the earth has been ripped out from underneath me. For so long, I vilified her, blamed her based on what I_ believed_, what I _saw_ but seeing her the way she is now, finding out what really happened wasn't exactly how I saw it at all…it…I don't know." Frustrated, he shoved his fingers through his hair and grasped at the roots, yanking at it while his face twisted into a painful grimace. "I don't want to live with this hate any more but it's been with me for so long, I don't know how to let it go."

She felt his pain like it were her own and wished she had something more insightful than the trite platitudes that immediately came to mind and subsequently discarded. He deserved no less than honesty from her even if she didn't have any solutions.

"I wish there was an easy answer to give you but I don't have one."

He grasped her hand between his own and brought it to mouth, his lips skating over her knuckles. "Just being with me is enough." And that was true. That she instinctively knew where to find him, that she came looking for him even when it was obvious he was pushing her away…it meant so much to him.

"Do you think you would be able to forgive her?"

"I think I want to. I just don't know how. I don't even think I can ever forgive myself."

"Hey," She grabbed his chin and turned his head so he could see the truth in her eyes. "Nothing was your fault. _Nothing._ I'm not sure it was even your mother's. There is only one person to blame here and he is rotting in a jail cell. Forgiveness starts with the words, Edward. Just say the say the ones that come from your heart, the rest will follow."


	30. Chapter 30

Elizabeth was in the family room with Carlisle and Esme when they returned. An IV was still attached to arm but she was sitting on the sofa with her legs propped up, her dim green eyes staring vacantly at the television set. She turned to them when she heard them, fear in her gaze that soon turned to a wary relief.

Edward swallowed heavily and turned to Carlisle. "Can we have some privacy?"

"Of course." It was Esme who answered as she stood up. "I'm so glad you returned." She gave his shoulder a squeeze as she walked past him, motioning for Carlisle to do the same. Carlisle paused briefly in front of Edward, his expression both a warning and a plea before he followed his wife.

"She's very tired but she wanted to wait up for you. Please, just…," Carlisle shook his head, "she's just very worn out," he finished with a deep sigh.

Edward bristled under the unmistaken message. Bella was about to follow them out of the room but Edward grabbed her hand before she could get any further.

"Stay. Please."

When she nodded at him, he led her to the loveseat that Carlisle and Esme just vacated. He didn't think he could do this without her presence lending him strength and he felt no shame in admitting that to himself. Waiting until Bella sat down, he seated himself next to her, their hands still clasped.

Elizabeth looked at them expectantly, wringing her hands together in her lap. She had good reason to be wary, he thought. Although he resigned himself to forgiveness, he couldn't give her absolution.

"Thank you for coming back. It's good to see you again too, Bella."

Bella nodded in acknowledgement but remained silent. This was Edward's show. She wasn't going to intrude on that.

"It's Bella whom you should be thanking. If it weren't for her, I would've never come to Florida in the first place."

"Edward, I-"

"Wait." He held his hand up to silence her. "You've had your say, now I would like to have mine."

"I understand."

He had contemplated what he was going to say the whole drive back but now that he was facing her, the words got stuck in his throat. He felt like that fifteen year old boy again who wanted nothing more than to feel safe and protected but wasn't and he hated it. Bella gave his hand a little squeeze, a silent show of support and it was all the prompting he needed. What he was going to say was going to be difficult but he needed to say it.

"You failed me when I needed you the most," he started, his tone soft but harsh. "Whatever threats Laurent made against me would've been better than living with the belief that my own mother cared about her abusive husband more than she cared about her own flesh and blood. I am your _son_ and you deserted me." His voice cracked and he had to look away from her, couldn't watch as her tears made a slow trail down her cheeks.

"The irony is I stayed in that house two years longer than I had to in order to protect _you_. _I_ took the beatings and didn't fight back so _he_ wouldn't turn his fists on _you_," he said with vehemence as his own fists clenched. Turning his watery gaze on her, he continued, "I prayed every night, begged to _God_ and everything holy that you would fight for me…fight _for me_ and _leave him_…but you never did. I had to fight for myself. In order to do that _I_ was the one that had to leave."

Elizabeth shook her head as she bit down on her bottom lip, the sobs she was keeping back, shaking her frail body.

"For years I felt guilty, _years_. I felt like there was something wrong with me. After all, what mother chooses her abuser over her child? It bled into everything in my life, tainting it to the point where I had to shut off everything. I wanted to feel nothing…," he spat angrily. "_Nothing._

"So don't ask me to understand why you did what you did. I can't. Don't expect me to absolve you of your wrong doing. I won't. Your words today cannot erase what your actions did all those years ago."

"You're right," Elizabeth said as her voice broke, the anguish and remorse so blatant in her drawn face. "You were my little boy. I loved you so much and I failed you so abominably. I made so many mistakes…so many. I know no amount of apologizing will ever excuse what I did…what I _allowed _to happen. I hate myself for it more than you could _ever_ hate me. If I could go back and change it all I would."

Her words tugged on a memory in his not so distant past. He had said much the same thing to Bella not that long ago, begged for her forgiveness, pleaded for a second chance. He knew what his mother did was far more heinous but it didn't mean that what he did didn't cut as deeply or hurt any less even if his own reasons were justified at the time. And Bella _had_ given him forgiveness; she _had _understood despite her own pain, she had given him a second chance.

As he looked at his mother, he realized the true finality of this visit. If he didn't forgive her, take this shot at closure now, there would be no more chances, second or otherwise. This was it. Could he live with himself if he turned his back? Maybe. Would this day haunt him in the forms of remorse and regret? Probably but could he take that chance. He looked at Bella for a clue but her face gave nothing away. She was clearly letting him know that this was his decision and his alone. She would support him either way.

Getting up, he went to his mother, knelt in front of her and for the first time in many years, he took her hand in his. Trying to ignore how papery it felt on his own skin and what that meant, he looked up at her. The tears streaming down her pale cheeks brought a few more to his own eyes.

"Elizabeth," he started and had to stop to clear his watery throat, "Mom…what you did - it was wrong, so, so wrong…but you already know that don't you?"

"I do," she said through tear laced lips.

He dropped his head and nodded, a sharp breath exhaling through his lips before he braced himself and looked up at her again. "But that was the past and we can't change it or erase it. I also can't let it have such an excruciating hold on the present and the future, so while I can't forgive what you did, I think…I think…that maybe I can forgive _you_."

"Thank you." She squeezed her eyes shut, her sobs no longer silent but hard, wracking ones that soon turned into loud coughs.

In a panic, eyes wide, he turned around not knowing what to do. Bella was right there, tears falling unchecked, thrusting a glass of water in his hands. He brought up to her lips, coaxing her to drink.

"What's going on?" Carlisle rushed into the room. "What did you do?" He stared accusingly at Edward.

"He forgave me," Elizabeth said in awe when her coughs subsided. "My son forgave me."

**Three Days Later**

"Damn it." Edward scowled at his reflection in the full length mirror. "You'd think I never put on a tie before." Impatiently, he pulled at the skewed knot of his tie, yanking it downward from under the collar of his crisp white shirt and tossed it aside.

"I'll help you," Bella said as scooped up the tie from the floor and shook it out a little, moving between him and the mirror. "Here, bend towards me a bit." He leaned down towards her as she slid the black silk around his neck. With deft fingers, she tied an expert knot and ran her fingers down the length of the material to smooth it out. "There, that should do it."

He grasped her hand before she could remove it from his chest. "Thank you. And I don't just mean about the tie, but for everything." He meant every word. If it hadn't been for her at his side, helping him, making the necessary phone calls, assisting with the arrangements, wrapping her body around his in the late hours of the night when the memories hit him the hardest, he didn't know how he would've made it through the past few days.

Getting the phone call at the hotel from Carlisle that Elizabeth passed during the night had been a shock. He hadn't expected her to go so quickly. He thought he would have more time to get to know her again. Bella had told him in that way of hers that made everything easier to bear, that his mother had been holding on for him, to see him one last time and once that happened, once she had his forgiveness, she knew she was free to go, in peace, at last.

"You don't have to thank me, Edward. I love you."

There was a brief tap on the door before Carlisle poked his head through. Edward sighed at seeing his uncle's reflection in the mirror. They'd formed a mutual civility in the past couple of days since Esme had convinced them to check out of their hotel and stay at the house but it was tentative at best.

"Your friends are here," Carlisle told them. "They are waiting downstairs for you."

"Thank you, Carlisle. Please tell them we'll be down shortly. We need just a few more moments," Bella told him politely.

"I will. The limo should be here in fifteen minutes to take us to the funeral home. We'll meet you in the foyer." Carlisle shut the door behind him, leaving them alone once again.

"Friends?" He looked at Bella, noting her guilty expression as she fiddled with the pearls at her throat, her face turning slightly pink.

"When I called Jasper to tell him, he insisted on flying down for the service. Alice wanted to come too," she explained. "I hope you don't mind?"

The way she phrased as a question bothered him. It was as if she thought he would get angry at her for giving him exactly what he needed. Wrapping her in his arms, he kissed the top of her head.

"No, of course I don't mind."

"I also called Rose and Emmett but they can't make it but they send their prayers and sympathies. Their babysitter wasn't available and they didn't want to bring my nephews. It is a long drive for them and it's not really a place for children anyway so-."

"Bella, stop." He tilted her head up so he could look at her. "It's okay. I'm not mad."

"I was hoping you wouldn't be but I wasn't sure. This is overwhelming for you as it is and-"

"You're rambling again," he interrupted her with a small smile. "You always do that when you're nervous. Don't be. I am so grateful for you. I've been so lost these past few days but you, Bella, you saved me. You stepped in and helped where I was floundering, taking off from work to be here when you could've very easily flown back to New York."

"Caius was very understanding so don't worry about my job. Besides, wouldn't you have done the same for me?"

"Yes," he said with absolute sincerity. "I failed you once. It is a mistake I will never make again."

The nauseating scent of so many funeral blooms was a smell he would never forget. They surrounded her closed mahogany coffin in the front of the small room. Most of the flowers weren't even from him, or Bella, he should say. She was the one who had made the flower arrangements for them. Yet, most of the lilies and orchids, Elizabeth's favorites, were from other mourners. He still awed at how many people, women mostly, had come the day before during the wake to give their condolences, to say goodbye. They shared stories of Elizabeth; stories that made him realize how little he knew her. The images in his head contradicted so vastly to the memories in theirs.

Esme had told him that some of them were from Elizabeth's therapy group but many were women from the local women's and children's shelter where she had volunteered until her health declined. It was her way to give back, to try and redeem herself in some way.

He sat down in the front row reserved for immediate family members with Bella at his side and Carlisle and Esme next to her. Jasper and Alice took seats behind him. They would only be here for a little while before making their way to the church. He was supposed to give a Eulogy and only barely started to write one before he gave up on it, completely frustrated. Never at a loss for words, he found that they failed him now.

Closing his hand over Bella's, trying look at anything but the casket not three feet in front of him, he listened to the funeral director say his final words, listened to Esme's quiet sobbing and Carlisle's whispered prayers.

The ride to the church was a short, somber one and there were already people milling around outside waiting for the hearse to pull up. The service was due to start in about twenty minutes but Edward had no desire to sit and wait in a pew and neither did he want to listen to well-meant albeit misplaced sympathy or these people speaking to him as if they knew him only because Elizabeth has talked about her son so much.

"How are you holding up?" Jazz leaned in to ask him as they walked into the church.

"I'm as well as can be expected I suppose. How's the PR department dealing with the influx of calls I'm sure we've received?"

It was Bella that was instrumental in having his PR department issue a press release. News of his mother's death had spread quickly and knowing it was only a matter of time before who he really was came out, Bella had convinced him that if he gave out the info first, he could control it and thwart any media outlet from putting a nefarious spin on it. So, that is what he did. He never bothered to see what the end result was.

"They're doing their job. It'll be a few days before the buzz dies down."

"Hopefully another scandal will come and take its place soon."

"I wouldn't go as far as calling it a scandal."

"It's only been a day. Give it time."

"You know the business will keep if you want to take some time off."

"No." Edward shook his head. "I need something to focus my energy on."

"Your mother just died. I think-"

"Just let it go, Jazz."

Jasper blew out an exasperated breath. "Fine. We'll table this for now. Just remember what I said."

"Where's Bella?" he asked, ignoring his friend's comment as he looked around behind him, searching for her. He'd gotten separated from her when some of Elizabeth's friends surrounded him. Now he couldn't find her anywhere.

"Relax. Ali told me they were going to the ladies room. They'll come back before the service starts. Let's just go up front and sit down."

* * *

"Crap," Bella groaned as she and Ali were leaving the ladies room. "Al, you go on ahead. I have to go back in and take these stockings off. I have a run." It wasn't just a tiny run either. It was down the whole front of her shin.

"Are you sure? I could wait for you."

"No, I'm good. Tell Edward I'll be there soon."

"I'll just tell him you had a wardrobe malfunction."

She went back into the two-stall bathroom, mumbling over her 'wardrobe malfunction' as she slipped into a stall and tried to get her nylons off without her feet touching the floor. The heavy, exterior restroom door creaked open alerting her that someone just walked in to the bathroom with her so she immediately stopped her mutterings else she'd face even more embarrassment.

Opening the stall door when she was done, she faced the back and the mirrored reflection of someone she only saw once and never thought she would see again and it stopped her short. The woman turned around to face her with a tiny, acknowledging smile on her lips.

"Hello, Bella."

"You're Emily, Sam's fiance'," Bella said, too shocked to bother with pleasantries. "What are you doing here? How did you find out about this?"

"The obituary had the funeral information but it's not what you think," Emily sought to reassure her. "I'm not here to cause trouble. I swear it."

"Then _why_ are you here?" She crossed her arms over her chest defensively. She wasn't sure if she believed her despite her seemingly sincere tone.

"Please, Bella, we need to talk to you." Her voice was nervous and pleading, sending off warning signals in Bella's head.

"We?" She lifted her eyebrow and gave the dark haired woman a dubious look.

"Sam and I. He's waiting just outside the rectory doors. He didn't want to chance being seen and interrupt the service and this is this first time we could get to you since the men you hired were called off," she said in a rush, then added more quietly, in weary tone, "You shouldn't have done that."

"I don't understand." Why the hell would they need to speak with her and so urgently too. Something wasn't adding up.

"Please. Five minutes. That's all we need. I wouldn't be here asking if it wasn't gravely important, if it didn't affect all of our lives."

There was desperation in her eyes now and her hands wrung together nervously. A sick feeling wove itself through Bella's stomach as she took in Emily's fraught state.

"Did Sam threaten you if you failed to coerce me to meet with him?"

"What? No. Of course not." Emily looked so taken aback, so shocked at the very idea that Bella believed her. "I know what you must think. I don't blame you. Sam explained everything about your relationship and it's not like that with us. I swear. He's a different man now."

She wasn't so sure she believed that but she was torn by the need to be with Edward and the desire to find out what would cause Sam and Emily to risk being seen here, today of all days. She had no idea what to do. Edward would be pissed and yet, Emily seemed to believe wholeheartedly in what she was saying.

"Fine," Bella sighed and checked her watch, noting the time. She had been gone too long already. Damn it. "Five minutes. That's all you're getting," She prayed she wouldn't regret making this decision.

Sam was pacing on the gravel right by the side door when Bella stepped into the sunlight with Emily. He stopped when he saw them, relief flooded his features. Bella saw something else, something she missed last time she saw him; the way he looked at Emily. There was no hiding the naked adoration in his eyes when he looked at her. Could he really have changed?

"Thank you for agreeing to this," he said, his eyes moving to Bella.

"Just make this quick. I need to get back inside."

"So Edward Cullen is _that_ Edward huh? I should have seen it. The way he was so possessive of you, that it wasn't a new relationship."

This fact seem to amuse him but she wasn't laughing. "The point, Sam. I don't have much time."

He glanced around quickly like he suspected he was being watched and he lowered his voice, his tone turning grave. "It's my father. He's dangerous, Bella."

"Tell me something I don't know."

"No. You don't understand," he said through gritted teeth. "To him you are a loose end. He doesn't _like_ loose ends. He gets rid of them. Your boyfriend sending his sloppy watch dogs made him angry and cautious but they're gone now and he's up to no good."

So that is what this was about. Joshua was still convinced she would talk and that worried her. "I promised I would never say anything and I won't." Bella grew panicked at his words. Sam seemed honestly scared for her and that made her scared. If she ever thought Sam was bad, Joshua was leagues worse.

"He's not going to take that chance. He's on the cusp of getting what he wants. He won't let you ruin it. Do you understand what I'm telling you? How much danger you're in?"

"Why are you coming to me then? Why not go directly to the police?"

"I have _no_ proof. Nothing they would accept. Just a gut feeling. I know how he gets when he's planning something. I've tried to convince him you're not a threat but that's not how he sees it. There's nothing I can do but there is something _you_ can."

"What could I possibly do? Get a bodyguard? Live my life in fear?"

No," he shook his head. "You tell the press everything you know about our relationship, about what I did, what you saw, about my father and _do it fast_. Beat him to the punch. Think about it. You would have thwarted him. He couldn't do anything to you then. Or to your boyfriend. He'd be one of the first suspects."

"And I'm supposed to believe you're okay with that? That you want me to tell all and your career, your ambitions go down the tubes? What's in it for you?"

"I don't want this life anymore." He sighed and shoved his fingers through his hair. "I hate it and I'm so, so sorry for the shit I put you through, for everything I did. If you tell the media, it serves two purposes. You prevent my father from making a move against you first and I get out of this life. No one would elect me, not after that."

"Why don't _you _just come clean then? Why involve me at all?"

"C'mon Bella, you know how this game works. If I'm the one that reveals what I did, I may lose some votes but I might gain more for being honest and remorseful. The P.R. spin would make me look like a fucking saint for admitting fault and publicly apologizing. The public eats that up and you know it. If you do it, I become a monster and I _promise_ I will back whatever you say."

"Why don't you just tell your father you quit? Stand up to him for once in your miserable life."

"I can't." He hung his head in shame, his shoulders slumping in defeat. "I have my reasons."

"And what about Emily? Have you thought how all this would affect her? She'll be made to look like a fool for being with you, for _staying_ with you."

"Yes, Bella," Emily said but looked at Sam and grabbed his hand. "I know how it will make me look. And I'm okay with it. More than okay. It doesn't matter to me what the public thinks. I don't want this life either. We want far away from it. Maybe we'll go to Washington State. Sam has relatives there and we could build a new life, a _good_ life together, free from all of this."

"This is why you approached me in New York." It was all becoming clear now. It was a set up. He planned it and orchestrated everything. He just didn't count for her strength against him or on Edward.

"Yes, but there were eyes watching me and until I could get you alone, everything I said to you and to Edward, it was all an act. Look, I know you have no reason to trust me. I never gave you a good reason but please, Bella, just think about what I'm telling you," he looked at Emily and smiled briefly, "what we're both telling you."

"What you're telling me is you want me to put myself out there, telling people how naive and stupid I once was so you can bow out of your political career, with only a bit of scandal to disappear into obscurity. Isn't that the gist of this?"

"It will also save your life and possibly Edward's," Emily reminder her as she approached her with a piece of paper in her hand. "If you decide to do this, you can call me. This number is on a secure line. No one else but Sam knows it exists. I can arrange to have a reporter contact you so it doesn't look like you initially sought to reveal anything. We'll make it look like a leak. But please don't wait too long. Time is of the essence here."

In a daze, Bella took the number and stuffed it in her bag. "I'm sorry. I have to go now. I've stayed longer than I should have."

"Stay safe," Emily called out to her as she ran back into the church.

* * *

A/N - So, this was probably the most challenging chapter I've written for this story yet, especially the scene between Edward and Elizabeth. That was not something I wrote lightly, nor was it something I wrote without doing some research first. In the end, I wrote what I felt would best way for Edward and the advancement of his character. Understandably, some of you may like how I approached and others may not. I accept that.


	31. Chapter 31

It wasn't until they arrived back in New York that Edward began to sense something was really off. He first became aware of it at the church, an overwhelming sense of wrongness enveloped him, but then he had blamed it on the somber events that led them there. It was quickly was shoved to the back corner of his mind when he had to give his short Eulogy, where it stayed until they landed back home.

Bella was nervous and jumpy when she didn't think he was looking and when she did notice, her mask would slip firmly into place, a tight lipped smile that never quite reached her eyes.

Her sleep was restless even after making love for hours. She tossed, turned and mumbled incoherently on the one night she did stay with him and when he brought it up the next morning, she had made up a lame excuse why she couldn't spend the night after that.

It was now Friday night. He had wanted to take her to a new French Bistro that had recently opened in the neighborhood and was already getting five star reviews. Bella, however, had insisted on staying in as she had for the past couple of nights. Not that he minded having her all to himself, but he couldn't help thinking there was some other, less obvious reason behind her sudden desire to be so private. It was almost like she was secluding herself.

Could she be concerned over the exposure of his real identity? The paparazzi had been fierce at first. New information kept coming out every day. Just this morning, a story broke on Bella and their past relationship, his stepfather and what he did to her.

Damn it. He felt so disgusted with himself. Of course, she was nervous and didn't want to go out. Why risk some overzealous reporter snapping her picture and firing questions at her every two seconds.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to her.

Her eyes snapped to his, startled, as her hand stilled with her wine glass part way to her mouth, trembling so badly, she had to put it back down on the table. "Why?"

"I hate knowing that it was my past that brought yours into the headlines again. That's why you've been acting so jumpy lately, why you can't sleep at night, why you startle when the phone rings, why you're constantly looking over your shoulder. And before you try to deny it, I've noticed. I notice everything about you."

"There is something else," she said, a look of guilt passing over her features. "Something I was waiting for the right time to tell you but there doesn't seem to be one and I'm afraid time is running out."

"What do you mean 'time is running out'?"

She twisted the cloth napkin brutally in her hands. "I had a visitor at your mother's funeral."

Feeling his body tense at what she just said, his hands tightened clenched into fists under the table. He had to remind himself to remain calm, to not lash out, to wait for an explanation. But damn it, they had promised each other honesty and she withheld it from him.

"Who?"

"You have to understand why I didn't tell you before now, first." The words rushed out of her mouth as if she could read his mind. "You just buried your mother after finally reconciling with her after all these years. You've been in the press constantly. That's a lot to deal with already. I didn't want to add to it."

"Bella, please, in about two seconds I'm going to lose it."

"When I was in the bathroom at the church, Emily came to see me."

His brows drew together in confusion. "Who the hell is Emily?"

"I'm not sure if you remember or not but she's um...Sam's fiance'." Bella braced herself for the explosion she was sure to come and she was disappointed. She knew she was wrong in keeping this from him even if her motives were altruistic.

"Damnit, Bella!" His clenched fist slammed down on the table causing the plates to clank and the wine glasses to spill over. Bella immediately jumped up to and began to blot at the wine that was spreading over the table cloth. "Stop it," he demanded, taking hold of her wrist and immediately let it go, afraid of his own anger. "The mess can be dealt with later. Now sit down and tell me what you mean."

Bella cautiously sat and buried her head shamefully in her hands. As the explanation began to flow from her lips, he felt like he was being strangled by every word. Unable to stay still any longer, he got up and began pacing, his teeth grinding together with barely leashed rage.

He was angry at her, not solely for her dishonesty, although that was certainly part of it. If what she was saying was true, she could've so easily been taken from him without any warning. Like always, she didn't think of her own safety but of him, of his state of mind. He loved her for it but hated it at the same time.

Never before had he felt so terrified. It was a living, breathing entity within him. His mind conjured up all sorts of what if scenarios, it made his heart constrict and his breathing labored. He could even hear his own desperate heartbeat pounding in his ears.

"Edward, say something."

He hadn't even realized the room went quiet, that she had stopped speaking. Slowly, he turned his gaze to focus on her. Judging by her horrified expression, he could only imagine how he looked. Not trusting his own voice, he stalked to the bar in search of something harsher than wine.

The burn of the Scotch down his throat felt good. It helped him get his equilibrium back so he could do what was necessary. He pulled his phone from his pocket and pressed the number for his security company.

"Who are you calling?"

Ignoring her, he spoke briskly into the phone issuing orders for security on both him and Bella, twenty four-seven. It's what he should've done from the start. He didn't care now if he was being authoritarian. He didn't care if Bella didn't want the intrusion of a bodyguard. He had to do this.

"Don't ask me to call them off this time. I won't."

"Fine...okay. I won't."

"Good." He gave a decisive nod. "While we're at it, we're going back to your apartment, packing up your things and you're moving in here with me."

"Whatever you think is best. I won't fight you on it."

"I'm serious, Bella, don't argue."

"I said, I agree," She soothed her hand down his arm and looked up at him with those soulful brown eyes of hers. "I'm not going to fight you, Edward."

He set his drink down, completely stunned. He had expected another argument, had already built a defense in his mind but her quiet statement of acquiescence gutted him. He knew what that meant. She was terrified; something she usually didn't allow to show. She was showing it now.

Pulling her closer, he wrapped her in his arms let out a breath against her hair. Despite the circumstances, he felt an inner surge of satisfaction. This wasn't the ideal circumstances to get her to move in with him, with desperate fear as a motivation but he would take what he could get. He wasn't going to complain.

"Let's go then."

As they headed down to the parking garage, Edward felt his own fear increase. Now he knew why Bella had been so jumpy and nervous. Every shadow held a threat, every noise felt malicious. He bypassed his Maserati and went straight for his black Escalade. Bigger meant safer. Besides, his mind rationalized, it had more room for Bella's things.

"Do you believe them?" he asked as he drove them downtown towards her apartment.

Bella took a moment to really think about her answer. Did she? She didn't know what or who to believe anymore. They had sounded sincere but then again, Sam was a politician, he was good at acting. Yet, would he throw his own father under the bus like that?

"I think I do," she told him after a moment of unsure hesitation.

He didn't say anything in response, just nodded grimly as he accelerated the car onto the Henry Hudson Parkway, his eyes constantly darting from the front to the rearview mirror.

"You weren't there," she went on to explain to him and maybe to herself. "They were both so adamant and I know Joshua. He would do anything for power, including making a puppet of his son."

"And commit murder," he added in a solemn tone.

She crossed her arms over her chest, feeling a chill worm its way up her spine. "And commit murder."

"Are you going to do what he wants? Come out and tell your story?"

"I don't know. It makes sense. It's smart if he can be believed. This doesn't only affect me, though. It would affect you too."

"Take me out of the equation. Would you do it?"

"_I don't know_," she said with a groan of frustration. "I can't not think about you in this. You're as much a part of this as I am."

"Then let's talk pros and cons. Come at this from a logical angle. We're both being too emotional and that can cause mistakes."

"Well, I already know the pros. I deflect Joshua, ruin his plans if he has any. It would also relieve me of this secret I've been keeping for years."

"Good," he agreed. "Now the cons."

"Sam could be lying and I would've come forward for nothing just so Sam can live his life. I'd look like a fool. Or like a gold digger if anyone told about the money I accepted in exchange for keeping quiet. Either way, I would lose my integrity."

"Can I tell you what I think?"

"Please."

"I think Sam is a bullshit artist and he is conning you."

"If you don't think I'm in danger, why call in security, have me move in with you?"

"I never said I didn't think you weren't in danger. I think he's attempting to make you feel secure by making it seem like you and he have a common cause, mainly taking power from his father. He wants you to let your guard down and trust him."

"To what end?"

"I'm not sure," he said thoughtfully, scratching his jaw, his eyes never leaving the road as he worked it out in his head. "Maybe Joshua _isn't_ the one we have to watch out for. Maybe it's Sam. Maybe he just wants you to believe it's his father so if something does happen, Joshua is implicated and Sam gets to walk away, no one being the wiser."

"That doesn't make sense. Why ask me to come forward at all then? He'd be better served just to keep it all buried."

"It could be a trick." The more he thought about it, the more it felt right. Sam may have issues with his father but he was just as thirsty for power. Get the old man out of the way and he has no obstructions. "Sam can't ever really be sure you won't decide to expose him, no matter what you say to the contrary. He wants a guarantee. You said so yourself that Emily wanted you to contact _her_ on an untraceable phone if you agreed to it and they supposedly already had a reporter in mind to give an interview."

He glanced over at her. He could see it so clearly now in his head. They forced her hand. Bella would make the call. A meeting would be set up so they would know exactly where she would be and at what time. Only there would be no reporter to meet with her. It would be a well-orchestrated hit. She go to the interview and would never return.

"Everything is on _their_ terms, don't you see, Bella?" His voice rose in panic, his limbs trembling. "There is no God damn interview. It's a set up that they would arrange. This way they could control your actions, know your whereabouts, your schedule."

No! He slammed his hand down on the steering wheel, his heat beating laboriously in his chest from fear. It wasn't going to happen. He didn't fight this hard, battle his own demons to get her back only to lose her again, this time more permanently.

Could Edward be right? Could it all be a complicated setup? Was Sam that smart or was he really telling the truth? Bella rubbed her fingers against her temples. She was getting a headache. This was too much and she was getting confused.

"Please, I can't think about this right now. My head is spinning."

"Fine," he said through gritted teeth. "But first thing tomorrow morning, we're coming up with our own plan."

Bella dreaded walking into her apartment. She knew Alice wasn't going to take to this new turn of events too well. She had warmed to Edward somewhat but the thing about Alice was, she was extremely loyal and didn't forgive and forget so easily. She had been first hand-witness to Bella's wallowing over Edward that had eventually driven her into Sam's arms and something like that wasn't easy to let go of for Alice.

She was right. Alice stalked after Bella into her room and shut the door after she made the announcement. She stared at her, arms crossed, tapping her foot against the floor.

"Are you sure about this Bella?" she asked giving up on her mini-tantrum and helped a struggling Bella pull her suitcase out of her closet and toss it onto the bed. "It's only been two months since you reunited. This all seems a bit sudden."

Bella sighed, taking whole handfuls of lingerie and sweaters from her drawers and shoved them in the suitcase quickly while Ali grabbed fistfuls of hangers from the closet. The sad part was Bella wasn't sure but then there was the alternative and that was inconceivable.

"Staying here would only put you in danger and that is the last thing I want."

"Sam could be lying about you being in danger from his father. Shit, Bella, he could be lying about everything."

"He could be." She thought about what Edward said in the car with a frown. "But even if he was, I'm not going to take the chance. Not with your life."

Alice stopped her flurry of movements, fixing her with a sad stare. "Why do I feel like I'm never going to see you again?"

"Don't be so melodramatic." Bella rolled her eyes and tried softening her friend with humor. "I'm only going uptown. It's not like we won't ever hang out, grab margaritas and flirt with the waiters as El Rio Grande."

"You're right. Of course you're right." Alice made a failed attempt at a convincing smile. "Will you be coming back, you know, when this is all over? I can't imagine Edward letting you leave once he has you there."

Would she? She didn't know. It was doubtful Edward would let her. It was doubtful she would want to.

"Letting me has nothing to do with it. If I choose to stay that will be my decision." She gave a noncommittal shrug. "I guess we'll have to see. Besides," Bella said with a smile, "you've survived without a roommate before and now you can entertain Jazz without worrying if I am going to catch you two en flagrante delicto."

"Like that's something you haven't seen before."

"Don't remind me. My eyes are still burning."

Driving back to his apartment with all of her necessary belongings taking up space in back of the SUV, the enormity of what they were committing to, at least for the moment, finally hit her. She was moving in with Edward. Normally, it would be a cause for celebration, a natural step forward in their relationship. There was nothing natural about this. They were being forced into it. He was being forced into it. It wasn't fair.

_Life's not fair kiddo. You just have to roll with whatever life dishes out and make the best of it._

It was her father's voice in her head. She remembered the conversation well. He had just told her the treatments weren't working. She'd been devastated but as usual, Charlie had some oversimplified advice that seemed to make everything hurt a little less.

_Oh, Daddy, I miss you. I wish you were here to tell me what to do._

_Trust your instincts, Bells. They'll never steer you wrong._

Except she _didn't_ trust her instincts anymore. They'd failed her so miserably in the past and she lost part of herself because of it. Now, Edward was in this mess with her, because of her stupid mistakes.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, turning to stare out the window, watching the city lights blur by.

"What the hell for?" Edward glanced over at her in surprise.

"If I hadn't walked into the restaurant that night, your life would be a lot less complicated. None of this would have happened."

"Baby, you forget, _I_ was the one that went looking for you." He grabbed her hand and skated his lips over her knuckles. "I can deal with complications. What I can't deal with is a life without you in it."

She tore her gaze from the city landscape to look at him, needing to see the sincerity in his expression that she heard in his voice. She barely had time to register the bright glare of lights hurdling towards them through Edward's side window right before, with the sickening crunch of metal on metal and a scream dying in her throat, everything went black.


End file.
